Thread 40058085

tfw no repper bf

>>40058085 (OP)
started repping recently cause I'll never pass. I've been on hrt for a few months and it's got to the point where I can't come off it cause I'm addicted.

Is there any way I can stay on hrt and not have any physical effects and only have it so I don't want to kill myself? I'm not trans and I don't have dysphoria but being on hrt means I can function and when I came off it before I tried to kill myself.

I just don't wanna ruin trans acceptance by being an another lateshit brickhon used to make trans people look bad so if there's any way I can be on hrt without ruining trans acceptance I'd really appreciate if someone let me know

>>40058266
just hrt rep

>>40058290
that's the idea but I don't want to be visually trans so I don't end up a lateshit brickhon so I don't ruin trans acceptance

I’m not talking to a friend because she’s trans. I’m not watching a YouTube video that interests me because the person who made it is trans.

>>40058085 (OP)
take your fucking HRT, retards

>>40058562
why would i give myself gross tranny cone tits on a giant male ribcage/chest/frame.

>>40058562
if you're the same person with the MTF Butch flag from before who was telling me to take my hrt you can kindly fuck off. No one wants to listen to your bullshit just cause you got lucky and got on hrt young enough to pass. HRT ruined my life, I got addicted to it and now I've gotta figure out a way I can not have any physical effects so I don't end up a lateshit brickhon without the withdrawl making me want to kill myself.

>>40058562
make me, retard. uh seriously though, please force me to take hrt and stop repping

>>40058612
>addicted to hrt
that's pretty funny. "of course i'm not trans, i'm just addicted to estrogen" lmao

>>40058579
dysphoria, retard

>>40058612
lmao I started at 30 and I'm not lucky or passing and will never live as a woman
cope with the cards you're dealt, tranny

>>40058642
how else do you explain when I ran out I had a horrible withdrawal that left me depressed to the point I couldn't do anything for months?

>>40058682
so you are the same person. So what are you even trying to do then if you know yourself that starting hrt only works if you're very young and very lucky? I don't want to be a lateshit brickhon that'll never pass, I just want to be able to function

>>40058711
>So what are you even trying to do then if you know yourself that starting hrt only works if you're very young and very lucky?
who said that? dumbass

>>40058711
>how else do you explain when I ran out I had a horrible withdrawal that left me depressed to the point I couldn't do anything for months?
gender dysphoria you dumb bitch

>>40058728
it's literally an objective fact. I'm 22 and it's already too late for me, if I had started sooner I might have passed with ffs and a bunch of other surgeries but I started way too late and now I'm stuck and will never pass and I will never be a real woman.

>>40058735
It can't be dysphoria, that doesn't make any sense. I can't be dysphoric, there were no signs when I was a kid

>>40058748
>I'm 22
AHAHAHAHA
FAGGOT

>>40058754
yeah ok I get it it's too late for me you don't need to be so fucking rude about it cunt. If you're not gonna help me figure out how to prevent physical effects while staying on hrt don't fucking say shit retard

>>40058782
see >>40058562

>>40058799
no, hrt is going to make me a fucking lateshit brickhon and I will ruin trans acceptance. I need to prevent any physical effects before it's too late

>>40058819
how do you know?

>>40058824
because I'm a 22 year old ultramasculine lateshit. It's an objective fact I will never pass, everyone who's seen me knows this, they're usually just too polite to say it

>>40058833
why does it have to be either brickhon or passoid? stop this bullshit black and white thinking, tranny

>>40058848
because that's how it is with me. I was too late to pass, I'm never going to get the chance to be a beautiful woman, I'm always going to be stuck as a disgusting ugly man and I'll never be a woman

>>40058950
why? you're not materially explaining yourself, just vaguely waving at something you insist must be taken on faith

>>40059019
I have massive ultramasculine shoulders, I have tiny masculine hips, I have thing masculine thighs, I have a huge barrel chest, and my face is extremely masculine. Now do you understand why I hate myself so much? Now do you understand why I'll never pass and any attempt to will just ruin trans acceptance?

>>40059045
lmao
you all sound the same, shut the fuck up and take your meds tranny

>>40059049
I have been taking my meds, if I stop I will get withdrawal again and become suicidal again. I just need a way to prevent myself from having any physical effects so I don't turn into a visually trans lateshit brickhon and ruin trans acceptance

does hrt actually help on the depression / kill self front or is it just you feel less shit because of the physical effects
anyone found any good music recently? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juWI_aaPBLQ

>>40059538
hrt makes me want to kms way less but i'm not going to pretend to know if it will do the same for everyone

>>40058748
>I will never be a real woman.
I’ll let you in on a secret- not even the most stealth cis-looking passoid is a real woman. It’s better to do what makes you happy with your appearance whether you meet an unattainable threshold or not.

I hate beard shadow so fucking much.

What about being a feminine gay man, instead of trying to be a woman?

>>40058562
you seem cool i wish i could talk to you further than telling you it doesnt work this way everytime

>>40059538
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV2jE7fGYUY

I'm so fucking lonely

man repping is so depressing

wet rep

i rejected myself, the only person i can ever be i rejected. i tried to perform and take hrt and try and larp my way out of it in my childish fantasy. regret is unbelievable

Born too late to join a pagan priesthood, born too early for full body brain transplants.

>>40060952
What's wrong with your body? It's ok to be male you know.

>>40060960
It's okay to be male for people who want to be male. Unfortunately, I do not wish to be male and have, honestly, always wished otherwise.
>What's wrong with your body
Face, ribs, shoulders, you know, the usual.

>>40061001
there is no wanting to be or not wanting to be male, there is simply being male, and nothing wrong with being male

giwtwm

i only tried to be trans to escape myself because i hate myself, i literally dont exist

>>40061069
now show him moving around on video and talking with actual women

>>40061055
Oh gincel, you'll never understand human beings.

