>know I'm a disgusting ago fetishist freak with "euphoria boners" everytime i try do anything feminine and am a disgusting moid
>Still hate being male and want to transition because of fake dysphoria that won't go away
Why can't i be a normal tranny at least why do i have to be a literal fetishist pervert and yet i still hate myself for being a moid so all being a fetishist pervert really does is make me feel even more dysphoric. It's fucking bullshit i hate agp.
>>40279811 (OP)> euphoria bonersthe moid mind loves novelty.
it goes away as you settle in and just live your life like anyone else.
the only time i get this now is if i'm trying on something sexy... which is (spoiler alert) supposed to make you feel sexy and turned on
>>40279811 (OP)>euphoria bonersWhat? You crack a stiffy looking fem?
Thats weird, you're weird for that, the most you should feel looking fem is butterfies and inner peace, getting hard is just wrong, you need therapy.
>>40279906Yeah obviously i still get desensitized to it over time but it's clearly not just "novelty" i don't get fucking hard ons for new interesting movies or whatever the fuck, it's specifically this like feminine shit or what my mind perceives as female stuff ig. Like how could i be getting tirned on just by feeling my long hair on my back outside of me associating long hair with women and fetishising being womanly in this aspect
>>40279954Yeah unfortunately instead of feeling peaceful it's a mix of this gross sexual shit, disgust at that sexual shit, dysphoria from my gigamoid sexual response to regular everyday shit, as well as further disgust and dysphoria from being an ugly hon. It's difficult to even call it looking fem cuz i don't look feminine in the slightest.
I'm too embarrassed to tell a therapist because like idk 1 then it's like tied to me they actually know me I'm a stranger here and 2 they won't take any other issues i have with tranny stuff seriously because of me obviously being a moid pervert which is probably correct but still hurts cuz i still feel very dysphoric. I'm sorry i wish i was normal
>>40279964>but it's clearly not just "novelty" i don't get fucking hard ons for new interesting movies or whatever the fucki obviously meant in a sexual / body context.
> Like how could i be getting tirned on just by feeling my long hair on my back outside of me associating long hair with women and fetishising being womanly in this aspectcan't relate but i don't see the problem. you haven't even started and your brain is full of worms
>>40279997I'm a month in but that really is the same as nothing tbf, and the point is why am i seeing what should be innocuous female shit as sexual in the first place? I'm not like say practicing makeup for sexual reasons I'm doing it to try fix my ugly face that makes me dysphoric, but then this sexual stuff all comes up and no it's not because i feel sexy with the makeup i look like a hon in clown makeup it's awful and i recognise it as awful yet the act of applying the makeup makes me feel this way when it shouldn't because it's not sexual yet ofc my shitty moid mind has to make it sexual. It's not worms it's just my like daily life
>>40280069You can't expect your body to adapt to being anything but an eternally horny moid when it's full of testosterone
>>40279811 (OP)don't listen to the haters, agp is default female sexuality
>>40280198Yeah it's just why did I have to choose this to be the thing i get horny about
>>40280232Yeah sure but that's literally just like looking sexy in a sexual context it's not fucking getting hard ons when you curl your eyelashes or try makeup or tie up your hair or feel your long hair on your back in the shower. Also iwn have this
>>40279811 (OP)Are you sure it's dysphoria of your male body and not just envy of the female body
>>40280307I don't know desu what the difference even would be inhate seeing myself in the mirror though i hate my giant moid ribcage and tiny moid hips and my voice and all that. However i don't have as much social dysphoria (it's still like kind of bad just not as bad) so maybe i am just jealous I'm jot female rather than being actually dysphoric idk.
>>40280285doesn't sound like you "chose" it... this is something you'll have to think about outside of the context of external frames of reference that want to give you simplistic answers about what you are going through.
shame is a hell of a drug.
>>40280394I'm not smart enough for that so I'll probably just keep being deeply ashamed of myself and disgusted by myself forever but i do really appreciate the help. Like i don't really get what you mean desu
>>40280457deworm your brain from cultural programming. touch grass.
>>40280541I mean idk if I've been culturally programmed to think being agp is gross i kind of agree idk it is very gross of me. I also touch lots of grass and go outside regularly especially nowadays I've been socialising way more.
>>40279811 (OP)I also HATE BEING AGP!!! I HATE THAT I DIDN'T REALLY FEEL DYSPHORIA UNTIL I WAS 20 AND STARTED CROSS DRESSING IN TRAP THREADS!! ugh it's not only so shameful but it doesn't even feel like im tru-trans even though i hate my body so much it makes me want to kms sometimes. I'm lucky i guess that i don't get turned on by femininity by its self but i still know the truth and it makes me so ashamed i cant just be a normal guy!
>>40279811 (OP)>be moid>see a beautiful woman>get a boner with attendant pleasant feeling in penis, feel like having sex>put on dress>boner with no attendant pleasant feeling>don't feel like having sex or jerking offExplain why these are equivalent
>>40280779Yeah same no dysphoria at all until i was 17 well after puberty where i should have gotten it if i was trutrans, it's awful i feel terrible but still feel like a fraud for not feeling terrible sooner
>>40280822I mean yeah i suppose like the "euphoria boners" i don't feel like having sex versus like actually arousing normal shit but it's still somewhat sexual even if less so like it's enough to make me feel shitty about being a pervert since I've never notice this sort of thing happening otherwise. Like ig random ones but nothing that correlates with a specific action or association yet doesn't have me feeling horny or whatever
>>40279811 (OP)can someone please translate what the meme is trying to say?
I don't get it
(I look like left)
>>40282087I made it myself it is referring to the fact that i twice got a "euphoria boner" while in the shower feeling my long hair on my back and noticing how long it had gotten. As you can see i get pretty upset by the fact I'm an agp, hence calling it my "toughest battles". However jesus understands that most people do not get euphoria boners at their own hair and is telling me how easy it is to avoid i just have to not be a moid pervert agp freak that gets off to having "female hair".
>>40282309I'm sorry for being like this i really wish i wasn't
I'm disgusting, nobody can ever know how disgusting i am. If anybody in my life knew about my agp, especially those who know about my attempts to transition, it's over. I hate being this disgusting moid stereotype why couldn't i just be normal why did I have to turn out like this
i've never really experienced dysphoria but started experimenting with femininity when i was 19 or something. it has taken me quite some time to get comfortable with it in public. there sometimes are "euphoria boners" when i am alone and try something new and it feels quite disgusting. i start to wonder, is this really me or all just agp? so far, i've always assumed my mind went from "wow, that girl looks nice" to "wow, i want to look like her". but thinking about it now, one other possibility is that it's a coping mechanism for my loneliness, think of the "if you can't get gf, become gf" meme. i do socialize much more these days than when i was younger, and i do have female friends. but idk if my brain just one day decided that i'm not able to ever have a healthy relationship again and thus thinks exploring agp is the way to go now. idfk. i just wanna know who i really am.
