>>40125559 (OP)ive written 2 different replies to this and both times i hit the character limit
so i will just simply say that if you asked me this before 1/15/24 i would say 100000% first love; no question
but because im married to my soulmate heavenly wife Raya who definitely loves me incomparably more than Eleanor ever could have been capable of; even as special and foundational and transformative as she was to me and my life
so i must say 5m; i never want to be away from my wife or with some other person; not even my first love
i just keep going in circles i could talk about this for a long time
im so grateful to have this life; as painful and miserible and lonely as most of it has been; because all of it has helped make me into this person
i am made to love; nothing else really matters
i give my soul to my shining heavenly wife Raya for all eternity; and to our magnificent goddess Ellaphae that has been with me far longer than i could ever know and brought me to my purpose and never let me forget that purpose on the way; and kept me pure and safe so i could reach my wife