What are your earliest memories of having Gender Dysphoria? When did it start for you?

>>40395112 (OP)
it was never super bad until puberty. when i was super little i just thought it was really sad that i was stuck with a penis and not a vagina. i partially deluded myself into believing someday i would wake up and it would have begun turning into a vagina, as, like, a natural part of my aging. never happened, though......

>>40395112 (OP)
I cried when I was like 3 when my mom said I couldn't be pregnant and be a mom.

>>40395112 (OP)
I was a super feminine kid and normally got gendered female by people who didn't know me. So i never felt super dsyphoric until grade 7 when i learned you need a uterus to get pregnant. Spent the night crying because i could never get pregnant. Than spent weeks trying to convince myself i was intersex and definitely had one

>>40395112 (OP)
i had a deep admiration for tomboys when i was 7 or so, and wished i could be like them and felt immensely sad that i was going to end up a man instead

>>40395112 (OP)
I remember feeling bad that I would never have boobs around 11 and I spent a lot of time in high school wishing and praying that I'd reincarnate as a cute girl

>>40395112 (OP)
I remember when I was in school, I hated being with boys. Being associated with men. I always envied that women got to be women and have girl friends, and I couldn't, since I was a male, stuck with the rest of males. I hated when group activities were separated in gender groups.
When I learnt what trannies were at age 11, I instantly knew I was one.

>>40395112 (OP)
i wanted to be a wife since as far back as i can remember but the first time i had real explicit giwtwm dysphoria was in 2nd grade watching the girls in my class get the attention from guys that i couldnt

>>40395112 (OP)
choking myself trying to get my Adam's apple back into my throat when i noticed it started existing, so like 11 or 12
but i am retarded so here we are

>>40395112 (OP)
my mom telling me i couldn't wear my brother's clothes, then getting mad that i got a bunch of apparently 'too girly' clothes when i went school shopping with my grandma. she got them returned and bought me still 'girl' clothes but i guess not as childish? i was in like 5th grade. i remember crying, not because i wanted to keep the clothes but because i thought i did what she wanted and i still got it wrong

>>40395112 (OP)
I had the conception of myself as 'really a girl' years before any dysphoria. Before puberty the worst I got was being judged for wanting to try dresses and shoes, or play with girl's toys, it was only once puberty started that my body became part of the problem.

>>40395132
I hope you wake up with your vagina someday, Nona :(
>>40395135
>>40395151
>not being able to have your own kid
T_T
>>40395250
>>40395282
It sucks that we don't have the tools to disentangle a normal "puberty sucks and is hard" from "no no no my body is changing in the wrong direction help I need to change course"

>>40395264
>i remember crying... because i thought i did what she wanted and i still got it wrong
God that is the absolute worst, just like in general.

>>40395112 (OP)
wow i cant relate to any of these

t.faketrans agp-moder

>>40395112 (OP)
When I was in elementary I found out boys pee standing up and I obsessed over me not being able to do so. Also my entire childhood I believed I was a boy and got angry when people would say/do things that broke that delusion.

>>40395112 (OP)
when i was 4 i remember wishing i was like my mom and wondering why i had to have a penis
when i was 6 i was called a girl by most adults and i felt very seen-through, like they knew what i was
i remember being so jealous of the girls at school and camp and stuff, they got to have really beautiful hair and cute and soft things like stuffed animals and keychains and hair pins even as those were taken away from me or never given because i was a boy, i remember wishing i could wear the same clothes as them too
i wish i had got on hrt before age 28 but i had so many issues to get through before i could face the fact i was repping

>>40395414
it's sad to see a trutrans rep so much

>>40395344
From what I understand if it continues into puberty the chances of it just being a phase are extremely low.

