Thread 64228113

How would /k/ defeat an ancient and powerful vampire?

Assumptions:
>standard vampire vulnerabilities
weakness to sunlight, garlic, and silver, mortally wounded by a stake to the heart, etc.
>conventional defenses
as an ancient, supernaturally cunning and charismatic being, the vampire may be highly placed in society or have significant resources at its disposal (money to hire private security, land, legal protection, criminal ties, etc), complicating your efforts to defeat it.
>location
Occupying a large residence on its own plot of land in your city.
>time limit
In 72 hours the vampire (and possibly its thralls/hired goons) will track you down and try to feed on you.

What's your loadout? What's your plan to gather intel, conduct recon, get armed, and make the kill?
Bonus points: you may only use resources you have at your disposal at this moment in your planning.

MyDick™ poison

can I fuck it

>>64228113 (OP)
>What's your loadout?
>you may only use resources you have at your disposal at this moment
nice try, fed.

>>64228132
>>64228122
t. future dried-up corpses found in a shallow grave outside city limits

>>64228113 (OP)
Considering that the vampire might be high up in society, getting caught in an preemptive assassination attempt would be a death sentence. Considering that they or their goons would be coming after me anyway so they could feed, I'd just stay at home and let them come to me, catching the incident within sight of my home security system should be enough to exonerate me if I'm charged with anything.
Filling their heart with really fast copper stakes should be enough to kill or at least incapacitate them long enough to do so.

>>64228132
>thigh high boots
YES!
>A cup tiddies
Might as well be a tranny

don't worry guys I got this

>>64228160
Just don't get caught. That Luigi fellow managed to ice the CEO of a major company just walking around the street and if it wasn't for shitty OPSEC afterwards he likely would never have been identified.

>>64228160
Just stay in your house anyway; they can't come in if they're not invited dumdum

>>64228199
yeah I thought of that too
They'd have to get their thralls or hired muscle to drag me out, but if they enter my house then it's justified self defense on camera.

Just use Matter 5 to turn the vampire into a deck chair. You did spec into Matter, didn't you?

>>64228113 (OP)
I have several pounds of silver stacked up, a casting and reloading setup, more garlic than an Italian grandmother, a few ounces of holy water, "go the fuck away" mats in front of all my doors, and crippling insomnia. Castle doctrine, bitch.
I'm more worried about the local cops swiping my gun than killing the vamp. Hell, it's not like $25/mag for the silver is much more than I'm already paying to shoot a .45 anyway

>>64228113 (OP)
Call her mommy and tell her to take me, then enjoy pretty much the only form of human contact I've ever had with someone who isn't a family member.

>>64228113 (OP)
Daylight raid, car bomb at the gates to distract the thralls, then slip in and plant a shaped charge on the coffin to cook it inside.

>>64228113 (OP)
Glock 19, maybe an 11.5 PSA AR with magpul furniture but that's probably overkill

11.5 PSA shooting reloaded steel case, or picrel

>>64228113 (OP)
I'm not convinced a vampire wouldn't be inconvenienced by an AR-15 with an FRT.

>>64228113 (OP)
You'll find me hard pressed to believe shooting the brain stem won't give me enough time to magdump the head, and then enough time to burn the body completely. For that matter I know my rapid fire freestanding accuracy at idk, 50 yards? Good enough to just magdump and get 2-3 in the brainstem area.

>>64228572
Is there any reason just cutting a vampires head off or straight up blowing it to pieces wouldn't kill it? Like I get staking the heart is the typical method but how does it come back from having its entire head obliterated?

>>64228113 (OP)
I distract it indefinitely with gay Japanese school boys

>>64228113 (OP)
rape

>>64228113 (OP)
Take a chopper, yell WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH real good and krump em.

>>64228113 (OP)
>Set fire to the mansion
>Shoulder bash Vampire from roof to floor
>Impale it on a statue

>>64228175
>>A cup tiddies
>Might as well be a tranny

More than a handful is a waste.

>>64228113 (OP)
Honestly ever since watching myth busters as a kid I've thought that handling any sunlight/fire vulnerable vampire really isn't that hard as long as they are living in a more or less typically designed house and you have some lead up time/know where they are.
>Steal junker car
>Hook up babies first RC components to it
>Put gasoline containers all up in the cabin.
>Puncture gas tank
>Vroomvroom it through the fucking wall
GG no re, even if they're in the basement the cars either gonna collapse it immediately or once the fire spreads. You can go way lower tech with this idea by lining the car up, fixing the wheel in position, and dropping ye olde cinder block on the pedal too. That'd probably require buddies and covering fire though. Hell, these days you could go the complete opposite direction and probably comfortably do that shit from 10 miles away with a spotter drone and FPV cam on the vehicle.

