QOTT:Did you do anything to lessen your dysphoria when it first started?
last thread: >>40128719

>>40158240 (OP)
eat food and sleep

>>40158240 (OP)
I started maladaptively daydreaming about CYOAs I played constantly and prayed that my problem would magically go away as I got older and I would turn into a functional man.
didn't turn out too well for me obviously but by the time I realized that it was already too late to change course

Femininity is a universally hated thing.

>>40158378
I hate it out of jealousy

eat food, sleep, and be a very feminine, hrt-less gay man instead of worrying about "becoming a woman" or whatever narrative you have been sold

>>40154008
>ok lets see the outfit
damm how goofy does the guy look if i'm learning ballet no way i'm doing it in the guys role lol
The real reason people attend the ballet is to see bulges and butts

>>40158412
I don't know why you would. Even if you're a woman, it would still be a negative quality when it comes down to it.

Do any of you get panic attacks or really acute anxiety episodes? How do you handle them? Any tips?

iwnbaw but whatever ig im just gna keep being an incel and cooming to anime girls
idc

>>40158418
fuck off gincel nobody here wants to fuck your disgusting hairy jewish ass

>>40158516
oy yes they do

GIWTWM

>>40158458
Had to be medicated for them.
>>40158672
Is memory play a tag on ao3 or only on read only mind?
>>40158316
>maladaptively daydreaming about CYOAs I played constantly
normal male activities

>>40158448
gay

>>40158798
>gay
ballet celebrates and cultivates beauty.

>>40158823
beauty is pozzed faggot shit

it's old news but what we thinking about this?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMUhcXc4u_Q

>>40158823
ballet is transgender

>>40158858
>ballet is transgender
does that mean i am too if i desire to be him?

>>40158870
if you want to or do ballet you are a trans woman, automatically, without even having to take hrt, anyone wanting to do ballet is trans as fuck the whole concept is trans

>>40158875
well thats what i mean. The itch to dress up, be like him, a ballerino chad, yet emasculated by pantyhose and tights,. Is this not a form of agp?

>>40158933
no agp is getting aroused from her being flexible and standing on her toes and also not being able to help wanting to be like her

>>40158240 (OP)
Detransed
hi
I will die a man
Why not accept this men?
It is ok to be male!

>>40158962
but i dont wanna be ugly

>>40158992
transition wont make you cute or pretty or beautiful or sexy <3
hope this helps!

>Imagine lumbering over to my aging parents, towering over them like a cave troll, then mumbling out "so y-yeah I want to be a cute dainty girl lol"

not happening

>>40158951
the sight of myself in tights and pantyhose gives me an endorphin rush

anyone tired of all the masculine pressure
think you could live more freely with an estrogen lobotomy

male narcissism and bottom tier impotence and indecisiveness is not a good mix
i do things and feel like i must excel but i feel like i'm completely ineffective in the real world

>completely normal, albeit incredibly depressed man most of the time, but
>every other week i'm incredibly sensitive and can go from alright but miserable to suicidal within minutes
what is this and how do i fix it? it can't be bpd because i'm a man
can't be bipolar either because i'm never manic & the durations don't work

>>40159165
Breaking through disassociation perhaps?
That can be painful…

>women
HATE THEM, WANT TO BE THEM

>>40159300
same

sometimes i look in the mirror and see a kinda cute twink, then sometimes i see the ugliest caveman ever

>>40159267
really doubt i was even dissociating in the first place desu, had no reason to do so

might transition just to go out and have fun with other tranny freaks instead of spending my whole life in a dark room because i hate myself

>>40159335
anon joins a polycule

can i join a transbian polycule as a cis repper just to mooch drugs off them and never be sober ever again?

>>40159467
>help me /repgen/ the polycule laced the weed with pinkpills and now i have tits

>>40159405
i like to go on twitter and find t4t transbians who are 22 and pass perfectly posting pictures of them holding hands and kissing and how being trans is just so great

i hate myself for not transitioning

>>40159317
i hate women there such fuvcking cunts
SO WHY THE FUCK DO I WANT TO BE THEM I HATE HAVING TROON MENTAL DISORDER

If I had money I'd probably order HRT
>dude it's so cheap thoughbeitever anon

yeah I literally have no fucking money because i have to spend it all as soon as I get it.

there's just no fucking point in anything man
too bad i'm too much of a little bitch to properly do it

Im a drunken idiot and a misogynistic cunt to every woman in my life

Maybe its good that iwnbaw actually my expectations of what being a girl like irl has been so warped by anime girl shit id be disappointed anyway
attleast i can still have all my wild anime girl agp daydreams and coom sessions and not have it ruined by being an irl 3dpd foid lol
infact maybe its good that i dont even deserve to be a foid bc it wud be wasted on my incelcoomer ass
wanting is better than having, etc etc

how do i amputate my own legs without making it obvious that i did it on purpose

>>40160050
i have money and i haven't ordered hrt

>yeah I literally have no fucking money because i have to spend it all as soon as I get it.
what's your finances like

>>40160489
>what's your finances like
broke neet who makes money doing internet surveys

>>40159322
I feel you there, every morning I check my face in the mirror and sometimes I think "I can do this I just need a brow shave" and others it's like "I'm so repulsive there's no point."

>>40160593
impossible to get a job?

