Thread 49955212

>>49955212 (OP)
hecca ball

You should worship at the Moriya Shrine!

man, I am surely safe living around here! surrounded by only my fellow humans, and some domestic animals, nothing could possibly go wrong!

Lads, have you ever noticed that we're surrounded by beautiful women?
We've been standing inside a buffet all along...

No one share your mosquito repellant spell with that pesky witch. She steals enough already. I bet none of those spells of hers are even actually originals.

>>49955255
gee I sure hope no fairies pull any tricks on me.

Has anyone else noticed how incredibly sapphic all the youkai seem to be?

>>49955261
Wait, she doesn't have it already? That weirdo in the curio shop knows all about our secret magic spells we've had since the start. Why wouldn't he elaborate?

>>49955261
That witch stole my virginity.

fellas make sure you register for the cornhole doubles tournament this weekend. my partner over at geidontei is making sure we'll have some good, clean fun along with a couple barrels of the good stuff.

>>49955212 (OP)
It's time for a date with my normal human wife!

>>49955942
Please make sure to put up a sign that says that Reimu is banned from entering. Last time me and my buddy were drinking she came in and told us that she's going to kill us. We didn't even do anything.

>>49956077
>We didn't even do anything.
Well yeah, that's the problem.
She was practically begging you to pin her down and fuck her until she can't walk any more, but you just left her out in the cold, you dickless herbivore.

>>49956142
She can go ask a youkai for that. When I'm out drinking with my bros, I don't want to be disturbed by bitches.

I've become a master of hypnotism

>>49955212 (OP)
I heard there's a beautiful princess in the bamboo forest. Apparently if you complete one of her requests you get to marry her!

>>49955212 (OP)
God I love human women and I'm glad to be surrounded by nothing but human women.

>>49956156
>youkai
That's disgusting, fellow villager-san.
You might as well ask her to fuck an animal.
Just stop being such a faggot and have ritual sex with the shrine maiden again so that we can have a blessed harvest and not get invaded by youkai.

>>49956189
Well buddy you may be desperate for pussy but I have a designated bro time where it's just me and my bros, no hoes.
I also have a very homely, nice, kind village girl that I'm seeing, and I don't need a weird, aggressive girl that smells like alcohol 24/7 to fuck. She's yours if you want her.

>>49956180
Those are little girls, not women.

Guys, don't tell the miko, but I've been asking the Buddhists how to properly befriend youkai.

>>49956189
What a thing to say for the youkai shrine maiden

>>49956189
Why does the miko get to party with youkai every other week, then get pissy when anon over here wants to have some fun with the local fairies?

someone go tell the newspaper boy to stop throwing his shitty papers at the ground

>>49955212 (OP)
Looking to buy "some of the good stuff"
Anyone seen my dealer?

>>49955212 (OP)
fuck shit i think i accidentally impregnated the librarian what do i do fuck im married bros help

>>49956308
>at the ground
Lucky you that bastard keeps break into my house and throwing those things at my face while I'm asleep!

>>49956350
She got chased out of the village by Keine after trying to sell her stuff to the kids.

I really should re-read Visionary Fairies in Shrine

>>49956371
You cucked your wife, you deserve all ill coming for you.

>>49955212 (OP)
Those religious groups are preaching around the village again...

>>49956371
Source?

The following is an excerpt from the "Human Village Incident of the Week" section of the Bunbunmaru newspaper. It is dedicated to the latest happenings, big or small, within the Human Village.


" ***CALAMITY STRIKES***

The Gensokyo Housewives Association held a meeting at the Village Square yesterday. The [G.H.A.] only ever convenes during times of crisis, in hopes of mitigating any damage that may befall the Human Village.

The topics that were discussed included but are not limited to:
>Higher grocery prices
>The village tailor's cute outfits (that cost a lot!)
>How to spot fake babysitters (they have an ugly umbrella)
>Seducing your husband into buying stuff
>Where to find the best pastries in the Human Village
etc.

