only retards marry human women

he's right

>>49597440
Remi deserves all the happiness in the world

if you insist

With utmost pleasure.

>>49597463
Not this one. She's too mean

>>49597546
She's going to be the opposite of a wife, which means she's going to be loving, quiet, attentive, submissive, and sexually active.

>>49597440
>>49597459
Now fight to the death for her hand. Only a dowry of blood will please her.

>>49597433 (OP)
Youkai are not for marrying! They are evil enemies of humanity! They do not make cute wives! They are not nice! You do not want a youkai in your house! You do not want them in your life! There are so many nice village girls to choose from.

>>49597587
You make some very good points. This girl is pretty cute, I think I might go with her instead.

My WIFE Satorin!

>>49597587
You will never get married, Akyuu.

please

Way ahead of you. Were already repopulating the entire Underground with our half-youkai hell raven babies.

>>49597587
Yeah? Name three!

>>49597440
>>49597459

>>49597440
>>49597459
My niggas.

Remilia is one of the most marriageable touhous.

>>49597578
I don't think she would like that, given what her love fortune says. When the moment comes she will be the one to choose, and the rest will become food.

Anyone who also has feelings for Remilia has good taste in my book.

My oni wife...

>>49597772
why?

>>49597797
She has a mansion, servants, and the potential for a form of immortality on the table too. No better circumstances to marry into.

>>49597594
Good choice!

>>49597797
She is a beautiful, classy, and charismatic leader who embodies both youthful immaturity and the profound wisdom that comes with more than 500 years of life. She deeply cares for her employees, protects her special sister, and constantly seeks to escape boredom. She also provides help to those in need and is a huge tsundere. To me, she is the ultimate treasure and my wife.

Bros I married 3 of the hags

>>49597840
Congrats on your future funeral, hope you can keep the hens from pecking each other overmuch

>>49597845
Don't worry I also married Momiji too. She'll keep me safe if things get outta hand.

>>49597840
If you were to marry Hecatia, wouldn't you technically be with three people at once?

>>49597861
Yes

>>49597861
that's why she's the best

>>49597433 (OP)
I'd eat her liver and live with her desu

>>49597797
do you really need to ask?

I married Reimu's donation box. Now I always get at least half of the money inside.

>>49597896
All that trouble for just fifty yen a week...

>>49597899
Passive income is passive income

>>49597896
Half of nothing is still nothing

My cute and fat waifu Patchu

>>49597433 (OP)
Say that again

>>49600524
That again.

>>49597887
Mokou is not a youkai...

>>49600693
Mizuchi disagrees, and she's been inside Mokou.

>>49597624
is Satorin a good wife?

>>49600825
I am SO GLAD you asked! Satorin is very nurturing towards her pets, a quality befitting of a WIFE! She is also soft and ladylike; vulnerable to THRUSTING! I'll put a ring on her finger and a bun in her oven!

>>49600825
She is kinda dumb but she treats me good. So yeah, a good wife.

>>49597467

>>49600929
Her silly hat looks like a Coca-Cola cap

>>49601016
Please translate it, weebs

>>49601217
Aya is trying to convince a fan of Hatate's newspaper to give her own a try, highlighting how cool, precise, and heartwarming her newspaper's content is, and also pointing out that since she and Hatate are such close friends it would make sense for him to read both.

She jumpscared me with a wedding ring and now she's my wife. How did it come to this?

>>49597433 (OP)
Would you turn into a youkai for her, Anons?

>>49601289
Many such cases

>>49597433 (OP)
Love oni

>>49597433 (OP)
I water my cowtit plant wife so her cowtits get bigger

>>49601274
Why is Aya so desperate for Hatate's readers? Doesn't she have her own?

>>49601778
Yes. I would. With no hesitation, if circumstances demanded it.
However, I believe that living such a life together with her that she is forever changed by the experience, that she dearly holds onto memory of me through time and new sixty years cycles, would be preferable. Isn't part of mortal charm in the mortality itself?

>>49601924
>Doesn't she have her own?
Calling them readers might be a stretch

>>49601961
Imagine being reincarnated and getting kidnapped by a youkai who tells you she's your wife...

>>49601778
Immediately. If I can't transcend this feeble mortal shell to be with her forever then it isn't worth it.

>>49601778
No. I want her to suffer my death.

>>49602209
between the netherworld an uh, other options i don't think you're going anywhere

>>49600476
Patchouli would say that she is a youkai, but will cover herself in a magic shield the second she enters youkai neighborhoods. interesting, huh?

>>49602092
I imagine it would pain her, in the end, it sounds like chasing shadows. She wasn't attracted to my soul in itself, but to how that soul expressed itself together with body when faced with the circumstances of my life. Akyuu keeps some of her memories over reincarnations, but despite hosting the same soul I'm not sure if she considers herself some transcendental, single being. Someone who loses memories after crossing Sanzu will probably be even further distanced from the life that caught youkai's eye in the first place.