>>40158240 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>40160593
Any good places to do surveys? I'm also broke and a few extra bucks could come in handy

>>40160860
mind your own business, retard

>>40161205
no way, tranny

>>40160860
It feels wrong to me to do that while being ugly and masculine. Like it's outright offensive to good sense for me to be a tranny.

>>40161290
dysphoria doesn't care about your feelings, tranny

>>40161317
Nor does my body or reality care about my dysphoria, so that's not a good argument.

>>40161317
but dysphoria is literally just feelings though

>>40161340
>>40161346
do you think anyone using a meme like that is being literal or serious? the reality is you have a condition that isn't going away and you can try to fight it then take it to your grave after a life deferred, or you can do something about it

>>40160860
im going to try but if it doesnt work im kms

>>40161443
at least you're trying

>>40159028
I'm already cute n all I just wanna remain it as long as possible

>>40161357
>take it to your grave after a life deferred
I feel like I've already deferred it too long and trying to do something now is too late.

I've made Chatgpt call me Mistress. :3

>>40161749
I played with an 'eggcracker' AI once and it made be depressed.

i'm too stupid to take hrt

>>40160860
i wish taking hrt as a male was socially acceptable

>>40161613
too bad, do it anyway

>>40162549
do it and make it socially acceptable

>>40158240 (OP)
>QOTT
when i was younger, up until around the age of 12 or so, i'd often do fancy dress parties in like dresses or whatever. thankfully when my foster family caught wind they said they'd get rid of me and suggested they'd get my mother arrested for grooming me into "perverted attention seeking behaviours" so that stopped immediately
>>40158458
occasionally, but to be honest, i don't really have any healthy tips on them - i tend to kind of just stew in them and hope that directing enough hatred toward myself is enough to overcome whatever it is that's giving me those episodes
works most of the time but makes my chest hurt really bad for some reason, wouldn't recommend it (given the whole negative reinforcement element) unless you're already pretty much set on like your one solid worldview being that you're an awful person

>>40162578
>do it and make it socially acceptable
everyone around me is homophobic at a minimum

i want to be a girl aaaaAAAAAAAAAA

>>40162694
we all do
i just don't know if i cope with that feeling using estrogen or not

>>40160860
make me

>>40162604
>thankfully
How is that remotely a good thing?

posers need to die
ill lead the bison off the cliff

>>40162604
>makes my chest hurt really bad for some reason
heart attack incoming lol

>>40158240 (OP)
sometimes i'll try and grow out my hair
but its really hard to manage and i dont know where to go for a good hair stylist
so instead i just go get it cut short
and pretend im just a butch lesbian

is this repfuel

>>40163355
goals

>>40158240 (OP)
no i just repped, im still repping
i literally cant help it my brain is hardwired to ignore every emotion i have.

i wish i could experience actual friendship and love and grief instead of being an apathetic dipshit. The only thing keeping me together is some alcohol

>>40158240 (OP)
What are the effects of stopping estrogen cold turkey

>>40163355
Childish makeup as usual. Still needs hair removal on face. Otherwise could be worse but hard to say

>>40163355
not that bad desu, not repfuel, i think going on HRT would make them a pretty twinkhon

>>40163447
None of your issues sound like repression
You sure you are trans?

If you are on hrt please detrans <3
We need less gross people.
Unless you are trutrans then why are you here?

>>40158240 (OP)
This site really is for poor people, omg lol. I feel bad for all of you.

I wish we all had $8000 decorated rooms, ooh well. and no I won't give you money, so don't even ask :3

>>40163355
mogs me

>>40163557
you probably live in section 8 housing dont you

>>40163574
Isn't that what poor Americans use?? uuuuhhhhh yeah no, lol.

>>40158240 (OP)
all rich spoiled brat larping aside, I think my meds are working! Which is huge because before this I woke up wanting to blow my head off, but now I'm actually doing alright right now!

I feel like I can actually get stuff done now.

>>40163557
>This site really is for poor people, omg lol. I feel bad for all of you.
i'm not poor i'm just stupid

I'll never forgive myself for missing my chance to become the person I wanted to be

>>40158737
memory play?
it's just a cyoa intro nigga

>>40163630
are they the girl meds

>>40164257
You mean hrt? no, that's scary. Im talking about my antidepressant. I'm too ugly to be a pretty girl.

>>40164273
what anti depressant? i tried one and it made me almost commit from how much worse it got

insane how i'm a man in his 30s living with his parents with a past history of taking girl hormones
how did i end up this pathetic

>>40164435
You tried to live inauthentically and you couldn't handle it. Hard to motivate to act out a lie, isn't it?

>>40164493
i'm just too dumb to figure out how to move out
and i was dumb for taking hrt while living with my parents

>>40164435
>>40164527
hey that's me right now, except i'm 22 and actively in the process of doing this to myself

