food edition
>qott: what's your favorite sandwich?

every time i come to this board it feels good to vent temporarily but i don't think it's healthy for me to be here all the time still. maybe if i was actually young and circumstances were different but it's ultimately better for my mental health to NOT be in lgbt spaces. i am too mentally ill and deranged to connect with anyone lgbt or straight. i'm just a fucking retarded mistake. i wish i was just a faggot or straight as an arrow and my sexuality wasn't such a permanently jumbled up mess of retardation and contradictions. don't fit in anywhere and never will.

>>40028837 (OP)
Call me a basic bitch but I love pastrami with mustard and lettuce

>>40028837 (OP)
Cuban.

>>40028837 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>40029274
Never.

>>40029292
do it, faggot

>>40029301
No.

>>40029310
YES

>>40029315
No.

>>40029326
yes

>>40029331
No. >:(

>>40029336
DO IT

>>40029338
Never.

>>40029338
NO!! >:-C

>>40029343
nah, do it

>>40029346
Nope.

>>40029357
yup, you're gonna do it

>>40029360
Not me. Not never.

>>40029379
that's what you think but you're wrong

even when I manage to distract myself from this stuff by keeping busy the most I can ever get is an empty happiness

>>40029383
I'm out of repchads to post. What brings you to /repgen/ as a MtF?

>>40029394
she likes to come here and poke at us to make herself feel better
she needs to GET OUT

>>40029394
I did a bit of repressing, myself, back in the day - and nowadays I won't stand for this nonsense

>>40029379
holy fuck this sketch hits so hard in a repcontext
it's actually fucking over

>>40029404
That reasoning applies to most of the internet.
>>40029408
Good on you not pulling up the ladder behind you.
>>40029414
It truly is. :(

>>40029343
>Says he'll end it at 30, probably won't make it that far
Ha, you'll get there and you won't.

>>40029315
>>40029301
Now this is extreme repfuel

I went off-roading yesterday with an old friend. It was kinda fun, but like half the time part of my mind was just drifting off imagining how much more enjoyable it would all be to experience in a female body. Even when I'm miles deep in a national forest with no internet or people around I can't escape this shit, it really didn't used to be this bad.
I got to wear some of my outdoorsy larp clothes, I can't look in a mirror without grossing myself out but I think the female version of me would look really cool wearing them.

>>40029833
this is what's most insidious about the whole thing i feel
you could be doing the least gendered thing in the world, and you could even be having fun, but your entire outlook can still change on a dime if you simply think "how much more fun would i be having if i was doing this as a girl?"

>>40029895
yeah, the longing is pretty unbearable
life would definitely be a lot more fun if I wasn't experiencing it in a body that constantly feels disgusting to be in, kinda ruins everything

>>40030012
>femrepgen post count vs repgen post count
Repsissies can’t stop losing

>>40030809
this thread is 6 hours old retard

have to go to the dentist but i dont like making phone calls

>>40031030
Can't you ask AI to book appointments for you via phone now? Hi I'm an AI agent for anon, I'd like to book an appointment on his behalf.

>>40030012
I thought this way but felt no different transitioning. Unsuccessfully I guess but still

I can’t stop thinking about hrt. I want it soo bad

>>40031354
think about how you'll explain you need a breast cancer check to your doctor if you're a hon/manmoder

>>40031372
That would be awkward

What does it feel like to be loved?

i wonder if the only difference between hons and reppers is that reppers had a conservative / shame filled upbringing

>>40031515
For me it's because I was relentlessly bullied in highschool whenever I tried to express myself naturally. By the end of highschool I had completely closed myself off to everyone and was emotionally numb. Therapy didn't fix me, I've been repressing my true self for so long I barely remember what my true self is.

>>40031515
Yeah, though if I wasn't so shame filled I maybe could've done it early enough to be passing. Even now I'm too scared to come out and just hrt rep in total secrecy

Have you tried just being a fruity gay?

>tfw i spent my entire life dooming over not being a woman when i could have just been a fruity srs gay

>>40031635
no, I mean without hrt or srs or any sort of modifications

>>40031628
Yes I was bullied mercilessly for it.

>>40031515
>reppers had a conservative / shame filled upbringing
no i am just so comically incompetent that i can't transition properly

>>40031515
I didn't have an upbringing. I don't think my parents gave me any life advice or guidance on anything I did.

kill me

>hair salon that i've be going to for years now says "female only" for most of the things on their site
what the fuck

>>40031628
What kind of gay man refuses to touch his penis or let it be touched and is only interested in a relationship if he's basically treated like a woman in it?

I kind of want to get one of those drag makeovers you can do just to see what I'd look like but I'm way too anxious to ever actually do it.

>>40032216
That’s literally the average bottom though

>>40032465
the average bottom is a 4'2 passoid boymoder thoughbeit

I need to be a extremely thick anime girl. Like cartoonish proportions with cargo-ship loads of ass and titties.

>>40029833
This is insanely brutal if it ever happened to me I don't know what I would do. The outdoors are the only place that make me content.

>>40032662
nta but I am the same (gotta cover up tho so I don't get any UV damage which is annoying)

>>40031515
>reppers had a conservative / shame filled upbringing
might be a part of it, but i imagine it's generally more the latter, especially if you had a traumatic childhood or something of a tumultous upbringing - or if you're a sperg, which would unironically make you like twice as receptive to even minor shit for various reasons
admittedly i struggle to recognise my upbringing as traumatic, though. i genuinely believe it could - perhaps should, even - have been far worse than it was, and realistically the people around me being so insistent that a lot of the stuff i remember just straight up never happened means i've probably just latched onto the idea of trauma as an excuse for being a failure of a human being
in light of that, it'd be an optical loss for me to troon at all - at best, i'd have to go into hiding for the better part of three years while things actually happen, and even then i'd probably end up being little more than rep/ropefuel for other reppers and the like - that's not something i think i have the right to impose on people

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

>>40031515
>a conservative / shame filled upbringing
That's definitely the root cause of why I repped. You might have free will as an adult, but that doesn't mean you instantly shake off the aggressive indoctrination you had growing up.

>>40033221
>admittedly i struggle to recognise my upbringing as traumatic, though
Usually the trauma people ignore the most is emotional neglect. "Well my parents didn't beat me and I had food and got birthday presents, so there was no trauma in my childhood, right?" Then you look more closely and you see that their parents pretty much parked them in front of the TV/computer/phone their whole life and took zero active interest in them unless they rocked the boat. Maybe it's not 'as bad', but a lack of proper emotional care and connection DOES end up fucking you up too.

>>40033327
>you see that their parents pretty much parked them in front of the TV/computer/phone their whole life and took zero active interest in them unless they rocked the boat

literally me.
actually i felt like i had to parent them sometimes.

>>40033327
to be brutally honest, the fact that i got the bare minimum is more than i could ever have asked from them. especially considering the circumstances in which i ended up living where i did, they had the option to get rid of me any time they wanted - ultimately, i can rationalise the neglect as just another way they made me develop resilience and skills, so i'm really not in a space to complain.
>parked them in front of the TV/computer/phone their whole life
this has always been pretty funny to me, though. i kind of always had the opposite - i was really into technology from a young age (like, the actual workings of it), but the folks i lived with seemed to have gotten the wrong impression from a training event they went to - tl;dr, they misunderstood "hyperfixation" as an exclusively bad thing that should be prevented whenever it becomes apparent. so, basically, i just... wasn't really allowed to develop interests? but yeah the whole thing of being ignored until you rock the boat has always been the case
i guess i don't really mind, though. ultimately i'm a dysgenic, retarded freak of nature that probably ought to have been dashed across a rock when i was born, and my existence alone - even divorced of my actions - has actively ruined the lives and relationships of many in my immediate family. if it *is* trauma, i probably needed it and certainly deserved it - and if it *isn't*, then... lucky me, i guess.

