>>5100448
>>5100444
Alright, cocksucka, lemme tell you about the time I went to this free concert in the park. It was supposed to be Chappell Roan — you know, that moody singer with the haunting voice. Real chill vibes, perfect for a stoned night out. So I’m high as a kite, floatin’ on cloud nine, ready to vibe to this ugly bitch.
I get there, right? And the crowd looks… weird. Like, too weird. Real weird. Then from the back, I see this slow-rollin’ mutant in a red wig and white clown makeup. Yeah, I said clown makeup. And who’s sittin’ in that damn Herman Miller office chair? None other than J-Tard.
This motherfucker is rollin’ through the crowd screamin’, ‘WELCOME TO MY SHOW, BITCHES! I’M THE NEW POP ICON! I'M BASED!’ His makeup’s runnin’ down his face, and his infected little cock's leakin’ like a busted fire hydrant. People are backin’ away like he’s got the plague — kids cryin’, old folks throwin’ hands.
He's makin' these weird racecar noises and screechin’ about how real music is Formula 1 engine sounds. Next thing his soupy wig slides off. The PA system starts cracklin’, then cuts out — and suddenly the whole park smells like a dumpster fire that’s been marinated in sour gym socks.
Security finally drags J-Tard off, but not before he throws a shit-covered butt plug into the crowd. Somebody catches it — then immediately drops it like it’s a radioactive grenade. The concert’s over in ten minutes. Free? Yeah, but you paid in trauma.
Moral of the story: When you see a free show, cocksucka, check who’s organizin’ it. If it’s a deformed pedophile in a red wig on a busted office chair, just keep walkin’.
