Apu! Apu! My Kingdom for a Poo! edition

maisie

poo smells lmao

half black spongehead

Want to be like Cole Palmer, no thoughts, head empty

dumbasses vote for this guy

it's genuinely depressing how ugly british women are

so disgusting and flabby and got a horrible belly despite weighing just 177 pounds at 182cm tall

tempted to send hatemail to my professor

chocolate gateau
3 ciggies
a rum
a wank over gio scotti

where are white people supposed to go if we don't want to see brown bastards

I only accept confederate dollars as currency

Trump supports Russia
Russia supports Iran
Trump bombs Iran

I don't understand

Your response?

Rub a bit of this behind your foreskin to instantly get rid of the fishy smell

>>212004999
Yeah they should vote Labour instead oh hang on a minute

im 93,000,000,000,000 years old

>>212004809
>stinks of literal shit
>still gets pumped and dumped

>>212005032
putting it in my ISA lad

NOOOOOOO THE ISLAMIST TERRORIST STATE MUST NOT BE STOPPED FROM OBTAINING NUCLEAR WEAPONS BECAUSE… JEWS OR SOMETHING

28 years later is kino there I said it x

>>212005005
Literally me same stats and everything

>>212005032
Can't he afford a better haircut, watch and top?

>>212005005
How much does it measure around your belly button in cm?

>chocolate gato

5 great guys

>>212005032
Spending it

Sir Nigel Farage

>>212005068

>>212005032
Pretty cringe when people think they are rich and boast stuff like that. The actual rich people in the world don't even think in numbers as low as tens of thousands

>>212005079
Sorry mate but this was not a sick.

scranning a colin the caterpillar

>>212004967 (OP)
is that ribena on the bottom?

>the future of Israel
um, who cares?

>>212005064
pathetic aren’t they

there's this middle aged fat lady at my workplace who is eerily jovial, she's either a psychopath or on some powerful drugs

Feel like I've got some sort of weird heatstroke
It's not even hot any more

>>212005032
you can't criticise people for being bad with money while at the same time dining at an overpriced meme restaurant

I touched my bollocks and it smells disgusting

Juventus vs Wydad on Five soon

Not to be confused with a juvenile shouting 'why, dad, why' which was a nightly occurrence at young spainnonce's abode

>>212005066
I too would dress like our Jimmy in a zombie apocalypse

I am officially entering the shags per 24 hours contest with Bonnie Blue and the other one. I've developed a strategy, one dip and out I reckon I could get at least 4000

>>212005080
I'm the sit up lad from last night. If fully relaxed my belly is about 40" but I'm skinny everywhere else
Tonight I will resume my 100 sit ups but mix regular sit ups with those twisty sort of sit ups. Then I might cycle a few miles

>>212005164
good luck finding 4000 women who want to participate

>>212005144

>>212005079
It’s a AP

>>212005124
All the oligarchs who have been in debt to the Jews for 200 years

>>212005113
It's the hussle culture. Every young deano man thinks he's andrew tate mk2. Does some absolutely meaningless worthless nonsense schemes and rakes together a couple grand now they're the best person ever.

I get 1200 quid a month to do fuck all and all my time is mine. I'm content with that. I'm winning.

>>212005181
Women?

Might go gay, what's the worst that could happen

warm pork pie + mushy peas + mint sauce

i'm an incel
i'm blackpilled
i'm furious

people who wear watches are nonces

>>212005114
Bet you look like him little runt

bought sandwich ingredients for this week's lunches

>>212005113
Rich people keep quiet and to themselves.

>>212005175
Sit ups WILL NOT get rid of your belly. In fact they will make it bigger

>>212005144
I think the point is he’s making tons so 10k is nothing to him

>>212005175
sit ups will develop your abdominal muscles but wont actually reduce the fat layer over them
got to do the dieting lad

>>212005209
are you a gamer?

