Thread 215828486

starring popeye as morrissey

they are fit to be fair

not a fan of violence against women because my mum's one

worst thing i ever did drunk was that i was sick in a mates fridge and ruined all of the food in there the day his mum had done the foodshop

>>215828508
‘ce

morning chaps. morning nathan

>>215828515
how do you manage to vomit IN the fridge

>>215828515
she had done a foodshop and taken all the food out its packaging and left if exposed to the air in the fridge?

How's your McDonald's monopoly collection going lads? got both browns for a free meal me

>>215828529
Destroyed that fibbing incel

>>215828529
Nah obviously some of it was still in packets but they still threw it all away
>>215828528
kept opening the fridge to make some stupid joke, must have got the better fof me

>>215828428
how? post photograph

*snapping out one of his mum's ribs and feeding it back to her*

>>215828531
free coke or something
i forget

Not having a good day at all

>>215828531
1 med milkshake and a few pieces here and there after 3 scrandemics

>>215828542
>but they still threw it all away
well thats on them for being retarded and histrionic. probably done just to spite you which makes them seem like dickheads 2bh.

welp forgot to turn the flag back on, that's it for me

>>215828558
why not x

Mad how this is the average gay

>>215828529
I'll come over a chunder all over your packaged meat you grotty little incel

>>215828547
also have a free coke, small fries and mcflurry, it lush

Alec Baldwin crashed his car haha what's he like??

>>215828531
I haven't been getting any
I think the pakis who work at the local 'donalds are taking them for themselves

>>215828574
and then i'll just get you to clean it under a tap instead of dramatically binning it

>>215828571
that's hot

catberg brought a mouse in and it ran behind the shoe rack. only realised this morning cos he's spent all night pulling the shoes out of it. caught it in an old shoebox and set it free to be murdered by a cat another day.

alri

>>215828564
Yeah it was the mate in the friend group who was more my other friend's friend than my actual friend
always thought he didnt like me
he fucked off to dubai shortly after this happened, proper deano

going to sort my life out after this incel run

>>215828601
shut it cunt

claus schwab ova here

>>215828609
Make me

>>215828571
>Ms Carberry said that police officers found Gustavson's penis "in a drawer in his home four years after it had been amputated".
it not right

>>215828515
I got so drunk I no longer knew where I was or how to get home so I was just wandering around the city until these charity street walkers picked me up and gave me a blanket and called my dad at like 3 in the morning and he was absolutely fuming

>>215828574
The word chunder comes from British sailors shouting "watch under" to warn the convicts being transported to Australia on the lower decks before being seasick on them

>>215828571
>Gustavson’s former friend Andrew recalled: “My partner and I were there when a sale went down. We’d never asked about the fridge before but when [Gustavson] walked off with what looked [like something] a bit dodgy, we asked and he said: ‘Oh yes, this is someone’s penis, [it belongs to] this nice little twentysomething from Belgium.’

>“But he didn’t come back in with lots of cash. He used the money to buy pizza. It wasn’t a lot.”
Imagine staying in a blokes hom after that and eating a pizza paid for with penectomy

just smoked all the DMT in china

the penisless man in question

>>215828628
yes im sure professional sailors were getting seasick you stupid gimp

>>215828567
cat did a wee in my bed
camera SD's given up the ghost and I've lost some precious pictures that I hadn't yet backed up and I ground my teeth while I was having a stress and started off my dodgy tooth
could cry but I won't x

>>215828618
is that the guy who smokes cigarettes on youtube

he’s actually getting there lads, he could get a peng gf soon tbf

>>215828638
reckon you're exaggerating a bit if I'm honest

How do you diplomatically tell an acquaintance that they stink of BO

>>215828646
*slips the king's shilling in your pint*

>>215828652
it's our lord and saviour dude

would never ever admit the worst things i did while drunk

It's 9am lads maybe save the penis cut off by a bender talk for the afternoon

>>215828646
Where does the word chunder come from then

>>215828653
yeah but this is over 2 years progress, he's already not even natty and he still weighs less than 9 stone