>>40061069
>photoshopped
moidbrains are gullible to say the least

i want to be a cis gender woman

i love my /repgen/ sisters! remember, there is nothing stopping you from being a girl in your own mind! <3

women have easier lives than men do

everyone has a real physical self that is how you physically look and are percieved and a fantasy idealised self that is what you want to be and if you pick the fantasy self over the reality you basically will go to hell inside your own mind that nobody can see for the rest of your life

>>40061258
You sound like one of those body positivity fags who wants everyone to be fat.

>>40061264
a fat person can lose weight, a man can never become a woman

>>40061282
If you can lose weight why can't I lose my penis?

>>40061318
because the definition of a woman is not a man with no penis

>>40061331
A woman is an adult human who has a majority of cells that have no y chromosome.

>>40061343
A women is a complex socio-biological term. Generally speaking a man who attempts to be a woman can only get the sociological aspect. As he has no real vagina or womb, but even the sociological aspect is off limits in most cases as surgery is very expensive and puberty has given you a male appearance for life and this is irreversible.

>>40061331
That's literally not what I asked you.

>>40061367
You can lose it if you want but what difference does it make?

>>40061381
Well anon, it would be like you losing weight to bring yourself in line with your fantasy self over the physical look you have in reality, which you just said people should embrace and never attempt to change.

>>40061381
You should not be made to feel bad by others for enjoying the full use of your penis with other men.

>>40061364
>puberty
even before puberty chromosomes act, even sometimes independently of sex hormones, to cause various forms of sexual differentiation many visible or otherwise perceptible to others.

>>40061391
I didnt say don't attempt to change. I said don't get caught up in a fantasy projection of yourself that is impossible to achieve. Weight loss is achievable. SRS is achievable. But if your idea of SRS is that you get SRS to become a woman then you are chasing ghosts. Likewise I took HRT in the hopes my appearance would change and it just made me a soft skinned man with boobs. I should have just accepted im an ugly man for life and lost the delusional fantasy.

It's funny how I basically am a bottom sub, but I hate bottom subs and feel disgusted by them.

>>40061444
>Weight loss is achievable
To become closer to your ideal. So why not try to get closer to your ideal as a woman?
>It didn't work for me
But you did try.

>>40061475
because i cant become a woman, my face and body is permanently bricked. I have to accept myself as I am in the only life I will ever have so I can maximize my potential before I become an actually worthless person that destroyed his life for a fantasy in his head that was always impossible and childish

>you will never be a mother
>you will never raise a child like one either
>most women will see you as a potential predator if you so much as exist near them
I fucking despise being a moid so god damn much I hate this shit I hate that I have womb envy. I will never know what it's like to create. And the worst part is most foids would rather die kicking and screaming then have a child. It's infuriating.

>>40062158
Fuck that's not even the right image. Whatever, point and laugh IDGAF. I'm already taunted 24/7 by being a man anyway so it's not like you'll make a difference.

>>40062158
Hey, I get you, I've always wanted to be a mom too.

men and women are just humans, theres no point putting one gender on a pedestal over the other. we all age and die, we suffer in our own unique ways. what difference does it make, i need to kill my vanity i need to kill my vanity i need to kill my vanity

im a little paranoid about my sperm function i don't want it nuked and a decade later i have the worst feeling of regret. any1 have experiences with their dick if it still works

any of you crossdress for fun or what
i ordered some shit to do it but every time ive tried in the past it just wasnt arousing like i thought it would be
i guess i would consider myself a normalfag as far as you folx are concerned but for the last two years or so every six months i will get really obsessed for a few days with things relative to crossdressing like vrchat, kigurumi. silicon body suits, and most recently legitimate crossdressing
>why are you here fag?
the agpg threads said that it was basically repgen lite, idk

>>40062795
I think wearing women's clothing and seeing how ugly I am in them would make me cry.

>>40062825
yeah even when i was transitioning i couldnt wear dresses or anything cause i just looked like a ridiculous man in a dress

>>40062825
>>40062844
ya idk, for me idc because im just trying to get off lol
im a large lad im not trying to be a lady(my condolences ofc) i just want the release but as i've said it doesnt do anything for me when i've attempted to do so in the past

>>40061055
>nothing wrong with being male
sure, nothing wrong with being the gender optimized to conquest and destroy and harm instead of the gender optimized to nurture and create and love, but you do you

>>40062907
fat hairy men in dresses are hot. is your skin rough? are you scruffy? do you have tattoos and also are you a line cook?

puberty has transformed me from a normal human being to a cumbrained rape-ape who's only goal is to get into a woman's pants. it's astonishing how much brain space sex takes up, i wish it didn't define my literal existence :/

>>40062949
you dont find anything noble about righteous conquest, destruction of the ignoble, or harming those in need of judgement?
>>40062965
i dont have any tattoos and im not a line cook lol

>>40062977
>you dont find anything noble about righteous conquest, destruction of the ignoble, or harming those in need of judgement?
righteousness is subjective, the resulting misery of conquest and war is a heavy price to pay for it. being socially expected to fight back bullies by imposing physical strength and having to deal with the mental dissonance caused by doing so was, one could say, the seed that led to my dysphoria. not to mention, my body is tall but frail, i'm probably weaker than my own mother

I can't take hrt for the next year because if I grow breasts my company will fire me because they will want to hide me from clients. Selling our shit to clients is a part of my job.

>>40058085 (OP)
how do i stop a fetish?

>>40063172
You have to replace it with catharsis that sates everything that fetish sated.

1. Must accentuate desire for vulnerability.
2. Must accentuate desire for engagement.
etc.

>>40063225
sates? States?
Can this work with nylon or spandex?

>>40063275
get your brain out of the gutter

>>40063275
Yes. Those things make people shiny while also making them bound; accentuated vulnerability, can be replaced with any fetish.

Nylon/spandex/latex aren't considered "bad," fetishes you would spend time getting rid of. Generally when people are getting rid of fetishes they want to get rid of guro, necrophilia, pedophilia, etc.