>>40033391
Yeah internalizing and rationalizing abuse and/or neglect is a big thing too. I'd tell you to go to a psychologist and unpack all that but you wouldn't listen eh? And I personally have never responded to therapy so I'm aware that shit isn't for everyone either.

>>40033426
>Yeah internalizing and rationalizing abuse and/or neglect is a big thing too.
yeah... it's pretty commonplace. ^^'
>I'd tell you to go to a psychologist and unpack all that
admittedly, i have actually tried this in the past, but... it's really just not worked out. i'm actually on the luckier side in that the school i studied at had an occupational therapist, but they kept disappearing for months on end - and considering i've had multiple occasions where acting even slightly out of the ordinary or opening up even slightly has resulted in people massively overreacting, dragging me to a&e, or calling the police (as if that's going to solve anything) has kind of just conditioned me to keep this shit to myself.
well, aside from an anonymous imageboard. i guess if someone wanted to make a profile of me, they absolutely could, but i'd realistically not be particularly interesting unless it was for some kind of psyop. just another asocial sperg claiming to have been abused to justify continuing to exist as a drain on everyone around them, but without the balls (ironic!) to actually do the deed.
>but you wouldn't listen eh?
...that's admittedly a part of it. smaller, but a part of it. besides, with mental health services being stretched as thin as they are here, it's more important for people who really need it, and would realistically provide some good to the world, to get that support - rather than it just being wasted on me, who would realistically refuse to internalise any form of support and just continue being an obnoxious and abusive freak to everyone around them. it is what it is, i guess.
>And I personally have never responded to therapy
i'm really sorry to hear that, anon. hopefully something better comes your way one day, if it'd help. :)

I definitely got screwed up somehow from my upbringing despite the fact that I think my parents did as best they could. Being an only child sperg living in the middle of nowhere, I basically just ended up spending most of my childhood alone. I'm not entirely sure what happened to give me this impression, but I got the idea pretty early on that I shouldn't confide in my parents about things. I guess it all came to a head when my fag feelings hit me and really sunk in, and I basically just internalized everything and tried to cope because I was terrified of anyone knowing.

I wish I was a trans girl

I wish I were an anime girl.

>>40033714
>>40034090
same

>>40031515
not at all, even in very liberal and shameless contexts there was and still is a lot of social moment of inertia working against anyone who isn't a gender-conforming cishet

t. grew up with hippie parents and still repped till 30

I wish I was human

>>40035014
Man my parents were literal hippies as kids and still became the most staunchly conservative gay and tranny hating fuckers you've ever seen as adults.

I literally want to just be cishet straight male. I just want to have a girlfriend and kids and just being dude. Why do I have the tranny thoughts? I get sad and jealous and think that I wish I was a woman, but then I think about it and no I don't wish I was a woman I just want to be ok as a man. Ive already made peace with and like being a man to an extent. I've literally even tried to transition but it wasn't for me. So why do I still have the tranny thoughts? How do I make this shit go away?

You don't need to troon
Just accept you are men that need to feel better about their masculinity and not cope

>>40035503
I tried this for over 20 years and it didn't work. Only people without GD say shit like this, it's the equivalent of telling people to just 'get over' being autistic.

>>40035549
????
Being autistic isn’t the same
Just accept that hey I’m a man I was born a man and I’m a man and if im masculine it’s ok

>>40035602
>Being autistic isn't the same
It is, having GD is a brain developmental issue. You've just politicized one to the point where admitting this isn't possible for you.

>>40035642
?????
You can’t just look at yourself straight in the eye and say
“Ima man”?

>>40035662
You aren't reading my posts, are you? If you didn't, you'd have noticed that I addressed that kind of thing in my initial post, and the post you're replying to isn't even about that.

>>40035680
But being autistic is out of your control
Self acceptance isnt

>>40035769
Having GD is out of your control too.

>>40035800
It is just accept your birthed gender and identity

>depressed?
>just stop being depressed lol

>>40035847
Yeah you don't know the first thing about psychology, you're hopeless.

>>40035847
anon i genuinely have to ask - you realise just how miserable a lot of people are here, right? you think if it were as simple as pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps and just getting over it, any of us would even be in this thread?
i know i wouldn't be, and i feel like i can speak for plenty of people here by saying that

>>40035847
0/10 ragebait

Iwnbaw and that’s ok
I dont actually have gd anyway
I should live with it
Mske peace with my non dysphoric fantasies that do t exist anyway

I dont even want to be a woman anymore. It wasn't for me. Transitioning is not for me. I literally want to be a man on some level now. But the thoughts just dont go away. And I feel more depressed off hrt. But I don't want to "manmode" or whatever. I don't want to be a man on hrt. I just want to be a normal dude.

remembering that one time a cousin kept a traditional dress at out house and i was losing it inside because i couldn't wear it

>go to planned parenthood about hrt yesterday
>today get a call today saying they won't prescribe estradiol because of my heart condition and migraines
What do?
My migraines are really minor and have barely bothered me; even if they get worse I figure I could just take medication for them. Heart condition, I guess I should see if my cardiologist has anything to say about HRT.

>>40037508
I'd say DIY, but ask your cardiologist first.

>>40037508
>>40037548
Oh don't mention the DIY, just the HRT, no medical professional would support you dosing yourself.

i think my dysphoria is receding, its like yes i still feel it, im still kinda sad about it but it isnt as painful. i feel like i could live the rest of my life as a man in a kind of indifference. nobody else cares so why should I care so much? it just gets boring after a while to keep hurting yourself with this stuff. i wanna live alone with a cat and have a job and just mind my own business. no more pain

my hrt has probably expired by now

can hrt fix not feeling anything? im neeting in my room all day forever and i cant feel a single emotion but sadness. considering diy i have nothing to lose

>>40039801
yes. this is one of the things it did manage to do for me. now, instead of feeling nothing, i feel profoundly lonely, with snippets of feeling excited whenever i message a guy
>i cant feel a single emotion but sadness
well... you might still feel that way if you're just neeting around all day forever. but at the very least, i've been able to cry about it a bit instead of just being a husk

>fighting the repper urge to not break down in front of a tranny and tell them i want to troon
they have to know

>too drunk to be aware enough of my body so not super dysphoric but still long to be a woman so badly
even numbed against direct discomfort like this I just feel so empty

>>40039904
The fact that there are no trannies in my area have prevented this embarrassing event from happening to me.

How long have you been repressing for? I only lasted 5 years before trooning out. I'm not strong like some of you...

>>40040307
26 years. If only they handed out medals, huh?

>>40040155
no i mean in dms online
i'm crying right now and i want to just let it out but i can't

>>40040422
Oh, I avoid using dicord.

>>40039904
>>40040155
I did this in front of a few lgbt coworkers oh man embarrassing.

