Thread 213728611

love edition

Olaf Falafel: We named our children War and Peace – it’s a long story.

Andrew Doherty: At my lowest, I was kicked out of the museum for being inappropriate with Michelangelo’s David. I’d hit rock bottom.

Bella Hull: I just got a personal trainer. She’s horrible to me but my body goal is a thicker skin.

Rob Auton: Everyone is worried about AI. I’m more concerned with what the other vowels are up to.

Ian Smith: People who say bath bombs are relaxing have clearly never tried to carry one home in the rain.

Amelia Hamilton: I love getting Latin chat-up lines. I carpe every DM.

Sikisa: This spider has been in my house so long, it should pay half the wifi. As a web developer, it can afford to.

Chris Grace: I went on a date with a matador but there were too many red flags.

Candace Bryan: America is like my ex-boyfriend. Our relationship was toxic, when I left everyone called me brave, and now every morning I pull up social media to see how ugly he’s getting.

Rajiv Karia: I’m not nostalgic but I used to be. Those were the days.

The fabled rorkesheed

>>213728624
adam melty

I hate shrek

https://voca.ro/14CdQnpC4pG0
Can someone give me feedback on my English and give me some kind of advice?
Should I keep my English as is, and work on a new language?
If I should work more on my English, do I work on British accent (SSBE or Modern RP) or American accent (General American) accent?

done three poos

What's it like dating her?

>>213728682
you go out to grim sticky pubs every day and she drinks and gets rowdy until she vomits and stumbles back home with you

>>213728682
violent

>>213728633
Why do you have an Ethiopian flag

>>213728658
Honestly your English is quite good, no sorts of mistakes from what I heard. Practice an accent if you want but your pronunciation is clear and the majority would be able to understand you.

a 20 year old with a mustache and a mullet holding up a mic on youtube just told me society is cooked

have been a NEET for four years now

inheritance money projected to run out around April 2027

>>213728658
you sound good but l'm used to foreign accents

>>213728741
reddit flag

>>213728764
Thank you.
Is it "good enough to maintain it" good or "reduce it further?"
My worry about my English accent not being good enough at this point is what is holding me back from comitting to a new language.
Should I just stop my accent craze and just start the new language already?

>>213728633
When are they sentencing this guy? He's already been found guilty

>>213728658
you have a foreign accent but any english speaker will/can understand you
you also appear to be fluent
so no need to keep practicising unless you want to sound less foreign which doesnt really matter unless you're gona live in the west

>>213728507
>>213728518
>>213728524
>>213728532
>>213728563
where did it all go wrong?

as a bloke in the west if you've not shagged by 18 you've signed your life over to freakdom

brit posters be like 'hmmm i shall post a picture of this female' and the other brit posters be like 'hmmm i shall reply to that photo of femgroid'

>>213728836
around 13 i'd say when a girl was interested in me but i didn't like her but her fitter friend (who had no interest in me) so instead of experiencing normal "romantic" relations at that age i experienced nothing
that has led to over 20 years of inceldom no sex no girlfriends
mad to think if only i "settled" for that girl back then i'd almost certainly have not turned out this way as i'd have the experience and confidence from a young age

>>213728848
even that is pushing it

>>213728836
need a few more drinks before l tell that story

>>213728848
i lost my virginity at 16 (if being raped when i was a child doesnt count) yet i am freakdem

Met a Ukrainian girl in a club at uni about 8 years ago

Now I see her Facebook stories and all she posts is shit trying to guilt people into donating to the Ukrainian army

On several occasions I've put on a bit of a fake Polish accent and pretended to be a fairly recent arrival from Poland (tend fo say it's been 5 years) to farm praise for the quality of my English.

The last person in my family to speak Polish was my great-granddad.

