>>64103635
Dmitry Medvedev
former president, current professional vodka filter
sitting in some Moscow dive bar that smells like regret and diesel
>"You know, I was the President once"
>bartender doesn’t even look up, just wipes a >glass that’s already clean
start talking about NATO like it’s my ex-girlfriend
>“She said she wouldn’t move in next door, then >BAM — whole family shows up with a grill”
two shots in
>"I told Vlad I’d handle Georgia. He laughed and >said, 'Handle? You’re like a kitten trying to bite >a bear.'"
everyone laughs
I wasn’t joking
try to order another drink
hand bartender a handful of Ukrainian coins I keep as “trophies”
three shots in
>"You think sanctions hurt? Bro, I haven’t paid >for my own liquor since 2008."
tell long, rambling story about how I’m actually the good one in the Kremlin
end up calling myself “the nice war criminal”
four shots in
now yelling at a dartboard
every dart hits the wall
>"If I was still in charge, we’d have all of Ukraine >by now… or maybe just Crimea… okay maybe >just Sevastopol…"
>start crying into pickled herring plate
bartender: “Sir, you’ve been here since noon”
me:
>“And I’ll be here until NATO collapses”
spoiler: bar closes before NATO