>>49601778
Gladly, I'd willingly let her turn me into a vampire. I want Remi to fill her tummy with my blood so I can become eternally bound to her.
This would be entirely my decision btw, since Remi's shown she respects personal choices, like when she asked Sakuya if she wanted to be turned and respected her answer.

>>49601778
I wouldn't be able to keep up with her if I didn't become an oni myself. I dare say that we would have to turn me into an oni before the wedding or neither of us would be able to fully enjoy the after party and honeymoon. I don't know how one becomes an oni but if it's a simple matter of murder and/or cannibalism then we could get that done in an afternoon.

>>49602128
There's no way anybody's marrying this useless slob.

>>49602379
she's an endangered species or something. i have to pronebone her for conservation's sake

>>49602128
>>49602394
Those are Chiyari expressions when she heard that she will need to wash herself before wedding.
>>49602230
>other options
Which youkai 2hus would ask Seiga for such help?

>>49597433 (OP)
Truth

>>49602379
>>49602394
she better watch out, there's someone in gensokyo who has a thing for chupacabras

>>49601778
No, my Humanity and its quirks are what is most attractive to them, in case of remilia i would give her a whole football team of dhampirs so she can entertain herself in the future.

>>49597433 (OP)
this can't be legal...

>>49602352
>I don't know how one becomes an oni
According to Kasen you could just use her box

>>49602460
I thought that was a temporary effect. Then again, maybe it will stick if you keep doing it.

>>49602472
It was a temporary effect when they used it for a party where everyone was healthy. I guess the idea is if you're hurt and you're using it to heal yourself repeatedly, you'll turn into an oni.

>>49602460
>>49602491
Either way I'm sure Kasen would be willing to do her buddy Yuugi a solid and lend her the box so she can turn her fiance into an oni.

>>49602426
To be in love is to give yourself completely. If you are going to have a relationship with an immortal girl you must endure eternity with her, otherwise you don't truly love her.

>>49602719
Vampires are undead and cannot have children

>>49602750
Dhampirs are a thing and a recognized concept in old folklore, you know. Some vampire myths suggest that an undead vampire can only have children with someone they genuinely love and who reciprocates that love, while others myths say vampires are downright rapists and fuck just like us. Also vampires in Touhou are implied to be a blood-sucking variety of oni anyway.

>>49602719
>>49602788
canon

I want to marry Kanako-sama...

>>49602800
Wouldn't you become Sanae's step grandpa if you married Kanako? That's funny.

>>49602807
Imagine flirting with Sanae just to see how viscerally disgusted she is that gramps is hitting on her.

>>49602788
>Dhampirs are a thing and a recognized concept in old folklore, you know
Dhampir origins are pretty much wives falsely accusing their husbands of being the night creatures for them to get shunned at the village they live in in revenge for something.
> Some vampire myths suggest that an undead vampire can only have children with someone they genuinely love and who reciprocates that love, while others myths say vampires are downright rapists and fuck just like us
Which adds to my point that humans have their facts a little messed up here and there.
>Also vampires in Touhou are implied to be a blood-sucking variety of oni anyway.
They are related, but clearly not the same species.

>>49602871
Humans are the source of youkai's existence. It doesn't matter if the origin of a myth has a real explanation, what matters is that humans believe in these tales, and this is what allows youkai and their weaknesses to exist.
It's a matter of faith. If hundreds of people believe they can impregnate a vampire, then vampires can have children.

>>49602719
no, love is a choice which consist in willing the good of the other, to degenerate yourself under the weight of time into something jaded and barely the man who once was is not something your wife should suffer, if i want continuity and legacy, that's what the children's are for, and for her.

>>49602897
Vampires also aren't exactly youkai. They are, as ZUN said, 'devils', so youkai's rules don't exacly apply to them. Sorry, Remilia's as barren as Utsuho's head, but there's a bright side to it...

impregnate youkai

>>49602919
Consider this, if love is truly about willing the good of the other, wouldn't a part of that "good" be the desire to share all of life's experiences, including its immense duration, with the one you love? I think true love with an eternal being involves not just willing the good of the other, but also trusting that your partner's love for you would evolve and endure through your own changes, just as yours would for them.
No relationship is perfect, there will always be ups and downs, but as long as there's trust things will persevere. Remilia is someone who always searches for the fun in life, I doubt you will ever get bored with her.
I'm not saying you are wrong btw, everyone is free to love as they see fit.
>>49602943
No offence, but you didn't prove anything, like I said vampires can get pregnant in some vampire-stories and Remilia is not even a traditional vampire. She doesn't even care about crosses.
Vampire lore as a whole has no set canon, so I choose to believe she can have babies.

>>49602976
You're a good husbando, have a nice day

>>49597467
This guy knows the score.

i'd make a lot of little momoyos

I would gladly renounce my humanity if it meant I could be with my Ran-shama. But she wouldn't want me to. She'd love and accept me as a human.
She's already my wife btw

I prefer Lunarian women

>>49603120
It must be hell to share a bed with someone so fluffy in summer

>>49602976
>She doesn't even care about crosses.
If those crosses were to be held by a south american christian granny, she might actually care.
>Vampire lore as a whole has no set canon, so I choose to believe she can have babies
Remilia says that she descends from the very same Vlad Tepes, and while Zun has said that she isn't directly related to the family (emphasis on directly), one could wonder if the vampire that turned her into one comes from a bloodline originating from The Impaler himself (or that they falsely claimed this to be so). Remilia's words implies that vampires way of reproduction is throught their bite.