>>40040486
Like if I knew at any point in my life an mtf and she wasn't some kind of rapehon there's no way I would've successfully repped as long as I have. I would've come out to her at some point and then it'd be over.

I used to get so excited every time the world seemed like it was about to end (and my suffering with it)
but meh, probably nothing again

>>40040781
iran?

>>40040814
I walked

>>40040814
yeah
I already learned my lesson when corona-chan turned out to be such a huge disappointment

>>40040827
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIpfWORQWhU
>>40040846
>I already learned my lesson when corona-chan turned out to be such a huge disappointment
honestly yeah at this point putting all your chips on nothing is a safe bet
man all i got from corona-chan was locked in a house with a woman i didn't know and who wanted to kill me for the better part of a year lmao
funny to think back to like 2022 and chatting with people in college about whether or not we'd get drafted into the shit going on in ukraine and three years later we're still not chunks of decomposing flesh dotted across a field in bumfuck nowhere

>>40040442
maybe i'm literally getting groomed by discord trannies
>>40040486
idk if they think i'm a repper or not
they were just talking about hrt and i kinda revealed my power level

i should never have been born

How do I know if it's really GD or I'm just sick of being fucking ugly and unlovable. Sometimes I think I'd be okay with being a cute guy. Sometimes I think nothing less than being a cute girl will suffice. I guess that's why i spend so much time lost in my fantasies. I can be whatever I want to be at the time. If I ever got a gf I'd probably ruin it because 2 days of every 10 I'd suddenly want to be a cute gay guy. Maybe I just have no sense of identity because I've repressed my emotions for like 2 decades.

>>40035602
>hey I’m a man
I know that.
>I was born a man and I’m a man
I know that too.
>and if im masculine it’s ok
No, it's really not. I pass as a man, obviously. But I don't pass as masculine, never did, not even as a child. I was treated as an acceptable bullying target by boys, an acceptable friend by girls, an acceptable weirdo by Internet people, but as a masculine man? Never.

It genuinely hurts to live with the realization that I will never belong.

>>40031628
I'm not even gay.

i want to be cute and cuddly

>>40039842
thats better no? i cant cry at all, i need to stop repping just because being a husk is terrible

went off hrt a year ago because I thought i'd like being a gay twink/femboy more and i'm doing pretty well but I keep getting tranny thoughts. A big part of it is the thought that I could pass (I haven't changed much and I almost passed before) but I don't want to masculinise myself somehow to stop that line of thinking.

>>40043608
I'm a retard my question that I forgot to ask is what can I do to get my mind off of this

>>40028837 (OP)
reminder: there's zero motives to rep if you're white

>>40044183
i'm not white
now what

>>40044195
transition anyways but dont expect to pass

i need to be locked into a kig for the rest of my life

>When you realize transpeople have just as much value as normal people

>>40044183
my bald head and hairy balls say otherwise

>>40044325
no, their value is higher
my value as a repper is below cis "people"

i got rejected from the job i didn't want but it still kinda hurts....

>most other mental disorders have a variety of medications available for treatment. (E.g adhd has stimulants, atomoxetine, guanfacine and so on)
>but if you insinuate the same thing should exist for dysphoria you get 10,000 screeching turbohons telling you it's impossible and don't even try to research it because it's literally genocide!!

>>40044355
Samesies bestie, it’s like the body defending itself, by not allowing you to mutilate yourself in a vain attempt to pass, because you just know. Plus like being a guy isn’t totally rad and stuff. I mean I would give an example of why being a guy is great and all, but seriously it just is okay?

>>40045420
How is estrogen not a medication?

>>40045420
>>most other mental disorders have a variety of medications available for treatment. (E.g adhd has stimulants, atomoxetine, guanfacine and so on)
not trying to um actually or anything but isn't it fairly common knowledge that most of the treatments used for these mental disorders aren't actually doing much of anything to treat them, and in a lot of cases is really just about making the person taking them more agreeable and such? like how adderall makes people with adhd or autism or whatever basically like zombies but it's deemed mostly acceptable because it's just easier to deal with kids with adhd when they're silently shambling around like the walking dead
from what i'm aware the screeching from people about treatments for dysphoria mostly manifests from people trying to find an outright cure, and that also kinda exists around neurological conditions and the like (with the exception of grifters like wakefield trying to make money out of it)
then again maybe that's me being too "woke" and i should buy an ad and neck myself lol

>>40044183
what. if i posted a photo of me you'd do a 180 on that opinion. i haven't in years and probably look even worse now. i'm basically 100% white and not a single part of my body or face is feminine. i was 5'10" at like 15 but thankfully never grew past that. i'm not saying asian is an instapass but more asian trannies pass than white ones.

>>40040307
since i knew hrt existed? 16 years this july, i'll be 33. before 17 i literally did not know hrt or agp was a thing. finding out about agp was a light bulb moment but then finding out hrt didn't do shit and i had already been perma fucked by puberty sent me into a deep depression.

>>40037802
it comes and goes throughout the years. i has a massive breakdown at 26-27 and almost trooned in a delusional and manic state but got slapped back to reality eventually cause i would never pass and would just look like an uncanny hairy freak with cone boobs.

>>40045517
>not trying to um actually or anything but isn't it fairly common knowledge that most of the treatments used for these mental disorders aren't actually doing much of anything to treat them

Depends on the disorder.
ADHD? Very successful treatment options.
Depression? little to none.

however none of that is my point. point is nobody bothers even looking for alternative treatment options.

>>40040307
repped in some form since 7 yo to 42(? don't remember), learned about transition being a thing at 23, but an extremely masc body, susans place, and real life experience being a hard requirement just made me repress harder

>>40040317
>>40045518
>>40045570
My condolences, anons. Hope you can continue to rep for as long as you want and need. Hoping you can lead fulfilling lives regardless.

>>40045536
The problem is that all your advocates for 'alternatives' either want to restrict/ban what we currently know helps first (which is not how medicine is done) or else want to nuke everyone's brains with schizo pills (which DO turn you into a zombie.)

>>40045224
I'm interviewing for high paying jobs to cope with John 50ing
I wonder how much money I need to tell myself I can be happy

>>40045590
>Hoping you can lead fulfilling lives regardless.
i fapped until 3am last night fantasizing about a guy fucking me as a woman and blowing his load in my face and that's usually the fantasy i fap to since puberty began. i'll die alone a virgin because i'd never be masculine enough for straight women and i don't have a dominant bone in my body and i don't want to be with men as a man. i don't have the drive to do anything to improve my life because i've never liked being male or this body. i've been miserable my entire life. i'll probably end up killing myself whenever my parents die, i don't want to now since my mom would probably legitimately kill herself or go insane if i did.

>>40045536
>however none of that is my point. point is nobody bothers even looking for alternative treatment options.
sorry for the misunderstanding anon!
i wouldn't say it'd be an outright genocide of some miracle gd-curing pill were to turn up or whatever, but it occurs to me that there'd be concerns over rights for people post-transition being ripped up entirely under the basis of "why not just take the pill?" at a minimum - this isn't getting into concerns over the development process being ethical, or whether it'd be used as a pretense to restrict/ban existing transition pathways while an alternative is found, so on and so forth
obviously i'm not some kind of ethical paragon or anything (i'm probably the opposite lmao) and i'm not really tuned into the medicine side of things but that's just what occurs to me at a glance

i would take a pill that would make me enjoy being a man if it existed because i could never pass. i have a deep hatred for my body and face. i got fit and healthy and still exercise regularly and put nothing unhealthy into my body and follow a strict diet and i still fucking hate myself and wish i was a woman.