>>213728904
>citizen of invaded coutntry wants people to support that country
What a fucking shocker

neoliberal bull logging in

hey wankface

>>213728929
Oh shut up you stupid wokie brainwashed twat

Me and the future girlfriend

>>213728904
Donated hundreds to the Russian Armed Forces

Wish I cared enough to get healthy again. Used to be quite a fetching lad when i look at old photos from when I had an active lifestyle and didn't drink and smoke all day and eat fried food constantly

Another dose of flyspray delivered to the spider infestation around the house. Hovered a bunch that died over the night. Fucked all their webs up too so the ones that live will reveal themselves to still be active and spend the day building new webs. Don't even catch flies so they're useless venomous freeloaders. I believe the slag spider who's been having a load of babies this year is dead. I sprayed her hole directly including the eggs. Web is extremely strong though so couldn't hoover it but it is destroyed and if she's alive she'll have fixed it by now I should think. Highly doubt she is considering it was repeatedly sprayed, more so than others which are confirmed dead. Struck probably what was the killer blow to the infestation today. Last nights destruction worked well, today we've destroyed their infrastructure and confirmed a bunch of kills.

It's over for the arachnigs, there's no coming back. They've been absolutely crippled and all windows are closed to ensure no entry into the home.

Rorke's room

The nerve of that guy in the last thread accusing Emma of being French. She’s a perfect English Rose with a smelly bum. Don’t go around insulting people by calling them French.

https://x.com/NoCapMediaa/status/1954696973296312463

Done that little radgie in

>>213729012
you've been posting this stuff for so long l dont know how many beatings it would take to sort you out at this point

>>213728929
Maybe she should live in Ukraine if she cares that much about it
Telling she grasped the opportunity to move to Switzerland

Apparently men are pushing women over in the streets

Fitting for modern britain

>>213728904
my nephew is now dating a Ukrainian girl who came to live with them as a refugee in 2022 when they were both 14. they're planning to rent a flat together when he goes to uni.

meanwhile his THIRTY EIGHT YEARS OLD uncle is a VIRGIN

>>213728980
leftypol be like wtf i love the police now

>>213729077
>meanwhile his THIRTY EIGHT YEARS OLD uncle is a VIRGIN
LOL THIS IS ME

>>213729077
Damn unc that sucks for you!

WHEN THE SUN HITS
SHE’LL BE WAITING

>>213729066
>no officah we dindu nuffin we wuz good kidz n shit
Same old story every time from “these lot” (iyk yk)

>>213729066
Bet Chantelle was being a rude hoodlum to all the maccies staff. Lock the bitch up for good

very thirsty but no drinks or even a glass upstairs
shall drink from the bathroom tap like an animal

>>213729066
Usual suspects

>>213729077
you say this with a certain incredulity that implies its just a cruel unavoidable fate forced on you.
no nigga. you're a 38 year old virgin because YOU DIDNT DO ANYTHING EVER. your situation is entirel OF YOUR OWN MAKING

why don't Britishers use lakh?

>>213729165
Gobby little slags and pathetic loser police, all in the defence of an enormous fast food chain. Everyone involved should be ashamed.

nth for the holodem

>>213729177
I've done many things they just never resulted in sex

>>213729219
shut up you incel mong

mmmm.. gobby little slags

Shrek the Musical has no right to be so bloody good

>>213729250
make me

Year is 2035
The last white child in Britain is a tourist attraction to be gazed upon in wonder by the asiastic hordes (i mean British citizens)

>>213729259
ktim

How can I make toast without a toaster?

>>213729192
Do Indian men spend their entire lives fantasising about sleeping with white women?
Further do they really believe some 5ft5 pot bellied hairy bloke is going to he propositioned upon getting off the plane?

>>213729284
Use the grill

remember when being a virgin at 30 seemed so improbable that we joked about it giving you magical powers?

>>213729308
yes lmao

>>213729218
Is this some sort of RORKE joke that I'm too SANE to understand?

I just feel like a twat

>>213729275
Absolutely incredible how that one little white kid just mogs the hoards around her. Seems so much more full of life and colour. Looks alive.

Why is adulwork the only site to actually follow the online safety act rules?

