There are tragedies that people cant avoid, i cannot explain these ones yet. But then there are avoidable ones, and i think most people choose these ones on purpose, they choose to live in their own form of hell willingly.

Like im browsing reddit and see this 40yo chick posting a face of herself smiling talking about blah blah. But you see it in the eyes, she is sad. She is in hell, but she put herself there by choosing to place all her character points into looks, now the looks fade and she has nothing left to show for it except a wilting smile.
We are all destined for dust, but you will notice that those who embrace that fact are much more attractive and sexy and alive.

Example 2: a guy chooses to be a construction worker, at 30 his back is so fucked he cant do anything except work and the work keeps getting harder. Reality, he knew this could happen, he was warned many time by friends or family or coworkers, but he didnt listen, he chose that path..

Example 3 a 4chan incel. Instead of trying to upgrade their social skills by talking to clerks and randoms etc, thsy just hole up in their forums and discords, and they never truly escape their hole cuz they keep digging it, entrenching themselves in the misery they are accustomed too.

Maybe the greatest curse and blessing of the mind is that all habits even negative ones want to be replicated repeated forever.
Its like a groove, a canyon where water has gone through, the water will always flow through the same way even if that water is ones downfall.
So my current take, surface level albeit, is that humans choose their own suffering for some reason. Except when they dont i cant explain that part like accidents and truly unjust stuff.

>>40198084 (OP)
your not off the mark on this

i could have tried harder to escape my previous love before my feelings for her literally left me about 3x as crippled as i was before; but i wasnt strong enough to do that and i didnt want to; i am made to love and i couldnt foresee a possibility of me ever loving again like i loved her; not in my mid 30s

but i was wrong; i ended up married to an angel a decade younger than me; who is superior in every way to that girl who led me on and let me destroy myself rather than simply being clear with me or fking ghosting me in the first place

but recognizing that tragic mistake does not make it any easier to bear; i will suffer every single day for the rest of my life because of how much self harming i did; thats not the only factor in that but its most of it

i suppose i chose to suffer and let me feelings destroy me rather than resisting them with a more logical mind and foresight that if it was going to work it would have in those first few months; so here i am

one thing good that came from that experience (especially at the start) was it really woke me up about my purpose in life (to love); nothing else matters and all else is in service or expression of that in some way; it filled me with the greatest determination i have ever known; and that determination didnt go away as i got closer to ending my life; i didnt give up when i realized it was all for nothing

now i am loved more than that person ever could have been capable of; more than i ever could have imagined; my goddess sent me the ultimate love of my wife thru this hellish board

i would do it all again if thats what it took to get back to my beloved

thanks for your post op bless you )*

>>40198421
No problem yw. Im curios tho, how long ago was this ex who ghosted you?

>>40198084 (OP)
lil bro. what you said can be explained in a few words. people stick with what they know and what feels comfortable even if its detrimental… because it’s easy. its been like that for a while and it ain’t changing anytime soon

>>40198477
she ghosted me on 2 occasions; both in our first few months; she was never really an ex even but she kept saying she loved me while canceling or not showing up everytime we agreed to plans; i made it across the country to herthrough luck and miracles and i believed that meant i must belong with her; also i had a panic attack over her in our first hours of knowing eachother; like day 3 or 4 of us talking on taimi; i hyperventilated and burst into hysterical crying; i believed it to be a sign from my goddess- and it was; but it was a warning sign that that girl was the most dangerous thing i would ever encounter; i simply misunderstood it

i met her july 16 2020; she finally told me she was actually straight in like september 2023

i cannot describe how many wild screaming self harming extreme panic attacks i had over her from mid2022-end2023; they became daily; sometimes multiple daily

im lucky to be alive; and even luckier i didnt end up with her; but i do wish it had amounted to more; we were actually good friends

i find it difficult to completely hate her; we still message sometimes; and it took me about half of last year to really get to a point where i didnt think of her anymore

but i believe im much happier now than she ever could have made me; and i see how wrong i was about her; shes actually just a boring normie; but the first pictures i ever saw of her; she had such a sadness in her eyes; i wanted to be what ended that sadness; another factor was she helped me learn to be positive and open about being trans; and also she had an adorable son i wanted to be a stepmommy for

im so glad i survived all that and made it to who i actually belong with

ive needed the love i have now; and needed to be able to give it freely; infinitely; uncompromisingly; since i was a child