>>40063286
but pantyhose and tights are so sexy

>>40062795
I haven't worn women's clothing since I was a very young child.
I have no desire to in this body, it would just highlight my disgusting masculine features. The contrast would make them stick out more and I really don't want to see that.
Clothes are kinda the least important aspect to me anyway. Even if I were a woman I think that I would still dress pretty similarly to how I do now the vast majority of the time. Most of my female relatives are pretty tomboyish so I guess it just seems like the natural thing to do. I'm sure it would be fun to dress up in pretty clothes every once in a while though.

>>40058085 (OP)
fucking ayeshire!?!? that's my worst nightmare! fuck that place, and fuck everyone there! legit brought back bad memories to me.

fuck I wish I had bought more alcohol

holy kekorino it's so funny that one tranny i know died and the other is addicted to hard drugs better make another funny meme about those silly troons and how cringe they are teehee

>>40058266
there are certain anti-androgens to get some the affects you're going for in really specific circumstances yeah. or you could just nut up and take your hrt

im never going to pass and here I am balling anyway. you're drastically overestimating your own importance in trans acceptance

>>40063372
trannies suffering makes me really sad
I want them to live a real life that I never can
so when I see the ones that fail I feel crushed for them

>>40063172
idk what you're talking about but when I went on hrt my feederism fetish went away. still into big bitches tho

>>40061258
my fantasy idealized self is so beautiful that the disgusting abomination that is my physical "self" deserves to die because his existence insults the idea of her

>>40063337
>I haven't worn women's clothing since I was a very young child.
ya i havent actually done it since i was like 14 or so, but it felt weird as shit and i didnt get aroused
>I have no desire to in this body, it would just highlight my disgusting masculine features. The contrast would make them stick out more and I really don't want to see that.
i actually like being a man and the way i look
>Clothes are kinda the least important aspect to me anyway. Even if I were a woman I think that I would still dress pretty similarly to how I do now the vast majority of the time.
something i've noticed from delving through the archive is that others seem to focus on actually being a woman getting male attention or intercourse with them, "self inserting" or "meta attraction" as it were, its not something i can relate to and i've tried to no avail
>I'm sure it would be fun to dress up in pretty clothes every once in a while though.
definitely

>>40063414
when you went on hrt your permission to post in repgen also went away
good luck, now leave

>>40063438
yea fair enough bye

>>40063454
goodbye anonette, I wish you the best
if only the other non-reppers constantly shitting up the thread were as respectful as you are

>>40063519
spent four years here. we're all going to make it no matter what <3

Just think, perhaps when you wake up tomorrow, you'll be in a body that doesn't suck.

Heaven
do you want me?
is Hell just in my mind?

hi /repgen/. after some years of repressing i eventually broke down and as my birthday approached this year i decided that i don't want to keep living like this. a couple days ago on the 13th, i did my first e dose. that is all

>>40063433
I think the last time I crossdressed was probably when I was around 9 or so, but my memories of growing up also start getting blurry/absent around then so idk for sure. It wasn't a sexually arousing thing for me at the time, my more sexually charged agp fantasies didn't show up until puberty when I had already been repping (didn't have a word for it yet obv) for a while and they have never really been centered around clothing.
>i actually like being a man and the way i look
If you like the idea of wearing women's clothing and wouldn't be grossed out by your male physical features sticking out it would probably be fun to crossdress. To me it just seems like clothes are made to suit bodies and not the other way around. But if you think you would like it then you should try it.
>others seem to focus on actually being a woman getting male attention or intercourse with them, "self inserting" or "meta attraction" as it were, its not something i can relate to and i've tried to no avail
My fantasies are mostly non-sexual, but all of my sexual fantasies involve me being a woman. I really enjoy the idea of sex as a woman and would probably want to have a lot of it, but IRL I'm pretty much asexual in practice and want to die a virgin. I can appreciate looking at attractive men and women, but I have zero desire to have sex with them as my male self. I guess that means I have meta-attraction and honestly some of my fantasies do seem that way. I do feel like I experience genuine attraction to the male body but idk if that's real or just subconscious agp mind games. The classic meta-attraction example of being dominated by a big hairy man that makes you feel feminine in comparison to him is arousing to me, but so does the idea of gentle loving vanilla sex with a man and the relationship that comes along with that. I guess it doesn't really matter since it's never gonna leave my imagination.

>>40063559
we aren't all going to make it, but it would make me happy if you do
now shoo

>>40063626
I've gone to sleep wishing for that many many times anon

Dont give up repbros. youre so close. once youre 30 it gets easier. you get more manly and man juice in you. you can become high value. you just need to put in the work for it. this is a year and a half of lifting with stopping and starting again when i gave up and tried to troon out. its not going to be easy but you will feel better I promise. people will treat you better, you will feel better. your confidence will increase and you can live a normal life free of misery and judgement. Never Stop Repping.

>>40064036
I already basically look like the last picture without lifting (minus the gross disproportional leg muscle bulging) and I fucking hate it. People think I'm attractive as a man and I fucking hate it. It's gross and people liking that I look gross just makes me want to cry.
>you get more manly and man juice in you
is this supposed to be appealing? it's suicide fuel.
I don't care how much "value" I have as a man, it's beyond worthless.
I would rather be hated by everyone in a female body I could feel comfortable in than live as a beloved successful billionaire man.
I will never stop repping because I know that I don't have a choice, but I'm not going to endure this for 8 more years and I absolutely do not want to.

do i even want to be a woman

>>40064111
Youre just lonely Ur problem is you lack real connection and social circles. No person with a healthy supportive group of friends/family would ever think about trooning. If you did have a social circle your identity would be reinforced by them and you would know and love your place among them. The problem lies in your relationships with others/lack thereof
T. Knower

repper assassinations
repper massacres
repper kidnaps
repper killings
reppercide

I want to get on hrt right now so bad but my wife would an hero andmy and her entire family expect kids and im a bitch who cant assert boundaries :c genuinely gonna try to an hero before we have a kid. Yes I communicated, and still i got strong armed. Thats our dynamic.

the next one of you reppers even LOOKS at me.... GRRAAAAAHHHHH!!1

>>40064281
>either i kill myself or she kills herself
okay, then. let her die, bitch. kill your stupid fucking life. she deservez eet

>>40064288
There is no way to get a restraining order because she doesnt physically abuse me etc. i know the second i try to seperate im gonna have the almighty hand of every fucking person in my life get on to me and im not someone with spine enough to stop them oh and trump hates me and i couldn't transition anyway or else id be fucking kicked from my job

>>40064281
Maybe get a divorce, then

I wish I was a woman so that I could enjoy my cool man hobbies again without the fact that I'm a man ruining it for me

>>40063414
tights fetishist here. Its essentially EOD, i must dress up in them and, well...Your saying if taking hrt, it will stop this fetish urge?