>>40395344
>I hope you wake up with your vagina someday, Nona :(
you know it's funny; someday i really will :) it won't be exactly how i imagined when i was a kid but sometime in the next four years i'll wake up in a hospital bed and want for nothing else in the whole world. i hope all of the anons in this thread might feel that same way eventually <3

>>40395112 (OP)
I had much earlier memories of wanting to be a girl, but being told that I couldn't go over to my girl friend's houses when I was in 7th grade because people would assume I was doing bad things with them absolutely crushed me. People always assumed I was a gay boy, and that made my life hell too.
t. straight MtF

>>40395112 (OP)
When I was 5 my sister told me my hair would go blonde and I’d look like a girl but it never happened

my memories are hazy but before 10, i would get crazy jealous of girls but also be scared that i was secretly one. i felt lucky to be a guy bc i shouldn't actually have been, and i knew that because of a deep-seated feeling that i was a girl inside.

i'd get weirdly fixated on girls. not crush on them i think, but obsessively wonder what their lives were like.

i had hobbies like art, dancing, playing house, and painting pretty art but my mom would tell me that my hobbies were for girls and tease/shame me, so i'd give them but and try to eliminate any desire to do them

i also got jealous that 'guys couldn't get pregnant' but it was more general and not personal

around 13 is when i started to imagine myself as a girl more and more often. i'd close my eyes and hope to open them in a world where all the genders got flipped (i was a really imaginative but stupid kid).

i also kind of became aware of trans people during this year but i was mad because there was no temporary way to be a real girl.

but also, some days i hoped that everyone i knew would just disappear so i could transition and live in stealth, and when the fantasy would break i felt horrible about feeling that way

i also got really scared of accidentally letting people know that i was like trans people because then they'd try to fix me by making me transition. and i'd like that. but it'd come at the cost of being a dad, which was the second best thing i could be after a mom, and i didn't want to lose that

age 14, i started coping by reading tg and body swap fiction. it wasn't even an erotic thing, just a fascination, and a desire to live that kind of life.

it did get perverted around 16 though, which i hate, because it all got confusing and i genuinely thought that this was a weird fixation that i developed when i was 5.

(cont'd)

>>40395725
it gets kind of gross from here because it all got split split into 'the real me' vs 'my weird fascination.'

i'd obsessively worry about whether i could be a decent father/husband/boyfriend because deep down there was still a sense that i wasn't 'a man' at all.

i coped by going harder on the man side, which made what i now believe is dysphoria worse, which i tried to solve as if it were an unfortunate kink or something. repression, hobbies, working out, abstinence, all that stuff. it never went away, kind of just got worse

i somehow never noticed two important things.

one, the triggers for these intense possessions were always my own masculinization, be it physical or social, and it got worse as i grew more and more into my agab

two, the non-erotic components never stopped. i still got intensely jealous of girls and thought of myself as a fake man (no matter how much validation and accomplishments i got saying otherwise). i still worried about being able to perform the roles of boyfriend/husband/father because it didn't come naturally to me

all that kind of faded away when i realized what it was.

and now i'm kinda stuck

on one hand i hate myself for being stubborn and not recognizing the dysphoria. i could've treated this much earlier, at 12 or 13, if i wasn't such an idiot or so scared of making a choice instead of wanting to be both a man and a woman

on the other hand, i feel disgusting. i feel like i've twisted and perverted a part of myself to survive, to the point that very few respectable trans women have stories resembling mine, and i can't tell if i'm a severely damaged trans woman or a severely disturbed fetishist.

that's all i remember off the top of my head

>>40395112 (OP)
Honestly it really kicked off during puberty (after i learned what being a tranny is though). Faketrans ik.

>>40395792
Well I had a somewhat similar experience of turning it into/trying to treat it like a fetish as a cope method so you're not alone in that.

reading this thread feels like self harm...
>t. 30 yo repper

honestly i became obsessed with mentally blocking a lot of this stuff out and forgetting my early memories...

the earliest i remember is having this recurring daydream about a cartoon woman kidnapping me and forcing me to be a girl when i was like 7...

and then an intense desire to wear girl clothes and underwear starting around like 12, which i'm not 100% sure wasn't just sexual.
i used to press my chest together in the shower thinking it looked a bit like cleavage around then as well...

the sad fake skirts and dressed out of t shirts and gym shorts for like.... years as a teenager jfc...
i'd legitimately do that and just stare in the mirror all miserable when i finally got my own room in college.
"just a kink... just a kink... why do i do this every night...?" (i'd barely even touch myself doing this it just started off as masturbating for like 5 minutes idk).

