Being an FTM top is a fucking joke I hate my stupid life. I’m even bi with basically no standards beyond ‘basic hygiene’ and ‘will let me only ever top’ and I’m still not getting any. Cishet women don’t see me as an optio, I look too male to appeal to cis queer girls or cis straight men, cis gay/bi men either bounce the moment they find out I’m a top or lie and say they’re ok with it while trying to force me into bottoming anyway, for all the st4t bottomposting the only trans women I know irl are either lesbians or want to top me, and the trans guys only want to be topped by cis guys

Can’t even scratch the itch with porn because my choices are either make myself dysphoric by watching cis people or watching a trans guy bottoming for PIV (makes me want to peel my skin off). Can’t even temporarily detrans and become a dommy tomboy mommy who’ll step on people for the sake of getting hole because I’ve been on T way too long and I look like a bear. You can call it ‘pegging’ at this point idc, don’t have to be enthusiastic just willing, can even be a chaser who won’t be seen with me in public so long as I get to top

Sometimes I wish conversion therapy worked so I could make myself enjoy bottoming rather than it making me want to throw up and die. Don’t even like receiving head at this point because it’s always happened right before somebody tries putting shit inside me anyway, and it makes me feel like I’m in danger

>>40413221 (OP)
Don't be so hard on yourself, what you desire and your goals are important! There are so many people out there that will fit into the puzzle of your life perfectly, but first you have to make sure you're prioritizing helping yourself! Finding a partner may be hard but never let your standards dwindle, you deserve the best, and you have no reason to give way to people who want to change you or make you do things you're not willing to do. I believe one day, even if it takes a lot of time and effort, you will find a partner that appreciates you and the sexual dynamic you wish to bring to their lives.
While I don't have any solution for you, I encourage you to put yourself out there more, and be confident about your desires.

>>40413221 (OP)
>I look too male to appeal to cis queer girls
How is this possible? Some queer girls straight up date cis men. And how are you finding these women?

>>40413221 (OP)
>it makes me feel like I’m in danger
you're supposed to BE the danger, anon. you have to take what you want, show them who's boss... this post is so fem brained baka

>>40413284
mix of irl friends of friends, irl events (rare because my hobbies have relatively few cis women, but happens occasionally), very rarely dating apps. even the ones I've met who are into cis guys are into twinky guys (or at least guys without facial hair), which I am not

>>40413221 (OP)
I would date a ftm top only in a heartbeat I’m a bottom mtf and every top cisf or ftm has asked be to then or pressure me into it and I’m so sick of it

>>40413293
I'm trying! but even when I'm the one initiating oral sex and being dominant, at some point it's like a switch flicks in my brain and I suddenly get all nauseous and disgusted and stop being able to think about anything except this instinct to physically fight them

>>40413365
>rare because my hobbies have relatively few cis women
I found your problem

>>40413221 (OP)
>I look like a bear
I think that's the biggest problem for many

>>40413365
>or at least guys without facial hair
so just, like, shave lol. ez.
>>40413390
>at some point it's like a switch flicks in my brain and I suddenly get all nauseous and disgusted
>stop being able to think about anything except this instinct to physically fight them
ever thought about getting therapy for this? (srs)

>>40413469
facial hair unfortunately doing a lot of heavy lifting dysphoria relief wise. I'll give shaving a shot, but might refuse to leave the house until it's come back once I've seen it

and yeah, did try and get therapy a year or so back. can't afford private ongoing therapy, free therapy at local lgbt health clinic was only 6 sessions and basically amounted to 'why don't you work on considering your vagina a male organ? maybe that will fix things?'

>>40413221 (OP)
This has not been my experience, but we have different physiques. Still, I know a few bears in long term relationships. May need to rethink your strategy or relocate.
Most trans men I know who are bears are with other trans men who are bears, or cis women. Might have your best chance with those groups. Hope you get some, brother.

