Thread 40435888

i want to start cutting again. i can't cope with dysphoria anymore. the only reason i haven't started doing it again already is because of my gf but i don't know if i can take it any longer

>>40435888 (OP)
Same desu but idrk why I haven’t started again yet

>>40435888 (OP)
i don't know why i'm so obsessed with self harm. i keep on having urges to start cutting myself and starving myself again like when i was 15.

is this some kind of fucked up personality regression? that was the time when i realised i was trans, and everything since has felt like an empty void until i started hrt.

>>40435944
>i keep on having urges to start cutting myself and starving myself again like when i was 15.
i feel the same as you. except ive already started doing both those things. what are you waiting for

>>40436236
>what are you waiting for

ur talking about this like i'm repping starting hrt

>>40435888 (OP)
i made it a few weeks clean but i relapsed a few days ago
cant even cut on the spots that give me the prettiest scars though since those spots are visible and im not trying to let anyone know i started again
shit sucks

>>40436254
i don't think i really have any visible scars from when i used to self harm, but sometimes i think about doing it again.....

why do i kind of like the idea of it? what's wrong with me

>>40435888 (OP)
started again recently too after 8 months now i cant have my arms out again. idk how else to handle shit anymore. im sorry, anon, whatever u do plz at least be be safe <3

>>40436325
>why do i kind of like the idea of it? what's wrong with me
too real

>>40436352
does anyone else think self harm scars are really pretty? my gf has a lot on her thigh and i try to comfort her about them but i don't know how to tell her i think they make her look really cute

i feel like when i was 15, i wanted to use self harm and starvation as a way of expressing myself emotionally, but i feel like i never really did it. so now i'm on hrt it's like me trying to find the version of myself i wanted to be back then

>>40436802
honestly the way the cuts look is like half of the reason i do it

>>40436802
i find them rlly pretty! i dont do it for aesthetic reasons but i do like how they end up looking, and i love them on other people too

>>40436865
it helps me cope with my dysphoria. like my brain finds it easier for me to be a sad, visibly mentally ill feminine twink, that the idea that people will see me as an ugly, non-passing trans woman. it makes me feel pathetic

>>40438068
i honestly feel the exact same way desu, being visibly, idk broken i guess helps with my dysphoria and fear of how others perceive me

>>40438068
>>40438309
one of the things that's most painful about being mentally ill is the disconnect between how fucked up you feel internally vs appearing normal and having to act like everything is fine so having scars can make you feel better because it's readjusting that imbalance between internal reality and external

>>40438331
EXACTLY THIS when i had a psychotic break the first thing i did was cut on my face because i wanted people to see how i felt. those have faded over the years but i feel viscerally uncomfortable w the idea of my other scars fading because of that disconnect, it feels like a way of making your internal self real. i think this is probably the main reason i regularly cut

>>40435888 (OP)
Have your gf spank you

>>40438068
literally me

>>40438309
>>40438331

yeah, exactly. it's like, please can you just see that this is real for me. no one ever sees that....

i used to want to be him so bad

>>40435888 (OP)
Lmao that image while having a girlfriend

>>40435888 (OP)
agp

>>40440329
i'm an androphile desu... my gf is just an exception

>>40440550
ur so deep into psychosis i hope u get better soon

>>40440550
Sure sure buddy
You fuckers have everything yet still complain
I want you to be homeless or at war and see how much you suffer

>>40440558
about what