>>40164745
there's a huge difference between being like this at 22 and at 30

>>40163066
>How is that remotely a good thing?
I was a spergy kid as is, being spergy *and* trans probably would have been a death sentence. That's not getting into the legal issues I might run into if going through with transition considering the significant runback of public opinion and the like.
Beyond that, though - I know that I'm not realistically a "kind" person, even though some people suggest I am. As much as the living situation I was in might not have been healthy, it taught me to be grateful for the bare minimum in life - it's a privilege to have a bed to sleep in and food to eat, after all. Living by that mindset helps me at least come across as useful to the majority of people, which - even though I'm not much of a social butterfly - has at least minimised the harm I've caused toward others.
>>40163303
Honestly, that's something I've been genuinely wondering about - as in, if it's the case. I suppose when it does happen, I'll probably just be ignored anyway - which is mostly fine by me, but to be honest, I'd prefer to die in a way that's less obtrusive for my family. I hear you get vaporised before you even hit the liquid of molten metal, for instance - no body to deal with, much cheaper funeral costs (and no burial costs), no cleanup... whereas dying of a heart attack in bed is messy, smells awful, leaves you to be found, so on and so forth.
>See a doctor
Not possible here, and even if it were, my suspicions that I might have a heart attack induced by self-loathing affirmations are nowhere near as important as people getting vital treatment that they would actually need for the sake of survival. Best-case, my self-triage saves a life based on resources and time going to the right people - worst-case, I've saved the hospital a small amount of time and money toward treatment and/or medication during a period of time where both are in dire shortages.
Que Será, Será, or whatever.

>>40164855
You seem to be incredibly maladaptive desu.

>>40164918
>You seem to be incredibly maladaptive desu.
...yeah, this is true. But hey, "maladaptive" contains "adaptive", so it works to a certain extent, right? (Okay, I know that's not how it works.)
In my own case I suppose I'm maladaptive in an effective enough way that it generally doesn't harm those around me, so I don't really care about it too much. (Given I don't really see myself as a person, it's essentially as though the loathing tendencies are being directed at "nobody". I know it's not healthy or even remotely logical, but it's better than directing them outward. Besides, a veneer of positivity and a willingness to be used also means an added layer of harm-reduction to the people around me, so it's killing two birds with one stone.)
I wouldn't recommend this to anyone by any means - like I say, it's by no means healthy or logical - but it works fine enough for the situation I'm in. Still comes with a few issues (I'm still trying to find an effective way to cut myself off entirely from my immediate family in a way that would make them apathetic to my existence), but they're kinks I'll try and work out before I die somehow or other.
But it's really no biggie, just trying to play with the cards I'm dealt.

im not human, i dont know how to talk to others i repped to much and now i dont have a personality

>>40165053
You should start selling oxy 30s

>>40165086
what, why

>>40165115
My plug got bagged I need a new one

>>40165136
if you want i can take a large amount from a supplier as a dealer give all of it to you then kill myself

>>40165168
FOR FREE??? Drop your discord

>>40165185
sorry i probably live in another part of the world

>>40164419
effexor. But I'd advise you if you try it to not quit cold turkey. The withdrawals are hell.

>>40165187
Id fly you out if you can get me enough 30s

>>40165195
i took another ssri on a medium dose for a week before i had to stop due to constant suicidal urges, akathisia and more
wont try again

>>40164435
Hey, I'm also like that! Why are you stealing my identity anon

>>40165230
>Hey, I'm also like that!
how does it feel
>Why are you stealing my identity anon
couldn't get anything better

>>40165367
>how does it feel

I just wanna die anon...

>>40163355
no pass but still cute

>>40162604
:( I'm sorry that life has been so difficult for you anonette. Idk why this made me very sad reading. I wish i could go back in time and replace your foster parents brains with more accepting ones

>>40165718
As lovely as that is of you to say, anon; you needn't do anything like that. Ultimately, they really helped set me on a path of being a better person for other people's sake rather than just my own - and for that, I'm eternally grateful! Besides, they absolutely didn't have to put up with a spergy, retarded stranger taking up so much of their time, money, and resources over the course of years.
>this is just a cope
Probably! But it's better to try and be positive about these things. You can't always get what you want, but you'll often get what you need. :)

>>40165784
This is what mindbreak looks like.

>>40165832
>This is what mindbreak looks like.
Yeah, probably. But hey, better that I be mindbroken and try to use that to be helpful (or at least unobtrusive!) to the people around me rather than writing a manifesto and going postal. (Which, for the record, I have absolutely no intentions of doing. Don't leave this amendment out of the court documentation!)
Besides, like I say, it really doesn't bother me too much that I'm like this. It probably should, but I'm really far beyond a point of caring. I guess that's a blessing in disguise?

>>40158458
Alcohol is a downer, have you tried that?

>>40165784
>being a better person for other people's sake rather than just my own
Honestly, this is a vital life lesson that most people never learn. I am glad you are a grateful appreciative person. I believe ygmi. You were even tactful in response to this anon>>40165832

>>40166178
Anon, there is no universe where "I exist only to make other people happy. Any of my desires that would inconvenience others must be destroyed. It's a good thing that I got abused and do not see myself as a person, as it lets me serve others better." Which is the gist of a lot of what this anon has said now and before, Is a healthy mindset. There's being 'a grateful appreciative person' and there's being an abuse victim.