>>215828658
FUCK ME M8 WASH YOUR ARMPITS YOU DIRTY CUNT YOU STINK LIKE A [insert racist slur of your choice here]

>>215828674
prefer not to say

He started it

>>215828658
you cant, also you cant tell someone their breath smells like shit, best you can do is offer chewing gum and if they say no thats it

had the most terrible sleep last night. Woke up every half an hour.
Got so annoyed that in the one minor dream i had, i was looking out a window chain smoking cigarettes and being melancholy. I don't even smoke

>>215828650
Ill give you a cuddle if you come here

>>215828674
perhaps it's onomatopoeic

>>215828670
would sniff

>>215828486 (OP)
What is Newport Pagnell like?

we ain't goin' to heaven

>>215828670
would love to see her arsehole

British people like cigarettes huh?

>>215828670
fucking
yes

>>215828650
>camera SD's given up the ghost and I've lost some precious pictures
There must be some way to recover them. It didn't actively delete them did it?

>>215828675
you been studying him for a levels or summat? who cares mate the only thing that matters is where he is right now

>>215828694
I wonder what kind of bag he was carrying

Grim

right well thats a hairy women wank organised for later then

brapley walsh

>>215828688
If you don't know then don't act like you do or you risk looking like a silly berk

>>215828679
laughed
>>215828684
i had this the night after I watched that once upon a time in hollywood film, they smoke so much in that film that I smoked in my dream that night despite never having smoked anything

>>215828703
no we actually dropped smoking quite substantially, it's mostly only forrins and the lower classes that smoke now

>>215828653
who

any revolvers in battlefield 6 i love revolvers i miss battlefield 1 it had revolvers everywhere

>>215828703
We all use niccy pouches now

>>215828681
Alright, what's the equivalent of chewing gum for the armpits? Deodorant seems a bit too obvious

>>215828737
and everyone is shitter because of that. no great shock that critical thinking went out the window once everyone stopped the stims

>>215828725
extremely childish

called in sick today because i've got a cold

>>215828739
this lad, started from a worse place than most /brit/ posters but got his head down and gained a huge social media following. Well on his way to being a shagger

>>215828758
*poos on your head*

>>215828750
'hey mate I'm popping in the shower wanna join?'

have gone from not being able to do 10 push ups to being able to do 50+

tobacco and coffee are society's secret keys

>>215828737
Yeah me too. It can't be worse than smoking right?

>>215828712
I made an image of the SD card but I'm having trouble getting it to mount
Currently writing it to a different card hoping it'll do something, but at the very least I still have a copy of the partition itself
I'm quite retarded so I doubt I can do anything with it, might see if I can hire a man

>>215828754
doubt you had much to begin with, to be fair

>>215828762
i hope that you die of it.

>>215828684
a bad nights sleep leads to a good day bad

>>215828798
not a very nice thing to say

>>215828803
farted to this post

>>215828803
Car Seat Headrest said this or something

Morning run done, determined to be like 12% body fat by my holidays next year

>>215828764
why does his supposedly pathetic body look like that whilst mine is just skin and rib cage?

>>215828824
your body is even more pathetic

>>215828824
you look worse than that? Fucking hell lad

>>215828728
Berk comes from 19th century Liverpool.
When a scouser was knicked by a copper, he was said to have been "one for the book" in reference to the city's ledger of criminal proceedings. This was shortened to "book" which sounds like "berk" in a Liverpudlian accent.

>>215828831
well yeah but why?

Just eat more food dude

Got mad family, toil and personal stress all at the same time haha going mental here properly losing it lads hahaha

>>215828843
I heard it was short for Berkeley Hunt which was rhyming slang for cunt.