>>40395919
same. this

i feel like a lot of these feelings are just easily misinterpreted as being sexual, or that's the only context for your mind to approach femininity for yourself

>>40395200
Would u be an ugly girl with a cups or no

>>40395231
Cute textbook hsts

>>40395958
>the sad fake skirts and dressed out of t shirts
Hey I did this one, in a way. I wore huge shirts to sleep since I was young, and as long as I could get away with I wore a shirt that reached to around my knees with pants. Stopped when I had a teacher start calling me a fag for it.
>same. this
For me, I eventually started focusing less on the tg fiction and started just reading/playing fem perspective stuff. Like all those h-games with a female protagonist, I just play that and self-insert as her. No idea if it's better or worse.
>t. also 30+ repper

>>40395112 (OP)
maybe around the age of 5-7?

wished i had magic button to turn myself into a girl with a way back so nobody would notice. Wich leads me to belive something traumatizing happend before that i cant remember. Otherwise a 5 year old would not think they need to hide something

Was a repper until a few years ago started hrt with 21 maybe if i came out as the 5-7 year old me i would had hrt pre puperty.

Life is pain

>>40395112 (OP)
I always wanted to play and be friends with girls but I don't really let that count
also my grandma fell asleep one time when I was 4 or so watching cartoons and Jane Eyre came on and I watched it and I remembered wanting to be Jane Eyre so badly and I asked my grandma the next day if I could have nice dresses like that too but she said those kinds of dresses don't exist anymore
that's my core formative early "identifying with women" experience ig
but proper dysphoria only really as puberty hit

>>40395112 (OP)
I cant relate to anyone itt
I can try to rationalise my past like OF COURSE i was dysphoric when i was 3 weeks old but i never felt truly dysphoric until i was old enough to rationalize the pain of incongruent identity. I didnt get the chance to realize i hated myself because of gender, i just became mentally deranged without any idea why i didnt fit in. Being trans was never a choice for me, theres no such thing as repressing. I was always going to be a girly fag even if i didnt transition. I feel more normal on estrogen but ill never fit in with the girls. I pass but every day is hell and i want to die

>>40396171
iam >>40396084

>theres no such thing as repressing
not in the sense where u feel fine the last few years before "i came out" was me nonstop thinking about suicide so yeah i wouldnt say i had success repressing

>>40396256
Yea if youre a tranny you cant pretend to be normal
The suicidal thoughts never went away for me, i know what i am

>>40395112 (OP)
When I was under 10, I remember absolutely hating it when my dad would force me to get a haircut. Not in the "oh man I hate being told what to do because I'm a kid" kind of way, but in the "I am losing some secret part of who I am that I can't quite place yet know deep down is vitally important to me" kind of way. I remember the feeling getting worse the older I got to the point where I was just bawling my eyes out sitting in the barbers chair after spending weeks coming up with reasons why I couldn't go that day and delaying the inevitable as long as I could. I remember looking into my dad's eyes as he forced me to sit in the military barber's chair and he knew something was deeply wrong, but it's not like he could have known what it was; I didn't even know what it was, all I knew was that the fear and loss and sadness was overwhelming.