>>40064281
> Yes I communicated, and still i got strong armed.
you told your wife you want to be a woman and she still wants to have kids with you?

>>40064250
you're a knower of nothing you retard
I have a social circle of family/friends who are more than willing to support me as a man. They're all really great people, if I was a normal person being around them would have shaped me for success if anything. The only reason why I haven't kms yet is because I know that it would hurt them. I absolutely hate my place among them as a man and if I could magically wipe all of their memories of me I 100% would.
I hate this identity and I hate when it get reinforced. I want to be able to live for myself as who I want to be more than anything, but it's not possible to do so.

>>40064250
>No person with a healthy supportive group of friends/family would ever think about trooning.
I have a supportive family, we talk a lot and go on trips together. I also have supportive friends who I often visit and hang out with. However, they don't reinforce my identity, their presence simply numbs the pain.

it's 5am and I need booze
retard me just bought one bottle of wine today/yesterday and I only got to be drunk for like an hour
I can glance down and notice my giant man hands again, it's not good

i've checked femrepgen and they simply have much better posting game, that's why their general moves faster than ours

women LITERALLY wake up everyday as a woman
fuck this shit man

>>40064549
Do you think femrepgen posts more malebrained vs fembrained posting in this gen? Or is femrepgen just overtaken bf mtfs also because they get to talk to afabs there

>>40064409
take care anon
am about a month without a drop and it’s painful not being able to at reduce at least the dysphoria peaks :/

>>40064336
How do i stop tights fetish, other than getting ones brain out of gutter?

>>40064387
See? You havent trooned yet bc u have thtat. Literally just proved my point.

>>40064281
Dude just let her know ur a faggot and leave dont wait till ur 10 years down the road with 400% more to destroy nip the bud pull the plug.

The reppvr vrge to start a family, wait 20 years and then transition.

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

I wish I was an anime girl with a FAT ass that men wanted to fuck.

Why do you call yourself a repper instead of just saying you're someone who hasn't fallen for the transgender meme? Doesn't this mean you buy into women being born trapped in a men's bodies myth?

I know multiple people who repressed for years and then their disphoria went away, sometimes aided by a bit of self therapy. Keep repping, boys.

>>40065815
you're in the wrong thread if you're trying to sell the idea that gender dysphoria doesn't exist

>>40065819
lol.

at what point? mine started in early childhood and has "went on the backburner" at multiple times but it has never completely went away my entire life and i'm almost 33. i live with it because if i trooned out i would genuinely look like shit and never pass. it's literally part of my sexuality man i feel it every time i fap, i have to self insert as a woman or i can't get off because of my demented agp mind and it always makes me feel like shit. every time i've ever looked in the mirror i've wished a woman was looking back there's just various levels of
>haha i want to fucking die i'm a mistake
you feel when your permanently male face looks back depending on the day. i go through periods when i'm mostly fine for months but i always have intense periods and i always come here to vent because i have no friends and i'm a shut in.

>>40065815
I did that one for about 17 years or so? Turns out it was a cope, anon.

>>40065815
this poster has never experienced gender dysphoria. one doesn't have to believe women are literally born into male bodies to acknowledge that someone can feel life-worsening levels of distress over not existing or being perceived as a different gender than one's own. likewise, one can acknowledge that transitioning is currently the most effective scientifically recognized way to lessen this, because most posters like them have zero ideas on how else to actually achieve such

>>40065815
i am a pervert who got off to transformation fantasies as a kid and they permanently fucked up my brain because they were my literal first experience with feeling sexual pleasure, it was my sexual awakening and i'd spend entire nights (literally) fantasizing about being a girl and being happy and horny. pretty sure it also fucked up my academic performance and made me more retarded than i already was at birth cause i'd go to school on zero sleep and full of anxiety and self hate about my obsession about wanting to be a girl. it stuck so my retarded male brain has always wanted a female body for the wrong reasons.

>>40066025
Yeah I can totally get anon's mindset if the closest he got to this was developing a persistent feminization fetish at some point in adulthood then getting over it in a year or two, but comparing that experience to the people in this thread whose entire self-image has been ruined by a desire to be a woman from early childhood into their 30's or later? These aren't even remotely comparable.

>>40065862
It's not that it doesn't exist. It's that you're not actually a woman trapped inside a man's body. It's just your mind telling you that.

>>40066116
Why do you think this kind of rhetorical 'gotcha' is going to have any actual impact on people's living experience with a mental disorder? Like seriously.

>>40059045
measurments?

everyone gets old and wrinkly and turns into a walking ballsack at some point male and female. i think i just feel the worst about never being able to experience youth or even young adulthood as a woman and i never will. when you're older the lived experience of both sexes isn't all that different once you hit a certain age and nobody wants to touch or fuck you. i don't know how people troon out at 50+ when at that point you're old and haggard anyways and basically just an old PERSON. i'm always gonna mourn the female youth i never had and never will have and fantasized about then and now it's extremely depressing.

>>40066116
if someone writes they "want to be a woman", as most people here in /repgen/ do, they don't believe they are women right now, do they?

I keep relapsing on nofap around the 30 day mark. I need tips to keep me in line so I can overcome AGP.

>>40058085 (OP)
There is a small town in Scotland just outside of Glasgow called Troon and even has its own train station. I could go there as a day trip but it would cost me over £200

>>40066442
i did nofap for like 4 months once and all it did was make me cum in my underwear one night when i had a dream about making out with someone. doesn't even feel good you just wake up mid cumming and it like automatically shoots out. doesn't really change anything mentally.