>>212005215
I'm just saying there were way better burns.

depressed about the iran conflict

>>212005202
you are a useless parasite and a disgrace

AI takeover is coming in 2027 so none of it really matters anyway, just relax

>>212005220
niggerponte

>>212005220
this but unironically

a niggards gift

>>212005175
You're making yourself look fatter lol

>>212005241
just realised that stupid language is just english upside down lmao

Pro tip: people from Michigan are called Michiganders

NEED an anime gf

we have the wisdom and knowledge to take you higher
we burn the wicked with the real hot hot fire

noticed a steep drop in the IQ of the thread

fell asleep in a rough neighborhood last night and someone stole my arse

>>212005246
shouldnt have gone and bombed them then

blastfarting a pongcloud from my arsepipe

>>212005241
Really makes you think

>>212005286
corr

>>212005233
>>212005235
>>212005267
I don't understand. Am I not supposed to exercise? I will diet if I need to but surely that's not all I should do

>>212005246
mate, trunp has just made the biggest mistake
the conflict ends when israel decides, and tight now he's manipulated trump into getting involved
Trump probably thought that he could drop the bombs and it would all be over but Israel will keep up the pressure to get America to commit to a full regime change

>>212005282
yea i personally had a say in it right

A Flock of Seagulls stuck in my head

>>212005271
I need an IRL Japanese gf tbqf

get it made lads
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYMFMvtzAiU

>>212005271
what you need is a clue

>>212005163
Ummmmm
You know that was supposed to be Sir Jimmy Saville right?
Ummmm

>Iran closing the Strait of Hormuz

Zion Don will be responsible for petrol hitting £3 per litre

shan't be dying in the middle east, I don't think. just hope my shithole city doesn't get the bomb dropped on it but not much one can do innit

>>212005318
People thinking they can control Trump are the ones making the mistake, many such cases
Say what you want about the lad but he doesn't give a fuck

sisterberg is such an attention seeking cunt who goes to A&E because her tummy hurts and gets GP appointments for random things every couple of weeks

last time I was at a GP was like 2016 fuck sake

windy today, wonder how many girls have had their skirts blown up

i have $20,000 in student loan debt

>>212005321
Must have a big head you

>>212005350
JUST

>>212005318
Didn't America already do a regime change?

spent 3 hours watching undertale videos and wanking

>>212005319
yeah everyone in America had a vote/party last night? were you not invited?

Might volunteer to fight in the Middle East
Fewer Muslims than here haha

RUBY POSTER UNMASKED
>Tattle Life: Celebs say this gossip forum ruined their lives. Now its owner has been unmasked

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y7j512ln7o

i met my gf on Microsoft Word

>>212005396
hahahha cracking post this haha

>>212005315
If you over develop your abdominal muscles it'll just push the fat out more
You should diet and exercise but do a full body routine and cardio to develop a balanced physique

>>212005363
Can't get a GP appointment for things like chest pains but random bint phones up because her tummy hurts a bit and they send the entire hospital out

>>212005363
cool Munchausen Syndrome

iranian gf armpit

reminder that you'll wake up one day soon and 4chan will be blocked
and you won't even be able to post your apology to onlinesafetychad. sad!

>>212005323
it pie night

>>212005175
Cool. I'm 38 inches around my waist. Down from 39 inches a month ago.

i have 3 doctors appointments next week
eye doctor
skin doctor
and regular checkup

>>212005406
>Celebs say this gossip forum ruined their lives.
Good

oof

>>212005406
Vegan nigga be like:
>She's absolutely hideous

>>212005321
Iran so far away

erm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*light bulb sparks overhead*
LET THEM IN! LET THEM IN!!
I will allow some migrants.

>>212005427
Here's your crumb of attention, heathermong, now shoo

>>212005268
hmmm

Iran should open a foreign legion for Aryans.

