QOTT: would your life be better or worse if you woke up as a cis girl tomorrow? (your id & related documents changed as well)
last thread: >>40225750

>>40261178 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>40261200
ah, the trannies against trans acceptance have arrived

>>40261212
how is wanting you to stop repressing being against trans acceptance? opticshons are not the reason for declining acceptance

>>40261200
are you the butch flag?

>>40261235
how'd you know?

>>40261178 (OP)
do not take HRT, lovely people

>>40261178 (OP)
I would still be a shit person

>>40261178 (OP)
As if I don’t think about that multiple times a day for the last 5 years.

>>40261221
>opticshons are not the reason for declining acceptance
you can say this all you want, but that simply won't change reality

>>40261297
ok then prove it is, tranny coward

inb4
>look at this rightoid social media post or tabloid piece!

>>40261311
>tabloids and influencers don't change public opinion
please stop living in your estrogen fueled delusions and come back to reality

life would be objectively better

>>40261336
waiting on that proof

I overthink the stupidest shit, it's not worth the amount of stress it causes me

>>40261200
i stopped taking it

>>40261473
why?

>>40261178 (OP)
qott: I'd find a way to fuck it up and make it worse, I believe in myself
>>40261200
no

>>40261483
i want to be strong

>>40261502
you can be strong on E

>>40261523
please don't lie to me
last time i believed these delusions i almost physically broke down

>>40261531
where's the lie?

>>40261178 (OP)
significantly better

>>40261535
you cannot be serious anon
estrogen slows metabolism and promotes fat over muscle anabolism
the average cis man can gain up to 1lb of muscle mass a month lifting, while the average cis woman only gains 1/7 of that

>>40261548
that doesn't mean you can't be strong

>>40261561
i cannot be strong
please stop lying to me

>>40261565
why?

can you make friends as a repper or can everyone tell & i'm forced into a life of loneliness

>>40261569
i already explained why
i don't want to be strong "for a woman", i want to be *strong*

>>40261575
why can't you be strong while taking HRT?

>>40261576
are you genuinely just trolling or unable to read at this point >>40261548
here's some more evidence
https://boysvswomen.com

>>40261586
but that doesn't answer the question, it would just require more effort to reach the same level of physical strength

>>40261631
sigh, no, there are physical limits that hormones impose

Why is /v/ gay?

>>40261642
even if that's true in the way you're trying to get across, you didn't say you stopped HRT because you can't be as strong as a cis man, you said you want to be strong

why can't you be strong on HRT?

>>40261659
oh sorry i forgot to clarify
yes i do want to be at least as strong as the average cis man, not in the league of women strength >>40261575

>>40261680
why do you want that, specifically, badly enough to re-masculinize and suffer worse dysphoria?

>>40261687
i'd rather live as a strong man than a frail feminized boy
and i'm not binary trans anyways

>>40261704
why?

>>40261502
Strength preserving HRT when.

>>40261710
not possible with current drugs
androgen receptor just does shit(tm) in the body (especially with anabolism) that the estrogen receptor can never do
>>40261708
is it not obvious that i don't want to have a shit ton of health issues and don't want my body to actively cannibalize itself?

>>40261717
>i don't want to have a shit ton of health issues and don't want my body to actively cannibalize itself?
what health issues? what does that have to do with not being able to build as muscle while taking E?

>>40261248
you should tripfag its getting tiring keeping track if the reply is yours or not

>>40261729
nah, tripfags are gay and secure tripcodes are for jerks

>>40261724
metabolism and immunity and muscle go hand-in-hand
look i can tell you're not trying to seriously engage with me and you just want to bait me into getting back on hrt, without actually making an effort to understand the reasons why i stopped

>>40261717
>not possible with current drugs
this is why we need more genetic editing funding

>>40261735
I'm actually trying to understand your reasoning but you haven't explained it yet, just thrown up some non-committal screens skirting around the actual issue

what health problems are you talking about, and why specifically do you need or want to be that strong in ways that you feel being on E precludes?

>>40261766
what are you talking about? i've described multiple concrete reasons >>40261680
>>40261586
>>40261642
>>40261548
and to add on to that, the 95th percentile of women is beaten by the average man in grip strength (too lazy to source atm)

and if i can't be a woman with the strength and metabolism of a cis man i'd rather just be a man

>>40261781
but you didn't refer to any health issues, and you still aren't explaining why you want that difference in strength... what's up with this weird dancing around the actual answer?

>>40261794
>and you still aren't explaining why you want that difference in strength
what? if i say "i want to be a woman" you'll accept that without further explanation but this you won't?
>health issues
metabolism fucking died when i was on hrt and lifting didn't really do much about it either

>>40261808
you're still not answering lol... did a slower metabolism cause you any kind of health problems?

>>40261818
yes? numerous? i gained a bunch of fat and lost a bunch of muscle, slept worse, had less energy

>>40261826
gaining fat and losing some muscle isn't a health problem and you're STILL not answering the question of why

sleeping worse and having low energy sounds like a symptom of low T and low E though, so how were your levels?

>>40261892
>gaining fat and losing some muscle isn't a health problem
sigh
yes it is especially when it coincides with the other points
>you're STILL not answering the question of why
>if i say "i want to be a woman" you'll accept that without further explanation but this you won't?
levels were fine

>>40261902
why aren't you answering this very simple and straightforward question?
>levels were fine
like over 200-300 pg/ml E and under 20 ng/dl T?

>>40261922
>why aren't you answering this very simple and straightforward question?
because i would be dysphoric to not be strong? what?
>like over 200-300 pg/ml E and under 20 ng/dl T?
topkek
okay i'm talking to a retard

>>40261927
>i would be dysphoric to not be strong?
okay, that's literally the first time you even tried to answer the "why" behind your concerns with strength, do you associate that with gender dysphoria?
and what's wrong with those rough level ranges? you seem to be either making things up dodging answering so I'm trying to figure out what you mean

>>40261942
those ranges are too extreme. the more ideal range is <50ng/dL T and 100-200pg/mL E2
and yes, i already said i'm not binary trans so being weak and fat instead of strong and lean is dysphoric to me, as is being placed in a lower strength class solely as a result of the hormones inside me

>>40261952
I was trying to ballpark what you meant by "fine," which you're also still not answering...
>being weak and fat instead of strong and lean is dysphoric to me
well again you can be relatively lean and strong as a woman if you put in effort (maybe not identically to when running on T) but what got you to start HRT in the first place if not some kind of gender dysphoria over having masculine traits or the absence of feminine ones, and how do you reconcile those with the drawbacks of running on E that you apparently felt badly enough to stop taking it over?