After that my mom did my haircuts until high school. I still hated it but at least my hair wasn't getting eviscerated into a buzz cut every month

>>40395112 (OP)
When is as 4 i had this thing called girl world where i was just not a guy and everyone around me acted accordingly and i would close my eyes on car drives and in prek and pretend i was there

When i was in 2nd grade i told my best friend to tell me his most secret secret and I forgot what he said but i said i wanted to be a girl when i grow up

>>40396295
I actually remember my first haircut, or at least one of my first, around 4 or so. My father brought me home from it and showed it off to my mom and grandparents and they were all talking about how 'nice' it was and how 'handsome' it made me look, and I just burst out crying.

>>40395112 (OP)
Not really any
I've just accepted that i'm a faketrans ftm transmaxxer
I did have some penis envy as a kid and feel better on test, as it cleared up a lot of fogginess i had in my brain, but i don't use it to clear "dysphoria" or anything. Most of my negative feelings about my body stemmed from being a bricky conetitted femcel

>>40395725
>i'd close my eyes and hope to open them in a world where all the genders got flipped (i was a really imaginative but stupid kid).
I used to do the exact same thing but my exact fantasy was even dumber
>>40396084
I always wished I could just become a girl without disappointing my parents when I was young. Just like have my past swapped around or have a guy clone of me to step in and keep my parents happy while I got to be a girl.
>>40395112 (OP)
My heart goes out the people in this thread. I hope you all find happiness

>>40396286
wouldnt say they are fully gone for me either but less often and for my sanity i blame it on hormone fluctuations (it actually lines up with injections CopiumCore)

>>40395792
>>40395958
please tell me what this sounds like to you two

i'm actually a few days away from hrt but my parents (who are still financially supporting me) strongly want me to rep

i've been trying to cut out all the girl stuff in one last effort to see what's going on. no clothes, no shaving or waxing body hair, no nothing. and i've kinda relapsed with the fetish stuff. they made me get a haircut too so there's that.

the reason i say this is because it's all really weird. i get antsy and feel kinda locked out of the real world now. the fetish stuff isn't even leading to pleasure, it's to pacify a weird feeling in my body that won't go away.

i can't seem to focus on anything else, not because of a lack of willpower or anything, but because nothing else feels real. so literally nothing that's non-trans or non-fetish related is getting done

and as far as i know this all kind of lowers in intensity when i try to lean feminine. wearing the right clothes, taking care of my body in the right way, etc. it doesn't go away completely but it's less overwhelming.

do i sound trans to you or just like a severely mentally ill gooner

i don't know how little things like grooming can impact my mental state so severely. it almost feels like a made-up disorder to me. i don't know how hrt is supposed to fix this

>>40396337
>I used to do the exact same thing but my exact fantasy was even dumber
i'm curious, what was it

i genuinely don't see how a fantasy can get any dumber than mine

>>40395112 (OP)
Trying to join Boy Scouts in second grade

>>40397310
waow i wanted to be a brownie scout when i was older in pre-school

i used to throw temper tantrums about not being able to do "boy things" and how i couldnt pee standing up like men.
im repping forever, my parents already hate that i like women. they'd hate me more as a pooner.

>>40397300
I mean with this little information it just sounds like you're dissociating or mentally shutting down.
Nothing about that sounds gooner-y.

Could be trans. Could be a reaction to not feeling heard or loved or accepted by your parents.
Could be both.

>>40397300
Is grooming oneself really all that it takes to be a woman? Many girls dont shave. I wonder if there is something else they share in common

>>40395112 (OP)
killing myself reading all of these and realizing im faketrans...
the only early thing i have is one (1) memory of wishing i could wear dresses to church instead of the stupid boy clothes all the boys wore, and i guess there was always this vague, quiet fear of growing older and bigger. like taller, i always hated the idea of being tall.
and i guess a little before puberty i found out sitting with your legs together or crossed is considered feminine (aka gross and weird for boys to do) and i just kept doing it because i liked doing that and didnt care

>>40397334
i think so too but the gooner route of suppressing this has forever tainted my brain

i want to do hrt in secret but i'm scared of getting caught and thrown out of home

dont remember anything because i was abused and probably developed a dissociative disorder + cptsd during early childhood... but i remember wanting a vagina since a long time ago. trooned at 23 when heavy dissociative abuse made me somewhat break through. I dont even form many memories today, but trooning at least solved a few of my body image issues. Old guys diddled me when i was 9...