>>40045705
dont most trannies DIY anyway
like they dont even interact with the medical system

>>40045766
>dont most trannies DIY anyway
i mean quite a lot do but i wouldn't say it's anywhere near as common as you'd think based on internet stuff - we just see it as way more common because of the circles we're in
the smoking gun in my mind is that we'd be seeing conservatives going fucking apeshit at the existence of diy and arguing it's the new silk road or something but for pervert groomer paedophile rapists to take advantage of muh postal service or muh royal mail to "troon our kids"
i imagine that, realistically, a majority of trans people probably don't even know diy's an option

i just wish i wasn't born a pervert with a defective brain.

>>40045420
i don't think the desire to troon is something that's treatable with medication. it's just too innate. i also don't believe it's a mental disorder

>>40045825
i believe i was a horrendous serial killer/rapist in a past life and this is the curse i was born with because of it.

There’s chance I will start hrt in two months time. But I still need to cope for the time being. The problem I have is that I keep comparing myself to other girls I see and that makes me feel depressed and want to kill myself. Any idea how I can prevent this?

>>40045959
no. i completely ignore men irl despite all my fantasies involving dick. i look at women more because women are objectively the better more aesthetic sex 90% of the time. i don't even get horny from looking at them i don't want to fuck them, but it's like a dopamine boost mixed with envy. women are just better to look at i don't know.

Next Monday is National Hug A Repper Day! I cant wait to hug some reppers and let you know its going to be ok.

>>40045991
Yh I only admire traits in women that I would like to have myself.

>>40046007
please don't i'm really touch repulsed
(but also touch starved. porcupine paradox)

>>40046011
the average woman is so tiny it's crazy. i'm average height and not fat at all but i still feel colossal next to the average woman. even if she's fat i still feel bigger.

>>40046164
Ikr lol, what’s even crazier is that I compare everything about me except for my height to women. Maybe it’s because I was always short when I was younger (even shorter than most of the girls in my class at school) but then had a massive growth spurt around puberty. Only problem is that my height is unlikely to pass.

>>40040814
if the draft gets raised to my age maybe i can use it as an excuse to transition

>>40047235
The draft being instated would be a total repocalypse, the fear of dying in a ditch for Israel is probably greater than the fear of not passing for most.

i used to think it was over because i repped to 25 but then i see what the avg 18 year old guy looks like and i realise it was always over, men and women just look too different.

>>40047269
you'd be forever branded with shame
everyone would think forever that you only did it to draft dodge
you have to live forever as a conscriptionhon

god i wish i were a woman

>>40047341
Better to live with shame than to die ignobly.

>>40047235
there are two types of reppers
>i am scared enough of being strewn across a sand dune by a hand grenade strapped to a 20 dollar temu drone for the glory of israel that i'm willing to transition and essentially entirely ruin my life forever for it
>death in any form is sweet release, the sooner it comes the better
no shade at all either way, just an observation

>>40047354
i'd be a gross hon

>>40047362
what about
>i'm scared to transition or do anything unless absolutely pushed to do so and this is finally something that i could use to justify taking hormones

>>40047426
>what about
falls into the latter category, probably a better description of it tbdesu

>>40047448
(samefagging) FORMER I MEANT FORMER
SHIT

>>40047448
>>40047459
kek that's what i thought you meant
but yeah i'm a coward and being forced to transition would not feel good but at least i have an excuse

>>40047426
>i'd be a gross hon
Know what's more gross than a hon? A stinking, rotten corpse torn into pieces and smeared across the desert.

>>40047465
>but yeah i'm a coward and being forced to transition would not feel good but at least i have an excuse
honestly, i'm in the same boat. it'd kinda suck to be in those particular circumstances, but it'd be a solid enough excuse - though, i guess in my own case, i'm fairly certain my people-pleasing tendencies would win out all the way to a space of around twelve square meters on the west bank

>>40047341
conscription dysphoria is no joke nonny, i was a hair's breadth away from losing my life over it

>>40047465
being forced to transition sounds extremely hot.
>agp agp agp reeee
Yes, I'm a proud AGP.

I wish I was AGP. At least if it was a fetish for me I'd have an outlet,

>>40047491
the only thing stopping me from taking hrt is social reasons
if it was normal as ozempic or hair transplants i would have no reason to rep

>>40047587
>conscription dysphoria is no joke nonny,
is this a thing? it's certainly on my list of things i hate about being a moid

>>40047690
i wouldn't feel good during it and if there's a draft they just are not going to let you transition or draft you anyways

>>40047768
>is this a thing?
i don't actually know, maybe it is, maybe it isn't
but when i got my draft notice i went into a month long panic attack pretty much that ended with me overdosing for the 2nd time in my life

>forced transition
so forcing me to have weaker boners and cone tits? meh. not like hrt actually does anything other than that.

>>40047902
>but when i got my draft notice i went into a month long panic attack pretty much that ended with me overdosing for the 2nd time in my life
what did you end up doing?

>>40047945
helps prevent balding as well

>>40047998
>helps prevent balding as well
i don't have that issue at 32, yet at least. zero signs of balding. not like i really care because everything else about me is masculine. i grew my hair out for a few years and got some compliments from women, but other than that it just made me look like weird al.

>>40048027
repping in our 30s fucking hurts doesn't it

>>40048090
i have more good days than bad days but i'm currently experiencing a lot of dysphoria and kind of depressive thoughts after being fine for a while... i think i'm usually the best during fall/winter and summer near my birthday makes me more dysphoric and self hating. probably because i'm getting older and i go out to visit my sister in the summer and go outside instead of being a shut in 24/7.

>>40048189
>i'm currently experiencing a lot of dysphoria and kind of depressive thoughts after being fine for a while..
i'm fine but it is just always there, i'm waiting for a john 50 moment

>probably because i'm getting older
yeah it makes things worse because i become more of a man with age

>>40031480
Think of it as a combination of post nut glow and when your mom still loved you when you were a kid. Being IN love is like hosting a really stressful but successful dinner party, but you get to see your dead childhood dog at the end for thirty minutes. Sometimes it feels like it's more hassle than it's worth, but when you finish doing something nice for your partner and you see them smile and feel the same way as being really loved, it's pretty close to the best thing ever.

i have zero desire to be in a relationship because i'm ugly, broke, boring, and too much of an emotional retard with too much baggage. anyone male or female would hate to be in a relationship with me for any extended period of time. i will probably never experience love, or being loved by anyone that isn't my parents.

>>40045734
It's a vibe. I sometime I think I'm lying to myself about dysphoria because I can push the feeling down pretty far, but then I realize I've had these thoughts pretty consistently since puberty. Ive taken great care of myself, I've even been drop dead gorgeous as a man a few times, but it's always a compromise. I can't even consider transition; hormones and man-moding would ruin my marriage, and I'm structurally so masculine I'd be lucky if I looked like Lily Tino after FFS. I'm literally Chad, why can't I be grateful?