>>40261986
my levels were around 140ish and 40ish
>how do you reconcile
i've concluded living with the dysphoria as a man is better than living with the other dysphoria as a woman

>>40262005
>140ish
yeah that'd be why you felt low energy lol
and I didn't ask what your conclusion was

god this is like pulling teeth, why are reppers and detrooners so willfully illogical?

>>40262017
>yeah that'd be why you felt low energy lol
what the fuck are you talking about? those levels are literally fine, i've been hanging around hrtgen for years and read the papers myself
>god this is like pulling teeth, why are reppers and detrooners so willfully illogical?
i don't get what's so hard to understand? i said that i'd rather have the female dysphoria than the male dysphoria for the rest of my life because at least i get to live being strong and healthy

>>40262017
> why are reppers and detrooners so willfully illogical
nta but i would imagine the constant psychic damage with no plan to correct it is not helping my brain

>>40262037
>those levels are literally fine
you obviously didn't feel fine on them
>i'd rather have the female dysphoria than the male dysphoria for the rest of my life because at least i get to live being strong and healthy
there's the circular logic again lol, do you not see the loop you just created?

oh man you're really all the same, like what actually happened? did someone tell you ywnbaw or did you get troonbashed or something? your type always have a catalyzing event that demoralizes you or makes you feel like giving up

>>40262054
granted, repression is constant trauma
make a plan to correct it

>>40262062
>you obviously didn't feel fine on them
sigh
pumping someone with more and more estrogen is not going to magically make them feel like they have infinite energy
>circular logic
i still don't get what is circular about this. i am not a binary trans mtf. i have nonbinary dysphoria. there is nothing circular or loopy about this.

>>40262083
I didn't say you would have infinite energy, I am saying your E was probably low enough to explain your low energy, so it's an irrational factor to base your decision to detrans off of

>there is nothing circular or loopy about this
really? lol, come on, you just made a circular reference for your "dysphoria" over "not being strong" or whatever as the reason for itself

what happened?

>>40262123
what is the circular reference here?
if an mtf said that she wanted to be a woman because she just feels like one, you'd believe her without saying it's circular, but when i start to pick and choose now i have to explain myself? i'm really just thinking that you don't understand nonbinary dysphoria
>I am saying your E was probably low enough to explain your low energy
nope
if you want to prove otherwise please show me a few dozen papers that show marked improvements in trans women given more E2

>>40262147
so fucking weird, that's the second time you've tried this bizarre non-sequitur to avoid answering a question... you aren't explaining yourself and also didn't answer what got you to start HRT in the first place or how you reconcile that with this supposed "dysphoria" over a relative lack of strength, and when pressed about why you felt that way and how it was enough to get you to stop HRT or overcome whatever got you to start it you simply referred to the conclusion as the reason

are you being dishonest or just making shit up?

>>40262213
i tried E since i thought it would help reduce dysphoria
it did not and gave me a bunch of health issues, so i stopped
and what is the non-sequitur here? again, if it were an mtf saying she had dysphoria, you would just accept it instead of questioning "why" it came about

>>40261731
:( im a retard and i cant keep track and know what posts are yours... okay but i like you im sad

>>40261178 (OP)
>would your life be better or worse if you woke up as a cis girl tomorrow?
Better in a material sense? Not really. In a happiness sense? Yes of course.

>>40261570
Nobody can tell.

>>40262017
The anon you're talking to claims to be non-binary and to have some massive bdd issue to be 'strong', so my guess is that anon either wanted to amazonmode (expected an unrealistic body) or refused to modify diet/exercise regime and put on a couple pounds on E and had a mental breakdown. So you're not dealing with a logical person here.

>>40262502
>what is the non-sequitur here
>repeats the non-sequitur
again (again) gaining some fat and losing some muscle are not health problems, and I really think your low energy was due to your E not being sufficient based on both anecdote and updated standards of care published that aren't literally based on reducing risk of blood clots from premarin

>>40262815
I know I know and that's what I'm trying to demonstrate and walk them through

I should be killed for being faketrans non dysphoric pornosexual male

Honestly me realizing that I'm hot as fuck as a guy lessens the dysphoria a little for me

>>40262897
even SOC8 claims it to be sufficient
and every anecdote i have says 100-200pg/mL is a good target range for trough
>>40262815
>>40262897
if you want to say nonbinary bodies are unrealistic that's fine i suppose, and in that case both of my options are shit so i'd rather end up with the strong one

im a repper now cuz im a boymoder

I'm an HRT crossdressing repper.

>>40263223
what? youre not a repper now because youre a boymoder

>>40261212
im thinkin bout those TATAs

>>40261759
omg I recognize that art style, what's their name again?

>>40263630
https://www.tumblr.com/stedilnik/

why cant i be a normal human being and feel emotions, it bothers me so much, i dont feel sad happy or anything i just have this realization i need to kill myself at random times

the older i get the more pathetic repping gets
i just want to be girl

the older i get the more pathetic training gets

the older i get the more pathetic trooning gets

>>40264014
Yes, and yet the more dreadful the idea of repping for the rest of my life gets.

going to go cry if that's ok with you

it's just a lose-lose either way

I'm religious so I have hope for the afterlife. The world is vapor, and will be gone soon anyway.

I'm almost 100% certain I could pass and be pretty but transition isn't for me. I'm uncomfortable with it. I am a man and have been born a man and will only ever be a man and will die as one. I can never be a woman. I've always known I was a man. I've never once thought of myself as a woman. I wish I could be one. But I can't.

>>40264510
>I wish I could be one.
going to have to agree with the take your hrt retards poster in this instance

>>40263753
I don't know if I do or not. I'm very confused

>>40264579
I tried already but the anxiety of being trans was worse than the depression of not being on hrt. And even if I passed I would still always be a man.