>>215828849
ok

>>215828750
there's no easy way out for you, you'll have to figure out some scheme in which you tell everyone who will come into contract with your acquaintance to say something like "what's that smell" but they cant say it directly to him. eventually he gains self awareness and washes his stinking flesh

youll need 10-12 people for this

i don't know what my favourite film is.

>>215828849
Aye adulthood is really a time management game, especially if you're not a NEET. You've got
work
wife
kids
hobbies
chores
exercise
and you still need to have your own downtime, it's a struggle to fit it all in

>>215828876
absolutely hopeless to not even have that sorted out

Was once acquaintances with a leftypol lass whose BO you could literally smell from the other side of a room, don't even know what causes that

>>215828876
For me? The Outsiders. It's a gun to your head answer

>>215828876
Just say fight club

called a girl at work Eazy-E because he name begins with E but she hadn't heard of the famous rapper so she just thought I was saying she was easy and now I regret saying it

>>215828883
should've taken her head and rammed it through the window lad

>>215828887
i don't really like the second half when it becomes project mayhem

>>215828843
>"book" which sounds like "berk" in a Liverpudlian accent.
No it doesn't. They say book like "buch" as in "Buchanan"

>>215828889
now thats what i call /brit/

Mum calls the cinema the pictures but I never picked that up and call it the cinema
Quite odd

>>215828876
for me personally it's the big lebowski

>>215828889
should have just explained the name

>>215828876
I think for me it's the Ocean's 11 Remake.
Just oozes cool.
Yeah there's a few massive plot holes but it doesn't detract from how much fun the film is to watch.

>>215828895
looks like we've got a real film buff here

>>215828876
for me it's the man who would be king
best part is when sean connery accuses an innocent indian eating a big watermelon of stealing a watch and then throws him out of a moving train and the indian says THANK YOU SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR as he falls

Called a girl at work Ice Cube because she's shaped like a cube but she thought I was just calling her frigid

>>215828849
ktim

>>215828889
Get a real job

>>215828856
i think it's berkshire hunt, which is odd because the berk in berkshire is pronounced bark

>>215828843
what a load of bollocks

>>215828905
pictures > kinoplex > movie theatre > film house > cinema (gay)

bet jacksfit has a whopper in his pants those skinny boys always packing

You don't need to have a favourite you can just like stuff

Why do scousers make that horrible clearing the back of their throat noise when saying words like book, cook, look.
Fucking degenerates the lot of them

>>215828929
ick

>>215828909
I did but the damage had already been done

>>215828918
kek

>>215828924
I have a real job

>>215828937
said the second favourite child

>>215828937
no you have to quantify everything

>>215828925
Yep now you say it I think you're right

>brit lads don't even know their cockney rhyming slang
fucking dire

Went out with a Yank lass for a bit and she thought me calling it the pictures made me sound 100 years old

>>215828914
>Remake

>>215828938
Irish diaspora

>>215828889
Didn't happen

>>215828914
>massive plot holes
name 2

>>215828970
>Ocean's 11 is a 1960 American heist film directed and produced by Lewis Milestone

Went out with a Yank lass for a bit, then gave her a hiding before I threw her from the top of a 5-storey car park

>>215828970
What? it was a remake of the original 1960's film with Frank Sinatra. Have I missed something?

slimy virgin hours

toil. Ah man to be a NEET.. I fantasise about how much I could train and get personal projects done

how many steps a day do you lads walk? scared the life out of myself when i saw my average was less than 3k a day so i've been walking like a maniac this year

called a girl at work 50 cent cause she's black

George Clooney is over rated

>>215828985
um well it did actually

>>215828990 >>215829000
yeah I remembered that just as I sent it kek, I presumed he meant the one with women or there was another one
look a right twat now don't I

nigger

Called a girl at work Biggie Smalls because she's a fat nigger but she thought I was saying despite her small stature she has a big presence

