any other trans women here (especially 25+) just struggle with like constant depression and loneliness? i don't have that many friends, i sort of can't get over the feeling that most of the ones i do have would be better off without me and probably wouldn't notice if i disappeared from one day to the next, at some point they just stopped being supportive and it feels like i'm only an occasional sounding board for them now. relationships... lol, not even worth trying being mtf and my age. been single since my last bf broke up with me a couple of years ago and haven't even really tried to meet someone else. there's literally no reason for anyone to want me if they could have anyone else, i'm not going to just embarrass myself by telling myself i can actually find love. i do "touch grass", i have hobbies including social ones, but ultimately it's just a few hours a week of hanging out with people who already have their own friends and don't really want to meet new ones. when it's over i just go back to an empty apartment. the way things are going i really feel like there's actually no point continuing to live past 30.

>>40455065 (OP)
Your clitty will be your friend! Goon your cute little clitty! Be a good girl!

>>40455065 (OP)
Normal people don't think like this anon. You've fallen for a cult and it has isolated you. It's working as intended.

>>40455078
>>40455095
ah yeah i forgot this board was this now, my bad. idk where you can vent anonymously about trans life nowadays.

posts like this affirm my choice to live a humble life of repression, resignation and acceptance.

i feel the exact same way you do. and yes i read your whole post, i relate to everything word for word. yet you've bit the bullet, transitioned and went through god knows how much hardship over it while i simply repressed due to no passing potential, only to end up feeling the same overall amount of agony.

like i know transitioning is not a cure all but you seem to be going through relatively the same amount of suffering as me who despite severe dysphoria chose to do nothing

>>40455065 (OP)
Yes. I have been alone my entire life. Even when I'm around people (not to sound mellow dramatic). I don't think I'm autistic but childhood isolation and neglect has made relationships awkward at best. I keep people around that I don't really like or have connection with just to not be alone. But even they don't really like me or want to put effort in. It got worse when I started hormones. I thought I would make female friends. Turns out all it does is make Male acquaintances not want to be my friend. It would be bad if I wasn't used to it. And it's not like I'm mopey around them. I do the whole Robin Williams clowning through your depression thing. It's just the motions now.Life is very hollow. I wonder if it is the dysphoria or avoidant attachment or childhood neglect. Sorry your life is like this right now and on. I tell you it gets better but it might not. I just try and experience a lot of things and sensations and try really hard not to think. You get good at it.

>>40455065 (OP)
i’m 29 and in that position and it’s suffering

>>40455132
real literally me

>>40455065 (OP)
yeah.
i use it to get alot of help cause bad things happens to me almost once a week or so or more. and really bad things happen probably 1-3x a month.
luckily i do get a fuckton of help and people have a clearer picture of what my life is and they're horrified what i've lived through and amazed i've done so much good with my traumas.

i really dont care though. i still plan on killing myself within some months. before christmas.
i already have a will written up and where to scatter my cremains.
and i've locked away the bulk of my wealth so the abusers can't access it. because i am very wealthy irl but live and appear to be poor or modest.

>>40455065 (OP)
I think it comes with the territory but you have to realize that it's up to you to change it. You might not succeed but you learn about yourself and might feel better when you try, not that you don't try. Also this is stuff that happens to cis people too. Not that you can't or shouldn't complain but that's just how it is.

>>40455232
Reminder that you will ruin the holidays for everyone if you do it between October and January

>>40455065 (OP)
>been single since my last bf broke up with me a couple of years ago and haven't even really tried to meet someone else. there's literally no reason for anyone to want me if they could have anyone else
that sounds like deep issues with self-esteem

>>40455253
i really dont care theyre not nice people and abused me severely terribly.
they took a good kid and turned them into just shit. i want to fucking kill myself.
if you could experience this life you'd tell me to kill them and save myself.
its not funny, the compassionate move is to euthanize me. 100%

>>40455065 (OP)
>i don't have that many friends
Stopped reading there.

>>40455302
Picrel tranny forehead

>>40455065 (OP)
I'm not lonely because I don't want to be with anyone, for any person who could ever like me - I'd rather they find someone else because chances are they'd be happier with someone else
I don't struggle with depression because being alive is entirely my choice and if things really were bad at all I'd have just killed myself and that I don't and haven't proves that I don't have depression and my life is not bad and I don't get to complain

>>40455065 (OP)
I found my nesting partner at 35~36 after helping her through top and bottom surgery. We've been together for like a year and a half and moved in together already because we were just that comfortable with each other. This was after only 2 or 3 years on estrogen for me. Meet people outside 4chan. Touch grass. It takes time. Beyond that, one piece of advice I have is don't just wall yourself off into a hyper specific community, like only being around trans women ever or only being around lesbians ever. Expand your horizons. If you need to start with the trans community, than do it; this is obviously important, but don't stop your support network there. Every community has its problems and the more you are in one, the more of these problems you will see over time.
>b-b-but I'm a transcel and you're just a normie
Stop.
I'm just giving you all a counter example. I used to be foreveralone, too. I'm even diagnosed with autism. Its bullshit. You can get better. This is just depression speaking.