>>40261178 (OP)
If you haven't noticed the world hates women

>>40261178 (OP)
if I still had the memories of being male: absolutely, it'd be a dream, though not much else would meaningfully change in my life

i can't do it anymore

It's not too bad today friends

I have really horrible shoulder length curly frizzy AGP hair with receding hairline. I give zero fucks about my appearance, I just like having long hair because it makes me feel very slightly less dysphoric. Recently I've been getting the urge to just shave it and have short hair with a patchy balding front and just deal with it but I'm scared it will make me suicidal looking at that in the mirror every morning.

>>40268361
You’d regret shaving it.

Anyone here waiting until their parents die to troon out?

>>40268592
When my parents die I'll be homeless probably.

this disease is life annihilating.

i'd gladly volunteer for mengele tier experiments if that meant that i would have a chance at becoming a woman at the end

Is this a general for people who would like to be a cis woman or just for people who want to transition but can't/won't?

>>40270444
the latter

>>40268592
don't do it
i waited until my dad died and now i'm old af and miserable

>>40270464
I’m not thinking of doing that. Cos if I’m going to Troon out anyway I might as well do it when at least my face has some chance of passing.

But when I asked myself the question: would you troon out if dad died? My answer would be yes

>need to not be depressed to get the energy to transition
>need to transition to not be depressed

>>40270710
Kinda the opposite for me - when I’m at my lowest I want to transition the most.

>>40270899
I want to
I just feel so defeated and tired that I can't myself do anything.

throwing away all of my hrt tomorrow and ordering enclo+hgh

>>40271598
Ohh. That must be pretty hard given that dysphoria already makes us feel rubbish.

Recently, I had a strong urge to go ‘fuck it’ and transition. This was immediately after my dad had a go at me.

i am a demonic entity stuck in a man's body

so much time wasted

like one of my friends said i lack the moe
i will never be anything close to a feminine entity, more like an aberration of reality

just shouting into a void

>>40268361
I shaved mine and it didn't feel as bad as I thought it would desu. I just wear hats around and think about the balding less because I have no hair to manage.

>>40272066
this is what gets me the most
i broke out of my shell and am making plans to transition but i'm always so close to just ending it because of how much time i wasted and how fucked up and empty my life has been. even compared to other trans friends i am completely empty, a wasted life and i can't imagine it gets better just because i start HRT I think it's just part of who i am. a soul who's only function is waste, i consume everything in front of me and grind it into dust and give nothing back in return, wasted time and attention and affection
i hate myself

What do I do with my life? Trooning is a no-go, but roping seems kind of pointless because everyone dies anyways, might as well pass the time doing something fun.
But what exactly? Nothing is exciting. I tried to psyop myself into becoming religious but it didn't work. Most hobbies get dull after a few days, if not a single session. I have a really hard time connecting with the people around me, so trying to be social is just tiring.
Is this how everybody feels? Is this all life has to offer?

>>40273329
i just get violently stoned and play counterstrike. not the best but also not the worst

i go through periods with intense dysphoria to periods without anything, why must i be so faketrans
i probably convince myself i have dysphoria right now i dont feel anything i mean i would want to be a woman but i look in the mirror and i dont even know what im looking at thats not me so i dont have dysphoria and i also dont use my voice why do i have to be this way help

its been a month since i ordered diy hrt for the first time, it probably wont arrive
i take this as a sign that i must keep repping

>>40273886
Where did you order it from and to which country?

>>40274242
astrovials, it ships without any problems to other tranners in my country

>>40274598
Okay. Sometimes the packages get inspected by customs so it may take longer, but they don’t normally confiscate the parcel I believe.

>>40274598
But you could always send an email anyway if your bored

the pinkpilling in here just grosses me out, the entire rest of the board is filled with people screeching about le agp amabs so why try and make us take hrt

>>40274738
i'm just assuming it's an elaborate bit

>>40274778
just normies trying their best to humiliate us i guess

>>40274738
I think there is a need for a more realist approach on dealing with gender dysphoria.

I hate to compare it to a virus, but I will for the sake of this analogy.

The early you treat it the better. No matter at what age you transition, your biggest regret will always be the fact that you didn’t transition earlier.


For those who will transition at some point anyway in their lifetime, I think those should be pushed to do so earlier.

Now, I understand there will be some reppers where transition isn’t possible and that is why pinkpilling isn’t always a good idea. When asked would you rather be a man with crippling dysphoria or a man with crippling dysphoria and boobs? Many will go for the first and so pink pilling can also be kinda dumb.

>>40274872
and now youll switch to your other browser tab where you seethe about faketrans uggos who arent naturally feminine and have the wrong digit ratio or whatever

>>40274923
getting the calipers out to prove that I should keep repping lmao

when will pinkpillers be able to go back in time and give me my life back

>>40261178 (OP)
What is picrel? It looks so pretty!

>>40261178 (OP)
I'm going to have to repress because of the BBB. No one's going to hire my tranny ass. I'm going to lose access to my hrt in like a month or two if I don't do something NOW.

this world is fucked bro. I'm losing my fucking mind.

>>40275365
have you thought of diying its much easier than all the other methods

>>40275430
you need money for that, and I don't fucking have any right now. So I'm scrambling to apply for work AND I'm going to have to open art commissions VERY soon.

AND I have to learn how to use crypto, which is something I never thought I'd say. So there's just way too much to worry about.

I'm brainstorming a lot right now about how I'm going to support me and my family.

>>40268429
this is entirely false because it is predicated on the idea that a proper hanging involves suffocation; it does not. execution by hanging is designed to snap the neck, specfically the hyoid bone, which causes instant death. it's why gallows were designed with a trap door which falls out beneath the person being hanged, and the weight of their body breaks their neck. furthermore, the correct term in the picrel would be strangulation, not suffocation. hanging, if done right, is a quick and painless way to go. i wouldn't recommend the picrel method tho.

>>40275548
crypto is actually pretty easy, you should set up a monero wallet its pretty nice

I haven't shaved my face in weeks and now I can feel my facial hair at all times. It feels like there's a cobweb in my face ugh
The worst part is that I look better as a man with it, so I need to get used to this if I wanna take advantage of my Y chromosome...