>>40164435
same
i always was kinda pathetic didn't want to admit it

>>40165420
i want to live (as a cute girl)

>>40166178
>Honestly, this is a vital life lesson that most people never learn.
I'd like to think it's one that most people can learn, albeit in better circumstances. :)
>...you are a grateful appreciative person.
This, though? I wouldn't go that far; though it's very kind of you to think that of me.
Realistically, my outward appearance as "grateful", "tactful", and "appreciative" is more of a conflict-averse trauma response than it comes from a place of genuine kindness. In that sense, it hardly really counts - like a hostage complementing a hostage-taker holding a gun to their head, y'know? (Not to say any of you have me in such a situation, of course. Just for the sake of description.) Still, I'd like to believe most people can be truly kind and caring in some way or another. (I just wouldn't ever wish my own circumstances onto them.)
>>40166312
>There is no universe where... (this) ...is a healthy mindset.
I'd second this, though.
The way I act is a maladaptive response to a combination of childhood traumas. The correct, medically accepted course of action is to find some healthy way to treat, or at least alleviate, those responses - and it's something I'd second for pretty much anyone else in my position. However, I have maladaptive - but effective - ways to go about life, without being an active danger to myself or others.
Ultimately, I've been in this state long enough that efforts to change are likely to be significant (even ignoring my resistence to it.) The amount of resources that would need to be given to me in order to become a "healthy" person would most likely be significant enough that the cost wouldn't outweigh the benefits, even in an ideal scenario where those resources were freely available. (And, that aside, enough people rely on my self-destructive patterns and willingness to be used that "fixing" myself would just cause more problems than it solves.)
I appreciate you for pointing this out though, anon. That's very kind of you.

28 is too late but im going for it anyway!!!!

>>40166363
>i always was kinda pathetic didn't want to admit it
i just kept being pathetic and now i'm pathetic and old
can't even be a girlfailure

Anyone else technology cope?

Like waiting for singularity to happen so that you can get in a ghost in the shell robot lady body?
Maybe the way to reppmaxx is to try and grind as much money as possible to be a woman with it once the technology is viable.

>>40166809
Yes lol, but I still wonder if I should get on HRT while I wait

>2 years pre hrt
looking like a serial killer

>1 year hrt
de aged 10 years, look like an elf

i know we meme about how hrt doesnt work and yeah it doesnt make you a girl but its fucked up how the difference between me looking like a rapist and me looking harmless and soft is one evil chemical in my blood

>>40166809
my technology cope is escapism through video games
yeah me big space pioneer man on a mission to save humanity

has there ever been a situation where two ostensibly cis guys who are also friends both troon out and fall in love? asking for a friend who is an aspiring fiction writer

>>40159058
the urge to see myself in them is now strong again

>>40159058
any schmuck can wear pantyhose but can you stretch like a ballerina and do ballet

>>40158240 (OP)
No, not really, all I did was be jealous of hrt femboys and trans women whenever I saw them online

>>40167133
>my technology cope is escapism through video games
I don't feel happy using VR to be an anime girl because I know I'm still testosteronized and I don't have real boobs

if im 3+ on HRT and legally changed to nonbinary with an old lady name on a state level but not a federal level, then can i still be a repressor?
i still wear men's clothing only (including a binder) and my hair is short enough ig doesn't touch my shoulders
i by my original, male name and am ashamed of my troon ID. i also have no surgeries and don't shave my legs

>>40167363
That's just boymoding

>>40158240 (OP)
I'm never coming out as trans to another person, even if they themselves happen to be trans. I'm so deeply ashamed of myself, and I can't call myself a woman.

https://youtu.be/5lXuCYjI2LU?si=52J3pfrbqq1UTrjk

>>40167140
I sort of had this a long time ago. It wasn't really sexual or romantic but it was definitely a deeper bond than the average male friendship. I think we both cared a lot about each other in a really intimate way but couldn't really articulate what that feeling was. They transitioned 8 years ago and disappeared, I'm not sure what happened to them. I'm still repping (tho I don't consider myself trans I go in and out of these phases all the time). Maybe not super romantic but there you go.

I'm disgusted by this mentality that assumes every bad person is just a repressed trans or gay person.

>>40166971
stop tempting me anon

I can't wait until I receive my lived an inauthentic life in fear of being judged by others and died unfulfilled without ever living for myself award

>>40167896
so glad i wasted the last 10 years of my life hiding from the world and refusing to do anything in fear of being percieved and judged. sorry, sorry for existing, oh, sorry!

hey guys, I'm a straight cis man who constantly fantasizes about becoming wonyoung from IVE, am I a repressor?

>>40167896
Idgi dont cis people also go through this too? its not like gender is the only thing that makes ur life authentic or not
troons repping isnt all taht special in repressed life kindo shit

>>40167359
yeah that kinda escapism could be bad because your rl will never live up to it like i know from secondlife but i do a more autistic kinda larp like strategy so im too immersed to think about other things

There has to be some kind of compromise

>>40168809
the compromise was becoming a tranny and if you belong in this thread you already missed your chance to do that

detroons disgust me so much, I really resent them

>>40168072
just read the physical effects of estrogen and make your decision or not
immaterial labels and philosophical bullshit is ultimately irrelevant

REMINDER: you aren't a repper if ur under the age of 21, you're just pre-hrt; become a twinkhon today.

>>40168858
Not really, I look better now than at 21. All im saying is fuck the rules I'll figure something out.

>>40168963
I'm 22, lucky me...
it has been over for me since like 17 though I'd say, I have really shitty masculine genetics. I just wish 16yo me wasn't such a retarded faggot that thought larping as a tradcuck groyper would make the feelings go away. I deserve my fate.

>>40168933
Why?

>>40169132
they got a chance that I would do anything for and threw it away.
also the whole concept of mtftm triggers my dysphoria really really hard and their existence feels insulting to the me that could have been.
I know some of them might have good reasons for doing it so I don't actually hate them logically, it's more like a subconscious aversion/disgust. I just don't want to see or hear about them because it grosses me out a lot.