The main topic at hand, was about the husbands of a small group of housewives. They reported that [their husband] would often sneak out at night and not return home until the next evening. They claim that the men also snuck out the previous night and have not returned. The general consensus was that they were cheating on them with the other young maidens of Gensokyo. The crowd seemed to agree with them and decided to ambush the cheaters when they return.

An independent Bunbunmaru investigation was launched, and found conclusive evidence!
The group of men were last seen climbing Youkai Mountain. They managed to barely evade capture from the numerous youkai that inhabit the mountain.
I, a master journalist, managed to catch up with the group to interview them.
The men claim to be a group of friends who meet up every Friday. Their overall goal is to explore every corner of Gensokyo and drink a fitting alcohol at their destination, getting blackout drunk there and returning afterwards. They spin a wheel to decide where they go, this time it was Youkai Mountain and their drink of choice was Sake gifted by an Oni. The choice of drink got me suspicious and I tried to get the names of a supplier but they kept their lips tight. The men seem to be enjoying themselves but are going to be in a rough time when they return. The Bunbunmaru sends their condolences."

>>49957071
Its ok we talked it over and they were both pretty happy about it actually!
>>49957235
可哀想な小鈴ちゃん

if you see me in the village, say hi
but if you meet me at Geidontei i'm a talkative guy
maybe we'll talk over sake and Miyoi's oppai
and we know even at my lowest i'm stronger than youkai

>>49957609
This slut is showing off her pointy ears right inside the village...

Guys, I had my first encoumter with a Tanuki
Her disguise was awful (you could see her tail) but i didn't want to be rude so I ignored it. She tried to hit on me but she smelled so bad, like cheap tobacco and alcohol, that i had to turn her down.

>>49957609
>A SHOU FOR US TOO!

Guys, I just successfully scammed a kappa. I gave her fake leaf money I've got from purposely getting "scammed" by a tanuki. I got back twice what I originally invested!

>>49956077
gray haired oji-san... you were never the same after the tanuki incident...

>>49957353
I always suspect Akyuu was a cuck...

Been work-shopping a spell to incapacitate fairies for sexual relief. Was a lil' worried about the karmic implications, but Lady Hieda assures me fairies aren't smart enough to feel any pain. Not so sure m'self, but I ain't gonna argue.
Maybe this works for these fucking mosquitoes as well and I can deal with two pests with one stone.

>>49959306
I've heard the Yama makes frequent trips to the human village to lecture living sinners, you should ask her about the matter when you'll see her.

>>49958103
Shit Shou

Found a cat in my hut earlier, guess I have a cat now. Funny how it seems to understand human speech though.

>>49957240
>Bunbunmaru newspaper
Stop littering the village with those dame newspapers and exposing everyone's secrets you Tengu-loving bastard!

>>49957240
Very cool, Aya, but you deliberately left put the part where you kidnapped me and made me your husband

>>49957240
>How to spot fake babysitters (they have an ugly umbrella)
That that babysitter has been working as Smith nowadays. Her stuff is surprisingly good and the quality of her work is exceptional.

Her umbrella is still ugly though

>>49955212 (OP)
I saved a fox that got caught in a hunter's trap because i like animals, then the fox started to follow me around and i thought i got lucky and that i was going to get a new pet, but then the fox transformed into a woman trying to marry me. I hate this, this is the third time this happens just this month, i do not want a nagging wife. Last time this happened was with a crane that i found in a trap, and the other time was a fish that i decided to throw back at lake because i had already fished enough for myself. I thought about stopping saving the injured animals i find, but my heart breaks every time i see it so i cant help myself and save them anyway.

>>49955247
I'm convinced.

>>49955247
I remain unconvinced.

ooc but do you guys think the Human Village has a notice board where they shitpost like this, I think it's a very funny idea

>>49960597
I would hope so. History proves humans have always been shitposters with the dumb shit they've found through ancient graffiti.

>>49960597
It is the most astroturfed board there is, one long running series of notices saying words to the effect of "I'm a human man and I prefer tanuki women, sorry foxes but you're just not charming enough".