>>40275365
>>40275548
I know, I'm terrified of that shit too. The thing is, I can't imagine that art commissions and crypto will be eligible for the work requirements

>>40275365
No one will hire my repper ass cos no one seems to want to hire me anyway...

>>40270444
I absolutely want to be a cis woman

>>40261178 (OP)
>would your life be better or worse if you woke up as a cis girl tomorrow? (your id & related documents changed as well)
does everyone remember me as a woman? otherwise i have a lot of explaining to do

Sexually I don't really relate a lot to the culture here.

>>40278078
I dislike open relationships, casual sex, and general sluttery so I feel that.

She's just like me fr

Why do I do this to myself?

why do I dew this to myself

Tbh I know exactly why. Social Anxiety. When I first got my braces back when I was like 13, they made me incredibly self conscious about myself to a point where I was afraid to open my mouth. I managed to overcome that eventually but it was hard. Now, if I struggle with that, how am I supposed to transition without cutting myself off from the rest of society, friends and family?

>>40279699
"Just don't care what other people think bro"

>said by a normalfag who delicately crafts his opinions as to not appear weird to others

>>40279926
That’s the sort of advice I would give out to other people but don’t take for myself. I understand I really need to work on that.

>>40279699
Yeah I know that feel. 20 years later I still can't smile with my mouth open because I conditioned myself not to do that when I had braces. Now when I smile it's some creepy lopsided smirk that makes people think I'm looking down on them or something. I just don't want people looking at my teeth.

>>40275716
I'm not going to post the whole page because I don't want to get banned but yes the point of this scene is she failed to break her neck because the drop wasn't high enough and she's too light. Anyway the gallows isn't the only way they executed people by hanging, lots of times they just strung them up and watched them kick around for 20 minute before they died. Most people who hang themselves as a form of suicide do not do the drop, they kick a chair from under them and slowly let it strangle them.

>>40280133
So basically, there's no easy way out?

I’ve decided to get rid of my agp box of shame in my room. I will be working on long term goals of self improvement instead. I am just soo ashamed of how I’ve hidden dysphoria over the years.

If you want to know, the box in my room contains wigs, dildos, and clothes (including a cute red skirt, bra, panties, and a mini top, and balloons I use for boobs)

i wish i was trutrans and not just a demented old pervert who wishes he was a woman so he could get fucked by guys. having the entirety of my fake "dysphoria" being centered around me getting off to porn and wishing i was the girl nowadays makes me feel like such an unlovable freak. i wish i was just gay or asexual or normal instead of a disgusting retard who fucked up his sexuality ages ago for no reason other than to make my life harder. i wish i had no sexuality i wish i never got horny. i hate myself.

>>40280875
i also feel like i wouldn't hate myself as much if i had any other sort of fake "dysphoria" other than the small longing that i wish i had been born a cis woman. i'm not pulling out my beard hair or shaving daily or caring about looking like a man day to day so i just feel like a faker moron with a gross fetish. i really do think people like me are a different case and should not be considered trans since i've never made any steps towards looking feminine. i don't care about my physical appearance as a dude at all because i know transitioning wouldn't change anything and i could never look anything remotely like a woman no matter what i did. so i feel faketrans because i don't have "dysphoria" strong enough to make me forcefully hate things that are overwhelmingly male about me. i just wish i was born female and self insert into straight porn as the woman. so both those things can hardly be considered things severe or worrisome enough to transition over. i'm not even a repper just a mistake. i can't relate to anyone anywhere.

>>40280981
I’m sure dysphoria has impacted your life in some way and perhaps changed parts of you that you may not have even realised. For example, my desire to be slim and low weight stems from dysphoria. There may be something different for each person.

>>40281066
i just wish i had "dysphoria" severe enough to make me definitively decide whether or not i should transition. instead it feels like a weird inbetween thing where the things i wish for are impossible so i don't ever feel the need to do anything about the weak "dysphoria" i do feel. i know i'd never be able to see anything even remotely close to a woman in the mirror no matter how hard i'd try so i'm just stuck with a shitty feeling of longing but never being able to do anything about it ever because i'm stuck in a maximum masculine body ane have been since puberty irreversibly fucked my shit up. i even have a low digit ratio which all but confirms my shit was fucked up even in the womb. it's unbelievable how fucked i am just in every aspect. there's not a single aspect of me that would help me feel better about having tranny thoughts, everything about me inside and out is overwhelmingly masculine and male. i wish there was some sort of innate sign or thing about my body that would help me feel better about being a freak but instead i'm just a deranged idiot who got obsessed with perverted fantasies as a kid.

>>40281120
Sometimes I think low to mild dysphoria is the worst. Because at least those with high dysphoria will live through a few uncomfortable years of hell followed by a lifetime of euphoria mixed in with some dysphoria as they transition.

But for us, it doesn’t get better. Because simply continuing to repress is just about bearable despite the shear mental struggle.

>>40281197
* I know this is bad of me to say this. But I honestly wish my dysphoria was more severe when I was 13 to a point where I would have self harmed, but instead I was just dressing up as a girl then goofing.

>>40281197
>Because simply continuing to repress is just about bearable despite the shear mental struggle.
yep. it's insane to me hearing about people who just transition like a few months to a year after getting a diagnosis while i've been having these thoughts and feelings since early childhood and i just wish i never did. i wish mentally i developed normally like every other guy instead of having this inside me my entire life and never being able to do anything about it. i'm not able to ever mentally comprehend transitioning being viable for me though. i just don't see how it ever would be, and i think anyone would agree if they saw me.

>>40281226
no i agree. the worst my "dysphoria" got in those younger years too was just maybe crying a bit or feeling like shit. i never self harmed like a lot of people here have/continue to do either and it's another sign of it not being severe enough to transition, for me at least.

>>40281226
Yeah same I wish it had been bad enough as a kid to not be able to just focus on school and tell myself I'd deal with it later

>>40281288
Hard truth

sad bump

y sad?

>>40282512
Repping.

>>40283819
Same here anon

>>40261178 (OP)
>new shitty bill passed
>Insurance going to be cut off
>forced to detransition
>forced to Repress.