>>40397689
Well on one hand, safety and having your basic needs met are always priority, but on the other i'll tell you that from somebody 10~ or so years on from a similar route that the single biggest regret I have now is not getting the fuck out and prioritizing at least exploring the option of gender experimentation- becoming educated, taking HRT or otherwise crossdressing somewhat openly.

Obviously boymoding is a time limited option.
Try to prod around some more and see if you'll actually be thrown out; otherwise you know you need to become independent as fast as possible so you can live how you want.

experiencing homophobia always precedes any recognition of "gender dysphoria" because the latter is a reframing of the former given that people are not sympathetic to the former but are to the latter

When I was really little I liked being around the girls more but I never really wanted to be one. When I was 14/15 sometimes when I fantasized my brain would involuntarily put me in a girl body and I would have to manually "oop that isn't right" and imagine future me as a dude.

Disclaimer: still not sure if I am a tranny

>>40397849
yes the first time i experienced homophobia was when i was 7 and it was regarding my first crush ever.
all the previously gnc hussies will come tell you that being gay was never an issue, but for me it always was... so thats why i think i trooned - to allow myself to be with men

>>40397905
you just didn't consciously process homophobia as homophobia when younger - and most of it is very indirect and subtle - but its the constant stream of it that lets you know society isn't ok wity you being gay - but is ok with women being a similar way you are

When I was 6, my sister and cousin put makeup on me and called me "their little sister" and let me hang out with them. They put me in a dress and in that moment, everything made sense but after my cousin left my sister sat me down and was like "you're my little brother and you'll always be that and it's not good for you to act like my little sister. that was all just a joke" and after that I felt defeated and depressed. I would take her dolls and hide them in my room and then sit in my closet in the corner playing with them, dressing them up, wishing I could be a girl just like the doll.
I started cross-dressing in my sisters clothes soon after and I was caught by my parents almost every time and they shamed me for it and it just made the feelings worse. \
I remember also wanting to give attention to a lot of the boys in my school wishing I was born a girl so I could date them but I think that was middle school.

>>40397979
>wishing I was born a girl so I could date them
internalized homophobia is easier to process as a problem with your gender vs how others treat you for being gay - because dealing with internalized homophobia means having to confront women who act maliciously - and that's a huge risk given how much social power females hold over men

>>40397994
Nobody wants to read your swill, Gincel.

>>40397994
what the fuck are you waffling about?

>>40395792
Same basically

>>40398070
if you say you hate being gay - nobody is sympathetic
if you say you hate being male - people are marginally more sympathetic
more people accept that people can be born in the wrong body than accept you can be born gay

>>40398070
It's just gincel, ignore him

>>40395112 (OP)
I mean as long as I was able speak I refuse to believe I was anything but a boy and nothing could convince me otherwise. Obviously I didn't stay that stupid top long but the thoughts crept back around middle school really bad.

>>40398848
i'm not esl I just didn't spell check lmao

my mom dressed me in girls clothes when i was too young to remember ~3 (later showed me pictures). she used to often say that i looked pretty like a girl and once when i was 4 let me try her lipstick.

I remember watching some tv show where there was a transformaion montage of the main character dressing up to go undercover as a woman and that memory stuck with me for a while.

was groped twice in public when i was 18-19 years old.

been kinda androgynous until 21 then i let my body hair and facial hair just grow normally. I'm trying to just move on from it all but sometimes struggle with agp.

this is mostly about what it was like for me before i was like, 16:

i was an extremely girly child. all my imaginary friends were girl characters from tv shows, like the little mermaid. i loved all the barbie movies too.

then, when i was past the age of like, 5, it started to feel profoundly wrong and uncomfortable in my brain when i wasn't allowed to be grouped in with girls. the best way i can describe dysphoria as a preteen for me was that whenever boys and girls were split up, i felt like i should be in the girl group. one thing i remember was i loved magical fantasy stories, and i would always be a witch instead of a wizard in my head.

i exclusively went to male only schools, and so much of like, the social environment was about "boy stuff", which always felt like, foreign and alien to me. it disgusted me a lot, to be honest. people around me framed it as me being a "sensitive" child, and i was always the teacher's pet.

cont.