>>213729372
15 year olds can't afford hookers

>>213729275
they're all standing around contempleting the potential medicinal properties of grinding her bones into a powder and snorting it

so what do you plan on just like getting all old and fucked up and shit? cant imagine how grim life after like 65 must be

losing your virginity is like learning to ride a bicycle without safety wheels it is scary and you may fumble but eventually you will come right but you have to be courageous and take the first step

>>213729416
mate i cant even think about it too depressing
imagine being incel at 65
i just cant
i have ot assume i will somehow magic up a wife and kids

how can I know if a photo of me is good for the dating app or not? I cant tell when I look good or bad

https://youtu.be/WjnmzljtREk?si=CylkmLRJ_R3aYU2p

Watched this growing up

What is it with west africans that I see bumbling around town where they constantly seem to have this vacant expression gaze mixed with a slightly repulsed expression

One of us has wanked the most number of times in their lives compared to everyone else, and doesn't even know it

>>213729437
much easier to assume we'll probably die at some point before then haha

>>213729416
Keep telling myself I'll be active and won't let my brain rot to alzheimers but truth be told it comes for us all, inevitably I will he an immobile ghoul who thinks at 5mph

>>213729416
I'm old enough my parents are getting to that grim stage where they're not really enjoying life anymore
Still my plan is to just plod along and hope I get some joy occasionally along the way

>>213729426
fuck off rapist

>>213729437
I'm 35 now. could do another 30 years easy

>>213729443
Then youre average

>>213729416
too weakmind to kill myself so i'll just live my miserable life on the off chance i get blessed with a spontaneous die in my sleep

>>213729416
>>213729458
Know plenty of people who enjoy life a in their 70s, not worried

wanking a jap fella

>>213729481
DONE IM

>>213729478
... could you though
you already have aches you didn't have before
eyesight fading
hair disappearing
memory losing
imagine another 30 years
another 30 years alone
living alone
with no romance
no intimacy
cold bed after cold bed
wherever you go cold bed at home cold bed in tokyo cold bed in new york

Physics professors and whatnot get alzheimers so who's to say what can be done really

>>213729451
Pretty sure it's me I've wanked 3-4 times a day for as long as I can remember

>>213729507
fucking hell lad, cheer up

>>213729447
Please support the Griff Rhys Jones in Australia industry

>>213729507
will still have porn videogames and beer though

>>213729524
just facts

>>213729407
Kek

>>213729507
Did you write this while "browsing for boat riggings"

My university is a dementia-friendly workplace

Don't know how to turn the grill on in the oven to make a cheese toasty, so I'll just choose one of the settings and hope for the best

>>213729542
dont get it

>>213729481
yeah I am but I mean what makes a photo good or not

done four poos today already

get hyped

>>213729416
65 isnt even that old these days

>>213729564
old swedish joke

>>213729564
Typing a string to order a string

people say they want to die surrounded by their loved ones

wouldn't want my loved ones watching me babble nonsense and pooing myself if I'm honest, would much rather pay some ethnic lady to deal with it

mad how the hapa I use to somewhat bully in primary school is now 23 and pretty fit

>>213729557
Low and slow and supervise it
Also if you're making an open sandwich toast the non-cheese sides to lightly toasted and then flip and apply the cheese and that

>>213729507
what's the name of that pub they talk about here? I'll meet you there on 12th August 2055 at 7 o clock

watching pay gorn

>>213728633
Sacha Baron Al-Khoen

my will is strong
I will not be led astray

my willy is strong
I will not be led astray

>>213729628
montague pyke in soho
thanks but no thanks x

>>213729639
A significant blow to inter-aquatic mammal relations.

This is probably the single best way to ensure that every last entry-level job is staffed with a 30 year old low-skilled migrant instead of a young Brit.

>>213729639
Got this theory that the humpbacks have decided that the more jumping around and being cute they do the less likely the humans will start spearing them again

>>213729557
Just get a one of these mate can get one for 20 quid

>>213729602
Would you want to be their for your loved one as they passed?