Being trans is just gonna be an even bigger target in people's backs in the coming years. Trooning has always been a risky idea, soon it'll be as dumb as moving to North Korea, literally nothing good will come from it.
>inb4 take your HRT retards
Pinkpillers are emotionally driven and cannot notice the shifting political climate. Never ever entertain their ideas as they are unable of higher cognition.
It's time for me to become a real man, goodbye /repgen/

americans are fucking pathetic. my homophobic shithole of a home country outlawed gender marker change, people get jailed for being publically lgbt, HRT and surgeries were obviously always out of pocket, I've been DIYing for 5 years, learned to inject needles into my cheeks.
And you're here crying about no free hrt from the government.
You're all a bunch of fucking cowards, it's ridiculous that you people believe you have the guts to kill yourselves when you don't even have the guts to learn to diy and manmode.

>>40284797
ooh you're such a a badass!! wow life's harder for you?? you want a cookie fag???

>>40284831
>wow life's harder for you??
I think it's easier because I can more or less live with myself, which you cowards are unable to do. I visit repgen to remind myself why I trooned about once a month, but I'm good apart from that
> you want a cookie fag???
I wouldn't mind it to be honest, especially if you baked it yourself and it's not processed sugar stuff.

>>40280875
Me too

>>40261178 (OP)
E, now.

>>40285132
why bother man, everyone on this board looks at us and practically begs us not to transition, who are you to say otherwise?

>>40285155
You have a point

>>40285155
I'm a different person, but I graduated from repper to manmoder like half a year ago and just routinely still watch this thread. I don't reply as much now, but I like to sometimes answer people who are legitimately questioning whether they'd be better off just doing it in case it helps.

>>40285223
dont you feel bad that this board convinced you to get on hrt so they could beat you down in an attempt to make themselves feel better

I'm just lying to myself, me being an impressionable autist as always

>>40285268
I mean, the primary reason I came to this board in the first place was that I felt bad about what I was all the time and how I was too late, hoping to find some cope about how it would eventually just get better on its own which is what I'd been trying to do forever, but I eventually realized based on this place that it was never going to get better. Whether I manmode forever and am still looked down upon doesn't matter because at least it's a little bit better than before.

i love making characters in vidya and feeling cringe for wishing to be them

>mom wanted a girl
>instead she got a depressed faggot with klinefelter's
Oh well. It's the closest thing to a girl that I'm ever going to be. At least I have an extra X chromosome to cope about.

>>40285802
Fictional characters give me really confusing feelings. Keep in mind I'm mostly just a fake AGP freak.

i would immediately become a theyfab

i'm frightened

I wish I was a real trans woman and not a fake troon agpmefnondydphoric hrt male

>>40285819
I hate you
I wish I was intersex
It would validate me

>>40285819
If you have klinefelter's you have the perfect excuse to troon with impunity. You're already an infertile half woman, so you can just do it and it will probably shut up most people who question you. I wish I had that so I could feel trutrans

>>40285986
dont be mean to a fellow repper like that :(

>>40285819
have you ever tried taking t? maybe youre just very low t naturally and you feel this way

so being an ugly male means I'd be an ugly female, too, right?

>>40286173
Yep

I am the LGBT equivalent of someone who self-diagnosed themselves with ADHD

if you're a regular in this thread you're not fake

>>40286659
You'd be surprised

Porn definitely does not make me feel better

>>40286659
Alright. Maybe I'm not fake. So what?
It's still over. If I were to start now I would become a hon and be shunned by the world.

>>40286659
i'm not a regular but i've been here on and off since 2018. been on 4chan in general since like 06. i do not feel like transitioning would be realistic for me at least because i just do not have the drive or courage to do everything a full transition entails to only be me with cone boobs and no body and facial hair. maybe if i was feminine as a man physically or mentally but by all means i am just a mentally ill pervert. i want to have a female body because it would make me horny and allow me to have sex with men as a woman. other than that nothing about being a woman is enticing to me, my obsession is purely sexual and pretty much a fetish. i would still act like a dude and dress like one if i woke up with a female body tomorrow, wouldn't wear makeup etc. i don't have a female brain, i will never know what it's like to be a woman and i have no insight into the mind of one. i'm just a gross, ugly, old degenerate.

>>40286905
Sometimes I struggle to believe in dysphoria as a concept at all.

>>40287262
a lot of the time i like to think i was a serial killer or rapist in a previous life and all the miserable shit i've gone through in my life up to this point is just punishment i deserve. or i was just born with a brain that reacted negatively to trauma in my youth that just really badly fucked up my psyche and subconsciously made me hate myself so much as a kid that i wanted to be obliterated or something and reborn as a woman or the furthest away from what i am (male). either way if i could choose to do it all over without a fucked up retarded sexuality i would. i wish i developed normally and didn't waste my entire youth self hating and full of shame about feeling like a freak mistake nobody would want or get. now it's too late now and even if i got my life together i'm still fucked up and retarded on the inside and i can't fix it and i can't talk to anyone about it because i would seem insane which i am. i wish i was strong enough to kill myself or do hard drugs and OD or something but i'm too big of a pussy and would probably fuck up any attempt at suicide like i've fucked up everything else in my pointless life that nobody will ever or should ever care about.

Saw my friend's twin who is a man moder. Was repfuel

I'm so tired of repressing this shit and want to just transition already. Then I have a 1%er tell me i need to join up with them cause they need someone that looks like they would kill someone to intimidate people... fuck my life

>>40285819
diagnosed klinefelters or just a tall pudgy guy with wide hips?

Oh ffs I fell asleep with this board open on my phone and my mum just woke me up and saw my phone

>>40288280
>son we need to talk
>what is a repchad

>>40288361
Fr fr. She literally picked up my phone to put it on charge for me probably because it was on the floor and it was open on this board with a message already typed out where I mention agp lol

Girl friendships seem nice.

>>40280567
Inert gas exit bags are pretty easy you can even buy kits online these days and they'll ship everything to you.

>>40289004
They do seem nice. Shame I don’t have any.