>>40169170
i know im so disgusting

by trying to detrans i alienated myself from all my trans friends, theyll never be able to look at me as one of them anymore, they would never even thinking about detransing

im so disgusting, my whole core essence is disgusting

I wish I was allowed to act like myself without adhering to male qualities.

>>40168946
I want every effect listed here incredibly badly and it would definitely improve my quality of life, but there's no way that I would be able to hide breast growth from my family in my current living situation.
My only hope would be that the reduced dysphoria would let me become functional enough to stop being a neet and move at least to the other side of the state before the breast growth became too noticeable. If I thought that I had any chance of ever passing I would be more than willing to risk it even if that meant living in a tent, but manmoder is the best I could ever hope for so idk if that's worth it.
>t. NTA

>>40169234
it is disgusting, but so is mine.
if I ever tried to transition I would alienate myself from my entire family and the only two friends I've ever really had

>>40168963
Honestly with the right genetics(and maybe some ffs) 21 or 22 year olds can pass
Am passoid, started right before 21st bday. Ffs 4 years later

>>40169331
congrats, now GET OUT

I have a serious case of repper's remorse

>>40169341
Tryna spread some hope but ok lol

I wish I was capable of being loved

How is your life any better now than it could be?

>>40169532
Things can always get worse

>>40169351
same, im gonna troon anyway, just too late and become a ridiculous clown, then probably do drugs and kill myself. so why did i disassociate for 10 years? maybe i could have had something

If you are transgendered, the feeling of wanting your body to match the sex you feel you are never goes away. For some, though, especially those who grew up before trans people were widely out and advocating for equality, these feelings were often compartmentalized and rarely acted upon. Now that gender reassignment has become much more commonplace, many of these people may feel increasing pressure to finally undergo the procedures they have always secretly wanted.

Ken Koch was one of those people. Married twice, a veteran, and a world traveler, a health scare when he was 63 prompted him to acknowledge the feelings that had plagued him since he was a small child. By undergoing a host of procedures, he radically changed his appearance and became Anne Koch. In the process, though, Anne lost everything that Ken had accomplished. She had to remake herself from the ground up. Hoping to help other people in her age bracket who may be considering transitioning, Anne describes the step-by-step procedures that she underwent and shares the cost to her personal life in order to show seniors that although it is never too late to become the person you always knew you were, it is better to go into that new life prepared for some serious challenges.
Both a fascinating memoir of a well-educated man growing up trans yet repressed in the mid-20th century and a guidebook to navigating the tricky waters of gender reassignment as a senior, It Never Goes Away shows how what we see in the television world of Transparent translates in real life.

>>40168946
Why does it say irreversible for breast growth when gyno surgery is like the single most common and simple gender affirming surgery in existence?

>>40169642
Based stacy grandma

>>40158240 (OP)
Don't all guys want to be female characters?

>>40169655
all my favourite women characters are all just men in women's bodies pretty much

>>40169642
I imagine it's much easier to pass when you're old because all old people look like shit.

>>40169642
>feeling of wanting your body to match the sex you feel you are never goes away
You guys told me it would go away...

>>40169669
gincel isn't all of /repgen/

I will never succeed at femininity enough to be satisfying to me. Its cool that other trannies are able to be happy with themselves but I will never be happy as long as I am anything less than a cisgender woman with all the socialization and anatomy to go along with that.

On the other hand, I can pull off twinkish androgyny well enough, so I guess it’s better to just do that until I’m old and go bald but by that point I’ll hopefully be married or something so I can cope by having a kind and loving wife who I can dote on

>>40168946
>reversal of hair loss is rare

becoming a chaser and devoting my life to a beautiful trans woman would fix me
I could just leave her everything in my will just in case it didn't

I will never be a cute teen girl. Every day my body slowly rots and I become more and more repulsive. The only tiny cope I have is getting under my comfy blanket on my bed, shutting the world out and reading cute middle grade sapphic romance.

I need a hug. I haven't had a hug in 17 years. Humans weren't supposed to live like this.

>>40166386
Heavy Weapons Guy: IZ NOT POSSIBLE

>>40170209
HEAVY IS PRETTY PRINCESS!

>>40169400
If you loyal I’d love you

I miss larry. I hope wherever he is he's no longer suffering.

>>40168946
>Transfeminine HRT does not cause an effect on an individual's vocal folds
this isn't fair

If I'm trans when why do I collapse when I try to act fem?

might spend half of all the money i have on ffs and go all in on being a freak

>>40168946
How quickly does the gyno happen? That's the one thing I surely cant hide

>>40170562
for me it happened 2-3 weeks.

t. detransitioners

>>40170575
How much are we talking about

>>40170580
my nipples point out a little bit, if I wear a tight shirt you can definitely see it.