>>212005315
Walk 15-20,000 steps a day and eat sensibly focusing on protein and healthy fats
You will lose weight that way

>>212005471
Zeidys crush

>>212005466
corr tights

>>212005459
>dad gives her a child and himself a grandchild simultaneously
>bitch complains
#baka

>>212005459
Womensteins read this as light entertainment on their toil breaks

>>212005471
bet this is Haiti

>>212005350
Imagine humanity ending itself in nuclear war all because consoomers can no longer consoom stuff from companies
What a pathetic way to suicide a species lol

>>212005406
why didn't the celebrities simply stop browsing the website if it was ruining their lives

>>212005471
would

>>212005459
she gave birth to the dog? wtf

>>212005425
Yucky and brown

>>212005471
Gay niggas from outer space

>>212005466
Would throw a bone her way.

>>212005488
think he likes a manlier black willy than those chaps tbqh

>>212005425
yum yum

>>212005471
is this the cronem on their way to the gherkin?

>>212005471
Least zesty cronem

Must be exhausting being gay

>>212005271
need her to fall backwards off the empire state building like a scuba diver and reach terminal velocity before smashing arse first into my face on the pavement below

Hi, I'm PIP LAD, sometimes wrongly called PIP MONG.

I get 1200 quid a month in benefits and I aid the lads in getting on benefits also. My diagnosis are but not limited to

>bipolar
>ADHD
>autism
>anxiety disorder
>depressive disorder
>fuck your mum disorder

Haha, last one is a prank! You'll be continuing to see a lot of me on /brit/ as I'm increasing my posting hours. Thanks for your time.

Regards,

PIP LAD

>>212005407
Good post

At least they didn't vote for Kamala

can hear mongs outside arguing

me want the punani

>>212005425
Many are saying this

Von Finnland bis zum Schwarzen Meer!

where to get travel advice?
internet seems to be all influencers, vloggers, and redditors
i want advice from human beings

knocking back shots of brut aftershave

>>212005552
Your dad would know

cunts who have catbergs instead of dogbergs are nonces

>>212005565
How's your cat, PIPLad?

*filters pip mong*

>>212005560
STOLEN JOKE THIS POSTER STOLE THIS FROM AN AUSTRALIAN

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

.

>>212005588
google "is *place where im staying* a dangerous shithole?"

If they'd only given him the Nobel Peace Prize last time like he deserved this could all have been avoided

If anyone needs advice to either get on or increase your benefits, let me know. Me and mumberg seem to have mastered the benefits system. She's also a lifelong PIP recipiant.

>>212005565
lazy pathetic piece of shit

I met my gf on libgen

walking hours and hours a day is a good way to lose weight
however you still have to control your diet

>>212005592
hehe

when are the sleeper cells being deployed

Had a dream last night that i was 18 again and i set up a business where i sold booze to minors. it got so popular that i made a shell company under the guise of it being a legit sweet selling business, but it was just there to funnel my booze money into my bank account without question.
I did it for like 2 years, paid for uni off of it, but then in uni some guy had an idea for a legitimate business and he wanted me to be the co-owner but i was scared of people snooping on my past if i did it. Instead i backed out of the deal and the guy's business ended up selling for millions like a year later. Jokes on me i guess

>>212005565
have you got any genuine mental illnesses or just the made up ones? x

Got ADHD but still expected to toil like a normie, not on really is it

>>212005597
owning any sort of pet is incredibly childish

>>212005597
Wouldn't want some hairy smelly animal in my house whatsoever

*casts a protection spell against dogshit zingers*

>>212005607
Dead, still dead

Other cats will follow soon no doubt and about time because they piss and shit everywhere now.

>>212005625
What makes you say that bud?

met my gf at the library

>>212005620
he's mote likely to get one for starting wars israel likes than ending them

>>212005663
get on that methylphenidate

Met my gf on an AI chatbot site

met my gf on quake

>>212005036
Anyone told Seaside Mark about this?

>genuine mental illnesses

met my gf on gmail (unironically)

>>212005662
If you deem them 'made up' then so be it. But the state doesn't and it gives me 1200 a month because of it.

God forbid you ever had issues such as bipolar. I would provide you with the information to make a PIP claim however.

