>>214499884
Not OP but it is a little fucked that you can't put the genie back in the bottle and trick yourself into believing again when you've read all this shit about how if there is no God then life is inherently meaningless. Like the brain just doesn't accept it all at once, the scales fall from the eyes, you see that there is truly no justice in this world, no being who counts the tears of oppressed and hated. There's no messiah or age to come where everything will be made right, where all manner of man's inhumanity to fellow man will be reckoned and all the blood spilled will have meaning put to it.
Losing this feels like finding out your parents actually are having their house foreclosed and have been closeted meth addicts your whole life and you're only realizing once you see all your belongings on the side of the curb in trash bags.
I try not to think about finding a new belief and still be kind and empathetic towards others the best I can while studying history philosphy and other religions, just trying to find what common thread runs through our various human beliefs.