>>215829006
3-5k normally

>>215829006
~5k unless im making a conscious effort

British Heart Foundation lad knocked on my door last night and grifted me into signing up for their lottery, I'm such a pussy these days it's mental

called a colleague 2Pac because she once got raped by two pakis

YAWN

went to the pictures and a train came out of a tunnel and everyone screamed and ran out

>>215829006
>>215829030
>>215829038
how do you walk so little? 10,000 steps is less than an hour of walking

>>215829006
something like 20k, often more

>>215829058
alri great great great great grand unc

called a girl at work eminem because she's a fat piece of shit who probably scoffs down ten bags of M&Ms a day but she mistok it as me refering to her as the hot and sexy green M&M and now we're married after five years ask me anything

just did a poo

>>215828986
Well there was the carrying of the money out in suitcases. I think people have worked it out and said £160M would weigh about 1.5 Metric Tonnes, which is 1500kg, that means if each person carries an equal amount they're carrying about 135-140kg each
Also an EMP doesn't temporarily knock out electronics, it completely obliterates them, the lights would not come back on in Las Vegas after the Pinch went off

Alright lads, you've had your fun with the rapper gimmick

everybody quiet coz sapinos doing a joke

>>215829061
toil from home, no reason for me to walk besides to the shitter/fridge/air fryer

>>215829080
the brown one's fitter

called a girl at work, she didn't pick up

>>215829080
just sort of ruined it haven't you really

>>215829093
I had more actually but fine

>>215829105
you probably overstepped boundaries and she never wants to see you again

>>215829061
No it's not lol. 3600 second in an hour, you'd have to walk nearly 3 steps a second to do that in an hour

frying some air for tea

>>215829043
kek
hellofresh came to my door last year and to get the bloke to fuck off i just signed up for a month then cancelled as soon as i shut the door. cost me like 34 quid for 3 meals. since then i have not opened the door once to anyone knocking

el sapino

>>215829096
it’s just a bit awkward really, no one laughs and yet he carry’s on

>>215829105
This guy's going places

I live in a block of flats so I don't have to worry about cold calling

you lads ever had a brutal rejection from a girl? what happened

stuck on couch to 5k week four, repeated it twice now i get right to the last bit then my ankles start hurting too much

>>215829015
Don't worry, we're used to it now mate

>>215829111
no it's still massive if you think about it

Morning /brit/ is miles better than afternoon /brit/

>>215829157
ive never done anything brave or noteworthy in my entire life

>>215829166
How much do you weigh?

>>215829157
no because I've never asked anyone out
that's the secret to avoiding crushing rejection, just never ask

>>215829166
develop a proper run technique then

>>215829181
your belly?

>>215829191
skinny
>>215829197
cheers

>>215829193
it’s also the secret to a lonely life. you’re so scared to fail you forgot to live, wow anon

me when i finally get rorke

>>215829189
because i'm still in my happy manic phase just before i get into bed and not my depressed neet wanker mood when i wake up later on

>>215829215
ive been alone for so long now I actually prefer it this way

>>215829208
that big belly kind of reminds me of that M&M joke I did
>>215829157
no cause everytime I've become close with a girl it's cause we were friends at first, I've never explicitly asked someone out for a date

>>215829193
>that's the secret to avoiding crushing rejection, just never ask
ktim but with every social interaction

>>215829221
wow you must be some sort of super villian are you famous

conducting a poo

>>215829214
twink detected in sector 14, commander
rape systems are online

>>215829246
no i am a terminal /brit/ poster and complete burnout nobody as it happens

I've only shagged a whopping three (3) different girls my whole life and in all three cases they came onto me instead of the other way round

>>215829260
*poos as im running atrracting you to them like missile flares while I make a hasty getaway*

>>215829270
Ktim but 2 girls

>>215829286
ktim but 0

fizzy grapefruit tangerine lemon blackberry lavender limeade

The last time I had sex there were still covid restrictions in place

>>215829270
i think this is just the sperg way, we'll never arrange a formal date with a girl it just occurs

why does he generate the drinks

>>215829286
ktim but 1

had sex once but it was an accident and i fell into her fanny after slipping on a banana peel

