Thread 215952865

Be honest Anons,
What broke you?
Not the meme answer, not “life” or “women.”
The real thing. The moment you realized you weren’t gonna be normal again.

My 12th birthday when like 10 kids said they'd come and maybe 2 actually showed up

>>215952865 (OP)
in middle school, must have been around 12, I distinctly remember thinking I didn't want to do any of that rat race stuff and decided to just do whatever I wanted (which means nothing)

i really dont know i guess it was when i noticed i have more fun with talking with my online friends than people in real life

>>215952865 (OP)
I realized that I'm no one's favorite person, no one's first choice. Everyone around me has someone else they would prioritize over me. I am completely alone.

>>215952865 (OP)
Mental illness fucked me up, and did some permanent damage

the realization that i would never feel like i used to feel, seeing the total ruination of my psyche and knowing i will never recover, never heal and move on, i could only live with it and cope, that is what broke me

was i ever normal

>>215952865 (OP)
I was poor and got bullied for it at school. Every time I fought back I faced the consequences and nobody was on my side. At college I was also poor and couldn't afford to go to fancy places with the girls (lot's of them were into me). I had neither a place nor a car, I was ashamed of this and didn't date them.

>>215952865 (OP)
Probably around the time everyone had an idea of what they wanted to do as adults in their teenage years. I have never been able to answer that question and I still can't answer that question at nearly 30 years old. If not that, probably when I was walking around the school yard by myself while everyone else were playing soccer or doing something.

Having no one to relate to at the childhood at my age until much later.
Then realizing how majority of """people""" are basically cattle and are content with this state of being after growing up.

>>215952865 (OP)
Just tried to be different. Wasted my whole life.

>>215952865 (OP)
overall childhood and family with its members
Idk when I realised that. In my 20s for sure, because before that I thought you yourself can make it from any background. But looking back I realise it was over and couldn't be any different

>>215952865 (OP)
When I moved when I was 10 and realised I couldn't talk with new people

>>215952865 (OP)
I was always a lonely kid with divorced parents and no siblings. I was molested by my older male cousin several times. I developed an anxiety disorder and engaged in self-harm, which was never treated. I felt like an ugly scrawny wreaking who could never be loved. I hated myself and I was deeply depressed, but totally emotionally stunted, so I failed to understand the way I felt.

I don’t know, man. Some combination of all that stuff fucked me up. When I went to university, I just failed to make friends. So now I’m a lonely unemployed weirdo trying to unfuck my life. Step one is quitting drinking and smoking weed. I’m trying to get off porn too. Those are all crutches I use to make myself numb to the present moment. Frankly, 4chan is another one of those crutches. Distractions so I don’t need to sit here and be myself. Fitness has been my biggest saving grace. I’m trying, bros.

>>215957479
Damn.. You're right. 4chan keep feeding our insecurities.
Personally I used this as an escape from my shitty life. Just to feel like I'm somebody.
FUCK!!!

>>215955969
>lot's of them were into me
Such is life of a failed normalfag

>>215952957
That's a shitty experience

>>215953209
Same here man. Look where it got us huh?

>>215955018
Online you can be anyone you want and say anything you want. Nobody's judging. It feels like a damn drugs right? The feeling I mean.

>>215955172
Yeah. The worst fucking feeling ever.

>>215955561
What are you diagnosed with my man?

>>215955660
I have the same damn question. It's like we were born sick.

>>215955969
So you're a good looking guy?

>>215956133
I'm 27 years old. I don't even got a job too. I'm also not sure what to do with my life. How was your childhood btw? Did your parents and others controlled you? Trying to mold you into what they want?

>>215952865 (OP)
i didn't read your thread but I think that deer might be the most famous latvian on 4chan

>>215956909
>>215957304
Damn I feel you my guys. I sure do.

>>215957356
You got nobody to even listen to you am I right?

>>215960027
I used to be I suppose. Now my hairline receeds and belly fat increases.

>>215957395
What happened man?

>>215957479
Hope you'll make it bro. You somehow have the motivation to change yourself. Good luck man.