>>49960601
Japanese youkai myth is full of guys fucking youkai, but I don't know how prevalent it would be among the Human Villagers. The numerous youkai factions shilling on it would sound funny.

Woke up with bite marks on my leg again, I fucking hate living on the edge of town. Damn Youkai could at least let me sell my blood if they want it that much.

Forget about marrying youkai. Marrying GODDESSES is on the menu, boys!

>>49960664
Just because Ariya and Chimata and Kanako and whoever the fuck else comes down to human town every once in a while to complain about still being single doesn't mean you should humor them

>>49960670
Just remember boys, old women who are single are single for a reason. You take one on a pity date and she spends the whole time infodumping about her rock- sorry fossil collection, or novel pharmacology, or snakes.

>>49960649
you really need to start dating a youkai. you get to piss off the the miko AND other youkai will stop harassing you after she scent marks you.

>>49960680
B-but I want to listen to dorky, ancient hags infodumping...

>>49960797
I know right? He tried to downplay them, but now I want to hear what they have to talk about. Unless the local shrine which is just asking for money all the time.

>>49957609
>She's getting knocked up in the back after taking some drinks
Lewd

don't tell the miko but gambling with Youkai is so much fun!

>>49961319
They "eat" you if you run out of money though...

>>49961326
Just gamble 1 yen everytime, with a mere 100 yen you have 100 tries, you can't possibly fuck yourself into dept like this, and it's not like you should do it for the money, but the love of the game.

>>49961319
So you're the fabled human that got Madame Komakusa to open up at Geidontei, I admit I thought the rumours were fairy tales.

>>49962275
You can't gamble that low, if the other players put a certain amount of money the rest must put an equal amount or greater.

>>49961319
There sure are a lot of Ayas out there

>>49962821
All crow tengus are Ayas, they all behave, dress and look the same. Hatate and Megumu are just Ayas who got infected with tengu aids causing them to become what they are now.

>>49962821
Her clothes and hair style is standard issue, truly the mountain is dystopian. Or, at least, that's what a nice lady in a wheelchair told me.

I'm going to propose to that nagging hermit next time she shows up, that'll shut her up!

What are they talking about?

"Join the Anti-Lunarian faction! Together we can conquer the moon!" Signed, the Pure Princess and Stone Princess.
Any idea who they are?

Fellas I'm starting to doubt the validity of the bunbunmaru news

>>49963183
Oh, we know very well what they were talking about.
This was the last time they were ever mentioned.

>>49963276
Dunno, but I don't like 'em. Miss Yagakoro is one of them moon folk, and she makes the pills I need to keep the missus happy in bed, if you catch my meaning. Far as I'm aware, the Lunarians are nice, honest people.

>>49962821
I want one

I want yakitori

Guys, GUYS! The Lunarians man, the Lunarians are spying on us and creating new Youkai man!

>>49963534
You need to stop listening to the clam lady, man.

>>49963534
Oopsie daisy, seems like you forgot to take your dose, mister! Open up, and stop spreading dangerous misinformation!

>>49962320
Plapping youkai girls at the gambling den

Guys, I'm freaking out. I heard rumors of a blood moon eclipse in a few days. Full moons are bad enough, but now THIS? Every other week it's always SOMETHING.

Someone keeps stealing my used undergarments, my wife gets pissed that there are mud marks at the mattress everyday

lets go on an adventure
https://chub.ai/chats/119734932

My little girl keeps making eggs recently, why?

>>49963292
you just don't understand the intricacy and truths of bunbunmaru news
its the only source of news I trust anymore

Come on guys at least ONE of you has to donate to the shrine maiden. I had to do it last month, it's one of your turns.

>>49965451
If I have to do it again, I'm writing an offensive IOU and forging the signature of the guy who keeps trying to hit on the local paper boy.

bunbunmaru?

>>49965467
The paperboy has NO REASON to be that cute, I'm telling you, something fucky is going on. It's like I'm the only one that even notices those pointed ears too.

Huh?