You can always adopt an orphan from the village...

>>49604262
Another one?

>>49603057
post aya wedding2

>>49602719
Agreed. Also in the event that I somehow die first, I want my death to haunt her for all of eternity and ensure that she is never able to move on or even entertain the notion of finding happiness with someone else.

>>49604598
Ten years, at least?

>>49604598
Why do you want your beloved to be miserable? I get wanting to be remembered after death, but
>she is never able to move on or even entertain the notion of finding happiness with someone else
strikes my as petty for no gain either to you or to her. Do you care about your wife, or about your own validation?

>>49604676
Her death would do that to me so I think it would only be fair that she have the same reaction to my death.

>>49602807
I'm sorry Sanae...

>>49604715
But shouldn't you want better for the one you love, instead of wishing her the same pains you would have? Sure, grieving until the end of existence shows how much you cared about your other half, so it makes sense to do it yourself, but it brings no comfort, so you shouldn't want your other half to do that in case you die. Wanting to grieve is good, wanting other to grieve is simply selfish, this goes both for husband and for wife. Not to mention that with longer youkai lifespans it's not really symmetric in effect.

>>49604803
One of my greatest faults is that I hold people I trust to the same standards I hold myself to, and I have the personal standards of a mentally ill person.

>>49603349
We don't speak about moo*ies here, sir.

>>49604985
i don't know if you have pets, but would you eventually get another dog or cat if one dies?

>>49602976
>wouldn't a part of that "good" be the desire to share all of life's experiences, including its immense duration, with the one you love?
Experience are just Good or bad, it does not make a proper metric, my framework is about union with your vamp wife to bring more life to the household and stablish purpose and legacy.
Failing to do that will only get you and her more in the pit of nihilistic hedonism. looking for even more extreme ways to fight boredom until you do something horrific stupid who breaks you and her need for security and confort.
even if for some reason you get mutated with extended life, say in a trip to Makai, that doesn't change the goal.
Sorry Dhampir children's and legacy are the way to go. besides she would not be alone, there is always some clingy mama boy in the family. just make sure they don't listen to loser aunt Flan.

>>49602405
>Which youkai 2hus would ask Seiga for such help?

>>49605077
Was she jealous that I was able to pass away?

>>49605092
Don't do it bro she wants your income and your house and your genetic legacy.

>>49605107
however, she is hot

>>49597433 (OP)
NEED evil oni

>>49605104
cave alice is retarded so who knows

>>49604262
>If those crosses were to be held by a south american christian granny, she might actually care
>one could wonder if...
cute headcanon bud, but remi will have 10 babus in her belly after our first night together you like it or not

>>49605016
Never had any pets. I couldn't fathom loving one as much as I would a hypothetical wife, but then again the pet owning experience itself is foreign to me and it seems like one of those things you will only truly understand once you do it yourself.

>>49605234
The irony of Patchouli, a Christian witch, living with her BFF devil who doesn't care about religion is top-tier comedy.

>>49605234
Baby eater remi..

>>49605107
these are frivolous material things that pale in comparison to having a fox wife and kits

>>49605599
I'm sure Patchouli, as all good mages, keeps an open mind. The more open your mind, the more esoteric traditions you have access to.

>>49605234
>cute headcanon
Sorry, buddy, but vampires being able to be damaged due fanatical levels of faith doesn't change the fact that Remilia has a dead womb by nature alone of being a vampire. X (vampires being damaged by a christian cross because the granny blindly believes that her god will protect her from the bloodsucker) doesn't necessarily include Y (vampires being able to have children by faith alone).

You also ignored what I said about Remilia being the descendant of Vlad Tepes, so in a way you also conceded there.

>>49605924
>Remilia has a dead womb by nature alone of being a vampire.
in a setting were we see her tasting tea, disliking bitter dandelions and liking sugar, when "by nature alone of being a vampire" should not be able to taste nor digest anything but blood.

>>49604416
Between the fairies and her gladly accepting the goblins, Remilia seems to be quite the compassionate one. Maybe opening an orphanage would be quite in-character for her

>>49605092
>>49605842
this fox shouldn't have kids

>>49605950
Even if they can eat and taste, its mostly for show and to blend in (something that Remilia dows very well). In the end, blood is the only that actually feeds her.

>>49605970
thats not for you to decide.

>>49597587
I don't like human women. I'll never marry one.

>>49605924
>You also ignored what I said about Remilia being the descendant of Vlad Tepes, so in a way you also conceded there.
remi is not a descendant of tepes, that was just a reference to bram stokers dracula, the famous vampire novel written in 1897, and she being a 500 year old vamp obviously read the novel and thought it was the coolest shit ever which is why she claims to be her descendant
crucifixes are not mentioned in any classic vampire legend, that shit became popular thanks to dracula since stoker was a catholic retard

dont worry bud, once remi gives birth i will let you be the godfather of our childs

>>49605992
>its mostly for show and to blend in
while describing weird ingredients in tea (courtesy of sakuya) and bitterness of dandelions.
Anon...stop being a thick headed R**tard for a second.