>>40289252
Guy friends are kind of shit it's impossible to be serious around them because all of us are emotionally stunted and terrified of having uncomfortable conversations. Not saying I want a female friend to trauma dump on, but I probably wouldn't need to trauma dump if I'd had girl friends I could have meaningful conversations with to slowly release the pressure valve.

>>40289360
I think at least if you have a good male friend group then it’s okay. Because some who I hang around with I can relate to a lot of what you said about not being able to be serious

>he thinks he can have "meaningful" conversations with women


wooo boy someone tell him.

I like that research they did on HRT starting age where they found adults have the smallest effect on their depression/suicidality.

>>40289811
I wanna talk about my feelings not politics or world events or economics.

>>40290075
You mean that HRT had the smallest effect on adults' depression?

>>40290432
Yes

Is transitioning an example of the will to power? Are reppers embodying the last man?

>>40288389
That was your chance to come out as a repper and act disgusted with the idea of transitioning to gauge her reaction to the premise of you trooning

>>40290894
Ikr I was half asleep but just about enough awake to quickly snatch my phone from my mums hand before she can read it

>>40290894
> act disgusted with the idea of transitioning to gauge her reaction to the premise of you trooning

But I still want to troon out

>>40261178 (OP)
hello reptoids,
friendly reminder: if you're not living in a transphobic country, you should just delete all social media and troon out!

>>40261212
we will never defeat transgender ideology if you don't transition dude. Our future depends on you!

>>40290916
No, you see, it's all part of the plan. If she is disgusted and would hate if you trooned, you plan to manmode in secret when you troon. If she's sympathetic and supportive, you just come out and work through it with help. In my case, it was unnecessary to find out because my mom already vocally hates trannies

>>40291116
> because my mom already vocally hates trannies

That sucks. Is there anyone else you know than would be supportive?

Although, I think my mum wouldn’t be too shocked if I came out to her given that I always seem to defend trans rights during conversations (I normally let her bring the conversation up though) and she knows I’ve crossdressed in the past.

I wish I could whittle myself down like a bar of soap into the woman I wish I could be, cutting off and reshaping flesh

>female mtf chaser: ftm repper
>male mtf chaser: mtf repper
>female ftm chaser: ftm repper
>male ftm chaser: straight man
thinking of becoming the first mtf repper ftm chaser
and then i guess crying when my new bf makes me fuck his pussy

>>40291228
>That sucks. Is there anyone else you know than would be supportive?
No. However, I'm already a secret manmoder or "hrt repper" who just hangs around this thread some. Maybe you've got a chance if your mom wouldn't freak were you to come out and knows you've already engaged in faggotry. I still get conversations about when I'm gonna get a girlfriend and get married and have kids. I just say nothing when conversations about gay or trans stuff occur.

I don’t understand my identity. I don’t want to be a man. I don’t want to be a woman. I feel like I am nothing. I look in the mirror and I see some guy but I don’t know him. Or maybe I used to know him, but he died a long time ago. But who is the “I” who sees him? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>>40292221
> still get conversations about when I'm gonna get a girlfriend and get married and have kids

Oh lol

How long have you been on hrt? Long enough to become infertile yet or not? Cos then that’s gonna be hard conversation with her.

can't even talk about wanting to die on this stupid site, literally 1984

>see video with trans woman in it
>she has perfect passing voice
>remember i could never have that
>close tab
i hate my deep voice i hate my deep voice i hate my deep voice i hate my deep voice i hate my deep voice

is it weird that I only really feel terrible about things when I'm alone. like was out with friends yesterday and this morning, didn't really have any thoughts, then was by myself for like 15 minutes and managed to ruin my own day

captcha: 4agp44

>start college
>faculty expects students to choose their own subjects and trajectory and build their own curricula
fuck this shit, why can't they just tell me what I need to study and when I need to study it? Why do I need to build my own curricula from scratch, instead of having to choose betwen dozens of subjects? I hate non traditional pedagogy

pinkpillers could have saved me by grooming me at a young age instead of waiting until i became old to try

i just want to feel again.

>>40293536
same, before dropping out i failed miserably at any creative task like writing an essay

>>40293409
This is me

we are closer to 2030 than 2020

>>40293409
same

>>40293160
So deep that voice training doesn't seem to help.

>>40293928
yes

>>40293937
Like when I try I sound like some breathy fag or pitch up into a squeaky cartoon character. How about you?

>>40293979
the best i can do is sounding like strong sad

>>40292456
Something over half a year. I've only ever been into men, though. My childhood plan was to grow out of my liking men fetish and it later turned into a plan to just thug it out and make myself be with a woman whether I liked it or not. Idk my family is just gonna hate me whenever they find out, if them bashing trannies in the car ride today was any indicator

>>40294484
Would you recommend hrt diy? I just feel it’s my only way to transition.

Friendly reminder that you guys are stuck in the saddest and most self deprecating stage of accepting your sexuality, the closet. Most queers move on, remember it as cringe part of their lives but you all are going to be here forever lmao

>>40295427
whats the point of your post, to laugh at us? we know we are going to be stuck here forever thats why we repress - theres no way out
fuck you

>>40295401
Yes, it's what I do. Injections are cheap and the only really worthwhile way to do it. Something like undecylate is really convenient for hiding it as well since you only need to do it once a month and you get to pretend it's not happening otherwise.

>>40295642
Thanks - Will I be alright to learn how to do it from YouTube on my own or will I need help?

>>40295427
Only because there's an easy and simple box that each of these other people can fit into

blogpost ahead
I feel like my life is at a crossroads. I'll either troon out and possibly become a hon forever, or I'll try to get over this mental problem at the risk of failure, and it always being there in the back of my mind.
The problem is that I'm tired. Too tired to make a choice. Too tired to care about what happens to me. I'm so fucking drained I feel like a rotting corpse whose soul left weeks ago.
Is this my fate? To just shamble around until I can't leech off my family anymore and then die? Is this it?
It doesn't have to be, that I'm aware, but how do I find the energy when I'm too tired to even make coffee in the morning? There's just nothing left for me to give.
How do I get my soul back?

>>40289360
4chan is proof of how dogshit they are. Even if it's gay/bi guys I just don't relate to any of them here.