>>40048509
>I've even been drop dead gorgeous as a man a few times
can't relate. i'm ass ugly and losing weight wasn't much of an improvement. a lot of things feature wise attractive in men transfer over to women too. unless we're talking about being hot in a statham or hardy type of way which is overwhelmingly masculine.

>marriage
probably rather kill myself than be married or have kids. don't want to be beholden to anyone.

>>40047998
>what did you end up doing?
nothing really, i broke my arm and the army haven't told me anything since i told them that i'm disabled for the time being and can't work
wouldn't recommend following in my footsteps though, as you really don't know how much and how wildly you flail your arms around every day until you can't anymore

>>40048595
>nothing really, i broke my arm and the army haven't told me anything since i told them that i'm disabled for the time being and can't work
if they're desperate enough to draft someone my age they won't care anymore
idk hrt to draft dodge would be pathetic but at least it might solve the problems
>wouldn't recommend following in my footsteps though,
hopefully i wouldn't have to

>>40048572
Like, a Pierce Brosnan Clint Eastwood Sam Elliot kind of way. Chiselled, stuble-y, low brow ridge, big sharp jaw, strong cheekbones, long filtrum good mustache kind of way. Dramatically masculine, the kind that even if you shaved all the features down it would still be unmistakably male. Huge mechanic hands to boot and a back like an ox. It doesn't matter what i do either, I can lift a house, beat god to death with my bare hands, step out of a room having fucked a harem to sleep, I open my mouth and people know something is off. I've been trying to prove my masculinity to myself and everyone around me for decades and I've only recently let it go. They can't pick it out exactly but most people know I'm some kind of fag. I just want to be small, I want to be bridal carried, i wanna be held down and dicked, I'm deeply envious of women's clothing and the way it fits on them, I want to get rid of my body hair, I want nice skin. It's just weird living with so deeply wanting something that's impossible. My wife at least knows I'm queer, she's weird too and she likes me weird. We're pretty open about it except in name, and I can live with that or the same reason I can live with it being impossible.

>>40049091
i got a longish philtrum and long midface. shit is the worst.

>>40049144
It's just OVER right? Like there's not even any point looking at it or trying, you just have to learn to cope, try to be happy with what you have and not John 50 yourself. Even if you had the most insanely supportive group there's nothing to gain, you're just going to lose the privilege of being a handsome man so you can have some goofy titties and slightly less acne.

>>40049279
i'm not handsome myself but the amount of effort i'd have to go through to still just look like an obvious tranny isn't worth it.

how do i deal with the loneliness. it's too much
i want to die

>>40049313
Hmm how old r u? I might be able to help suggest something

>>40049336
23

haven't regularly browsed this board in probably over a year and i'm getting addicted again despite being an old permavirgin permarepressor who isn't even legitimately lgbt. it's over.

>>40049344
Have you completely given up on transition?

>>40049396
no i still want to
i just dont know whether it would be better to kms instead. i would suffer a lot for probably nothing. i will always be alone cause im a horrible person

>>40049410
> no i still want to
But if you’re lonely, then surely you can transition with no shame, or complications with relationships, etc?

> cause im a horrible person
You can hate the dysphoria as much as you like, after all, it is an evil demon possessing your mind, but that doesn’t make you a horrible person.

>>40049410
Honestly, you would probably benefit from transitioning. If you get tied down, then it becomes a lot harder

>>40049410
>i just dont know whether it would be better to kms instead
ok here's the thing: you could kys, but you could also just try trooning and keep the thought in mind that you could just kys if it doesn't work out. i thought about trooning in a pretty similar way, where i likened trooning to just being suicide in a different form. it was me giving up on the prospects of whatever permarepper life i could have had. you might as well find out instead of dying and never getting to know

>>40030815
and now this thread is 43 hours old meanwhile femrepgen has maxed out the bump limit on 3 threads
face it amab repsissies, no one will ever care about your problems unless you become a woman so start shooting up estradiol already!

>>40049940
nobody cares about my problems now and people would still not care about my problems as a manly tranny/uncanny ghoul man on hrt.

i'm drunk and i wish i were a woman

>>40045517
Replying a thousand years later, but in regard to ADHD, those were first gen meds, those kids were zooted out of their minds, and a lot of loud kids got misdiagnosed. The public understanding of ADHD was so bad for so long that a lot of people who didn't have it got medicated, and a lot of people who did weren't. Depression meds are handed out like candy and they are usually a stopgap for a problem that still needs to be fixed that is causing depression, whether it be socioeconomics, abuse, poor lifestyle or deeply flawed internal logic. The FDA black label on SSRIs caused a huge spike in suicides the same year, they remain a functional preventative medical tool with a proven track record. Schizophrenia is not a passing illness or dysfunctional mental state, it is a very real neurological disorder that results in lifelong disability that is only salvageable through modern antipsychotics. It has more in common with epilepsy than depression. What I mean is, take your fucking pills, live another day so you can fix your shit.

>>40028837 (OP)
I think I agree with Ethan Klein that pastrami tastes like hot dogs. Le gross.

if you're repping under 21 you have zero sympathy from me, dawg

>>40050834
what if I'm 34 but started at 19?

>>40050870
you could've been a midshit twinkhon

>>40050834
what about when you make it to 21 and then break down and troon out?

the problem of being human is we have a creative mind that can come up with things like identities while out actual body is primitive and limited in so many ways.

whether i take hrt or dont its the same outcome, i look like a man and i always will. idk how to accept it, but more and more i have the thought of i just need to give up and get a job or something and just accept my fate like everyone else does. this is stupid and vain

the utter soulcrushing humiliation of being a tranny is that you find reality too painful to bear and so you are just fucked forever no matter if you transition or dont. its all cope. i need to kill my fantasies they are making me feel nonhuman

>>40040781
Goddamn I’m always wishing for the apocalypse but it never happens
The world is just too stable to let that shit happen

should i take hrt

>>40029833
I know that feel.
When I was 21, I once went to a foresty park late at night with friends, it was a warm summer night, we were riding on bicycles and scooters, shooting shit, the air smelled like being young and free, but it didn't feel like it. I remember thinking back then: "wow, spending time with cool people in nature, i was i could do that" - and then I realized I WAS actually doing that at that moment.
dissociation got so bad for me that this was the stage I was at. That was basically the moment I realized why I felt so disconnected from the world for years (due to dissociation).
Now that I've trooned I can tell you with confidence that it's possible to stop feeling this way if you get lucky with transitioning. In the years since I've been in similar situations with new friends, and the air truly did smell like being young and free, and I was enjoying myself and living in the moment

>>40051359
everyday i wish something would happen, everyday nothing does
please god kill me
>>40051380
only if youre gonna start 5 years ago

>>40051434
>it's possible to stop feeling this way if you get lucky

>>40050884
I doubt it.

If I was like a moldovian clergyman in the 50's I'm 100% certain I would not be trans. My circumstances are exclusive to existing in my current time. I watched anime and used the internet a litle too young and some neurons flipped in unfortunate ways so now I have trans-adjacent collateral damage despite being a 100% organic straight man in mind and body.