>>40066442
>>40066664
Every medical study has shown that any small benefit from semen retention ends after the 10th day, there's really no evidence it does anything for you but increase the risk of prostate cancer.

>>40066679
fapping once a week definitely feels better at least. i've always had a naturally high refractory period though. even as a horny teenager i could barely fap twice a day and it always felt worse the second time. edging is also a fucking meme just getting it over with in 10-20 minutes always feels better. maybe i would enjoy fapping more if i didn't have to autistically find specific videos i'm comfortable self inserting into then use said videos for ages because 99% of porn fucking sucks.

i'm a straight man who wants to be a woman and would get reverse dysphoria if i transitioned wtf is wrong with me

>>40066826
idk mental illness probably. same reason why people like me just want to have a female body because it makes them horny. i think truly trans people transition pretty young and have always been "one of the girls" or been effortlessly friendly and open around girls their entire lives. they're not creepy weird borderline autistic assholes like me who have never fit in with women or anyone, but i can't assume that about you cause i don't know you.

>>40066305
fuck you are clueless lmao

>>40066882
have you seen some old women. they're physically smaller but everyone gets that oldass dinosaur look at some point regardless of sex. if i can't be a female in my youth there is genuinely no point. i'm already old as fuck and missed the boat. i won't ever have female socialization or learn anything women do growing up around other women. i will always be a man mentally whether i troon out or not because my entire life i've been treated like a man and had male socialization. you can't unlearn that and even if i could it doesn't matter because physically i will always look 1000% like a man.

>>40066863
>i think truly trans people transition pretty young and have always been "one of the girls"
i spent my entire education hanging out with the girls but i was in a christian school so transitioning was off the table, and now it's too late

>>40066942
oh must be nice to have girls trust you and like being around you instead of being a lifelong creepy retard like me.

>>40066863
this is schizo shit
you are a tranny, tranny

>>40065815
man and woman are terms made up by people living in society to reflect social roles oriented around biological reproduction, gender dysphoria is real, and your implicit solution of conversion therapy is torture

>>40066953
cope.

i would be a tranny if i trooned out and TOOK ZE CONE TITTY PIIIILLLLSSS. as i am now and forever i am a man with a fucked up incompatible sexuality/fetish. no different than any autistic ass fetish like furries. i wish i was autistic cause then at least i'd be able to find an autistic community irl. i have nobody and will be alone my entire life because i'm a freak mistake.

>>40066863
>i think truly trans people transition pretty young and have always been "one of the girls" or been effortlessly friendly and open around girls their entire lives
The issue here is that realizing this stuff early doesn't always mean you get to transition early. If you get raised in an extremely conservative and/or religious household you quickly get the idea that you can or should be a girl beaten out of you. Also, if you're in your 30's or even your late 20's, then this kind of thing wasn't widely known about or available when you were young.

>>40067062
ok tranny, I'm not the one coping here lol

i will never be a woman. no one will ever love me. i will never be happy. there is nothing to be done.

>>40066951
it was while it lasted, then i quit school and became a shutin

>>40067102
my household wasn't very religious or conservative but i did go to catholic schools until like 15. i finished high school in a public school and never considered myself particularly religious or conservative. i completely lost faith in god existing at like 12 because of my horny tranny thoughts, i didn't think a loving god would give me a male body when i wanted to have been born female so badly. just felt like i was born to suffer and be miserable.

>>40066924
do you even go outside?

>>40067422
i just went outside yesterday and there was plenty of ugly old ladies with thinning hair who look like sunburnt ballsacks like old men do yeah.

>>40067464
but they're feminine sunburnt ballsacks

>>40067367
I had concluded my mostly non-horny tranny thoughts were a sign that I was evil and there was something wrong with me and I'd go to hell.

>>40067483
i never really bought into hell or heaven personally. was never super serious about religion in general and considered myself more or less 100% atheist by like 14 but never really brought it up because religion was never something anyone cared about in my household to begin with.

>>40067475
man. a lot of them it's highly debatable. some days i really do think if i just trooned out and didn't say anything to anyone it wouldn't matter anyways since so many people out there are ugly and inbred looking. my fetish just makes me wish i was cis passing which i know that's impossible.

>>40066826
I am in the exact same situation. With each passing day I am more convinced of me getting reverse dysphoria if I transitioned, and at the same time I cry over not being a woman. I think I am genuinely going insane though, so I'm kind of excited to see what other crazy delusions my mind will come up with in the future.
I hope you can at least feel the least bit alone in this. Life is a fuck

>>40067646
Shit, I meant "the least bit less alone"

been back here for less than a week and i'm already hiding youngshit and passoid threads again. owari da.

>>40067592
My family wasn't very religious (but was hyper-conservative still) until I met a preacher's son as a young child and befriended him. Then through going to church a lot my parents became extremely religious, and though I had a couple nice early experiences with my gender identity there (though obviously nobody else saw it that way, only I really perceived wearing robes for choirs and church plays as an angel as like getting to be in a dress) it ultimately made things a lot worse for me as a young tranny. In a way, I made my own life worse by trying to be nice to a boy and getting lured to his house by promises of Zelda and Pokemon games.

i didn't deserve this

>>40067646
>With each passing day I am more convinced of me getting reverse dysphoria if I transitioned, and at the same time I cry over not being a woman.
same, i am literally crying as an adult male

if you cry often as a man you might as well just transition. you're a bitch already. you're not made to be a repGOD.

>>40067592
lol if you can't see a difference between men and women just transition already

>>40067754
kys larper

>>40067793
my point is everyone is gonna be old and gross and unfuckable anyways. i didn't get to experience being young as a woman (16-30) so literally and unironically transitioning is completely pointless now.