>>212005612
we steal all our jokes from australians. they're just so fucking funny and based it;'s unreal. also it's a singular australian in this case, he's a real comedian.

hop on grindr bros
let us smash some boy pussy

Remember when Obama bombed Libya and Syria and that and nobody cared

>>212005624
I'm on PIP too, on the same amount you're getting.
They do the assessment interviews over the phone now.

just had a poo after 6 days out not pooing

>Lurpak isn't real butter
Irrelevant. It's still nice to have alongside real butter.

raoul mote

>>212005617
hacker his github is it?

PHWOAR

Considering whether I should bother spending money decorating the bedroom of my newly purchased first home or if I should be saving all my money for when WW3 happens and I lose my job or whether I should bother doing anything at all due to imminent death by nuclear war

>>212005697
I am, still have to toil thoughbeit

>>212005658
are uk politicians owned by israel as well?

my mental illnesses are
>autism spectrum disorder
>major depressive disorder
>seasonal affective disorder
>binge-eating disorder
>posting on 4chan for over 10 years

>>212005617
saar i am in the readme saar

>>212005734
They cancelled my inperson because they deemed it'd be far too much of a trauma for me to attend which was to be expected. I've been given it until '27 so no updates for me. Just letting the PIP roll in.

>>212005486
How many pints a day can you have?

knew the hot wedder wouldn't last

>>212005755
Maybe you'll get conscripted into the boring mong battalion

>>212005740
May I recommend you buy All Bran
delish and you'll be shitting on a daily basis, despite your obviously horrendous diet

>>212005752
>coleslaw
>chicken
>chips

that will be £25 sir

They'll never admit it now but once on /sp/ there was a thread about which nationality was the funniest and almost to a man they agreed it was us

>>212005752
does look good honestly. big fan of poo sauce

>>212005783
>>212005734
>>212005779

mad how the state sustains this useless biomass

i dont poo and then when i eat my OMAD (3 chicken thighs, 16 oz of broccoli) I have diarrhea for some reason

>>212005652
problem is when you walk the same routes over and over you get sick of it eventually

>>212005773
every minister is part of the labour friends of israel, what do you think?

>>212005789
Nah I'm 35 and have anxiety and asthma
I'll be happy to help the war effort by working in a drone factory or something but I won't be sent fighting.

>>212005773
No but we're under your aegis so it amounts to the same thing

>>212005617
Why are so many of them like this? What is wrong with them?

Girl I met in online chatroom in 2006. She travelled 2 hours by train to meet me. I was so nervous that I backed out. She went home and back on her computer we chatted on msn. I apologised for not meeting her. She took the train again the same day. I drank some alcohol for my nerves and met her the second time. We had not seen pictures of each other before meeting but she looked exactly like I imagined. Pretty girl with mousy blonde hair.

>>212005810
>useless biomass
i am at least employed. i make $140k doing cybersecurity

>>212005799
That must have been before it became a legal requirement to be horrendously unfunny to become a comedian here

>>212005752
Coleslaw is disgusting. Don't know how anyone fell for that psyop

The Jew that invented nukes offered them to us first but we said no so he went to America instead, what a ridiculous blunder

i fuck arses

>>212005783
'29 for me
just have to keep living day by day, don't we?

>>212005271
She's 15

What happens to mortgages during world war?
Seems unfair that I'd have my home taken off me because I lost my job and can't pay the mortgage due to war. I didn't choose for a war to happen did I

could go for some tuna salad right about now

>>212005726
Fair enough

I also deeply appreciate our Australian posters

>>212005752
Why are brits so obsessed with french fries? 9 out of 10 times I buy them I regret it

>>212005367
not enough lad

toona fish

>>212005853
fussy toddlerbrained mong

We spent 20 years bombing Muslims before and things mostly just stayed the same

>>212005865
He was the first to make a nuclear bomb but not to invent them

>>212005900
our fries have potatoes in them, not plastic

>>212005879
You didn't choose to be alive either and yet you still are expected to pay for the things that keep you alive.

going to sort this conflict out right now. brb

might need to do a 24 hour fast, my belly circumference is stuck on 39 inches despite greatly increasing my activity levels and also soft dieting (eating healthier and smaller portions)

>>212005838
how'd things end up?