>>40052126
i would have just ended up a gay bottom who probably died alone because idk how i would find someone without the internet and without coming out

>>40051323
I feel bad because I know that women envy the freedom that men have. And really I think that represents the truth more than whatever delusion I have. A person is hated by our culture if they're seen as even remotely similar to a woman.
It's not necessarily about being trans but femininity in general. Not to mention how my sexuality is totally headfucked and incompatible with other people by this point

>drunkingly rant about my dumb tranny life to friend
>say no guy wants some mentally ill (i didnt say this) feminine male when real women exist
>"actually there's a lot of bi guys who would want that"
its over its so fucking over im gonna kill myself for real this time. i mean he didnt even say anything wrong necessarily. it just hammered it in that i will NEVER have a normal straight husband.

>>40043608
I despise you so incredibly much

>>40045684
so real

>>40028837 (OP)
do you guys consider "social transition" as repping. if so, then i've been repping for 5 years.
might be time to take my own life

>>40052330
I don't know, nona, I know plenty of women who can both acknowledge the shitty parts of being female and generally enjoy being women and the perks of femininity. Our culture doesn't hate women; it objectifies them, yes, and hates them only if they step out of line, but it also hates men who step out of line.

>>40052810
no lol, if you socially transitioned then you have already admitted to everyone around you that you expect being treated as a woman. even if they don't buy into it, that's the opposite of repping

>tfw if i were a girl i would have been clueless and date dangerous men and go out like a low inhib retard and end up in an abusive relationship or worse
thinking i'm too stupid to be a woman

>>40052879
have you considered that you would have received different nurture/programming from parents and society that could have counteracted this

What year do you want to return to?

>>40052833
then why do so many niggas gatekeep real tranniness to those on hrt?

>>40052917
'98 ideally.

>>40052926
not being trans by some definition doesn't mean you're a repper, this ain't a two genders situation

>>40052913
>have you considered that you would have received different nurture/programming from parents and society that could have counteracted this
i was a shitty bpd moid so i would have done all the same shit as a foid and hang out with bad people
my parents also basically didn't supervise me at all

>>40052810
no you're just retarded, all the social cost with none of the benefits

>>40052917
2007 was cozy

>>40051434
yeah the constant disassociation feels really shitty, but it's also keeping me alive. If I was totally in touch with reality I think I would rope.
I wish I had the potential to get lucky. If I had any chance at all I would definitely roll the dice.
now gtfo

>>40052817
>Our culture doesn't hate women

It absolutely does. And it's fucking ridiculous to pretend it doesn't. It's just not enviable compared to being a masculine man with actual freedom, and looking at the /ftm/ general is proof of that.

>>40053311
>It absolutely does. And it's fucking ridiculous to pretend it doesn't.
which is why all the cultural media i see discussed and posted on 4chan only portrays its female characters with scorn and disgust. the data is not on your side nona, you're just simplifying the complex problem of societal patriarchy in a way which lets you cope

>>40053347
You mean the place that hates women and views them as strictly inferior to men?

>>40028837 (OP)
Pastrami is cured, RETARD. That makes it way worse for you
Brisket only has SPG on the outside.

Either way you will die of a heart attack at 25 if you eat bbq every day

>>40053919
it enjoys women in culture, just not women in flesh, that's what i meant when i said "objectifies"

do normies view sexuality as a blessing or a curse?

>>40054015
A culture made to mock and humiliate women though, really. So it's hard to say that's even enjoyment.

>>40052917
september 10, 2001

>>40054355
I got dragged out of the house by my parents today and was forced to observe normies in the wild and it made me way more depressed. Everyone is having sex except for me.

really makes me sad I can't have sex (as a woman). the idea of sucking dick as a man makes me feel depressed.

Is HRT repping the current meta? Being a longhaired man with gyno on HRT seems like the perfect compromise.

>>40055949
either troon out or permarepress. going on hrt is still trooning out. unless you're an eighty year old man on estrogen because of prostate cancer or something. there is no such thing as a repressor on hrt.

>>40055958
NTA but what a stupid take?
It's still repressing most things but with less additional masculinization and some breast growth.

>>40055949
>longhaired man with gyno
literally me

>>40055974
if you're on hrt you're transitioning medically. i don't make the rules. cope and sneedthe

>>40055949
the current meta is doing drugs and playing video games to distract yourself

>>40055949
>a longhaired man with gyno
I got that without the HRT.

gonna leave this board again. will never feel gay enough for lgbt spaces and will never feel like a true repressor cause i didn't immediately troon out 16 years ago or some shit. i'm just a mentally ill neurotic permavirgin manchild who refuses to grow up or take responsibility for anything.

>>40055949
i'd prefer doing that but i'm just retarded

is a stationary bike a good move for a repper. feel too gay doing the exercises that make you girly like squats n yoga. but if i just spend an hour on the bike, surely thats not sus

>>40055949
This is exactly what I'm doing. Nobody knows I'm trans because I hide my breast growth, and I don't have to suffer continued masculinization while I wait to see if I'll ever be able to truly troon out. Most likely at worst I'll just end up looking like a more feminine than normal man who looks younger than other guys his age. At least by doing it this way instead of being visibly trans, I'll at least have the groundwork to launch into a full transition if it ever looks like that's going to be viable.

>>40056488
>continued masculinization
did you troon out at 14 nigga? cause if you didn't the damage was already done.

>>40056488
I've been doing it for over 4 years now. Nobody at work knows and if they do they don't bring it up because that would be construed as sexual harassment under company policies. It's the perfect con.

>repgen
>look inside
>troon city full of hons with cone tits
lol

lmao even

>>40056505
If I was that early I wouldn't be here, but you're mistaken if you think masculinizatuon isn't a lifelong thing
>>40056507
I wear stuff that hides it and use secondary reasons for it to obscure my true motivation
>>40056525
We're too malebrained and alwayd give in to trooning

>>40056525
I'm not a troon. I'm a man.

>Transwomen in women's spaces
>transwomen in repper's spaces

WHEN DOES IT END???

>>40056536
>>40056542
lol

what a pointless general. just trannies pretending they're repressors. erase this general and just have your manmode clown show one ya retards.

feeling hugely deranged today

>>40056557
Even manmoders are too fembrained bitchy for me to handle because I am a man. I don't get any dysphoria from that fact.

>>40056611
>man
>on hrt
whatever you say ma'am.

>>40056557
mmg people aren't even hiding their transition most of the time. You wouldn't think it, but there does seem to be a distinction between a normal manmoder and an hrtrepper

>>40056692
>but there does seem to be a distinction between a normal manmoder and an hrtrepper
both trannies not like the other trannies.

i have an appointment with a mental health professional next week
how do i explain i'm a depressed repper without sounding totally insane?

>>40056818
If you tell them you're a repper there's a good chance they'll try to get you to transition you know.

>>40056880
no different than this thread full of trannies.

>>40056880
yeah which makes explaining why i'm depressed kind of impossible

>>40056121
I feel the similarly anon. Sorry to hear that

>>40056911
just tell them
it’s not like they can force you to do anything and if you don’t tell them the core problem you can cancel the appointment anyway

>>40056969
it's fine. i've long accepted i will never fucking fit in anywhere or find "my people" as long as i fucking live. too straight and boring for the fucking fags on the internet and not masculine and straight enough to ever feel comfortable around straight dudes. wouldn't even ever be able to fully commit to transitioning and would just give up even if i attempted it like everything else i've attempted in my boring pointless life. i just cannot connect with any people of any fashion online or irl i wish i knew what the fuck was wrong with me. not even mentioning that women have always instinctively fucking hated my guts. fucking freak mistake loser retard that should just be alone forever clearly.