>>49606028
>remi is not a descendant of tepes
Zun said that she wasn't directly involved with Vlad's clan, and that 'directly' can mean a lot in ZUN's vagueness. Doesn't change the fact that Remilia clearly implies that the bite is the way to make new vampires
>crucifixes
Yes, indeed, but its still a faithful follower holding a symbol that they considerer of protection. Thats gotta hurt in some way.
>godfather
I will gladly be the godfather of your adopted human children with gusto

>>49605957
remi would make a amazing mom. still i feel bad for sakuya having to endure so much pain in the future

>>49606034
>Me: She can taste, yes, but mostly to get closer to others
>You: But how can she taste?
You are the one stubborn here

>>49605144
>>49602432
>>49601798
guys will look at girls like this and say "i can fix her"

>>49606064
>Remilia clearly implies that the bite is the way to make new vampires
true, but that still doesnt prove that she cant get pregnant and have babus, like that other anon said before vamps can suck blood and also have babies
just let a man dream, dude

>>49606073
>Rich as hell
>Actually very compassionate and kind with those she likes
>Has many servants
Remilia's child could make it up with Sakuya in the near future by helping her manage the estate.

>>49606096
I can't believe Remilia goes around doing that to so many innocent girls...

>>49606096
Remi got alcohol poisoning after biting Suika

>>49606096
>but that still doesnt prove that she cant get pregnant and have babus
Nothing alive can come from something dead
>just let a man dream, dude
Aight, I'll drop it

>>49602230
I know she is insane but I wouldn't mind marrying Seiga

>>49606105
>>49606096
It's incredible that Reimu would let this rapist go unpunished, yet not allow the fortune teller to live.

>>49606163
She's already married however.

>>49606085
if she can taste, then is not a dead body which implies a minimum of living body functions. Blend in is meaningless in this context. You have half-GHOST in the series. Stop.Being.Thick.Headed.

>>49606168
>fortune teller
he was not cute enough, sorry

>>49606174
She WAS married. Seiga abandoned her husband long ago.

>>49606188
This. She even mentioned blood type B is her favorite and always adds sugar to her red tea.

>>49606218
What about Reisen's main squeeze? He's cute, right?

>>49606238
Even if their marriage wasn't dissolved by her faking her death (which it might have been depending on the laws of the time), she's still certainly a widow given the amount of time that's passed. Very eligible! Probably still fertile if she gives you some quicksilver to boost your virility! Good choice! Might not kill you and keep your corpse around as her consort!

>>49606088
To be fair, it took her a few centuries, but she ended up fixing herself.

>>49606264
>ended up fixing herself.
Wasn't she made good against her will by having her evil expelled? It's been a while since I read the manga.

>>49606163
she's got a lot of personality

>>49606284
In the same line she claimed that, she also claimed to "lose all interest in this hellish reality," and yet she stuck around to try to improve things. Kasen is a lot of things, but a reliable narrator about herself is most certainly not one of them.

>>49606188
>>49606250
I said I would drop it, but I will continue as long as you want to.
>if she can taste, then is not a dead body which implies a minimum of living body functions
The way vampires work, they are only allowed the bare minimun to blend into humans and charm them into sucking their blood or turning them into thralls/ghouls/whatever. If they didn't have the bare minimun of bodily functions, they would have a harder time hunting humans down, or not even feel thirst for blood. Now, from acknowledging that vampires can eat and taste, to have children is a planetary level step. Call it a natural adaptation to make survival better, as far as supernatural curses go.
>But shouldn't they be able to have babies in order to increase their survival rates?
With their bite, they can sire more people in an hour than a human could ever hope to in their entire life
>Half ghosts
Youmu? She has two bodies, a living one and a phantom one. Guess which one she can use to make more half phantoms

It was fate. I ain't explaining shit.

Meanwhile, on her way to try for her fifth child with her husband while the vampfucker debate about whether vampiric are fertile echoes through the halls of the SDM:

>>49606525
Amazing body after four children Meiling-san! Congratulations!

>>49606525
Who is guarding the gate with her being out on maternity leave 9 months out of every year?

>>49606254
He needs professional help and Reisen needs to be put in a jail cell.

>>49606525
>"I'll get pregnant so I actually have excuses to nap more!"
Genius Hong

>>49606544
her husband

Stop slacking and get back to work

>>49606484
>Guess which one she can use to make more half phantoms
Since the husband is presumably human, to make half phantoms he would need to consummate marriage with a phantom, wouldn't he?

>>49606570
Youki is also a Half-Phantom, so unless there are a bunch of other Half-Phantoms we don't know about, it would seem to breed true.

>>49606574
>Youki
While his human body studied the way of sword, his phantom body wooed some pretty human girl that gave birth to next half-phantom in Konpaku line.

