>>40319900 (OP)I've tried a fuckton of therapists all throughout my life. DESU if you know how to use Google and have literally a single person in your life who will listen to you bitch and give you some half-decent advice therapy is super over-rated and not worth IMO.
It mostly just boils down to, "it never really gets easier, but you can get better at dealing with it." And to be fair it is true. If you read up on the CBT slop shit there's some genuinely useful strategies in there. You just have to actually find what works for you and be willing to give garbage a fair chance before you write it off.
However, if you know all that and are still sitting there like "damn, but I still want to fucking die" then I'd recommend you look into ketamine therapy. It's expensive ($80 ~ $600+/session depending on IRL vs online and they mail you it, online is way cheaper).
Take it seriously. Don't just be like "hell yeah, drugs!" And binge it or anything. Follow some guides. Do a fuckton of journaling before and after (cringe, I know, nobody wants to) and then go in with some intentions like "I want to get over X", "I want to be inspired", or even just like "show me joy". and focus on it. Listen to some cringe spirituality playlist with rain and chimes and all that dumb stuff (it actually hits on k I promise), wear a blindfold, and remember that journaling afterwards.
It's not going to instantly fix you but it can more-or-less instantly start showing progress. A lifetime of therapy and K is the first thing to really feel like it has actively been helping. Every week I'm noticeably a little less depressed passively and then on days I do K I'm basically glowing all day (where-as I normally self-harm and bedrot all day). Honestly I expect my depression to be entirely gone by the end of month two which is insane since I've had it BAD basically my entire life.
GL OP. Trying to better your mental health isn't a useless pursuit and I hope you find what works for you.
