God wen tell one braddah Noah, "Eh, da world stay buss up wit all kine bad stuffs. I goin send plenny rain, flood da whole place." So Noah wen build one big boat, da Ark, put his ohana and two each kine animals inside. Rain wen come, no stop fo forty days an nights, flood da whole earth. But Noah an da crew, dey stay safe inside da boat. Den da wata wen go down, da boat wen rest on one mountain, an God wen make one promise wit da rainbow—He no goin flood da earth like dat again.
Aye, so here’s the tale, wee lady — Noah, a braw lad wi' a guid heart, hears the Big Man upstairs tellin’ him tae build a giant ark ‘cause a right biblical downpour’s comin’. "Och aye," says Noah, "I’ll dae it!" So he grabs his tools, hammers away like a madman wi’ nae tea break, and wrangles up two o’ every beastie — from coos tae creepy crawlies. The neighbours thought he was aff his heid, but sure enough, the rains came bucketing doon like a Highland storm, and the ark floated awa’ like a dram o’ whisky on a loch. Forty days and forty nights later, dry land appears, and Noah steps oot like, "Thank the heavens, I’m nae buildin’ another boat again!"
Aight, check it — so this dude Noah, real OG, right? God hit him up like, “Yo, storm’s comin’, finna flood the whole block, wipe it clean.” Noah like, “Bet, I gotchu.” So my man start buildin’ this big ol’ boat, lookin’ wild while folks clownin’ on him like, “What you doin’, senpai?” But Noah ain’t care — he on a mission. He scoop up two of every animal, lions, snakes, even them funky lil’ bugs — throw 'em on the ark. Then the rain start pourin’, I mean real heavy, streets flooded like a busted hydrant. Whole world underwater, but Noah and his crew cruisin’ like it’s a yacht party. Forty days later, storm dip, dry land show up, and Noah step out like, “Told y’all. God don’t play.”
Oh honeyyy, let me tell you the tea, okay? So there’s this fierce queen named Noah — total daddy vibes, beard and everything — and one day, God was like, “Sweetie, it’s about to pour, like full-on dramatic flood realness, wash-the-world-away levels, okay?” And Noah goes, “Yasss, say no more!” So he builds this fabulous ark — like, woodwork on point, very rustic chic — and starts gathering two of every animal, like it’s a divine fashion show. Lions? Werk. Penguins? Adorable. Bugs? Eh, still invited. Then boom, the rain comes down like a RuPaul reveal — just gushing, darling. But Noah and his glam senpai are just floatin’, sippin’ holy tea, livin’ their best boat life for forty days. Then the sun comes out, birds singin’, and Noah’s like, “She’s arrived!” and struts off that ark like it’s the runway of salvation. Mwah!
You wanna hear a story, kid? Alright… but don’t say I didn’t warn ya.
Rain came down like napalm — hard, endless. God gave Noah the mission — build the ark, save what’s left. We worked like dogs, no rest, just hammers and prayers. Then the sky opened up. Forty damn nights — water everywhere, like 'Nam in monsoon season.
Screams, thunder, animals cryin’. Felt like the world was dyin’. Maybe it was.
Then one day… silence. Dove flew out. Peace. But not for us. We came back alive — don’t mean we came back whole.