>>40413374
same

I'm yearning for an FTM boyfriend who isn't an ultrafembrained gigabottom but there's, like, 3 of them in the entire world and they live on the other continent, I'm gonna fucking kill myself

t. ultrafembrained gigabottom femrepper

>>40413221 (OP)
You're fat, aren't you?

>>40413221 (OP)
as an ftm top you walk the paths of the heavens
go out on Friday nights to queer adjacent clubs and hit on Tgirls there and buy them drinks

>>40413221 (OP)
How do you top if you have vagina?

>>40413745
honestly, yeah. working on it (down 15kg, got about 7kg to go before officially no longer overweight, also found I genuinely enjoy lifting weights). but I also was not having success before I gained this weight, so it's not just that

>>40413745
Nta but what weight is fat?

>>40413665
currently live in the biggest city in my country, do you think it's worth moving to a smaller one with a bigger lgbt ratio? I've assumed it'll be easiest to find somebody here because more people overall, but I suppose if people are less socially intertwined it leads to treating connections as more disposable?

>>40413845
>different city
Maybe try to get in contact with trans men from the places you’re considering to see how they’re doing.
Regardless, if you haven’t exhausted the areas/bars/clubs/groups/events/apps within your city, might want to hit those before you blow a bunch of money on moving.

>>40414005
>get in contact with trans men from the places you’re considering to see how they’re doing.
tfw most trans men are bottoms so this is pointless

>>40414020
How does an FTM even top? Strapon? Afaik the surgery dicks don't work properly

>>40413221 (OP)
Would you be interested in pegging a 6'4 fat guy

>>40413221 (OP)
Yeah it's why I'm not fully pooning. I'm butch on T modding and have a lesbian pillow princess gf, it's great. Being a stone top only works if you stay a dyke, no one loves a dominant dickless manlet desu

>>40413803
Still a huge part of your problem. Fatties are undateable.

>>40413805
Fat is when you look fat.

>>40414040
Why don't you just lose weight?

>>40414101
I'm doing that, but in the moment I can't snap my fingers to make the change.

My virgin ass is available

Every ftm I've wanted to get fucked by wouldn't fuck me. We would make out or cuddle, but they would act like they didn't want to take it further and bust out the cocks.
I remember a lot of them also had sex toys I didn't like. I'm more of a silicone eggs and panty vibe in public type of guy. They preferred rabbit vibrators and rotating anal plugs.

>>40414031
i assume with a strapon and/or hands idk i'm not ftm

>>40413221 (OP)
>bear ftm
hot. and yeah i feel like being a poon sucks, we are forever bottoms unless we get srs which is very expensive for a result that isn't great. Its hard not to feel like our only value is as bottoms

where are you looking for potential partners at? might have to start fucking the tunapoons/super queers if you're not having luck, which is lowkey crazy cuz ftm bears are hot as shit and id let them top me whenever
>Can’t even scratch the itch with porn
ill try to convince this tiny drag cutie ive topped to let me film a lil next time

>>40413803
>OP is fat asf
>WWAAAHHH WHY CAN'T I GET LAID
Americans everyone

>>40413221 (OP)
What kind of failure of a man are you? You want to be a top, but you fucking suck at the attitude for it?

>>40413293
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPkhh5JytYE

>>40413284
OP lacks the spiritual power, is defeated even before stepping on the field.

>>40413390
>stop being able to think about anything except this instinct to physically fight them
There are people into that, stupid.

>>40414031
Do you need to see the porn in action?

>>40413221 (OP)
as a ftm top, i'm sorry brother. i was lucky enough to score a cis bf who loves me and loves my strap. you may have to give dating apps a chance, maybe even grindr.

>>40413221 (OP)
where are all the ftm tops bc i have the opposite issue. st4t is hard because every trans guy ive met has been a bottom and wants piv and i just cant ill get too dysphoric. i just want to be topped in a beautiful st4t relationship

ftm switch here, I would let u top me anon, there's people who want u, hang in there.

>>40413798
ever met a dominant woman?