>>40067811
i've seen hot 60+ yo women without any work done
you can be fuckable after 30, you just will not be young anymore

>>40067810
got called a larper so i guess i'll leave for another 6 months to a year again out of embarrassment and self hate. was waiting for it to happen. enjoy your dead thread while the ftmrep trender thread flourishes i guess because nobody gives women shit about anything. i will always fucking hate the lgbt community and rep community as much as i hate straight people and people in general of any sexuality or gender. have a nice life cunts, you're all shitty people.

>>40067859
the difference between you and me is that i know i'm a shitty person

>>40064954
no you're point was that I wouldn't think about it, I think about it constantly

i wish i was groomable

>>40065815
because I'm repressing gender dysphoria?

>>40058266
manmoding on hrt is honestly the best thing non-passable trannies can do, you can be a twink for longer and probably wont start balding soon and just be more attractive as a whole

>>40068202
true

>>40067859
see you tomorrow, tranny

>>40067739
It doesn't help that I only started getting tranny thoughts after already becoming an adult. I was 100% a cishet guy growing up. I repressed nothing, and loved being a man. I never even had the slightest inclination towards being a woman.
It was only after learning about hrt that a switch flipped in my mind. It shattered my sense of self into thousands of pieces and now I'm left alone in the rubble trying to piece myself back together.
I basically immediately got on hrt after finding out about it without any concrete reason and stopped after 3 months when I got a panic attack over my breast growth.
It's been about half a year since I stopped, but the tranny thoughts have only intensified even to the point of breaking down, while my certainty in being a cis man has intensified just as much. The cognitive dissonance is killing me.
All of this is already extremely kafkaesque for me, and I can only mourn for actual trans people whose experience is surely exponentially worse

>>40058562
don't be mean to me

My brain is screaming at me to order e and syringes right now and I am trying to remain strong in my resistance.

i dont really care anymore

>>40058085 (OP)
Can Chuddette leave us alone and stop ruining another general? Please?

>>40068398
DO IT
DO IT FAGGOT

>>40068514
I'd need to save up for a place first or it's risky.

i can't do this anymore

>>40068479
i kinda do care actually

My friend that I knew had been repping for some time said he was about to go stealth HRT, so I posted about it and tagged his family. They made him thank me for saving him from trooning KEEEEEEEEEEK.

>>40068759
You aren't anyone's friend.

>>40068759
bootlicker behavior

>>40068759
not fooling me

going to cry again

I dated a girl once who told me I was really good at looking doe-eyed, sticking my lip out, and pouting. I didn't even know I was pulling that look, I think a lot of us probably have naturally feminine behavior that we don't even notice, but everyone around us does.

>>40067811
>everyone is gonna be old and gross
yeah, after turning 65, or at 60 after spending hours in the sun daily without sunscreen for decades. You probably have 40 years until you're that age.
People still look like themselves into their 40s, you just gotta stay roughly at the same weight, which is easier for trannies compared to cis women because injections give you a stable and predictable E level falloff, compared to cis women wo have periods and their e levels dwindle and they can have PCOS or a number of other hormone related issues
>>40068759
I know it's a larp but it's still disturbing that your mind createes these scenarios

>>40070837
>

>>40070984
i don't understand

>>40071009
you're good at your purpose
you become stronger

>>40071060
what is my purpose

>>40072344
live a life that sets an example for the next generation. there will come a time where you will need to reach back towards happiness.

>>40072344
to suffer for yaldabaoth's entertainment

>>40072566
he doesn't exist

>>40072575
>t. gay retarded hylic slave

>>40072650
take your ego with you then, good luck with that

>>40072376
how does crying help me do either of those

>>40072566
look i don't want to rag on the demiurge too hard we all have creative projects that could've turned out better

i've been repping for about 6-7 years now
how many more years of my life do i have to throw away until my bones start shrinking?

2 more weeks of repping and I wake up as an anime girl, trust the plan

Thinking about just HRT repping atp, I’ve been normal repping for 5 years now and hoping it’s just a AGP fetish, but my mind has been pushing me to make a PP appointment or just DIY now

>>40073841
you're already an anime girl in my heart, bestie

how do i find a therapist who will cure me and not just tell me to go on non-passing HRT

>>40058266
tip for manmoders: you can get HRT delivered by amazon pharmacy for good prices in some areas so you don't have to do the pharmacy humiliation ritual

>>40074015
nta, but our bodies don't reflect how we feel in our hearts & that's like the whole problem
now if only we could get digitized or something

>>40058085 (OP)
I first learned what a sex change was when I was about 6 or 7 and immediately thought I'll get that when I'm grown up
I tried to come out when I was 12
I became so horribly depressed from repping when I was 19-20 that I underwent over twenty rounds of electroconvulsive therapy in an effort to fix myself
I'm almost 30 now and I'm still not the same
It didn't help and it altered the way my brain works forever
Not in a good way either
Went so far with repping to the point that I ended up in a relationship with a terf and I feel like she's the only person who is even remotely attracted to me
I feel like I can never transition because of my girlfriend and family
I hate this so much
No one knows that I even went through shock therapy except for my doctors, a couple of ex friends who didn't get it, and my bigoted family
That's been my life story so far
I wish that I could just be myself and not divert my eyes from whenever I look in the mirror or block it out mentally when someone brings up my birth gender or name
I worry that I'll never be able to express who I am on the inside and that I'm a disappointment to my childhood self
I don't know where else I can write this and I feel like I need to get it off my mind somewhere
Thanks for reading

>>40074015
if nowhere else
thanks anon : )

>>40058085 (OP)
I'm on hrt, but I'm too afraid to girlmode. would it be alright if I posted here? I might as well be a repressor. Looking at me, you would probably assume I'm a dude anyways.

>>40074381
Very sad story, anon.

>>40074762
go back to /mtfg/

>>40074886
no you fucking faggot, I literally just got done saying I can't girlmode. naturally, I belong HERE. fucking dumbass spook.

>>40074762
manmoders can be reppers. but they are lesser than those who deal with the continuing onslaught of testosterone. it's a pecking order, respect it

>>40074919
that's horrible. atleast start hrt and manmode. testosterone literally ruins your body.