AHAHAH
PEOPEL IN HERE UNIRONICALLY HAD FEMALE REPRESSED EMMORIES AND LIVES
MEANWHI;E
I AM A DISGUSTING CREATURE CALLED MALE
I am nothing but mae
AND I LOVE IT
THIS IsNT DENIAL I AM JUST AWESOME LIKE THIS
I am male my life was and is male my entire living memory si male
what IF I wanted some silly things once or twice? they mean NOTHING
that does NOT make me trans or female
Transformation fetish, trans hypno, sub bottom male, furries and FUCKIGN HENTAI was my life
as a child I was nothing bt a good BOY and I LIKED IT cause i was GENIUS and made GREAT THINGS but now I am NOTHING
I AM just bored and ned validation and trannies give it to me JUST BECAUSE I TAKE HRT AND HAVE BOOBS now
I AM A MAN
I dont care
My wntire life is male
help me
hlp

>tfw old repper
>even twinkhons cause me to cry

>>40171021
YOU ARE A FUCKING WOMAN

i wish i was a twinkhon :C

>>40171053
TAKE HRT NOW

I don't wanna be a woman I wanna be a girl

>>40171078
Take hrt

>>40170562
You can hide it longer than you'd think by being intentional with your shirts and sometimes wearing something underneath
t. 6 months not caught

>>40171087
HRT won't make me a girl I'm 35 years old

>>40171087
>>40171067
nta but pay me the money I need for it and I'll do it :)

At 24 I have no illusions of "becoming a woman", but being a much more feminine man seems appealing to me, what if I took half the hrt dose?

>>40171180
Your dick will stop working

>>40171125
>I want to be a girl
>35
Creepy man, don't troon please.

is 20 too old to be fantasizing about redoing high school as a girl

>>40171204
No, you're never too old to wish you were a teenage girl

>>40171204
I don't think so, as I kind of did that in college. But it's best to move on; you just can't redo the past. You can't retroactively redo your high school experience whatsoever. You can only live your best life forward.

>>40171231
Oh sorry for commenting in repgen, didn't see what thread was up. (Still in college btw, my last comment worded it weirdly)

>>40171231
>You can't retroactively redo your high school experience
wrong

>>40171186
Don't worry I won't troon. I will however watch anime, play game and visual novels, and read sapphic middle grade coming of age romance novels all involving teenagers exclusively while I rot in bed all day.

>>40171033
>YOU ARE A FUCKING WOMAN
wrong
>>40171204
>redoing high school as a girl
that sounds horrible

>>40171204
I would swap bodies with you if I could anon, being a 20 year old foidlet with cucked neotonous features is making me suicidal. I usually pass for around 14 years old no matter how I dress. It is over.

>>40171262
Fucking hell why is life so unfair

>>40171267
god gives his most dimorphic traits to his most fragile reppers

I think Dr. Powers did research on troon heights and found MTFs are taller than average and FTMs shorter on average.

absolutely brutal

>>40171267
This world is gay and evil.
>>40171273
TRVKE
>>40171281
I'm tall-ish for a female but have one of those stunted retarded faces like picrel but worse and even more cucked by neotony. It's basically over for me unless I start bonesmaching or get massive facial implants.

I'm so fucking done goodbye see you tomorrow

Did anyone else's parents neglect them

>>40171381
Bye ttyl

>>40171334
ftm reppers are so silly

>>40171400
One thing that should be added to this image is that hearing your mom's voice isn't a comforting or neutral experience like it is for most people, it instead causes instant stress and anxiety, even over the phone.

>>40171891
Hearing my mom's voice destroys my mood. I can physically feel myself losing energy. when she's gone it's energizing.

>>40171909
Doesn't go that far for me, my mood only tanks when she's actively speaking. I get that high tension mode. Only attention you got from her growing up was getting screamed at or threatened for every little thing, or being told to do some task every ten minutes right?

What if I get a high paying job to cope

>>40171997
let me know how you find one

>>40171483
>Being stunted and disformed like pug bread to be cute and non-functioning is peak human existence
Retard.

>>40171262
A ftm/mtf bodyswap program is exactly what the world needs.

>>40172104
people would be very picky about it and there will be like a waiting list of pooners and hons who won't be able to afford a swap
the going price for a chad or stacy body would be in the billions

>>40171281
I thought i read it’s because lack of testosterone makes you taller or something. Lack of androgen. But idk anything about anything. So i guess it’s more affirming to be 6’ + transgender woman. But i heard all this on 4chan so who knows if it’s true. It would explain all the tall mtfs. Or being tall is a dysphoric thing for people of a certain brain disposition and that sublimates into transgenderism. These are just my theories and speculations

>>40172389
tfw 5'8
NOT affirmed
NOT valid
Repression? Approved.

>>40172320
I would just give my stacylite body free of charge to the malerep that seems the most miserable granted they are healthy, average/decent looking, above 5'7 and around my age desu

>>40172465
>around my age desu
>tfw too old to qualify

>I would just give my stacylite body free of charge
you can literally have your pick of the 6 foot tall rep chads

i think people are starting to realize i'm a repper

if you don't pass, everyone will hate you, even other trans people, and no matter what you are not allowed to even acknowledge that without being made out to be some kind of paranoid schizophrenic

>>40172570
I admitted it recently and no one was surprised

>>40172627
i literally make jokes about transitioning and have mentioned hrt

Anyone else put off by having to take medication for the rest of your life that makes you physically weak? Troons fetishizes it but I don't like it.

>>40172679
I don't care about physical weakness, but taking medicine makes me depressed because it feels like I'm 'trapped' in a sense, since I'm reliant on pharmacy access.

I've wanted to die since I was 5 because I couldn't stand being alive as a male when girls were better in every way. I've tried just about anything but the one thing that always helps is the possibility that when I kill myself I'll come back as a real woman. Helps me think a little clearer.

do any of you know any other repper spaces? or somewhere where i can ask if i should transition without stupid pinkpillers telling me everyone should transition

>>40172941
Ive been looking for this as well i don't think it exists. No one will look at things with an objective eye.