>>49606484
You keep repeating yourself like a broken record, yet it's a fact that vampires are capable of having sex and producing half-vampire offspring in folklore, said folklore being the inspiration for every vampire that came after.
Stop being a sore loser and let others enjoy the thread, nerd.

>>49606570
Erm, I honestly don't know. As we know, Youmu is actually two people, and its said that phantom can originate from humans that aren't dead so her offspring just... inherit their extra phantom body? Like a stand from Jojo's? Youmu's weird

Youmu is referred to as they/them because she is literally two niggas.

remi could use some nieces too

>>49606630
>in folklore
I already said why dhampirs aren't exactly plausible before. Also, another fact is that touhou vampires forbide change and growth. That gives you another hint.
>Stop being a sore loser and let others enjoy the thread, nerd
As long as you want to keep shooting, I'll shoot back. Your move, cowboy

>>49606649
>i have two sides

>>49606264
>>49606284
>>49606449
The idea of overpowering the arm's evil spirit with the love from the hermit side is nice to think about.

>>49606686
The Arm isn't even truly evil in the first place, and if someone was bringing her other half happiness like that, there's no doubt that she would be deeply grateful.

What would be the consequences of chopping off my arm then grafting Kasen's onto its place?

>>49606699
The reason it works for Kasen is because the arm hasn't "rotted", the reason she drinks from her sake box to begin with is so her phantom arm and severed arm remain in existence. For a normal human it probably wouldn't do anything unless you made some weird ritual happen.

>>49606665
>I already said why dhampirs aren't exactly plausible before
Not really. You previously said that vampires aren't considered youkai in the Touhou canon, and therefore youkai rules don't apply to them, except in PMiSS Akyuu explicitly refers to Remilia and vampires as a youkai:
>Of the newer youkai that have emerged only within the last few centuries, vampires are among the strongest of them, strong enough to take part in the power-balance of Gensokyo by now.
If vampires are indeed youkai, and humans are the source of youkai's existence, then it follows that vampires could become pregnant as long as someone believes it to be possible.

>>49606720
just ignore the obsessed retard. he always brings up the same topic in every Remi thread.

>>49606744
I wasn't the only one replying to him, but yeah, sorry about that.

>This entire thread
TRAITORS OF HUMANITY

>>49606693
How would you get the arm to play ball with a relationship? Or better yet, how do you even approach the arm without dying?

>>49606699
>What the hell is this guy thinking?

>>49606765
Never ask the human supremacist the species of his wife

>>49606771
My fairy wife is one of the good ones!

the yooks dont stand a chance. humanity will prevail!

>>49606766
It's not too hard if you take the time to understand her motivations. First, at least at the time of her debut. is being reunited with her body, and the second is being a "proper oni." If you wanted to start on decent terms, the angle to go for is probably to invite her to take a moment to see what it is that her other half sees in humanity. The difficulty here depends on the time. If this is before she's resealed, you'd have to get her to actually believe you if you tell her that her body has been going around buddy-buddy with humans. If it's after, you'd have to convince her to forgive Kasen for her betrayal.

>>49606768
Thinking about having a super powered arm. If it talks to me like a symbiote then that is a plus too.

>>49606771
human...?

>>49606796
The last few humanfuckers of the earth will impregnate their wives 20 times over to keep up.
I'm giving Akyuu 30 babies

>>49606720
>except in PMiSS Akyuu explicitly refers to Remilia and vampires as a youkai
Almost everything that isnt a proper human gets into the youkai sack in touhou, making it a huge group where a species not always share the same attributes with the another. Also ZUN himself said that they are devils, making them clearly distinct in a way
>If vampires are indeed youkai
Yes, they are youkai in the sense that they arent natural
>and humans are the source of youkai's existence
Well, you need mortals to get a vampire, so yes.
>... then it follows that vampires could become pregnant as long as someone believes it to be possible
One problem here is that human's faith also has clear limitations.
First, you're implying that just a vampirefucker is needed to make the race able to have children (it takes much more than that)
And second, human faith can't also go against logic. Believe for the reanimated corpse to have children might spit a bit in everything that nature itself sets upon. We know that nature exists independently of humanity, mainly because humans can still get dunked by it over even if they believe otherwise, forced sometimes to follow its whims.

So you can't logically have babies with the vampire, no matter how much you believe it

>>49606765
To follow love against odds is much more humane than whatever species chauvinism you are trying to promote.

>>49597433 (OP)
okay I'll try to marry this one
yeah I know I'm retarded

>>49606849
You're allowing yourself to be held back by common sense in Gensokyo, Anon.

Also you're completely ignoring that half-phantoms exist, something that should be even more impossible by your own logic.

>>49606855
>To follow love against odds is much more humane than whatever species chauvinism you are trying to promote.
you are implying that human women arent the ones who has the odds stacked against them...

>>49606801
Maybe you can make her believe you're buddy-buddy with the main body if you bring her along. Before fusing that is... I guess it'd be funny to see if the arm just thinks the body is trying to trick you only for Kasen to nay-say the arm over and over.
How do you make the arm blush with a confession though?

mmmmmmmmmmmmm claiming my badd ass biker girl for the longest tag-team ever, don't wanna mmmmmmmmess with that...