>>40028837 (OP)
What does repressor mean? What is rep gen?

>>40057025
Why are you so upset at yourself anon? It’s a self fulfilling prophecy you know

>>40057060
try reading the thread for context

>>40057073
>Why are you so upset at yourself anon?
cause every attempt i've made at trying to be a normal man people are confused and weirded out and i feel like a fucking deformed alien people don't want to be around or be associated with. i have never felt welcomed or comfortable anywhere my entire fucking life and i'm so sick of it that i will never bother with people ever again. people are fake and shallow cunts even if they want to virtue signal as hard as humanly possible about not being judgy but both sides BOTH SIDES the fags and straight people BOTH OF THEM WANT YOU TO CONFORM TO THEIR THINKING AND WAY OF LIFE and if you're not willing to fully commit to being one or the other you will always been an outcast nobody wants around.

>>40057060
Having GD and refusing to troon out.

I obsess a lot over a lot is gender hierarchies. And hierarchies based on just expression too. Just the truth that even as a woman, even as my ideal self, I would still be a lesser kind of woman, a lesser person overall.

>>40057129
Yeah that fuckin sucks. But you keep talking about how u don’t feel like u belong anywhere else. What do you wanna be? Who do you want to be

>>40057129
>BOTH SIDES the fags and straight people BOTH OF THEM WANT YOU TO CONFORM TO THEIR THINKING AND WAY OF LIFE

I feel that completely. I don't really connect to a lot of the top and bottom labels, "husband and wife" and that sort of thing. Even though ironically enough I do kind of fit into that feminine bottom box myself. The thing is, that role ends up dictating a lot as far as who you should be in every area of your life, the specifics of who you're attracted to and how.

But I don't know, I guess there's honestly also the aspect of me being upset that other people don't conform to *my* way of thinking as well.

>>40057198
A CIS WOMAN WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE. i absolutely fucking refuckingfuse to be a fucking man on estrogen no matter how hard hons and youngshits both try to fucking gaslight and pressure me into thinking you LE HECKIN GOTTA TAKE THE TRANNY PILLS YOU HECKIN GOTTA DO IT OR GET OUT. fuck off.

>>40057025
You're not a flamer, and that's fair that you don't feel like you fit in flaming gay spaces, I've felt the same way. The experience of not being straight enough for straight people and not gay enough for gay people is not wholly unique. I'm especially familiar with girls just KNOWING. Not necessarily knowing what they're picking up on, but knowing that you're not heteronormative. I haven't trooned out, I probably never will, there's very little to gain for me, but I have accepted my
...queerness? When I accepted that I wanted what little scraps of femininity I could tack onto my male body, and that I didn't care to defend my straightness anymore, when I stopped actively torturing myself, it made it easier to fit into queer spaces. When I stopped hating myself, it made it easier to empathize and relate to other queer people. I realized I have a lot to talk about with enbies and trans people, that I enjoyed gay spaces even if I'm the straightest man there. There's ways to feed yourself that don't require you to take HRT and perform a social transition, and it can be simple as a rounder set of glasses and some male jewelry, or as far as shaving your legs and painting your nails. Just maybe check if your dad is still running your public image in the back of your brain. You obviously want femininity, neither of us can likely have it all, but why settle for none?

>>40057302
Yeah. I’m sorry. As science is rn, it’s impossible for a guy to fully become a girl. I mean, he could transition and dress, act, behave and fulfill all the roles of a woman. But even with SRS which is borderline barbaric, ifs impossible

>>40057435
people who look like me don't get to express any form of femininity so that's never gonna happen. i'm not attractive or particularly feminine at all to begin with, i don't want to be feminine. i had the very idea of ever expressing a feminine bone in my body fucking beaten out of me by male socialization a long time ago. which made me permanently fucking neurotic and self hating. i want to be the same way i am now just as a woman but that's impossible. i just wish i knew what the fuck is wrong with me now that makes it so women are repulsed by me and men don't want to be friends with me. i know for a fact i'm never gonna fucking be gay enough for the queer ass fucking community though i am never going to fit that mold or standard. not even close.

take your HRT, foids

>>40057533
no more retards? also im a moid im malebrained ngmi

>>40057025
>>40057129
>>40057302
You can choose to define yourself and your experiences however suits you. We have made this space here in this shitty little backwater image board for this exact purpose. We do not have to conform to expectations of transition or queerness by anyone else's definitions. We are not heteronormative, and we can choose to express that however we see fit. Take this as your first queer space. We don't have to transition here, you are trans /queer/gay enough for this space. I am not repping here as a form of self flagellation or self hatred, but in recognition of the realities and complexities of a transition creating substantially more loss than gain. For me, I accept what I am and will feed my desire for femininity, and will try to empathize with others struggles with transness. I accept my weird middle sexuality, I'm gonna chase it and try to be happy and not justify it to other people.

>>40057524
>people who look like me don't get to express any form of femininity so that's never gonna happen.

To be honest, I don't think femininity seen as a good quality in general.

>>40057533
i don't have a feminine bone in my body or thought in my brain. if i did i would have trooned out over a decade ago. i'm gonna start using the AGP flag because i'm not trans i'm a perverted man who wants to be a woman purely because it makes me horny and i want to have sex as a woman.

>>40057655
shut the fuck up tranny

>>40057660
im a tranny but i wont pass if i try, so i rep

>not being an AGP who accepts themselves for who they are and represses anyway

the fuck is wrong with you people. We have a mental illness. It's not a personal choice. It's like hating yourself for having diabetes.

>>40057679
blanchard is a fraud

>>40057435
>that I didn't care to defend my straightness anymore, when I stopped actively torturing myself, it made it easier to fit into queer spaces.

It's different when people try to dictate what you should or shouldn't be into.

>>40057624
cool i'm gonna continue to be a self hating mistake.

>>40057641
pretty much 99% of the women i see daily are obviously feminine but i guess that's just the state of being a woman. even my lesbian sister and her wife are both very obviously feminine. even butch dykes are a dying breed.

>>40057660
i prefer deranged and retarded man thanks.

>>40057679
i accepted i was agp at like 17 and it made sense but also made me feel overwhelming dread cause i can't have a female body ever.

>>40057686
AGP still exists even if the blachard dichotomy is false.

>>40057719
granted, but it's not a "mental illness" it's just a facet of human sexuality that is especially distressingly experienced and focused on by and around people with "gender" (sex) dysphoria

>>40057734
>but it's not a "mental illness"

yeah sure buddy. your total not a mental illness isn't causing you any stress at all. LMAO!!!

>>40057759
do you think you just made some kind of point?

>>40057696
But still it's not seen as a positive quality, and women are still hated

>>40057533
i wish i was a foid

>>40057768
i think women who are confident and feminine are amazing. i wish i could be that.

>>40057524
You are me ten years ago!
It's okay, queer girls exist that want you as you are, complete with your hairy chest and desire for pegging. They will want you as a weird pseudo gay man. They're gonna be as weird as you and have the same middle gender fuckery as you, but they exist (They are rare though). People know something is off with you because you are angry, your self hatred exudes from every pore. The intensity of it is way more off-putting than you think it is. You probably pop off and start ranting about unrelated shit pretty often too. I too was heavily male socialized, I had it literally beaten into me, I too was neurotically self hating. Your dad is still running your show, man. You don't have to transition, but let that crusty old boomer go. There is a version of you that is happy. There isn't going to be a word or a description for what you are for a long time because by definition you do not fit an easy binary. Explore what that means for YOU. You don't have to express it every day or all the time either. We can wear masks to work or new social groups.