>>215959358
Yeah. Now we're nothing but some faceless idiots corrupting our own selves.
>අපි අපිටම කෙලවගත්තා වගේ.

>>215960080
So you just gave up?

>>215960027
>Did your parents and others controlled you?
No, not really in the sense that they wanted to mold me. They were overprotective so I never developed good social skills, never learned anything useful and missed out on a bunch of stuff. I guess I have myself to blame as well for being a pussy, but they reinforced it so I grew up to be a loser with nothing to show for. During my childhood my friends always treated me as the third wheel, I guess that still applies today as I'm never the "leader" of anything and no one takes anything I say seriously.

I feel like I've always been a spectator to others lives or merely someone to fill an empty spot.

When I was 13 and fapped to hentai. I knew then it was point of no return.

>>215960533
>my friends always treated me as the third wheel, I guess that still applies today as I'm never the "leader" of anything and no one takes anything I say seriously.
you can just get rid of your "friends". did that 6 years ago and zero regrets

>>215960579
wait, no. 7 or 8 years. fuck im old

>>215952865 (OP)
I cant get a job o algo

>>215959358
Yeah it’s a shitty escape. Sometimes it’s alright I guess. But less time spent on here would be good.
>>215960081
>Hope you'll make it bro.
Thank you. I’m not planning on giving up.

one, nothing wrong with me

>>215960110
Gave up on what? I just don't feel like doing anything creative in here anymore. I barely put all my shit together, got interesting offers and job opportunities and then bambambam the Chinese meme flue happened, can't do shit, sit at home. Then monke chimps out, ppl I had a plans with emergently escape the country. I can't go with them because of financial obligations. Didn't even had motivation to finish my phd, which is completely useless now anyway. International companies flee the country, no more career growth.

As for women, I'm still receiveing attention from them. An old lady from work sent me a phone number of a young girl that inspected our department a couple of times. Said she liked me and wants me to call her someday. Relatives did similar thing with some other girl that worked as a speech therapist. A girl from the neighboring department invited me to the art event she hosted for her artist friends, I dranked and smoked with alt-girls there. A married girl from work was giving me a hints and compliments for a long time but when I did the same in return she freaked out and told everyone that I'm a creep, lol. I didn't even count on anything with her, was just fooling around.

always took the path of least resistance

never any initiatives or ambitions

>>215952865 (OP)
Girl told me her dad raped her. This was in 2016 when it started being “esoteric” knowledge that kids would be trafficked by the government, but even short of that I can’t imagine a 16 year old going into foster care for 2 years only to be shit out onto the street, especially with past sexual abuse, would end well. I remember not having anywhere to go. All the people who talked tough about how child predators should be killed clammed right the fuck up because they knew if they killed that man, they wouldn’t be able to watch their TV or sleep in their single family home or eat their favorite foods again. I remember her lying to keep her family together, nothing ever came of it. He got fired but immediately got another job as a line cook.
That’s when I realized it was already over, nothing happening after Epstein a few years later was the cherry on top. It was never about the children; no one cares about anyone but themselves.
But as far as I go personally I’m not doing too bad. Unironically it was a good wake up call and frankly it’s true. I struggled with the feeling a lot as a kid, but it’s almost liberating knowing that anything can happen to anyone and nothing will really change. I’m not alone in being uncared for, I’m actually not too dissimilar from most other people (maybe not to the extreme of getting raped but if you, the reader, had your parents and other family die, who would really care about you?)

>>215961288
no one is going to read your wall of text retard

>>215952865 (OP)
Moved a lot growing up, think when I graduated it slowly dawned on me that I had no real friends as I never got close enough to anyone for that to happen
4 years of the NEET life later on really fucked me up too

being fat most of my life
then highschool hit and lost the weight
was unironically 9/10 under that fat
constantly getting attention from women in school/streets
everyone wants to be your friend
its pretty much lookism what broke me
turned into some weak-schizo who doesnt want to live in this gay society

>>215961280
based
me too brother

>>215960579
>>215960610
Sixxxxxx Sevennnnn

>>215961288
>>215961412
I read and appreciated his contribution finnish pedo

>>215961288
>>215961975
samefag

>>215962009
kys mongoloid

>>215963061
i can post edited screenshots too

>>215960048
Yeah. I had a "friend", but he's not a real friend and turns out he doesn't really care about me.
Technically, I could speak to some relatives, but they never been understanding, so I always kept it inside. I went through so much pain telling noone not a single word, sometimes I think about it and it looks so crazy.