>>215829310
dunno but they do look quite nice don't they

>>215829270
ktim
Never asked girls out, they always pursued me and I'm not even that good looking and always thought it was a prank or something.
Got my first gf because my mates stole my phone, locked themselves in their bathroom and asked her out for me.
2nd gf literally sent me a message asking me out because I was ignoring all her hints
And rinse and repeat.
Maybe I'm not as bad looking as I think I am

I literally only lost my virginity because a 16 year old girl pulled me behind a tree, whacked her knickers down and basically shoved me in, yeah

>>215829298
it didnt even exist when i last had sex

Homer of a lonely bart

Need Emma Watson to poo on me.

>>215829328
You were raped lad.
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/
Hope you get the help you need to help you heal from this traumatic event

>>215829328
cor that's hot

>>215829317
Epstein's lawyer should've told him to try this defence in court

Have you thought of simply working harder?

commanding my rapeship through the cosmos in search of exotic alien species to abduct

seems most posters here have had sex at some point, fair play fellas

Moen’t Cry For Me Margentina

babel flag
or
lab elf bag

>>215829357
this is the shaggers general after all

>>215829354
kek we need a new cheap sustainable source of energy. All our inflation woes are pretty much linked to the cost of energy which feeds into literally EVERYTHING!

just spent £46.04 on petrol which got me 35.44 litres

Never had sex because I get stage fright and can't get hard but my personality is too shitty that no girl sticks with me long enough for me to be comfortable with then while naked

>>215829157
Parents got me to phone up a girl I liked from school. Primary school. I think I was about 12 and so was she. This was when everyone's number was in a white pages phone book so looked it up. My parents sat and watched me call her. I think her mum answered the phone so I asked for the lass and her mum asked who was calling so I said my name. After a bit I heard the girl I liked say "hello?" I said it was me and I'm calling to ask you out or something, and just heard her and her friends giggling some distance from the phone. The giggling faded as they walked away, leaving the phone off the hook so I was just sat there in front of my parents, red as a tomato, going "HELLO? HELLO?" for what felt like forever. Eventually I just shrugged and hung up. I don't remember if my parents said anything or just got up and walked out of the room or what, but I never asked a girl out again. Been asked out a few times. Had sex. Never had a proper girlfriend. There was a time I wanted a gf more than anything but not any more.

>>215829357
i get why you'd think otherwise but /brit/ is still mostly a normie-adjacent general

>>215829354
So these are the lines that went up

>>215829384
I prescribe alcohol

>>215829388
great story, at least you recovered and had some sex later on

dipping my glans in carbolic acid

have a wfh job with good pay but shit hours and ive got loads to do, love dogbergs and got an interview for a guard dog trainer but its got shit pay
help me pls might be making a bad choice here

>>215829322
<3

>>215829388
so you let one mildly humiliating event decades ago permanently impact your life? you sad pathetic gimp. how the fuck do people as retarded as you even exist

really excited to go LIDL shopping tomorrow it’s the only time I get to be around real human beings :D

>>215829418
sounds like a terrible idea

not me i'm a 36 year old virgin

Can you believe all vertebrates for the past 400,000,000 years have all descended from pic rel, the Haikouichthys.
Truly what an amazing world.
We are all cousins. Everyone in this thread, all humans, chickens, tigers, turtles, sharks, tuna, frogs.
Beautiful.

>>215829451
How embarrassing

>>215829418
learn to be a drug dog trainer instead probably has better pay

>>215829449
that’s really weird, do you need to be here? isn’t r9k more your sort of thing

>>215829442
dole dossing wanker spending my fucking money on your lidl chocolate pillows ill fucking rip your arms off

>>215829451
Forgot the pic but y-y-ye get the idea yeah?