>>40295698
>I'll try to get over this mental problem
What they don't tell you about this one is that there's really nothing stopping you from having another episode every few months for the rest of your life where the desire/need to troon out becomes powerful again, and you're right back at this decision only older and uglier.

>>40295698
I’m there too. My clock is ticking down very fast. Although with that being said I’m well past the part in my life I could have passed. Worst part is that I knew I was trans then. I think a lot about how my life would have been different had the waiting lists been shorter to start hrt. That would of given me the inspiration to come out earlier and not repress.

>>40295773
You were on the waiting list? I was deep in the "icky freak troons, I'll never be like you and give in!" cope back when I was young enough to matter.

>>40295499
>whats the point of your post, to laugh at us?
yeah basically lol
>>40295696
I remember having poor excuses before coming out too

>>40295784
I never was. Didn’t see the point. I would probably still be on that waiting list if I came out then.

>>40295806
fuck you, im going to killmyself eventually because of all of this i hope youre happy

>>40295819
good luck buddy

>wanting to feminize myself because I will never be a muscled up nice penised gay dude like every other one is/coping with being a shrimplet and not tall enough
What's up with me? Am I AGP/GAMP/AAP?

>>40295806
>I remember having poor excuses before coming out too

No it's just a fact. I'm probably the kind of person you would not want to have in your community to begin with.

>>40295848
I won't stop you from wasting the one and only life you get to live on this earth being closeted, i actually prefer having you guys around to make fun of

>>40295835
you should do it too, youre evil and soulless fuck you fuck you stop its not okay

>>40295887
No thanks, my life is pretty good being open about it

>>40295929
im happy for you im just jealous i just wish i could be like you its so unfair i cant escape my misery sorry its malebrained i shouldnt have said that

>>40295952
lmao, love this for me

>>40295957
if i had a normal family i would have trooned out too, repping isnt natural, its so unfair
i dug myself in a hole and i cant escape now even if i want to

Do we have different levels of tolerance and resilience to dysphoria or just different levels of dysphoria all together?

>>40296002
probably both, i barely feel anything besides the dysphoria, im not happy im never able to cry im a husk

>>40296002
I believe in different tolerance theory because that way I can make it my own failing for suffering so much over this

>>40296014
> probably both
That’s what I was learning towards

Damm this thing takes way too much attention of my brain

>>40295773
>>40295784
How old are you two? What is the average age of a repper? I'm 19 but puberty already ended and i already look like a dude in my 20s.
So close but so far...

>>40296058
I'm 34, anon. If I woke up back at your age tomorrow I'd be ordering e before breakfast.

>>40296058

> I’m this anon >>40295773 #

I turned 18 three months ago

>>40295845
fake huss

>>40296099
But that just sounds like how most of them are

>>40296002
Tolerance is a big part, but something I think a lot of people ignore is generalized learn helplessness. Especially if you repped because of your parents, if you learned early on in your life that talking about your problems with or seeking help from your parents never lead to a solution and only got you insults or even violence, then you might have submitted to the idea that being a girl is hopeless and you shouldn't bother trying.

>>40296138
that's me, but it's true in my position

>>40295672
I just learned with hrtgen and info from diy websites

>>40296069
Frankly if I could troon I would have done so already. I've been aware of this for years.
The problem is that if a mysterious little package showed up in my family's doorstep, they would pester me all day about what I bought. If I still give them no answer they'd just tear open the package themselves, and I'd be in quite a lot of trouble for buying hormones online (getting a PO box be even more suspicious).
Can't move out either. Rent is way too high, and all the jobs I'm qualified to do with my meager high school diploma don't pay well enough to live even somewhat well.
I'm stuck.

>start vacation
>depression spikes
Great...

>>40296058
>>40296077
If I were either of you I would be greatly considering whether you're actually going to be able to get over this or if trooning is the answer. One of my biggest regrets right now is not just using my first paycheck a couple months before I turned 18 to get diy hrt. The thing is, it's not so much that I masculinized that much more between then and when I started, but I lost years of my life I could have spent experiencing hrt changes earlier to have more young years with some kind of passing chance. I could have gone to a different college and learned about life as a girl instead of being a miserable shut in repper where i was. My time repping had no preparation for the future, only finding a way to tolerate the present. It still sucks now, but I'll maybe get there eventually, but I could have had several formative years I'll never get now

>another birthday spent all alone at home
>nobody called, texted, nothing
38 years and its still not getting any better
hope you all have a better life than i, i might just drink myself to death this time
>>40261178 (OP)
if it cured my depression, sure
last time i talked to a therapist she said she wasnt equipped to deal with my problems

>>40296244
How would they know you got a po box?

>>40296276
Wow that's a terrible therapist.

>>40296276
This is going to be me soon and it sucks so much. I can't handle life beyond the very basics of going to work and feeding myself, I can't maintain relationships, not even friendships I can manage anymore...

>>40296282
I live in the middle of nowhere. I would need to drive really far to get to the nearest post office, and because I'm a total neet that doesn't go outside, they would keep pestering me about where I was.
>just lie
I could, but then I'd need to smuggle the vial and the needles home. I have almost zero privacy and they'd figure out eventually.
Not to mention the money to buy an e vial. Last I checked on astrovials it was like 50 euro, and because I'm broke they'd miss the little money I have when they ask to borrow it. For some reason they keep a really tight grip on the money they give me, and consistently ask
>do you still have that money I gave you?
If I said no they'd ask where the hell it went, and if I lied again they'd just nudge me to show them my bank account (this would happen anyways), and if I don't show them they'd assume I'm hiding something, and then I'm in trouble.
Man, the more I write the more I realize how fucked I am.

>>40296416
You have a really controlling family who will attempt to keep you locked down and under their boot your whole life unless you find a way to escape.

>>40296099
Tell me more about it, genuinely want to transition and live as a woman

>>40296445
Tell you more about an outdated term I used for a shitpost? Anon if you want help transitioning look at hrtgen or something.

