>>64224757
>HMS SPEEDY
be me
HMS Speedy, 14-gun sardine can with sails
captain: Thomas Cochrane, government-issued gremlin with a commission
loadout: four-pounders, rope, uncut audacity
mission: make Spainβs coastal insurance weep
off Barcelona, 1801
spot El Gamo, xebec-frigate aka floating apartment complex
32 guns, ~319 dudes, probably has a tapas bar
math says βrunβ
Cochrane says βhold my shaving kit, Iβm using the skylightβ
plan.exe
get so close their big guns canβt point low enough
our entire ship is now the dead zone
tie up like a tick on a mastiff
board in waves, rotate teams, yell extra loud to sound like 500 guys
Spanish morale has stopped responding
someone drops their flag
we now own a frigate, please clap
prize money?
lol no
Admiralty pays in βexposureβ and stern looks
French squadron shows up for the refund
we get captured
Napoleon gifts us to the Pope like a naughty dog on a neighborβs porch
renamed San Paolo, put in time-out, fades from main story
meanwhile, Canadian side-quest DLC (different HMS Speedy)
Provincial Marine builds schooner out of green lumber and optimism
1804 Lake Ontario blizzard percent sign
carrying half the legal system to a trial
becomes cautionary tale, compass, and chicken coop washing ashore
wreck still playing hide-and-seek with divers
county seat moves, historians cope, lake says βskill issueβ
lessons learned
being small = survivability buff until it isnβt
audacity crits harder than caliber
never trust prize courts or green timber