Pic related is me laughing at the Irish twat.

i'm a mushroom

>>215829436
There are herbal teas you can take for PMT instead of letting it turn you into a raging cunt

Am actually so gassed for 2026
I will buy my first car
I will move out of mums house (probably second half of 2026)
I will travel
LETS GOOOOOOOOO

Mad how literally every ancestor you've had since the dawn of time has shagged

>>215829445
maybe but am probably getting the boot at my current job anyway because im shit at it even if it is comfy wfh and i get paid
>>215829465
don’t have any animal related qualifications so it could be a stepping stone to something like that

>>215829495
False

>>215829490
just telling you what your parents should have told you years ago. they failed you. grow the fuck up

>>215829477
I have mental elf issues be nice to me :(

>>215829491
I said this about 2025 desu
I did move out but that's just made things worse so far

>>215829489
which one

might get a second toil for a laugh

>>215829473
used to post there from about 2010-2020 but i think it's a tranny board now. i know britfeel exists but that's just a more boring version of here

Fit lass who emails me sometimes has taken her pronouns out of the email signature

66-FAG POO

>>215829541
britfeel has been shite for years too

>>215829513
elves aren't even real you blatant liar

I like beer... Maybe too much

>>215829525
blue roundhead

>>215829559
all of them finally shagged and moved on I suppose

>>215829549
woke is crumbling

Another cup of tea? Yes I do think so!

If you just quit toil and have a few months off what should you say when you start getting interviews

>>215829549
the West is healing

>>215829571
no they went in the other direction. they got worse

>>215829512
I had all the sex I wanted, and avoided getting trapped in a bad relationship like some people I know. I never wanted kids so I didn't miss out there. And importantly, I didn't become an abusive wannabe internet bully like you, so I'm not too disappointed with how things turned out.

>>215829585
just say you had a men'ul elf episode

>>215829585
>well im an evil cavedwelling incel slug freak, you see

key stage 3 fannoise

Where's rapelad these days? Haven't seen him in ages

>>215829570
oh you're very pretty
do you contain psilocybin

>>215829612
oh my days pulverised that jealous little virgin

>>215829612
bodied him kindly and calmy

>>215829583
yes please mate 5 sugars

>>215829612
raped that miserable freak to smithereens

>>215829612
huge cope. stop ruminating about trivial events from years ago you mong

>>215829627
L'um

>>215829388
So a few questions:
1) Why are you 12 years old in Primary School when Yr 6 (the final year of primary school in the UK) is 10-11 years old.
2) No girl is that callous to leave the phone off the hook and walk away from it.
Stop watching too much shitty media from Hollywood

>>215829660
>ruminating about trivial events
ktim after one puff on a zoot

https://x.com/mythoyookay/status/1977733314149556304

Rorke?

not my fault they're so fit

>>215829585
Just say you did something to find yourself, you could actually do something productive with the time. I watched a video of a guy who spent 90 days cycling to China from Wales.

scheming, plotting

>>215829664
settle down poirot he just said he thought he was about 12 and doesn't remember the age groups of the different years at school

>>215829660
please just fucking have sex mate it's not that hard

for me? it's Abbey Road

just have some sex you absolute loser

>>215829660
I answered someone's question, I don't ruminate on it. Stop getting angry over things you read on the internet that shouldn't affect you.

>>215829702
shagged your mum plenty of times though

when i was at school i used to pretend to be gay

REACH OUT AND TOUCH GRASS

>>215829732
>pretend

>>215829732
time to stop pretending now lad

>>215829723
im not angry. the fact you think someone responding negatively to your pathetic anecdote is anger or a 'raging cunt' shows how much of a frightened little runt you are. oh no not the scary words :(

>>215829755
>>215829755
>>215829755

>>215829724
dead banter

Decent performance in this thread but I think we have to up it a gear in the next one lads, bring a bit more urgency to it

>>215829773
sorry I'm multitasking