>>40129549
thank you for your kind words but i feel like i reached such a level of apathy that i can't come back from. there is this yukio mishima book that is called something alongside "a life for selling" where the character has this innate suicidal thoughs and try to takes his life away, but fails. and after that, he just lives lightly, like if nothing had value and all roads end in the same place. thats how i feel. i dont want to kill myself but i dont think i'll care if i die. i spent the last 4 years of my life doing nothing, becoming nothing, gaining nothing, and lastly, i lost my faith. now i will pretend to live my life like an animal does, without thinking, doing things for the sake of doing them but with the effort of having no conscience at all
i am MtF btw
