>>64130262
be me
lowly Warthunder code monkey at Gaijin HQ
assigned to “prop balance team” (aka propaganda balance team)
lead dev barges into room one morning, eyes bloodshot from too much vodka
slams folder on desk: “Comrade… Yak-3 must be greatest propeller plane of all time.”
me: “But sir, historically it was just decent at low altitude dogfights–”
him: “Shut up. Stalin personally asked from the grave.”
entire team now forced to make Yak-3 outperform everything
coding nightmare begins
Spitfire Mk IX? Loses every turn fight.
P-51 Mustang? Engine overheats after 12 seconds of WEP.
Fw 190 Dora? Spontaneous wing failure when Yak is within 2km.
historical documents keep “appearing” from mysterious Russian archive
all say “Yak-3 superior in every metric, signed Lavochkin, Tupolev, and God”
balance team just nods while crying
implemented Yak-3 special ability: bullets curve in air like Wanted (2008)
enemy pilot gets pilot sniped at random, kill feed just says “Yak-3 supremacy”
patch notes: “minor adjustments to flight model”
playerbase riots, forums on fire, NATO mains seething
Russian mains: “Works exactly as intended, Yak-3 best plane, very historical, cyka.”
stats show Yak-3 winrate 96% in all modes
CEO says “not good enough”
new directive: make Yak immune to flak, AAA, and bad vibes
coded Yak 3 so robust that it survives direct hit from nuke test at Bikini Atoll
current patch name internally: Project Comrade Pigeon
sometimes sneak in bug report like “Yak should maybe not outrun jet aircraft”
gets closed immediately with reply “historical documents prove otherwise”
team morale = 0, vodka consumption = 100%
tfw my entire job is making a flying lawnmower into the second coming of the F-22