>>213729675
Usually it is the opposite that is the less uou show off the less people notice off you. Which is why I would prefer you be quiet you.

>>213729275
Mental how nonwhites just want to take pictures with whites. My sister went Thailand and they were approached by an Indian family giddy to get a picture with them. They're not even blonde or anything, they look Spanish.

Would love to eat Emma Watson’s poo.

Bloke at work thinks they're going to give the Palestinians a state in Australia. Been going ballistic all day.

>>213729734
Why are you calling your sister "they"

>>213729676
What's that? A fully stocked clean kitchen for 20 bob?

violence is a great solution

>>213729722
GET OVER HERE!
*harpoons you*

Got a bunch of onions in the house and don't know what to do with them

Fuck off you barmy spacker
Yes you

>>213729750
That's a good idea actually, see if they can make something useful out of the outback
Could become fremen

BRAPPPPPPPP BIG UP KATHRYN TANNER

Does anyone feel like they're about to die after drinking 2 big coffees lol

>>213729750
kek almost yank tier

>>213729757
Sorry retard mode kicked in I meant to say her and her boyfriend.

>>213729780
praps you coud cook sumfin

>>213729780
cook them lad

>>213729656
too late i've put it in my calendar

>>213729821
enjoy lad it's a decent place

>>213729797
No, I am about to drink 3 cup in about 4 hours. Average about 6.

>>213729790
People seriously considered the possibility of a Jewish settlement in northern WA
It really would have been Dune times

>>213729816
>>213729817
But what

>>213729284
Fry bread on a pan

>>213729855
Onions

love keeping a poo in for as long as possible then finally getting the pleasure from unleashing all the pressure on the toilet bowl.. mmm

>>213729855
onions are in literally every meal you fucking mong

stand out front of a school and mow nigger kids down with a Gatling gun

>>213729855
Fried them for a burger

>>213729876
bit racist that, ngl

>>213729790
Plenty of the desert in the Middle East for them to start a new Palestine

>>213729870
The hebrew still became in a way didnt they?

>>213729860
Just onions?

>>213729876
SIR YES SIR

>Much of England and Wales will see temperatures of 25 to 28C, with highs of 26C possible in Scotland and Northern Ireland
not a very hot heatwave then

>>213729917
better than nothing eh

>>213729587
what is this???

>>213729780
get the french onion soup made

>>213729917
Issue yours and our houses are too damn well insulated kek

>>>/v/717894762
What is bro yapping about.

It's been jetpacks and laser rifles for like a decade. The games set in the modern age have Nicki Minaj as a skin.
The old games were like the wet dreams of a patriotic schizophrenic where you kick the ayotollah into a volcano.

Business idea: Space opera novel series based on the politics of OPEC and on Bedouin culture

>>213729939
wow private server

>>213729942
In a heatwave?

>>213729954
man the original modern warfare trilogy, world at war and black ops 1 jusy hit different ladberg. good times great classic hits

Coat a nigger in buttermilk and panko, then deep fry him in sesame ooil.

>>213729954
Haha my brother played the old armericas army game through and is now theoretically qualified as a combat medic.

>>213729967
uh have you heard of STAR WARS?

Got a girl to fall in love with me by stargazing with her, saw multiple meteors due to the perseid meteor shower and the warm temperatures, rural life mogs city life tbqh lads

>>213730031
That's John Ford war movies you dolt

How about one where humanity stops Islamically-coded aliens from getting super nukes? That'd be cool

>>213729132
Their new track is absolutely fucking hench

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDnKIryNPgQ

anything more dperssing than reading someone's facebook bio and it's something like
>born in <shithole>
>went to <same shithole> high school
>lives in <same shithole>
one go in life and there's people out there spending it all in the bounds of toongabbie

do you think it's called an ear, because it's here that your hear?

