>>40251102
>but why is that enough to make you detransition? is what I'm trying to ask
Because transitioning is much harder than defaulting to my agab, and pointless if I don't actually wanna become a woman more than I wanna become a man. I found that I don't particularly want to become either -- I'm just naturally a man whilst "just being myself".
>so did you not have dysphoria, or want physically feminized traits?
Not really, no. It was only after starting hormones that I began feeling distressed at how malish I was, because I realized I couldn't simply go from one thing to the other, which was essentially what I was trying to do -- go from a very sad state of being where I despised myself for reasons mostly unrelated to gender (social exclusion, loneliness, sexual trauma, unhealthy relationship with porn); go from that to a place where I could be content being my "new self", that is, a happy trans woman who overcame her troubled times. Where my sadness did come from gender-related issues, it was more to do with how I failed to meet gender standards for men, which is the reason why I stated I relate more to FtMs (as compared to MtFs.)
Sorry taking so long to reply.