>>49606849
>you can't logically have babies with the vampire
That's not logic you speak of. The fact that dead can't have children is not a law of nature, it's a generalization done through inductive (thus, fallible) reasoning over observable examples. You need to actually believe that this is a law of nature to perform deductive (logically sound) reasoning that follows:
1. Dead can't have children;
2. Remilia is dead;
3. Thus, Remilia can't have children.
If you believe that 1. does not hold and it was simply not yet observed that dead have children, than there is nothing logically preventing Remilia's pregnancy.

>>49606865
>something that should be even more impossible by your own logic.
Phantoms can also come from humans that are still alive, so that might give an indication to how half phantoms managed to appear. Maybe those phantoms work as a manifestation of the person's raw desires? A second personality they hide? Can a human turn into half phantom just like that? They still have a living human body to have babies with either way. I like you, by the way, you made a good observation with the topic of half phantoms, my friend.

>>49606892
>The fact that dead can't have children is not a law of nature

>>49606911
Are you a God that you know what a law of nature is and what isn't? Because humans surely don't know, due to so many epistemic hurdles that there is no place to write them all down in this thread.

>Dead can't have children

>>49606891
The purest striker in Gensokyo...

>>49606927
God will not be involved in the birth to come. The court wizard Patchouli will use her knowledge of the dark arts to not just bend but break the laws of nature to create a dark miracle for her mistress and give her a child, spitting in the faces of all who value the sanctity of life and death in the process.

>>49606911
The universe is a vast place, and what we consider logic only applies to this small part of it where we're confined, at least that is what I think anon is implying.
Trying so hard to be logical in a fantasy setting is stupid anyway.
>>49606892
Remilia is not even dead btw. ZUN's comments about her song:
>Septette for a Dead Princess
>I tweaked a certain famous classic song's title and made it the title.
>It has nothing to do with that song though. To top it off, the music isn't even a septtete, only the feeling. (Sweats) In the first place, nobody's dead...

>>49606886
Making her blush with a confession would be a tougher one. I don't think it would be viable on a first meeting short of managing to encounter the arm before Reimu and saying that you had been scouring the lands to find her and confess your love to her. That's mostly a matter of how much it would catch her off guard, seeing how she operates under the logic that humans and oni have to be enemies. You'd need to find a way to get into Avici on your own as well, in that case, and if there's even a bit of dishonesty in your words, you'd likely end up dead for your trouble.

>>49606972

>>49606985
You can move that goal post straight into the pits of hell because that's where we are going.

>>49597433 (OP)
marriage sounds like a bunch of useless work. cant i just cuddle on the couch with my yook gf for the rest of my days and end it at that?

>>49606980
Given how Kasen implied she had been eating humans you might need to be some form of combat capable human to survive her long enough to talk to her for a bit. It might be doable, but it'd be hard... That said, a human cut off the arm to begin with, so it's not impossible to stay alive.

>>49607030
Kasen implied that, but all the other evidence indicates that it isn't true. Kasen brought the Arm's container in from the Outside World, but the Arm seemed to be entirely unaware of that. Reimu showing up in Avici and seeing the Arm's full body was noted to be an exceptional thing, and the Arm was explicitly not unsealed at the time of those events. Now, she's still more likely than not going to try to kill someone who shows up if they're a human, but given that she spent some time chatting with Reimu beforehand, it's reasonable to think that you'd have a few moments to explain before she starts lobbing pillars at you.

>>49606979
>The universe is a vast place
A pity none of us would see it, but I hardly doubt that something dead can have offspring
>Trying so hard to be logical
There are still some set rules, even in a wacky setting like touhou
>Remilia isnt dead
May her second and final death never come, my friend

>>49606943
damn right fellow badd ass... strikes so pvres that they break the dharma... mmmmmmmmm femme fatales are bad to the bone... but i just goddamn love them...

>>49607004
I am of the same mind in real life but in this situation I don't think I would want to deprive my oni wife of being able to throw the biggest party former hell has ever seen in celebration of the occasion.

>>49605001
yes we do

>>49607065
If you were out in front of arm-chan (either pre-reimu and post-resealing), what would YOU say to save your soul???

>>49607081
>femme fatale enjoyer
Now that's badass, brother.

>>49607071
>May her second and final death never come, my friend
At least we agree on something. It's kind of heartwarming.
Just so you know, you didn't convince me, my dreams are still filled with Remilia and lots of cute babies. Bye.

>>49607147
Sweet dreams, anon. Bye.

>>49607136
mmmmmmmm, a fellow badd ass of culture i see... i could cut a promo on why i love femme fatales, but i don't have the words, brother. i'm not good at these kind of speeches, but there is something esoteric that draw me to them, brother. the mystery, the aura, the danger. they're are the main-event of femininity, brother, and i sure love women...