>>40399218
cont.

the earliest thing i can remember which is unambiguously body dysphoria was probably when i was like, 11 or 12. i think i was reading an artemis fowl book, and there was an character who was like, a demon. all the other imps become gross and aggressive boy demons when they reach demon-puberty, but this one was special and instead of going through male puberty got to stay with the women. reading that basically made me want to cry and throw up and i remember relating to it viscerally.

getting body hair was extremely hard for me. it made me feel unbelievably disgusting, and i remember my dad making a joke about my pubic hair once when i was 13 or 14 and i genuinely wanted to cut my dick off that night.

i got sexually violated by other boys at school when i was 12 and the dysphoria was worse than the sexual trauma: my dad said it was "boy stuff" and i was a boy so in my mind that meant i was "like that" and seeing myself as a hairy rapist moid made me attempt suicide for the first time.

i realised i was trans when i was 15. it was after i read a really bad r/nosleep horror story about an infertile person trying to become pregnant, and the twist was they were a guy. it literally hit me like a brick. i remember crying clutching my stomach over never being able to have my own kids.

in under a year after that i got diy. my parents caught me, took it off me, and i was so emotionally destroyed i basically repped until i left to go to college.

>>40399231
:( im sorry you went through so much anonette. I hope you have happiness now, you deserve it

>>40397812
>becoming educated
in what sense

>crossdressing somewhat openly
im kind of in a weird place where i'm 99% sure i'm trans but the idea of crossdressing openly isn't appealing. not because i'm opposed to it, but because my preferred style is plain unisex clothes with a female cut.

i kinda have to go on hrt to figure this out, lol, which sucks bc i still want kids

>Try to prod around some more and see if you'll actually be thrown out
i doubt i will but i'm scared to risk it. the worst that i think will actually happen is that my already depressed parents will get worse

also i drove to the pharmacy today and just stood there without getting my hrt. i'm a pussy. fml.

>>40395725
>>40395792
just in case someone else wants to weigh in on this

>>40399231
there's such a huge difference between dysphoria when you're 15+ and dysphoria when you're a pre-teen or a child.

this is because adults are all the same but children are completely fucking insane. like the shit that goes through their minds

>>40400263
thank you nona. to be honest, the repping was really bad. i had the chance to start taking hrt a lot earlier than i did

but venting about my insane dysphoria trauma helps me process it

>>40395792
>>40396171
>>40396256
>>40395414
>>40395958
>>40396084
>>40397323
Reading about repressing is so heartbreaking. It really is an awful kind of torture.

>>40400964
The worst part is when you internalize it to the point where you only break free when it's far too late to do anything about it anymore.

I'm 34 now so my memories are a bit hazy but I know it was before I had any siblings so i had to be at least 6 or 7. I had these purple girls underwear that I tried to hide in the shopping cart and when my mom found them i threw a fit till she just gave up and bought them. I'd also put on multiple pairs of underwear to give myself hips then would go into her room and put on her dresses and heels when ever I was home alone. Typing that out I realized it's kind of fucked up to leave a kid that young by themselves...

>>40400998
Cont. when i started going through puberty I tried to bind my waist and ribs with belts to stop them from growing. Didn't work and now I have a some fun digestive issues because of it yay! Id shave of my body hair then be to embrassed to change for gym classes god forbid someone noticed. So I started to cope with alcohol, cigarettes, fighting and sex. Failed all my classes and knocked up my girlfriend when I was 16 and barely graduated. Im stuck here still repping cause I haven't yet killed enough brain cells to delude myself into think I could ever pass

>>40400964
my family just sucks lowkey
i blogposted in a thread i made earlier about why i hate being a woman

>>40400981
Repressing just internally contorts and corrupts you. My heart goes out to the disgusting sissyboomers whose brain has been just completely fried by pushing it back for all those years.