>>215965341
I feel you man. Personally, that's one of the reasons I come here. At least you guys arw here to talk.

>>215953209
Same exact thing, I don't want ANY of that not a single thing of what is proposed in that experience looks appealing to me

>>215965341
You are not alone bro I too suffered and still suffer in silence, speaking with someone would be useless as you probably know

>>215961280
this pretty much.
can't get attention from women when you're never around any, let alone talk to any. no reason to initiate anything when you have very little to offer. way easier to just keep doing your own thing.

>>215952865 (OP)
I have a normie life

>>215957479
Hope you make it through anon

>>215952865 (OP)
When I found out what abortion was I stopped having fears or wants

>>215952865 (OP)
I was just born like this I think. >>215961288
i agree with what you wrote.

>>215952865 (OP)
when people who had never spoken to me before started believing and spreading rumors about me and even changed some details along the way, i realized that humanity was my enemy.

>>215952865 (OP)
I always was the weird one.

>>215961576
legit 9/10 or exageration ?

>>215952865 (OP)
When I started browsing 4chan

>>215952865 (OP)
Low social status

>>215952865 (OP)
>you can't say women
It literally was a woman though, anon. Do you want me to lie?

>>215955969
i thought slav schools have no school bully

>>215957479
Why are there so many child molesters in the West? It seems there are a lot of gay child molesters in particular.

>>215967443
its like that everywhere, its just that most of it goes unreported. In the US still most goes unreported. Humans are inherently evil.

When I was being bullied and contemplated suicide at 12 but pushed it to 21,

>>215967312
Nope. What's the story Anon? What happened?

>>215966976
Congratulations bro

>>215967014
What do you mean Anon?

>>215967143
Can you tell us what they did exactly?

>>215967168
What drove you to be the weird one? Something must have happened right?

>>215967268
Yeah make sense

>>215960793
>I’m not planning on giving up
That's the spirit. You got this bro.

>>215952865 (OP)
nothing broke me, it was always just a bit shit, and it got worse over time. But i'm fine with all of it, i think my shit nigger life was inevitable. I'll stay inside and post memes then kms when the grimness of it all gets too much

>>215969706
>What drove you to be the weird one? Something must have happened right?
Idk. I haven never gone to a kindergarten, because my sister was quite allergic, so she wasn't suitable for it, so my parents didn't even give me to one.
I always was quite around myself. Most of my "hanging out outside" which parents forced me to do at least 1-2 hours a day was me alone. In the childhood I barely interacted with other kids, just watching them from afar. I wasn't interested in interacting with them, preferring observing them like birds.

I'm unbreakable.

>>215952865 (OP)
>weren't gonna be normal again
I was born with autism, I've quite literally never been normal

>>215969706
>Can you tell us what they did exactly?
started a rumor that i was a heroin addict after i worked hard the whole summer to lose 40 pounds. this was the same year that my sister became a freshman at the same school and people made fun of her directly to my face because she wore video game t shirts. it was all a long time ago but the immense hatred for humanity has never subsided or even shown a hint of doing so.

>>215952865 (OP)
I was born this way you fuckin normalnigger
there was never a singular event that severed me from the herd
what your retarded normalnigger brain will never understand is the masculine yearning for power
not the brutish nigger kind but the universal one
it's being one with the universe, strong in body, mind and the spirit
why do you think young men like me play video games, because the really good ones were made by people like me, who understand this exact same yearning
why do you think Nietzsche speaks to young men like me? because he too saw the modern world for the whorish focusing lens that it always was
I was not normal from the moment I first cried from the feel of fresh air
this world is at its core poisoned, fake, dull and sourful
the people that the society considers "normal" are simply the ones that had all of their perfectly rational childhood inferences and instincts castrated
I was never normal because I never wished to
Live free or die nigger