>>40198925
why do people hate nuance and depth

>>40198084 (OP)
Good point maybe Ill be stuck in my suffering forever because of my deeply formed neural pathways

>>40199046
So, was this lady who broke your heart the bpd one?
I remember u saying that you and your bpd gf will be together forever, and i basically made a bet on that being so because id be happy if its so. I cant remember when i made that bet tho.

>>40199111
Lmao this made me laugh out loud.

>>40198084 (OP)
is the only way to improve social skills actually to go out and pester random people with my autistic rapehon mannerisms

>>40199167
how nice it must be to be able to laugh, to chuckle, to frolic in a mental space of roses and dandelions. my surroundings are grey and confining

>>40199170
Yes, and no. There is also discord vc etc. Figure it out buckaro!

>>40199195
>how nice it must be to be able to laugh, to chuckle, to frolic in a mental space of roses and dandelions. my surroundings are grey and confining

Mmmmmm you're cute. Where u from?

>>40199258
…

>>40199278
Pspspspsps come hereee lil kitty, let me ignite your heart with flowers of joy

>>40199298
GRRRRR -lashes out with paw-

>>40199416
Now now.... pspsps all will be good in my embrace .... look i even have a can of tuna for ya ^_^

>>40199258
>discord vc
i do this one all the time and it doesn't carry over to real life

>>40199486
I only eat sushi and swordfish steak

>>40199529
Make it 1 on 1

>>40199545
Damn this is one expensive cat! But thats fine, ill feed u sushi because i imagine swordfishes have more mercury..

>>40199645
meowww okay ^ _ ^ <3

>>40199723
Where u from....

>>40199743
stop flirting with supposedly other entities

>>40200017
You want me to stop flirting?....

Im going to bed now. Gn.....

>>40200310
wtf I saw one of those before

>>40199150
my wife and i are happy

we both have bpd

the girl who hurt me does not have bpd; she might have avpd

>>40203081
hi kassandra!

>>40203092
howdees <3

Bump

>>40203081
Alright good!

>>40198084 (OP)
I hope happy days await you

>>40198084 (OP)
>Instead of trying to upgrade their social skills by talking to clerks and randoms etc
funnily enough I started doing that in high-school, got pretty social, then again I let someone else choose my life and allow me to make the retarded decision of going in a country that'd play off my weaknesses perfectly, so I was stuck (and still am) in a language barrier trap
good thing is with the right conditions things can change - I finally got to an environment where things are improving, and if fate and my actions allow for handicaps from the past to be fixed enough, I might just be able to actually live life for a few years before I'm too old
thanks for the good OP, OP
it's one of the reasons I keep coming back to this place

>>40206083
Do i know you?

>>40207807
>thanks for the good OP, OP
>it's one of the reasons I keep coming back to this place

Tfw its always my mildest takes that connect with people.
I feel like im writing childrens books sometimes.

Next week on Top tranny, clean your room buckaro and dont be taking drugs!

"WOAAWWWW" *POONER STARE*

>>40207952
To be expected. The "linkin park but in depresso pseud ramblings form" thing is always popular with the masses in the right places. Your more edgelordy stuff will only sit well with a smaller slice of the audience.

>>40207990
>To be expected. The "linkin park but in depresso pseud ramblings form" thing is always popular with the masses in the right places. Your more edgelordy stuff will only sit well with a smaller slice of the audience.

Can you say all that again but with a "m'lord tacked in once or twice". I feel like youd make a good butler