>help mrs with crossword yesterday morning
>clue is southern african americans, 7 letters
>start spelling out N-I-G
She was fucking fuming, surprised I wasn't in doghouse all day

Hi ho
Catch him by the toe
See him trashing to and fro'
Dip him in the warm oily goo

>>213730040
yeah but how did u get her to go stargazing with you

Rorke Driftington
Born: Poowong
Went to: Poowong High School
Lives in: Poowong

Need my bollocks battered by Emma Watson.

>>213730052
Some people prefer the simple life sweaty x

boggles my mind that the majority of brits only eat freshly cooked meals maybe once or twice a week and the rest of the time it's ready meals and takeaways

>>213730052
I'm from Mount Druitt, born and bred lad
my Mount Druitt pride I will not hide
my Mount Druitt race I will not disgrace

>>213730078
oh we also went swimming and exercising that day

was just the cherry on top at the end after a busy rural day driving her around

>>213730040
dis nigga eatin stargazypie

Mayfair Witches is a supernatural US TV show that the BBC has acquired the rights to air for an undisclosed amount. One of the main female characters, Jojo Mayfair, is played by a man. The show is based on a book - but there's no Jojo Mayfair or any 'trans' characters in the book

>>213730105
well i haven't got a wife to cook for me that's why

Tay Tay just announced a new album!

Stopped plucking the hairs off my shaft after I got a nasty ingrown hair, its mad how fast the hairs grow. I can pluck my cock bald, then wake up the next day and therell be loads of long dark hairs all over

>>213730105
modern life has its fruits

>>213730052
ktim except I haven't lived where it says for 10 years

>>213729639
banter innit

>>213730052
I somewhat ironically moved down the road from my birthplace just a few months ago after decades away

>>213730126
>the cherry on top at the end

Picked some flowers while you were at it, eh?

a wank and a coffee for breakfast

>>213730141
this is a carly rae jepsen/ariana grande board

had a dream in which I viscously beat an innocent women because I mistook her for a man who spat at me
feeling bad, feeling guilty

>>213730145
theres hair on your shaft?

>>213730162
toxic masculinity boy

>>213730185
ktimmers

>>213730188
Always thought you basic bitches were more Katy Perry

>>213730062
Is she black

Ha a dream in which I spat at a man then he proceeded to beat my mother in law to death

Does everyone have a strong attachment to where they grew up or is it dependent on it not being a shit hole?

>>213730197
the dreams not importatn
whats importatnt is you feeling guilty
this is good

>>213730197
I dreamt I had something like £2.87 in my bank account

Reckon I'm closing in on being able to do a one arm pullup which would be pretty sick at 120kg bodyweight, hit a set of 10 with +25kg so can't be too far off

>>213730213
All over my cock mate. Get little blonde ones around the top of my foreskin, and not far below thick dark hairs. I sugar wax and pluck them but its a losing battle

>>213730231
at the time it was rough but now i look back fondly upon grandpa's rape dungeon

>>213730249
Is that with your wanking arm?

new iphones drop next month
which one are we copping chat?

>>213730275
ffs i only just got the 16

>>213730260
ktim
girlfriendberg notices them when she's sucking me off too

>>213730260
>hairs on the top of your foreskin

mr. doodleburger alf home and away rape dungeon compilation part 10

>>213730275
you should be strung up by your ankles

>>213730275
they need to re-release the Mini

still using the 13 mini, peng

>>213730226
Her gran's from Tripadvisor and Trivago but is actually Indian rather than Afro-Caribbean
Very good combo because we get banging curry and rice and peas brought over all the time

>>213730260
Those little hairs actually pleasure the sensitive areas of a vagina more. Too bad you're too much of a virgin to figure it out

>>213730197
Locked someones husband inside a toilet by blocking the door. Felt bad so went back, peeked around a corner and the door is open. Peeking the other way and married couple is looking at me with disgust while picking a large bush.

The wife then starts chashing me around with a spear while she is shouting.