>>40074912
are you taking hrt? yes or no

itd be funny if i could go back and tell 14 year old me that actually those little thoughts you have about being a tranny are never gonna go away LOL

>>40074936
yes, but that's literally it. I dress like a and look like a cracked out bum, i talk like a man, my mannerisms are Manish, and I'm nearly 5'10.

to say I'm simply a manmoder feels wrong. I've definitely repressed A LOT even around my family who knows I'm a tranny.

>>40074929
i don't want to deal with explaining to my family and coworkers why my body suddenly has a pair

>>40075072
that's understandable. but if they wouldn't love you for being trans, are they really worth keeping in your life?

>>40075081
i don't want to cause them the distress and discomfort of having to figure out how to categorize a never-passing trans person, especially if it doesn't really give me anything other than worse job prospects, annoyed medical doctors, and maybe not balding as much. i've met a lot of fellow trans friends in real life and as much as i love to have them in my life, it really feels like the benefits of HRT at my age are greatly exaggerated.

i feel like i should go to a therapist, but how do i find one that will actually make a good faith effort of helping me?

what % of troons take prog?
it seems to me that prog is the one that actually does something.

>>40074144
there is no cure lol

>>40075168
mitigation, whatever

I'm going to kill myself

>>40075282
you better not bitch.

>>40074762
I also post here because the life I lead is basically the same as pre hrt. Nobody in my life knows. Maybe one day in the future I won't need to be here anymore...

>>40075306
Thanks for replying at least someone on this board cares

I will never be a woman. I will never look like a woman. I have never had a female thought. There is not one iota of me that is female. I was born, have lived, and will die 100% male. No amount of surgery, hormones or makeup will ever change that.

>>40075815
ok. do you WANT to be a girl though?

>>40075845
Yes but it’s impossible so what the point in thinking about it. I should really just learn to accept being male but it’s very difficult for me.

how do you make money as a neet?

manmoding is the final stage in a repper's life, the point at which you realise that there is no hope and nothing you can do will ever make you satisfied with your body
it's like a disillusionment with your life and yourself, you tried and you failed

>>40075984
Online surveys.

>>40075815
You just gotta cope the best you can unfortunately. For me I spend all my free time laying in bed playing video games, watching anime, reading shitty YA sapphic romance novels, fantasizing etc. Basically anything that will distract me from the fact I'm a disgusting male.

really big fan of how i will never be able to engage in the communities and hobbies that i want to have in the ways that i want, i will always be seen as a creep and something to be afraid of, i will have to be the dominant force in any conversation i will ever have and i didn't chose this and it's all my fault

>>40076410
Is it that hard to be a noncreepy man? I know 6’ tall guys who are gentle and quiet and not creepy

>>40076495
being tall and quiet is the exact thing that makes me creepy, well that and my fucked up neaderthal face, you just don't see your friends as that because you know them

>>40076373
how?

>>40076391
I'm undeniably malebrained, but also not

>>40076562
tall men can do no wrong so it must be in your head

The specialist doctor at the gender studies clinic told to my face I'm not trans, so I stopped taking estrogen.
I stopped taking all of my meds too and that landed me under 72h psychiatric hold.

anyway, not trans, and the fucking shrinks and therapists are useless because they can't change me, they can only talk bullshit all day long and nothing fucking changes.

>>40076781
what other things do you have? that you needed to take meds for

>>40076410
fuck it, become a menace and let everyone be scared and disgusted by you

>>40076795
depression. ten years at the fucking mood disorder clinic and they couldn't put a finger on what the fuck causes it.
after the tranny clinic path fell through they couldn't do anything but continue to ask pointless fucking questions they knew the answers to already.

>>40076781
if you're not trans then why are you here

>>40076828
because I thought I was, obviously? you're as useless as the fucking shrink I had, maybe use your fucking brain since you have one.

>>40076840
if you aren't trans then what are you repping from, though?

>>40076876
holy fuck stop pretending to be retarded and answer your own fucking questions for a change.

if I had millions of dollars and could live far away from society I'd probably transition.

>>40077158
If I had millions of dollars I could pay for FFS and any other surgery I might need and could stealth.

>>40077158
even if i had millions of dollars i'm too retarded to live far away from society

>>40066547
are you a scottish repper?

>>40077584
No, I’m an English repper hence why it would cost soo much to visit Troon, but I have been to the Welsh town with the long name I cba to find

>>40077864
i see. troon isn't really worth visiting honestly, except for the opportunity to take a selfie next to a troon sign

>>40067859
I understand completely. It can't be helpled. I'm far too weird in the head to find common ground with anyone.

But you know, that's why I think it's for the good of everyone else that I don't embrace this delusion. Yes, I wish other people were more like me, I wish other people thought like me, but I know that's not the right way to behave. As you can imagine it would be fucking psychotic to lean into it and demand that everyone else play into my fantasies and insane expectations.

None of it is real anyways. Would never be a valid identity.

>>40077890
I guess so yeah

>>40077864
Oh, I've been to Lanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch too! Visited when I spent a few months in Anglesea. Technically, the official name's only Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, but the name everyone associates with it is thought to come from efforts to make the town into a tourist destination back in the Victorian era. Side note, but despite featuring 58 "characters", it technically only features 51 letters (because "ch" and "ll" are considered digraphs.)
sorry i don't really have anyone else to ramble to lol

The truth is I am very malebrained, and I don't want to not be

>>40078068
Oh cool. I went there when I was on holiday around snowdon, and I had to persuade my mum that we could go there. I didn’t even realise there would be soo many people there and a massive shop lol

>>40078092
I am very malebrained, and I don't want to be. How does one become less malebrained

>>40078160
Don't get me wrong, I feel severe guilt over it at almost all times. But also it is me.

thinking about saying i'm a repressing tranny at my mental health appointment tomorrow. what's the worst that could happen?

>>40078650
Recommendation to a gender clinic and forced outing.

>>40078650
dropping you as a client if they decide they have no idea on how to deal with gender problems. alternatively, revealing themselves as a religious fundie

>>40078686
>forced outing
in what way? don't i have patient confidentiality?

