>>64239796 (OP)
INTERVIEWER: Good evening. Qatar has just experienced the rare diplomatic condition known as being bombed by people you’re not at war with. What happened?
SPOKESMAN: Administrative error with explosives, basically. Israel hit Doha while Hamas leaders were mulling a U.S. ceasefire pitch. Qatar, being the adult in the room, was unimpressed.
INTERVIEWER: Israel says it was targeting terrorists.
SPOKESMAN: Yes—inside an ally’s capital—during talks the ally was hosting. A bold way to say “we value your mediation,” if by value you mean “turn it into confetti.” Qatar is now reconsidering the joys of hosting peace talks conducted under incoming fire.
INTERVIEWER: The White House?
SPOKESMAN: They felt very badly. Apparently the President even tried to warn Qatar—via a real-estate friend—moments before the missiles arrived. A kind of diplomatic heads up—duck.
INTERVIEWER: And Iran?
SPOKESMAN: Iran recently flung missiles at Al Udeid—the U.S. base Qatar kindly hosts—so they also bombed Qatar while not being at war with Qatar. Most were intercepted; one dinged a big white communications dome. Qatar called it “no casualties,” the Pentagon called it “yes, a dent,” and everyone called it “let’s not do that again.”
INTERVIEWER: So Israel and Iran both attacked Qatar, which is mediating between Israel and people Iran likes?
SPOKESMAN: Correct. It’s the Middle East’s first confirmed case of bipartisan bombing.
INTERVIEWER: What does Qatar do now?
SPOKESMAN: What it always does: keep mediating and issue a statement that sounds like a disappointed school principal. Translated from Diplomatic into Australian as: “We’re not angry, just very unimpressed.”
INTERVIEWER: Is there a ceasefire on the table?
SPOKESMAN: It was on the table. Israel then blew up the table. The waiter is now checking if anyone still wants dessert.
INTERVIEWER: Final question: Who benefits from bombing your mediator?
SPOKESMAN: Airlines. Diplomats are booking a lot of last-minute flights.