Dreams, eh?

had that dream again

>my girlfriend
>>>/r9k/

Rorke's battlestation

>>213730040
>stargazing
actually good date idea

>>213730275
don't like the bump

>>213730302
take a chill pill bucko

>>213730222
I went to a Katy Perry concert before, i touched her fingers :3

fucking gagging for a shower as it were de lods

>>213730298
mad how comedic and idiotic retards look

Hairs growing under my foreskin again

And I though all the Bigfoots were extinct

>>213730371
Bit of a wanker, eh?

>>213730359
isn't that a person with cerebral palsy or somesuch?

>>213730275
my $300 Samsung MOGS the new CRAPPLE

been up all night getting drunk and high

Hey Starmer, I have a message for you: fuck off

>>213730406
grim

currently listening to radio stations from GTA III. privy to the ol' MSX, HEAD radio and RISE fm

>>213730406
lush

>>213730406
bruh

>>213730406
poo

been up all night to get lucky

been up all night getting drunk and high

my pronouns are 俺様 and 吾輩

Fun fact: the color purple isn't real

>>213730461
yes it is stop talking rubbish

>>213730461
almost got me

>>213730461
thats not very FUN

>>213730406
poo screaming

>>213730477
it's not

3rd gen 'british' asian moaning about the empire in another thread

absolutely stinking to high heaven

NEED some water and soap on myself

Pissrael is a catastrophe for humanity

Wonder if labour would be perceived differently if starmer and reeves weren't such unlikable twerps.
Keir's natural ceiling should be as a vaguely competent middle manager earning 60k at a local firm and driving a skoda superb.

My top 3 N words.
1. Nice
2. Nintendo
3. Nigerian

might kill myself

Hate water. It tastes so bad. Salt water I can tolerate, at least it has some flavour for me to enjoy

Mumberg said I was just like my father so I emptied one of my piss bottles on her head - tbf thats something he wouldve done

>>213730535
bit tinny

burn up the babylon yam

Everyone on benefits should be killed

lads i've had this /v/ gimp on the run around all morning haha poor bastard keeps belting out walls of text in response to my bait

>>213730580
but then how will pipchads still be chads?

my boss just asked me to do some work. lol get fucked

>>213730549
I've got some tasty salty water for you to enjoy
*unzips pyjamas*

>>213730549
Only drink sparkling water myself

You can't suffer in Australia

>>213730582
Can he not afford a proper belt

>>213730549
you should try mineral water

>>213730528
i feel like a house slave in the 1800s when massa would get too mean and cause a slave revolt. On the one hand i want the revolt to succeed but if it doesn’t i dont want to be whipped and executed

>Small boat crossings to hit 50,000 since Labour came to power
well done lads get them wanked off yeah

>>213730619
I don't have a gf

MY BLADES ARE WITH YOU

>>213730597
report him to the union

am bottom

>>213730619
I suffer because of an Australian woman.

why do the gammons include students in immigration numbers? imagine being so desperate lmao

>>213730655
you suffer because you’re a dumb incel

>>213730644
corrr yjk he's had his bussy blown out all night

Peep Show made me afraid of Australian women

i am an anti-racist socialist and that's why i use a skin colour based racial slur to describe white working class people

>>213730660
because they are immigrants

didnt last long kupo

>>213730665
I wish I were incel - I was once, it was much easier than this.

>>213730628
legal immigration is as much of a problem as boat crossings. in the time taken for that 50k to come over illegally theres 500k indians and nigerians settling and having kids

>>213730660
I work at a recruitment agency, and half of our "workers" are students from Africa and India, working in fields unrelated to their studies, and they are constantly begging us to sponsor them. Food for thought, yeah?

good morning lads. I am talking to you from my makeshift standing desk. Wonder if I can do the whole workday like this

I need Emma Watson’s farts fed directly up my nostrils via a tube.

>heat goes up due to climate change
>people just buy more air conditioners
>heat goes even more up due to air conditioners being major polluters
We are doomed

>>213730710
nevermind the ban still stands :)

>>213730791
central heating and car heaters caused global warming

>>213730812
>>213730812
>>213730812

>>213730780
Painfully mid

>>213730275
whens the new iPod dropping?

>>213730357
did you wank with them afterwards?