>>49965542
Who the fuck is Noah?

>>49965542
An ark? Ain't that like, some kind of big boat with animals? You sure this ain't about them Buddhists? They got plenty of animals over there.

>>49965547
Sounds like the name of those Outsider types.

>>49965522
They never recovered after this.

>>49955212 (OP)
Grimtards will swear up and down that this place is an unlivable hellscape.

>>49966541
It is though. There is no plumbing system so you have to shit on the floor.

>>49966541
No toasters, no dishwashers, no fridge, no super mario. Of course it is hell!

>>49967300
>Various historic documents dating from the 9th century describe laws regarding the construction of fresh and waste water channels, and detail the disposal procedures for toilet waste.
>Selling human waste products as fertilizers became much less common after World War II, both for sanitary reasons and because of the proliferation of chemical fertilizers, and less than 1% is now used for fertilization.[54][55] Because of this history, Japan had a much higher historical standard of hygiene. For example, in Japan, the orderly disposal of human waste was a common component of the culture. The first Westerner to visit Edo expressed his shock to see such a clean city.[55]
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilets_in_Japan

Just because you jeets shit on your designated shitting street, doesn't mean the world did.

I'M GONNA DO IT BROS
I'M GONNA HAVE THE SPIDER MAKE ME SICK WITH A DISEASE THAT GIVES ME A CONSTANT ERECTION AND GO TO THE SEXY NURSE TO "CURE" IT
DON'T TRY TO STOP ME

>>49967880
Good luck
Just hope the spider lady doesn't keep you to herself

>>49966541
I mean, between the choice of getting free Youkai pussy and magic spells, or dishwashers, the choice is obvious.

Guys? What happens at the Touhou Hotel?

Those stupid gossiping hags need to fucking stop saying there are youkai around. Just the other day I overheard an oni was at the bar and rushed over there to shoot my shot only to find some brat with excessively long hair, no onis at all.

>>49967880
I heard rumours of a spider lady hanging around the Hakurei Shrine, apparently she's rebuilding it after it collapsed (again). Where do these spider ladies live anyways?

>>49965451
I'll take the donation duty for an entire year if you people help me keep those fucking faeries out of my house

>>49968209
Something similar happened to me the other day. I overheard that bratty Celestial talking about how the new sweetsshop had been stinking of Onis lately so I grabbed my spear and rushed over there to defeat the evil oni like a true hero only to come fact to fact with that pink hermit. I got stuck listening to her lecturing me how I shouldn't listen to wild rumours or pick up fight with Youkai for hours.

>>49968209
I'm gonna guess that brat was the same one I saw chuggling at least six dozen bottles of alchohol without breaking a sweat, I must have been hallucinating because this cannot be humanly possible.

How can I stop my son from bringing y*ukai girls home? Different girls come every week. They fuck like rabbits and won't shut their mouths.

>>49968318
Look man, you're not the only one with fairy problems. I haven't gone a single week this last year without being woken up by the little fuckers several days in a row. At this point a youkai wife is starting to sound like a good idea. At least fairies know well enough to leave them alone.

The miko doesn't want you to know this, but fairies are free, you can just go down to the park, grab one, and take her home. I have 27 fairies already.

village men fuck dogs.

>>49969505
You know good and well that's an offensive stereotype. You have a few drinks with a wolf tengu and suddenly the rumors never stop.

>>49969631
maybe the rumors would stop if you didnt trek half-way up Youkai Mountain to have said drinks with them every few weeks.

>>49969655
First, what I do in my free time is MY business. Second, what the hell, you were never supposed to bring that up.

I now have 28 fairies.

>>49970005
Teach me how you did it, I need a lot of fairies to stem up my fairy fight bet business scheme.

>>49970069
You just go to the park and grab a fairy. Just give them some candy or something shiny to focus on. If they're too feisty I just open a random building's window and throw them inside, they're not my problem after that.
If you get enough of them together they acclimate pretty quickly to their new environment.