>>40057796
>Your dad is still running your show, man.
my dad would accept and love me as a tranny. my mom would probably go into a deep depression and blame herself and possibly disown or half disown me if i ever admitted this shit has always been a part of me. she would see herself as a failure of a mother and make it about her.

thinking about how if i were a woman i probably would just pretend to be a guy on the internet anyways

>>40058014
People accuse me of being a girl on the internet so that wouldn't work for me.

>>40058024
Same.

>>40058024
i'm not fembrained enough for that
i just think drawing that much attention would be terrifying

not a single feminine quality inside and out. i will never be mistaken for a woman online either. i wish i was trutrans and not just a born pervert who was further fucked up by porn addiction and isolation.

>>40057796
what does this even mean? this doesnt offer any solution

>>40057796
weird pseudo gay men don't survive twink death

>>40058131
can't go through twink death if you were never a twink.

>>40058440
you can always masculinize more, making any vaguely feminine element on you look that much more jarring

>>40058448
i looked like an adult man at 14-15. i went from ugly fat kid to ugly fat adult man to ugly skinnyfat adult man. i was never feminine.

>>40058014
Even admitting I'm a guy on the internet upsets me. Like I feel a bit bothered even being referred to as 'he'

>>40058077
It means that self acceptance and openness will lead you to where you are supposed to be and put the people in your life that you need. You don't fit in because you are pretending to be something you are not, a heterosexual cis man. If you are open about what you are and what you want when you are dating you are much more likely to find what you need and not be immediately rejected. Just being able to have mercy on yourself will make you more acceptable in gay spaces, you are rejected there because people can sense you are aggro about gay shit. You don't have to be a goddamned flaming twink to accept and love the parts of you that are queer. Just allow yourself to try new things and not define yourself so rigidly, it will be better. Allow yourself to feel a tiny bit of gender euphoria you dick.

>>40058131
The fuck I didn't, I am still alive and I'm still fucking happy and I'm in my mid thirties. David Bowie did it, George Michaels fucking did it. You mature and you age, everyone does. I don't love my body hair, but I'm not gonna die about it. I'm gonna appreciate the little things about the last of my youth that feel feminine while I can, and I'm gonna hold onto what I can going forward.

>>40058131
Fuck, you just know you're talking to the most insane AGP rapehon when there's absolutely nothing in being a woman that's desirable aside from being fuckable

>>40058817
The issue, anon, is that most people here don't want to be fruity men, they want to be women. Their looks declining makes their GD worse because the more masculine appearance is at a more severe contrast to their internal self-image and desires. It's not that they see looks as being the only feminine thing of value, but that being forced into the 'fruity gay man' box does not satisfy their desires and does jack shit to alleviate GD.

>>40058539
i went on a binge late at night watching videos about stalkers and serial killers and thought about how scary being a girl must be

>>40058869
Sorry, you're right. I understand the confusion here in the dichotomy. I'm not advocating for being a fruity man, I'm just saying that my dysphoria is better when I'm shaved and my hair is long, it's better when I can hide my face behind my big glasses, and I feel better with flowy-er clothes that hide my frame, and my cute earring in. I can't EVER be a woman, that's not gonna change with any amount of surgery or hormones. People give me shit about the things that make me feel better, but fuckem. I just mean that the fuckem attitude has done a lot more to control the anxiety about my dysphoria than anything else. Like, it was better when I stopped being angry about it all the time and gave myself the little things. I still look and present like a man and I know that's the option for most of us, but you don't have to hate yourself and your're allowed to have one foot out the door. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd live completely and staunchly conforming to traditional masculinity if it looks and feels so bad.

>>40058939
Yea. I know. Which goes to show just how mentally ill I must be for wanting to be a girl

>>40058956
>It doesn't make sense to me that you'd live completely and staunchly conforming to traditional masculinity if it looks and feels so bad.
Reliance on social acceptance. Not everyone is strong enough, or in a position to, thumb their nose at society in regards to gender expression. The bad looks and being socially outcast, rejected by friends and family, not everyone can bear it.

>>40059014
But you see the error then? The experience of having this odd middle sexuality and faking it has made me unacceptable anyway, it's made others here unacceptable anyways. We still desire women in our own strange way, but can't have them, we desire acceptance among male friends but still fail to solidify our masculinity. I was a goddamned pit fighter with a shaved head and a girlfriend and I was still a fag. There's no winning. You are isolated and ugly to yourself anyways, why not mitigate the harm? I understand that it looks different for other people inherently because I'm here in the repper thread, transition is not an option for me. My version may not be the option for you, yours might be much smaller, but why don't you at least take SOMETHING. If you can't have it at work or with certain social groups, why not take it somewhere sometimes.

>>40059104
You're honestly right, and i also feel like
>>40059014
doesn't realize that reliance on social acceptance means he'd probably be just as miserable and self-loathing as a cis girl, because they are societally measured to a near-impossible standard of demeanor and beauty. You kind of have to work past that feeling no matter which card you're dealt.

>>40058981
the fear of dangerous men is probably the worst part of being a woman and nobody wants that
unironically, terfs and femcels are more justified in being misandrist than incels are at being misogynist

>how mentally ill I must be for wanting to be a girl
i'm an agp scrote who wants to reduce womanhood to a sexual fantasy. i cry because i can't live out the perfect image of being a girl rather than the reality

>>40059133
what if i'm a misandrist male because dangerous men have hurt me and my friends in the past, and that's part of why my body masculinizing gives me a genuine sense of threat

>>40059104
Eh, I don't want male friends. I've never gotten along with men, women are easier to talk to.

>>40059150
if what you want is befriending women as opposed to getting laid, being confident and fruity is pretty much the best way to get there. the stereotype of women treating gay men as friends did not come from nowhere

>>40059167
Some of the best nights I've ever had were playing mother hen to a gaggle of drunk young women. It was weird because they had erroneously assumed I was gay when they invited me, but it was nice to be included in girls night, and I kinda liked watching drinks and shoo-ing creepy dudes as the 6'2" deterrent.

>>40059146
i'm a misogynist and a misandrist
i both don't want to turn into a dangerous moid and i don't want to be a victim for dangerous moids either

>and that's part of why my body masculinizing gives me a genuine sense of threat
same and by being agp even as a repper i'm an insult to womanhood and nothing i say or do can change that
if i could turn into a woman i'd still do it, but i know the first time i have to go home alone at night or i have a scary encounter, the fantasy would shatter and i'd be living reality instead

if only we lived in the reality where being a woman actually is as rose tinted and perfect as muh anime portray it as (and i were female in that world obviously)

>>40058598
i live in a very conservative society and i dont think being open about wanting to be a woman while not being one is a good idea... i accept myself as trans, just not as someone who will ever transition. i dont fit in anywhere so i neet forever anyways

I've been gone from this board for years and I come back to find that we're getting almost sidelined by femrepgen now?? How are they so much faster than us?

One thing I will say is that hanging out with men makes me realize just how much more feminine than normal I am. In how I talk, look, carry myself and act.