>>214456332 (OP)
I had.
Then my buddy brought his cousins over to "The Farm" for Canada day. Fraternal twins, fat, adorable about the face, just turned 19 in June. The cousins both took a liking to me, and had a bit of a loud-whispering argument behind the barn over who I'd be interested in. I happened to overhear it while grabbing more liquor and beer from the bar in the barn.
>Like he'd ever want a fat cow like you.
>You're like twenty pounds heavier than I am, you fat fuck, and he's not even gay. Were you born delusional or is this from years of practice thinking you were hiding the cum on your breath from dad?
>Unlike your slutty whore cunt ass, I've never sucked a dick
[I pop my head out the window]
>Me neithe... OH, HEY! Fancy meeting you here...
>This sounds like something we should probably drink about. Either of you ever had a Mai Tai before?
We didn't wind up doing much that night, but I did kiss both of them, and told them to kiss and make up before I brought the cart o booze back to the house. They've been over probably a dozen times since... still trying to unporn their brains - they're not limber or thin or practiced enough to pull off half of the shit they think people do when they're fucking. It's a fun project, but god damn. I can see why virgins stress over finding a virgin lover, but why would anyone in their 20's choose this learning curve?