Hour 7 without the vape. Not sure how people do it. What do you do all day if you don't smoke or vape? Just endure the entire day with nothing?

>>212005847
Is that a good salary or do you hand over most of it for rent and food in California?

>>212005918
when iran falls israel will become self sufficient and ditch america after being a parasite for so long
their empire rises while the west falls and decays into nothingness

>>212005867
who fuck arses?
maybe he fucks arses

ZOG UK

imagine how tight their little fannies are lads :)

>>212005959
>when iran falls

are we really falling for the weapons of mass destruction meme again

>>212005944
Married with 4 kids

>>212005942
im on the 24 hour fast right now i highly recommend for spiritual reasons

Coleslawtwat loves his coleslaw

I'm a firestartah
twisted firestartah
I'm a trouble makah
punking instigatah

>>212005947
I don't know about others here but I sick my thumb like a baby and shit my pants while rolling around on the floor

>>212005869
age: 15

>>212005959
>when iran falls
lmao

1200 quid a month just for me. Don't pay the mumberg rent, don't want to.

>>212005947
yeah it's called not being addicted to stimulants

can't see how subway makes a profit

Will wait to see what the autistic weirdos in the rationalist community think before I form an opinion

>>212005942
I went from 11st to 11 st 8 when I went on Holiday definitely doing intermittent fasting for a bit

The Edwardian / Belle Epoque period was so kino

>>212005959
>israel will become self sufficient and ditch america after being a parasite for so long
why would jews give up free money? ur thinkin' like a goyim..

>>212005997
that's one badarse kitty

it says here you post about fecal matter on an international forum
care to elaborate on that?

>>212005954
i dont live in california. i pay $1100 in rent and spend another $400 or so on food

>>212005983
Yes and this time France and us are falling for it as well.

>>212005973
Farage worships at the feet of zia yusuf because he thinks he can win the muslim vote and then he does stuff like this

>>212005947
yes, being sober is boring
you trade entertainment for health

>>212006019
Sounds miserable

>>212006024
paki money laundering places

nursery cameras

>>212005959
>when iran falls
In your dreams ZOG

>>212006024
well you see, they sell $3 worth of food for $15
hope this helps you puzzle it out

>>212006036
>*turn around*
>*start twerking*
>scream about poo and crisps

>>212005947
I vaped for almost 9 years and stopped cold turkey at the start of this year, it's been months since i've even felt the smallest of urges

my hands felt empty so I bought a zippo to flip about lol so learning to spin a pen

>>212006024
there's one in the service station near my house and I don't think I've ever seen a single customer stood there. The staff don't even bother to man the counter they're just out the back on their phones

>>212005944
I flubbed it. I was too nervous to make a move on her despite us previously talking online about having sex in a park.
I don't think it would be possible to meet a girl today who had never even seen a photo of you. We met in a chatroom then spoke on msn. She was quite attractive. Can't believe she travelled a total of 6+ hours in one day to meet me and I still fucked it up.

Yes, this time it will finally be the end for Farage haha

>>212005748
>>212005835
some retard indian influencer put that in their video and a bunch of subhuman retards followed suit
https://github.com/expressjs/express/pulls?q=is%3Apr+is%3Aclosed

>>212006069
Americans are true businessmen.

>>212005978
>>212006007
>>212006066
i respect the delusion but we all know they're fucked (unfortunately)

>>212005947
suck a cock or summit

>>212006039
So you're basically loaded

Very nice

Might learn Khmer. Shall not elaborate on my reasons for doing so.

rorke retiring to his study with a cigar and a glass of brandy to contemplate which idea groups he should take in EU4

>>212005983
nobody is falling for it bro its just an excuse
everyone knows but nobody says it

all iran had to do was get a fucking nuke ffs

>>212005973
From his perspective, he's doing all the right things career-wise
He has a genuine shot at becoming PM

Mental how the uk ill be majority non white in your lifetime

>>212005947
Get on the cans, lad

sir world war 3 starter

erase and rewindddd

>>212006114
Learn an Australian language with a few dozen speakers

Nobody will understand you or anything you write

>>212006093
Why? Iran will win.