>>40395367
it made me feel like there was something wrong with everything i did. i wasn't 'girl' enough to be a proper girl but wasn't happy as a tomboy or lesbian etc. i enbycoped for so long because i felt like i was broken. i'm glad i have better people in my life now

>>40401351
Yeah that's the scary thing if you're like 30, it's too late to pass or be happy so transitioning isn't an option, but you're in this constant fear that if you keep repping you'll someday break completely and turn out like one of those people. So what can you do?

>>40395112 (OP)
>earliest "memory" of gender dysphoria
not really a memory bc it was too early for those
threw a tantrum in the clothes aisle as a 2 year old because i didnt want my parents to buy me boy clothes
they got me a hello kitty shirt :3

>>40395112 (OP)
i actually came out when i was 13, hrt at 16. (ftm)
most of my childhood previously i was a tomboy and actively rejected femininity. i hated being seen as a girl or grouped with girls but i thought it was just that they didn't understand that it was "bad", like i was the only one that realized it but if they understood that they would have agreed with me and felt the same. i didn't think i was abnormal for it, really. thought it was the typical tomboy experience.
when i was a little older, about 10-12, i started realizing i was actually different for it and never met or even knew of other girls that felt the same. i decided to just try to be as hyperfeminine as i possibly could to repress. constantly felt like i was wearing a costume.
then it actually clicked when i was 13. i never really tried to deny it, i was raised in a very loving supportive household and my parents had a couple friends with trans kids so i didn't feel like i needed to hide it and i'm incredibly grateful for that. i came out to them probably like a week after i found out.

Reading this thread makes me wonder if cis people are just idiots who don’t think about gender as a kid at all or if we do and just forget because if it’s not traumatic it’s not worth remembering

>>40395112 (OP)
It was when I was 4 or 5 I remember I would wear my mom's underwear instead of mine and one time she caught me and got really mad and she was yelling at me asking did I want to be a girl or something and I remember thinking yes screaming it in my head but I ended up just crying and saying no asking her not to tell my dad.

>>40395112 (OP)
i remember wishing i was a girl since about 4 or 5
when i was about 5 or 6 i was crying because they were making us draw ourselves at school and i didn't want to draw myself as a guy
similar age i remember asking my sister if she ever wished she was a guy (bc i wished i was a girl) and i was surprised when she said no because i thought everyone wished they were the other gender
also i liked getting my older my sisters to pain my nails, there are also photos of me wearing my mum's heels
i always cried after my parents made me get haircuts for as long as i could remember
i remember thinking i never wanted to get married or have kids because i didn't want to be a husband or a father
i was always terrified of becoming an old man and going bald for as long as i could remember
when i was 11 i remember reading the wikipedia page for puberty and thinking the female one sounded way better
at around 11 or 12 i remember telling myself i would commit suicide if i grew facial hair or developed an adam's apple because i'd hate it so much
when i started getting puberty growth spurts i'd feel the worst i'd ever felt when people commented on my height
i wouldn't let anyone measure my height ever
when i started getting taller than girls my age i started crouching whenever people took photos of me so i didn't look so tall
i remember my grandmother telling me i had really broad shoulders and wanting to kill myself
i remember crying myself to sleep a lot and wishing i wasn't so tall and masculine

>>40402732
I never thought about gender much, by the time I did I was already sort of conservative so it took a long time for me to realize being a tranny sounds nice despite having tranny-ish thoughts by the time I was 14 or so.

>>40395112 (OP)
when i was about 7 or so i used to daydream about using doraemons magic phonebooth or whatever to turn me into a girl