>>40231990i'm 21, the feelings of wanting to be hurt by someone started when i was maybe 10 or 11 years old. from the earliest moments that i started to begin having sexual thoughts all i would ever think about was being kidnapped and/or abused by an adult. i never thought about "normal" sex or "normal" relationships, (especially not for a "boy"), i only ever thought about things like that.
i don't know when exactly i accepted that it wasn't going away, it was a very gradual process. i've always been so scared and upset by it, it's like an intrusive thought. i think maybe around like 17 is when i finally accepted that it's just a part of me, even if i hate it.