>>212006010
fucking waste of space, wont even help your own mother out?

thank god you stay inside

>>212006093
As of right now the fucking UK, the US and Israel are more likely to have regime change than Iran, buddy.

>>212006124
They weren't using hardline pro

they should legalize drugs on the isle of man and turn it into a sex party island

Mad how quaint the past was, like John Lenin could just say "war is bad" and people would be like "yeah!"
Bet he's glad he's dead

>>212006138
>>212006138
The UK has never been white so that's true

>>212005973

>>212006124
Why didn't they just buy one off the norks

Between Russia invading Ukraine and Iran closing the Strait of Hormuz, I'm glad Nick Clegg said we shouldn't build nuclear plants because they wouldn't be ready until 2022

>>212006190
Lenin didn't say that

lil bro is cooked. sheeeesh

>>212006089
Well at least it's on Express. I have no sympathy for that piece of shit project.

>>212006024
lucky you didn't take business then init

>John Lenin

>>212006193
Why's Rishi bothered

>>212006190
>and people would be like "yeah!"
Fell for the white-washing of history. Grim. You are completely ignorant on past controversies.

>>212006055
well my day is now ruined

>>212006198
Let's be real here if they started building nuclear plants in 2010 they wouldn't be halfway done by now
You can't build things and be a neoliberal democracy

>>212006198
And now petrol and gas will have a permanent 100% price increase so the same will apply to electricity and food

always and forever

>>212006198
Gets funnier every year

>>212006198
Won't it be kino when the killer smog comes back and London looks like Mumbai?

we're all going to FUCKING DIE

>>212006193
I hate this country so much.

>>212004967 (OP)
>remove apu from the simpsons for "being racist"
>racism against indians increases

>>212005064
>>212005138
>but the talmudic terrorist state needs nukes because... you're an antisemite or something

>>212006252
sex with american women

>>212006281
No, everybody in Africa will be fine

Black men will inherit the earth

>>212006089

>>212006293
based big red enjoyer

imagine all the people
owning the means of production

>>212006252
in service to israel

>>212006082
you could probably still find her online

>>212006293
The manager of her schools football team has drugged her and passed her to those blacks as a reward for winning

This actually happens in the US

>>212006293
>big red
whoever made this scene has patrician tastes

How can I possibly just go to work tomorrow with all that is happening in the world, how can I just sit at a desk doing unimportant tasks at this stage.

>>212006296
Chinese men will, darkies will serve them.

>>212006197
retarded take like the norks would ever sell one they'd get ass blasted in minutes for that

>>212006329
>The manager of her schools football team has drugged her and passed her to those blacks as a reward for winning
the boys worked hard that season and deserved it

>Jokes on you, I'm only on here for one hour a day on weekdays and maybe two hours a day on weekends

The Iran business won't be WW3 it will just be another 20 years of wasting money + lives in the Middle East and getting terrorist attacks.

Jews in London

Last for raping the disabled

>>212005959
>israel will become self sufficient
no possible
history has shown that no jewish state or entity can survive by itself. it always requires support from a greater power

>>212006089
It works though, sadly. A woman got into Google based on her "contributions" to open source projects. They were all typo corrections.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/bhumika-goyal-01293085/

>>212006342
well you do it secretly obviously
and if america could simply blast the norks they would have done it ages ago

>>212006226

Where's the new

>>212006296
I forgot to mention at the end of my post but I am a blk boy and transgender (mtf) btw

not sure if that matters tho
>>212006341
Racist much?

>just move the nuclear weapons thousands of kilometers very quietly so they'll never find out

you don't need troops to invade iran when bombers can fly from missouri to iran without anyone knowing

>>212006339
Your tasks have always been unimportant
War just puts things into perspective

>>212006449
>>212006449
>>212006449
new

>>212006431
i'm telling it like it is

God communicates His will via the sun

>>212006174
you as well thoughalbeit, hans