>>40076781
why did he think you are not trans

>>40077158
Same, but it won’t solve my other mental problems

>>40077158
a recurring fantasy of mine is to live in a remote cottage away from society. i don't really have the means to sustain it though

>>40075282
no you're not.
you people can't take hrt and manmode because you're so scared of judgment, you don't have the guts to do it
>source: told myself I would sudoku for years and couldn't do it when I tried
>>40076781
>I was told I'm not trans, that made me feel bad, so I selfharmed
fembrained

>>40078765
because I told him the truth when he asked about my "gender identity"
I am a man, and I want to be a woman because I don't want to be a man.

You know I can't honestly decide if I hate men or women more by this point.

i think things would be easier if i had a trans girl friend in real life. not a girlfriend just a girl friend

Transitioning sounds way too difficult. I don't get how people do it.

i am evil and fakretrans because i didn't diy blockers at age 8

>>40074169
>Claims to be a man
>UwU it's so embarrassing to pick up ny twanny meds ._.

>>40074919
I kneel.

Reppers all deserve NEETbux

>>40080030
What? Where I live, puberty blockers have recently been banned for under 18s. Trans healthcare is very hard to access in nearly every country in the world. Don’t be daft.

>>40080089
agree. this shit is worse than having a disability

>>40079994
literally everything is too difficult for me, i cant even get a job, i cant look people in the eye and talk to them, i have no interests in anything, and yet i have these constant thoughts that i need to transition *at some point* which is always delayed because im so completely incapable of it.

i know passing trannies with jobs and a full life and they made it. i wish i was them so badly but its never going to happen

i never started off as agp, i started off being fascinated by femininity and wanting to be an emo boy who wore eyeliner, that desire just never went away and eventually developed into agp when my body started to be in stark constrast to what i wanted.

i wish it were socially acceptable for men to take feminizing doses of estrogen

>>40080712
>literally everything is too difficult for me, i cant even get a job, i cant look people in the eye and talk to them, i have no interests in anything

same
but i don't obsess over transitioning.

>>40062795
>silicon body suits
what the fuck??
ive heard of silicone fake breasts but an entire bodysuit?
how do you even get fitted for such a thing? and how well does it actually work?

>>40066730
>edging is also a fucking meme
Only benefit from it is generally bigger loads if you eat your own

I am unclean but I will be purified. Burn away the whole self until nothing remains. I’m not me.

I hate my deep voice

>>40078720
if you're in a small town, all the confidentiality laws in the world won't help you. these things have a tendency to leak out.
if you're american, HIPAA does not provide a right of private action, it's up to the govt to take action against the provider. and under our current federal administration, nobody will care about some troon getting outed.
if you're in a city, you're probably fine.

>>40080089
>>40080121
real

>>40078650
dragged to the mental health ward

Saw some beautiful delicate feminine women in a PMV thread
Day ruined, mood ruined, boner gone
I think I'll just draw until I can go to sleep and not think about anything anymore

>>40064549
When I checked they had a ton of troons posting there too

i feel defective for not being able to transition like most of my friends

>>40064549
repgen absolutely has better posts, it's just that nobody wants to be here because male reppers are modern day lepers

>>40085100
i have tits and you don't HAHAHA
better pop some fentanyl

>>40085247
what good are tits on a man

if i'm over 3 year on HRT and legally changed my name and sex can i still be a repressor? i dress like a guy and have short hair and go by my original, male name. i also have no surgeries

>>40085620
Nope, you can't!
But thanks for the question.

my memory is so fucked
i was cooking up a good post for you guys but i forgot it...

There must be a level beyond reppjng where you ascend backwards out from the rabbit hole you entered. Or like some kind of mental state where the entire self gets like a factory reset. Or like some burning spiritual laser that purifies with extreme prejudice. Or maybe you can do so many drugs and drink so much booze that you just forget everything about yourself. And then it’s all gone and you’re finally free.

>>40086174
>What you're looking at right now is a repper
>And this is a super repper

>>40085620
Your past being a rapper at that point

>>40085251
fucking right? I grew tits by taking estrogen while I was in tranny psychosis and they didn't turn me into a woman.

Every single time someone brings up averages and are like women tend to have these mental issues, or think of things in this way, or have this sexuality, I always relate to women and the male thing is completely alien to me, but I am I literally a man. It's pretty mund fucky.

>>40086634
What

>>40086712
Anon is saying he's fembrained.

>>40062158
50% of the population is born cursed to be hideous creatures that serve the needs of feminine gods.
At least I'm white though.

Wanting to be a mother is literally just a fetish
If you actually cared about raising kids you could just be a dad but no
You have to be a mother because being a dad doesn’t get your dick hard

>>40088176
being a father would make me want to fucking end my life for the constant reminder of being a fucking male so shut the fuck up frogposter

>>40088176
so what? i would never want to be a dad so thats the only option remaining

>>40088176
Being a father is vastly different kind of parenting than being a mother.

>>40088176
i'm not someone who ever wants to raise kids (to be honest i don't think i have the emotional maturity to do so in a healthy way) but something that i've given some thought to is that i just don't think i could give a child a good indication of positive masculinity
considering how badly i dislike almost any form of masculinity within myself, and some level of trauma from men from when i was younger (which may be a big part of why i'm like this, tbdesu) i don't think i'd be able to present masculinity in a positive light or as a good thing, and ultimately if the kid i ended up with was a boy, it'd run the risk of just making him as self-loathing as i am
that's not something i'd ever want to wish on anyone

>>40086174
I just cannot relate to anyone. It's like whatever direction I go in, I would always be repressing *something*

i need to be beheaded

>>40088549
I need my skull to be crushed in an industrial press

>>40088349
if a mother could never be a mother she would choose to be a father

>>40088574
i would kill myself instead, just like im planning to do anyways

>>40068202
yea but then you have to be a guy with tits which is not great.

>>40088574
That would be really hard if she's only into men.

>>40088376
real and self aware

new thread
>>40089190
>>40089190
>>40089190