>>49607134
Pre-Reimu it's easy enough to say I'm looking to return her to her body. Post-Resealing becomes a lot harder, especially if she projects any grudges with Kasen to humanity at large. Maybe try to offer her a chance to run away and hide out for a while to avoid being shoved in a box again?

>>49607186
>>49607134
You clearly need to use beans for protection

white man moment

>>49607204
>I come in peace, please ignore this loaded gun in my hand.

sometimes you just gotta nut in youkai

>>49607186
Well assuming she stops trying to kill you just for being around her, how do you make her fall in love?

>>49607236
why?

>>49607247
just do it bro, stop asking questions

>>49607244
Personally, I'm more interested in the reunited Ibaraki Douji, but if it was just the Arm, the most oni-like oni of all, the biggest thing would to be an upright and honest person. Don't be craven or cowardly, and when you give your word, make sure you keep it. Worst case scenario if you can abide by that much is that you'd be liable to earn her respect. Becoming strong enough to be comparable to her would also probably earn a lot of points.

>>49607228

yeah yeah but who here would fuck suika?

>>49607272
i suppose i can take one for the team

>>49607272
I don't want to be stabbed in the back, if you know what I mean.

>>49607265
How do you think Ibaraki-douji would differ? How high is the chance of arm-chan getting flustered from me brazenly giving her a valentines gift, assuming she can't kill me for it?
>>49607272
I think you'd need to get really drunk to do that

>>49607263
what do i get out of it? sounds like a lot of work.

bone-i the oni
make babies
get drunk to dull the pelvic soreness
repeat until you wake up married

>>49607283
Thank you for your sacrifice. You will be remembered.

Why are we so horni for oni all of a sudden

>>49607317
Now that our vampire cousins are in their coffins the onis have taken over the party.

>>49607317
It's oni hours, human boy

>>49607317
Anyone intelligent would be.
>>49607291
>How do you think Ibaraki-douji would differ?
From what little we see of her before the Onikirimaru shard is revealed, it appears that she ends up inheriting the best parts of both sides. Among other things, actually getting her to fall in love as a human is probably a bit easier, though most of the same principles of being a person with strong integrity apply.
>Spoiler
Decent odds, but depends on how audacious the gift is. What would really surprise her is if she's familiar with Valentine's Day in Japan when you do so, since typically the man would be waiting until White Day the month after to give a gift, instead of being the initiator.

>>49607349
>Anyone intelligent would be.
When did we start talking about tengu?

>>49607317
I have been for Yuugi since at least 2012.

>>49607359
There's only one that even compares.

>>49607359
Only a real intellectual would marry a lazy smelly hairy NEETengu with all sorts of nasty rumors about her, you're right
Guess us plebs will just stick with oni women

>>49607349
>Decent odds, but depends on how audacious the gift is.
I was thinking something somewhat ridiculous like straight up giving her a ring and saying "marry me! (For valentines)"
The more flustered she is, the better
I could picture hermit Kasen getting flustered over it at least, so it depends on how much of their core personalities are the same (hermit kasen makes her funny faces a lot when running into strange unforseen situations)

>>49607359
Onibros will rule youkai mountain together with our wives, we can then humbly request the Tengu to consider dating you.

>>49607388
It would be much more likely to catch Arm-chan off guard compared to Hermit Kasen. What would fluster her the most wouldn't be the initial proposal, but the eventual realization that it isn't just some attempt to trick her.

>>49607379
At least I don't have to worry about being accidentally killed with a tengu, or getting backstabbed by Suika.

>>49607418
I don't think it's fair to compare Suika being left with no choice regarding Mizuchi, who's a human trying to trick humans, and someone she genuinely loves who'd have to be an honest guy.

>>49607429
plus mizuchi got to join the winning team

>>49607429
Suika told Mizuchi to trick other humans or be left for dead, and then left her to get killed because she wanted to stay human.

>>49607379
Good for you to know your place.
>>49607392
Ha! Oni won't return to Youkai Mountain with any impressive numbers in 1000 years and more! It's in tengu custody for good reason, horny boy. Go scram underground.

>>49607441
Well Suika telling her to do that to get results is still different from telling her to do something suika would like.

>>49607454
We need only 3 oni for all of youkai mountain! We are coming for you.

>>49607464
3 oni...and their powerful children.

>>49607464
I want to see you try!

So what happens when all the tengufuckers get taken as war husbands by the oni, and all the onifuckers get kidnapped by tengu?

>>49607512
it's a bit like capture the flag but with sex

>>49607512
That sounds like an Incident. But it would have to be either Suika abducting the tengufuckers, or the half-oni children.

>>49607512
While we may have our differences, I think both sides would do prisoner exchange in such situation, none of them are truly barbaric, after all.

>>49607551
>none of them are truly barbaric
Except in bed.
In which case both of them are.

>>49607004
You'd get common lawed married eventually

You might as well give her the joy of a proposal instead of just waking up and suddenly being married one day

>>49607464
I want to be kidnapped by three powerful and lovely oni like this, I'll declare my love for the one that promises me romance. This is so they're hard on me as a human. EIther they take pity on my limits and understand(good ending),or they break me and I promise myself in my next life. As long as I get their hearts throbbing I can make it!