>>64228537
Based brick enjoyer.

>>64228145
>sucked dry
That's a win in my book.

>>64230019
Fuck you

>>64228113 (OP)
Loadout?
Depends on the vampire.
If it's say, Seras from Helsing, then several litres of cum, freshly pumped.
God I just want to playfully bite her neck whilst she pushes back against my thrusts.

Sorry what were we talking about?

>>64228572
>>64228595
The uglier ones can just regenerate from a fine mist even if you vaporize them.

>>64228113 (OP)
Slippery sumata and a mating press to finish
Alternatively a brick

>>64228113 (OP)
My Penis.
Fuck humanity. I want to be a vampire with an enteral vampire gf.

>>64228113 (OP)
>a large property in the city
So basically can't be found without some sort of solid lead. Therefore escape/evasion is really the only thing that can be done in 72 hours.

We've had this thread too many times, gay boy. You already know the answer. First the brick, then the dick.

>>64228113 (OP)
I just shoot them with my big iron, it's that simple.
>>64228132
Vamp sympathizers get the magnum round to the skull.

>>64228113 (OP)
Impossible. Even if they for some reason had multiple folklore banes, I still wouldn't assume victory against an elder of any clan. Hunters win against (some) old vampires because of True Faith, sunlight and fire. I don't have True Faith, so an elder would just command me to kill myself. Realistically I wouldn't even get that far, they'd have a squad of fully decked out and trained ghouls defending the haven.

I'd have a higher chance of survival headbutting a speeding bullet train.

>>64228113 (OP)
sex
baby making sex with the arceuid

>>64228113 (OP)
>don one of my m88 cut uniforms and 6b5
>broomhandle
rape with Russian characteristics time

>>64228113 (OP)
subtly leak the location of the vampire to the Sabbat, wait for the shovelheads to weaken her defenses, and then kill her with my true faith in the murder-/k/ube (manifested in the form of a 1911 in 45 ACP)
simple as

>>64230019
a man of culture
b to c cup and anything more just doesnt do it for me

>>64232989
No it's dick then brick, that's day one shit retard

>>64228132
She's not an ancient vampire thoughever
She's only 40!!
40 is still young!!!!

How would /k/ defeat Yupiel?

is this taiga

>>64237477
penis...

>>64237477
just ignore her until she goes away
stupid flat bitch

>>64237477
seg

>>64237477
I would use my adult penis to have SEX with her

>>64237510
yes, that picture is taiga

>>64228113 (OP)
>humanized Neco-Arc
what did he mean by this?

>>64237477
headpats

>>64228113 (OP)
The dick

>>64228113 (OP)
I guess I'd start by doing some online research. Max time 6 hours. There's gotta be a pattern of events proving the vampire is even here, and if I can link a specific location to that pattern, I know where to go. That or I'd look for weird stuff about people living in large residences - rich people with pedigrees moving in, eccentric people who never leave their houses, that kind of thing. There's gotta be something out there. Facebook posts or rumors or something.
Next I'd assemble my "strike package." Assuming the vampire has private security, I'd do a bit of social engineering and probing to see which company it is, their reputation, stalk their employees looking for personal details I can leverage. Then I'd do a bit of recon around the residence. Stakeout type stuff. Total time for this stage is around 24 hours, trying to build a pattern of life and look for weaknesses.
Loadout: paintball gun for blinding cameras on approach, boring standard AR with boring standard ammo, holy water in spray gun, garlic, as much silver as I can carry, body armor, baggy hoodie over it all for the infil.
Plan: approach at noon (vampires will be weakest) and try socially engineering my way in - come up with a reflective vest and clipboard, fake water board/electric department sticker on my car, etc. If this doesn't work I'll come back at night and take the gamble.
Once in use vials of virgin blood (extracted from self) to lure the vampire out, then throw garlic and silver and shit it at while squirting it with holy water, finishing with a full mag from the AR. If this doesn't work, I'll try fleeing by jumping out of a window or some shit but I'm probably cooked.
Alternate plan: if the vampire finds my blood especially appetizing, try to work out a deal with it, where it can feed off me regularly in exchange for something.