>>49966541
>No modern sanitation
>No internet
>No electricity
>No modern medicine
It is literally hell. You would hate being here and want to go home after a few minutes.

>>49970433
Kappa, kappa, kappa, Eirin. Boom.

>>49970433
Counterpoint
>oni gorilla grip pussy

>>49970433
>No modern sanitation
>No internet
>No electricity
And the downsides?

>>49970450
Stop giving the grimsoyderp attention.
Also you're missing Unshou for the meds part, who is a native villager and can reattach severed limbs (better than modern meds)

>>49970471
We can already reattach and even create new limb, so it's actually on par.

>>49970471
Kappa's nostrum again, kappa truly are the sworn friends of humanity.

>>49970433
>magic
>magic
>magic
>magic
You have literally no argument left. ZUN has just confirmed that humans at the village can learn magic without getting gestapo'd by the sages, or being friends with the people in charge.
The only reason why you wouldn't have spells for the basic commodities is if you're too lazy. The spell to get rid of mosquitoes alone makes Gensokyo a very appealing place to live in.

Lesbians, sapphics, homosexuals, and queers btw.

Are there cheeseburgers in gensokyo?

>>49970569
No, milk and meat are treyf.

>>49970572
What about in former hell where all the cool kid rulebreakers are?

>>49970433
>Sanitation
The average bumfuck nowhere village in Japan has better sanitation than your jeet shithole
>Internet
Good, everyday life is plenty interesting there without internet
>Electricity
Kappa, Tengu, Moriyas (who do infact help the village's infrastructure)
>Medicine
Lunarian medicine is better than Human medicine

>>49970588
Also the numerous gods that actually do help the villagers in daily life

>>49970594
Netori isn't a goddess.

>>49970596
What do you mean? She looks like she's related to a fertility deity to me. And fertility brings good harvests.

>>49970613
Humans are afraid of this?

>>49970433
>No electricity
Gensokyo has a nuclear fusion reactor.

>>49970623
It's very scary.

>>49970625
You can see electric light bulbs at several points in FS, too.

Rereading Lotus Eaters, Kanako also brings in outside world luxuries for the Human Villagers

Give it a generation and the "human village" will be "human-youkai cohab village"

>>49970755
If it wasn't for the threat of being wiped out, every yook would be doing a different kind of hunting. Sadly human cock is too strong and would wash away their yook nature in a flood of cum

>>49969406
>At least fairies know well enough to leave them alone.
Do they? I've seen faeries attack youkai and gods far stronger then them more often then I've seem my own mother.

>>49970715
The shrine has hanging light fixtures in some panels

My friend Anon tried hitting on the girl from Geidontei, but it didn’t go well. hope he’s doing okay.

whos the motherfucker who keep putting up recruitment posters for that haunted mansion on the other side of Misty Lake? you may think its a funny prank, but that place is actually dangerous. someone could die if they fell for that ridiculous salary offer and went to that youkai infested deathtrap.

>>49970738
Another reason why Moriya Shrine is the best. Also, their miko is cute! Dunno what this “Gundam” stuff she talks about is, but I can’t help but listen to her babble!

Ever since the youkai shrine maiden at the Hakurei shrine started doing fortunes in the village, this pink-haired girl became the Hakurei maiden instead and she's way more polite and her advice is actually useful! Really recommend a visit.

>>49971961
Youkai? There's no youkai there. You're thinking of the other mansion.
It's a bit dilapidated, but the worst thing that'll happen to you at the haunted mansion is a ghost blowjob, so it's not a big deal.

>>49971631
Rejecting him in such a brutal fashion while also emphasising her chest...

That Geidontei girl definitely has to be a Youkai of some kind

I'm sick of these stinky female Tengu pretending to be demure, cute Tengu boys

>>49973029
Go back to your containment thread, AInon.

>>49965467
>the guy who keeps trying to hit on the local paper boy.
To be fair that paper boy is pretty cute and rather feminine. I'm not into that kind of stuff but I would make an exception for that one.

>>49973029
it's been how many years and AI slop still looks like this lmao