>>49607551
damn, i miss this artist, he no longer does 2hu illustrations. its all Vtubers now.

>>49607650
I don't understand, please explain.

>>49607676
wolf titty

>>49607680
But I'm looking for a wolf wife, not wolf titty?

>>49607650
my cum
her womb

>>49607711
here you go

See? This thread's full of lonely Youkai HAGS larping as young human men who totally would marry some stinky creature of the night. How do I know? The second Youkai Mountain gets mentioned, these "humans" start arguing on behalf of the Oni or the Tengu. Totally organic topic of conversation for Takeshi, the jeweler from the village, to be talking about. TOO EASY!
Lemme drop a couple of coins on the ground, see if I catch some Kappa.

feels good, man

>>49606765
no one wants to hear about how i want to have tender kisses with and headpat kosuzu though
just kidding i need kasen to crush my body into a diamond and use my desiccated skull to obliterate her enemies

Speaking of the Tengu, they should be paying me for keeping the most cunning and dangerous threat to their control over Youkai Mountain preoccupied.

OK but is marrying a goddess OK? I mean, most goddesses are allies to humans. Surely a fine lady like Kanako, Keiki, or Chimata is OK, right?

Human fetishists really see THIS and think "wife"

>>49605924
I didn't know Remilia could go on the offensive in this game.

>>49605924
Cute and canon lesbians.

>>49607272
Who wouldn't?

>>49608126
>FLAT
>no ass
>Weak
>doesn't live 1000 years
>can't survive even the harshest wounds, might die during childbirth
>Needs glasses instead of it being an aesthetic choice
An oni's love may keep the human female away!

>>49608245
>Weak
Now now, there's no need to denigrate her strength. She can give an armless Ibaraki a run for her money, after all. Think of how downplaying her reflects on our wives.

>>49607711
This creature is wife shaped

>>49608259
and i am chew toy shaped

>>49608254
I mean I don't recall her truly beating Kasen in a straight up fight even in ULiL, where it's more like she lets her go
https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Urban_Legend_in_Limbo/Story/Sumireko%27s_Scenario
But I was thinking more of her physical strength! She also can't drink too much!

>>49607118
LunarianGODS always win!

>>49597433 (OP)
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

>>49608484
That's a spider who gets off on the idea of dating an arachnaphobe

>>49607986
Fuck off

>>49607986
How do you explain the vampire pregnancy discussion then, Miss Hieda?

>>49608264
youkai are happiest when they have a human to gnaw on

>>49611280
Stop injecting aphrodisiac venom into your man and just ask him like a normal person.

>>49611280
If she gets to gnaw on me I get to gnaw on her

>>49611280
I can confirm that this information is correct

>>49608125
>marrying a goddess OK?
Definitely better than trying so with y**ks.

>>49604133
It's never hell to share a bed with my wife tho. Her tails are surprisingly light and cool in the hotter months but insulating in the winter too.

Marry normal, nice-smelling women.

>>49611662
But normal, nice-smelling women don't know how to get rough, have parties and crush the bed at the end of the day.

>>49611662
Cute potato

>>49611845
unmarriageable creature

I won in life.

>>49608125
>most goddesses are allies to humans
the only difference between youkai and gods is that the latter prefer to enslave you than killing you, and even then the option of sacrificing you is completely up the table

>>49612440
She didn't say that (canonically)

>>49612440
I wish Suwako would force me to bow down to her.

>>49612457
can i still be her loveslave?

>>49612440
>Touhou LostWord
Yikes
Shit stinky

>>49612457
>>49612461
>>49612474
Go away, shills

God, youkai... Why not a hermit? A true human ally.

>>49612585
this is sound advice

>>49612585
I thought we referred to her as an oni, is this a different person ?

Humanity has no allies in Gensokyo
Total Supernatural Death

>>49612599
Seiga is a no no

>>49612615
i'm here for a good time not a long time

>>49612635
With Seiga you will get both, not necessarily the way you imagine.

>>49612635
Have you read up on Taoist ejaculation management practices? Hope you like to eat pussy.

>>49612601
Of course she's different. This person's arm is hurt. Oni don't ger hurt like that.

>>49612661
i don't like lady seiga is particularly concerned about extending your lifespan with conventional taoist practices and would be more interested in harvesting large amounts of qi

I can't tell you who the best 2hu to marry is, but I can tell you who is the worst.

>>49613013
obviously it's Kaguya

>>49613013
pretty lady got me acting unwise

>>49612462
This pic really makes me want to kiss her thighs all over.

>>49613013
the fox makes a strong contender for most wifeable hu

>>49614209
Marrying your furry chatbot really isn't all that fashionable, Yukari.

>>49614291
>chatbot
Ran is more of a cyborg, she has her shikigami and kitsune cognitive functions properly synced.

>>49616512
don't fuck hags

>>49600972
Woah, this drawing of Aya is really good.

I want a crow tengu wife

>>49620673
Maybe some crow tengu wants Anon husband... We can hope and try our best.

Tengu...

Tengu!

Tengu!!!