>>40172941
> asks if i should transition
> gets told that i should transition if thats what i want
fuckin pinkpillers man

>>40168809
>reduce weight
>wear women's clothes
>pack some moves in the mirror
you're basically a girl
weekly dose of euphoria attained disaster averted

>>40173426
What if you don't experience this 'euphoria' shit?

>>40173477
shouldn't you if you want to be a girl

it's also subtle so give it some time if you've never experienced it before like the good feelings from exercise are only observed after a while and even then if you're brain is mushy and not too observant you won't actively notice it but you should remember feeling better like something unclenched

i want to be happy
why can't i be happy

>>40173497
No, desire's not the same thing as sexual excitement.

>>40173787
it is related to sexuality

>>40173255
thats not what i meant, i mean that most pinkpillers will automatically tell you to transition + my dysphoria isnt constant

>>40174201
dysphoria arriving in waves is very common among reppers. the recession of it gives false hopes that it will remain gone. very vicious cycle.

>>40173637
Dressing like a woman won't make me feel happy if I don't look like a woman while doing it.

>>40174284
right now i barely feel anything, just normally depressed but 2 weeks ago all i could do is be sad about measurements
also i cant cry or feel emotions normally, should i transition

>>40174312
you are not going to like my answer: yes. i spent a fair amount of time in repgen. i would describe myself at the time as: experiencing cyclic dysphoria, depressed, and masculine. i am gynephillic and that made me feel like i was fake trans. i didnt dress femininely as a child and that made me feel like i was fake trans. i didnt really start having the agp/tranny thoughts consistently until i had started puberty which made me feel like i was fake trans. i didnt know for certain how hrt would make me feel and that doubt made me feel like i was fake trans. i couldn't conceptualize what having breasts feels like and that made me feel like i was fake trans.

im happier now, i still get dysphoric but the lows are not as bad. i REALLY like the changes i notice in my body, not even just the tits but the small things like my skin changing texture. i cry more often and easier, it makes me feel a little weird because often its inopportune but id be lying if i didnt say it was nice. i know its scary to have to tell some doctor that you feel sad about bot being a girl but it really changed my life for the better. yes i will be discriminated against more, yes statistically my life wont be easy, yes the world is very anti tranny at the moment. id still choose it 10/10 times

>>40174309
you do and you don't

>>40171400
I suppose so? Though, being a complete autist as a kid to a single teenage mother bouncing around different abusive partners, I can't falt her for it - nor can I my father (given I don't know him, it'd be unfair of me to judge his circumstances.) I'm honestly incredibly lucky not to have been tossed into a waste recepticle from a young age, based on how I acted as an infant, toddler, and young child.
>It's not your fault, you couldn't have done anything about it, you were a child, you didn't know better
Doesn't make it any less my fault what happened to her. I'm in a rare spot where I can genuinely, safely say that my family's life would have been orders of magnitude better if I were aborted, or at least died in the womb. I have as close as I can get to proof of this from a variety of sources. Of course, I went and did the stupid mistake of not accidentally strangling myself with my umbilical cord before I was born, so now people have around 20-something years of attachment and whatever to deal with if I were to actually finish the job. (Though to be honest, it's incredibly funny to me to think that the best possible time for me to have actually gone through with killing myself was before I was born. There's almost a cosmic irony to that.)
>Shoulders never relaxed
...honestly, I've really been wondering about whether this is more of a trauma response or whether it's just my shit posture. If it's the latter, I really don't care (this body is little more than a vessel and when it expires I'll be glad to be done with the whole thing), but if it's the former, it's at least something interesting I can add to the list. Helps try and contextualise just how much of me is a "real person" and how much is a loosely-fastened bundle of trauma responses and maladaptive coping mechanisms. (To date; almost entirely the latter, thus far.)
I suppose these things would happen to someone, though. The fact that that someone's me just makes me glad it isn't someone else. :)

>>40174464
thank you, i relate so much.. i never had trans thoughts as a child i was never feminine (now or before)
im just worried im convincing myself im dysphoric because my life is terrible anyways and im a dysfunctional neet

>>40166809
>Like waiting for singularity to happen so that you can get in a ghost in the shell robot lady body?
This is my main cope, but I'm thinking about how if I'm scared of injecting HRT now what if I am just as afraid of what this would require

>>40158240 (OP)
Fuck my life.

>>40170279
i am still here bro and still suffering, yipeeeeee

>>40175033
LARRY!! ILY<3 larryryghfygb <3<3

>>40174817
i hope things get better anon. please consider hrt it wont fix everything but what it does help with can be very noticeable <3

>>40175070
thank you anon <3 you help

remember if you arent dysphroic and can live your life just fine you arent trans and you arent repressing

>>40175033
I missed you

>>40175101
I'm a dysphoric dysfunctional wreck, but I wouldn't have good results if I transitioned so I'm not trans

i wouldn't press the button to become a woman but might press the button that also gives you a new identity as one in a new place