>>40296138
I see. Even though I have crossdressed as young as 6, I felt a very strong need to hide this from my parents. Idk maybe for some reason it was how I was bought up - I don’t know. I remember being like 7 and I was soo ashamed about the one time I tried a dress on in my bedroom. Oh and also my sister was in the room so she knows too. Hehe, but she doesn’t know I’m a repper. But back to the tolerance, I think because of how my dad has treated me over the years (spoiler alert: not very well) yet I still voluntarily go and call him and see him often, I think that kinda proves I have an unfortunately high level of tolerance. Or alternatively I am easily manipulated and he is a narcissist. But it may well be linked to how my dad raised me (e.g. he always told me to hit back, and he took me to the pub way too much)

>>40296264
Idk I just can’t see myself being a 40, 50 year old woman. The thought just seems weird.

Luckily I have enough money saved for hrt and I’m moving out to go to uni so I’m in a good position to start.

Although the weird case with me, and I hate to brag but, my life is honestly going pretty well at the moment. I have a decent social life with friends, I have strong prospects, hopefully going to a good uni, mental health pretty good for repper standards. Starting to eat three meals a day again.

But you mentioned a very important point about looking back at lost years when you could have been living as a girl but instead kept repping. I feel very much destined for the same fate if I don’t transition. I will look back in disgust, and anger at the self harm I inflicted on myself for repressing. I just need to do something for myself in life but then comes the excuses that have kept me hidden my whole life :(

>>40296416
Say it’s a present? Obviously you have to get an actual present in addition that would fit in a box the same size.

>>40296435
I'm aware. But how? The only way for me to move out is to either
>pray they help me move out for college
or
>get a good job somehow
the former is increasingly unlikely, because I have family near the college I'm aiming for that oh so kindly allowed me to stay with them while I go there. Might make things easier for me, but it'll take almost a year until that can happen.
The latter is almost impossible, but I've been thinking of becoming a freelance video editor in hopes of earning some meager income.
Guess all I can do is start learning how davinci resolve works before I can try for college again.
I just realized I answered my own question. oh well posting anyways

>>40261178 (OP)
Qott: its the only thing i desire being trans feels nothing but a burden and some of my trans friends don't think so wich makes me more miserable it wouldn't fix everything in my life but it would improve it by a lot sadly there is no way to be actually cis

>>40261200
I'm actually thinking of stopping (1yr & 3months)... what's the point ill never be a *real* cis woman anyway there isn't a real possibility to "pass" ppl will always just assume im a trans which i am i will never have a real vagina not to even speak of a uterus or clitoris like why bother if i cant be the think im trying to become i'm just a cheap imitation that's not actually cheap it's expensive to keep being on hrt i feel like almost nobody understands me (in my circle) they don't get the idea of wanting to be a cis woman there fine with being trans im not i wanna just be cis like maybe if i start repressing now it gets bearable the pain... like the pain will never go away full my desire to be cis is strong but maybe it will be more manageable that way

>>40296473
>I felt a very strong need to hide this from my parents.
I understand this all too well. I kept it all to myself because I somehow knew they wouldn't take it well
>Idk I just can’t see myself being a 40, 50 year old woman.
I can't imagine myself a man or woman at that age either, it's like my future self seems fake regardless
>I just need to do something for myself in life but then comes the excuses that have kept me hidden my whole life :(
This is one of the hardest things to get over for me, probably the only harder thing is the uncomfortable reality that my parents will find out at some point and hate me

crying a lot more than usual lately

>>40296295
gods he sucked but least shewast heonest
beter than dickignm enround like past one
ive give up ont hreapyt now
>>40296322
i can hnadle work still but tis touht

>>40296583
alternatively i just kill myself it seems like the easiest way not to suffer anymore

>>40298278
don't kill yourself nonny

>>40298285
what else is there nona what i will never be what i yearn to be ill never be a cis woman ill never pass what's the point to keep transitioning or to keep living like i can try to rep but idk if that will help much... i will prob try but idk if i can do it...

>>40297526
>>40297899
my two moods: crying and incoherent drunk

make me a girl make me a girl make me a girl god please

>>40295868
I don't relate to the culture here at all, and I think that incompatibility and disgust. DO YOU FUCKING REALIZE THAT EVEN THE ANONS HERE EXPECT ME TO BE SOMEONE I'M NOT AND BE INTO THINGS THAT I'M NOT?

It drives me insane. It drives me fucking insane. Repression from all sides. I blame you people for it to

You people are so fucking lucky you can simply just fit into the cartoon fucking stereotype that you were coerced into.

rotting. depersonalized. non-existent. ghost-like. inhumanly, indescribably tired. the nights are endless. the torment has no end

https://youtu.be/00RIGf-Axfo

I WANT TO BE AN ANIME GIRL I WANT TO BE CUTE

Anyone else use the reward of being magically turned into a woman to try and motivate you to do something? Like especially when I’m at the gym and I really want to get to 5 mins on the treadmill at a certain pace, I will say in my head ‘if you get to 5 mins you will turn into a cis woman’. I end up doing it, but I am still a man. But I think it reveals a deep part of me that my only true goal in life is one that is impossible. Like I would rather at least my goal to be a billionaire or prime minister. I have a much higher statistical chance of achieving that than even at least passing it feels like.

>>40299587
Weirdly enough the idea of identity death terrifies me.

>>40299587
I like to think of this whole life as a test from the universe and if I get through it without killing myself I'd be rewarded in the next life by being reborn as a cute anime girl.

What's it like to be happy? Like truly happy and fulfilled and looking forward to each new day?

>>40296650
Idk but I can see myself as a 40 year old man, but not a 40 year old woman. Even though I am scared of masculinising any further. Right now, I dream of being a woman but only at the age I’m currently at. It’s confusing.


I think my dad would just be pretty uncomfortable and disappointed but I think he would still be there for me because my dad cannot afford to lose me. Even if his support for me is pretend. I think transitioning would cause him an insane amount of stress and I don’t want to be guilt tripped into thinking it’s my fault or that I need to stay repping for his mental health.

My mum on the other hand, she doesn’t see transwomen as women and I think she would have been highly critical of me if I wanted to diy when I was still under 18 . But nonetheless, I feel safe around her and hopefully soon I can be more open with her as I’ve got a strong feeling she will be supportive.

>>40261178 (OP)
my tunic arrived!

new thread
>>40299961
>>40299961
>>40299961