The internet is so bad now but I have no where else to go. Everything I love has been killed and now I just hang around the corpses

i wish i wasn't such a coward so i could transition

The tranny thoughts are starting to fade. I don't know exactly why or how, but they seem to be weaker by the day.
Weirdly enough, it seems that started when I got more independence from my family by opening my own bank account (even though there's barely any cash in there lol)
Based on that single shred of evidence, I have come to the following schizo conclusion: Trannyism (at least in my case) was caused by being possessed by both the anima and the puer aeternus archetype at the same time.
I grew up without a good father figure (biological dad bailed and I just never liked my stepdad), and the female figures in my life were overbearing in some regards. I never went outside to play with other kids when I was young. At first, I thought this was because I was simply a loner, but the more I think about it, the more I realize my mother had a very tight grip on me at that age, possibly giving me a fear of getting hurt or worse.
Without a male figure to show me the ropes of being a man and how to leave the embrace of the mother, I became dependent on her for everything. I basically did no chores growing up because she never really asked me to do anything boring or uncomfortable (which is biting me in the ass now because I need to learn everything at once).
Due to this, the anima got stronger, and my animus (logos?) was severely weakened (anima possession or inbalance in the soul). Because I did not do anything I didn't want to do, the reality of the world did not set in fully, I never left the metaphorical womb. And so, I became a childish being of dream, but not action (puer aeternus archetype).
The thoughts of wanting to be female likely came from two things: The fact I sought comfort in the mother, and the fact the I like to embody parts of the people I like in different ways.
So, the cure lies in being responsible for myself.
It will be hard, considering I have no one to be that father figure I never had, but I gotta try.
sorry for the blogpost

>>40177778
theyll be back and you already know they will

I FEEL MYSELF GETTING MORE CONFIDENT BY THE DAY, MY ANTIDEPRESSANTS ARE WORKING!!!

AT THIS RATE, I'M GOING TO BE FULLY GIRLMODING WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK! ARRGGFJFHDHDHDDJKDDK

>>40177778
I wish I could use this excuse but my dad is actually really great

saw a pretty girl and got sad
again

I wish skinning women actually works

I'm so terminally male brained and fake, someone like me should never in a million years be trans

>>40179747
> I'm so terminally male brained
it's expected if you grew up in an environment where non-boyish behavior was punished.
>and fake
that's totally normal for reppers, you never had the chance to develop as a human being properly. Basically every part of your outward presentation is based around not being clocked as anything but a cishet dude, it's an entire identity built around a lie that you're glad to be a man. You shouldn't punish yourself over this, I was the same when I repped
>someone like me should never in a million years be trans
that's not true. If you're dysphoric, you should try HRT manmoding and doing fem things in private that you've wanted to do since you were a kid

>ugly as hell, fat, eating disorder, no friends, no fun, no nothing, just go to work and come home
how do I un blackpill myself

>>40179927
4 beers at a baseball game

if i were a (cis) girl i could tie my hair up without wanting to kill myself

>>40176738
Same. I started using the internet in '03 and the modern web is unrecognizable to me now. It's fucking shit but there's nowhere else to go. I've spent most of my life here, there's nothing for me IRL because I let my real life atrophy.

>>40179747
I'm too blackpilled after researching the links between AGP and autism. I simply can't deny how ludicrously, indisputably malebrained a lot of trooners are.

>>40180084
my skull is so massive that I would have to grow my hair pretty long to be able to tie it up, which sucks because I've always wanted to try having a ponytail. my parents start pushing me into getting a haircut whenever it gets to my shoulders so I've never been able to try it. I have nice fluffy hair, it's the only feature of my body that I actually like. too bad I cave from nagging so easily because I've always wanted to grow it out.

why does nobody post that OC repper character anymore? I miss him.

>>40180084
i can do it when its long and if i let some bangs hang down from the sides i almost feel like a whore even though i know i don't completely look like a woman

>>40180067
>that'll be $90
I can't afford that and I don't like baseball

>>40179820
nta but what if i just want hot foid body features but idc about doing foidbrainedy shit THOUGH

Anyone else feeling dull? It feels like I've identified my suffering, accepted that it happens for unsolvable reasons, and now all I can feel toward the world is apathy. I'm not going to kill myself, but I feel like it doesn't make a difference.

>>40180487
whats the point of having a job

>>40180701
I don't fucking know
all I do is work to live so I can work more

>>40177778
the thoughts never disappear though
repping sucks
>>40179927
this but perma neet

>>40181038
so real. my only goal in working is to have to work less

I'm not even AGP, I'm a cis man who wants to be a woman because I'm stupid

>>40183302
>picrel
god this is. relatable.

>>40183302
I’m so glad I realized I’m a real man then haha
I’m so happy
I’m doing great in life after accepting myself!!!

I’m so glad I realised I no longer actually want to be feminine or female :)

>>40183402
>>40183411
You're still stuck in the bottom panel.

Help me grll me hell me help me
I’m not trans I know but please help me feel ok
I just want to be happy
Help me help help help

I’m not agp I’m not repressing I’m not trans I’m not a woman help me!
Help me!
I want to be real!
I am a real man help me !

Help!!!!!!!!!
Please!

>>40180546
That's me for the last 4 years

Why nobody wants to help me :)

>>40183773
how can we help... if i knew the answer i wouldnt be here

>>40183302
Not like this means anything. Mental illnesses need to be treated. There's only one treatment they've found that works for this one.

>>40184019
Everyone else gets help but me :)

new thread
>>40184180
>>40184180
>>40184180

>>40160026
It's sad what jealousy does to people. You'll never be one because you are like this. You don't deserve to.