>>40455128
Yeah, I mean why even transition? I'll never be a real woman anyway, I'll never have had my first period, I'll never have been daddy's little girl and played princess with him. I'll only ever be a trans girl, only relevant in queer spaces or by extremely progressive cishet guys. But frat bros will never try to pass me around, the kebab guy will never hit on me, etc. Any guy trying to be with me is just a gay dude with extra steps.

We're better off just femboymoding or basedboymoding

>>40455065 (OP) (OP) #
I found my nesting partner at 35~36 after helping her through top and bottom surgery. We've been together for like a year and a half and moved in together already because we were just that comfortable with each other. This was after only 2 or 3 years on estrogen for me. Meet people outside 4chan. Touch grass. It takes time. Beyond that, one piece of advice I have is don't just wall yourself off into a hyper specific community, like only being around trans women ever or only being around lesbians ever. Expand your horizons. If you need to start with the trans community, than do it; this is obviously important, but don't stop your support network there. Every community has its problems and the more you are in one, the more of these problems you will see over time.
>b-b-but I'm a transcel and you're just a normie
Stop.
I'm just giving you all a counter example. I used to be foreveralone, too. I'm even diagnosed with autism. Its bullshit. You can get better. This is just depression speaking.

>>40455065 (OP)
>and don't really want to meet new ones.
Seems like this describes you as well. Maybe ditch the people who don't care about you and seek real connections.

>>40455132
>I thought I would make female friends. Turns out all it does is make Male acquaintances not want to be my friend.
fucking real lmao i couldn't have said it better. i have one close female friend but then i had to move away because i couldn't afford our city anymore and now we only see each other a couple of times a year. ever since moving out here almost a year ago all i've managed to make is male acquaintances but i never move past the stage of being acquaintances.
>>40455263
i acknowledge this, i guess i just don't really have many reasons to have high self-esteem. i can name literally dozens of things that are wrong with me and pretty much nothing that's right.
>>40455357
i'm happy for you. i guess the thing is that more than once in the past i've given my all for someone only for them to ultimately decide i'm not worth it. you still need to have something to offer that's not just being a nice person and i just don't. maybe you're right though, maybe i'll postpone my "not worth living past" age to 35 or even 40. i am severely depressed but sometimes life is fine or even interesting even if it's hollow and lonely too.
>>40455431
i said it in my post, i do try to make new connections but nobody really wants to once you get past a certain age. everyone already has friends, everyone already has a partner and doesn't really need new people in their life, it's exceedingly rare to meet someone in my age group or older who's actively looking to meet new people and to anyone younger than 25 i'm practically geriatric. that's what's weird about your late 20s, you're too old for starting over but too young for giving up.

>>40455479
>it's exceedingly rare to meet someone in my age group or older who's actively looking to meet new people
IRL yeah, consider that loners aren't going to be hanging around outside and going to events alone, after all you yourself are tagging on to people who don't give two fucks about you as a person so you can go outside and do something with company.
Online though? There's tons of them

>>40455132
I feel your pain OP, i have severe mental health issues too.

Do you live alone? I found living alone really helped me

>>40455374
>I'll only ever be a trans girl, only relevant in queer spaces or by extremely progressive cishet guys. But frat bros will never try to pass me around, the kebab guy will never hit on me, etc. Any guy trying to be with me is just a gay dude with extra steps.

This isnt true. I live in England and even here ive had straight men love me. I just don't disclose. Never disclose

>>40455065 (OP)
Why not detrans?

>>40455098
>where you can vent anonymously about trans life nowadays
i hate to say it but i think the tttt reddit is about it

>>40455065 (OP)
>the way things are going i really feel like there's actually no point continuing to live past 30.
turned 32 last week and have been in your situation for as long as i can remember as well. It's dawning on me that after a certain age just hoping you'll bounce into people who want to be friends is next to impossible. Ive tricked myself into believing moving to a less conservative area will make things easier but in all honesty it will probably be a pipedream instead leaving me even more hopeless. Wish guns were legal so i could blow my brains out desu

>>40456688
Im 37, as life passes it gets tougher. Its very hard to form friendships. People are cliquey and insular.

The internet has been a bleasing and a curse

>>40456710
i struggle with maintaining online friendship so i talk to my cat which is a great help

>>40455065 (OP)
26 mtf and i feel similarly, extremely distant from the few people i have in my life irl who are all family. i havent had friends in more than a decade, really. im trying to talk to people online since the last few weeks because i dont want to die having never had something resembling a social life, and i barely leave my apartment anyway. it feels incredibly scary and hard honestly. in terms of meeting people irl i have no idea how you're supposed to do it if you're a tranny. i doubt i will ever have in person friends

>>40456783
That is a beautiful cat, i know you're a great cat mom.

>>40455065 (OP)
I do feel sympathy for you, but surely you must acknowledge your present circumstances are a direct result of your own choices?

i lost all my irl friends during the pandemic and then lost most of my internet friends when the pandemic ended

people get married, have kids, have careers. no time for friends.

>>40455065 (OP)
You should have a child

>>40455065 (OP)
Yea. I'm 23 and I've been a shut in since 13. 50 paragraphs could not express how lonely and depressed I am. No friends, barely any family, lot of drug use to cope. The only reason I continue to live is to see if HRT will make me not hate myself by 25. Nobody cares about me because I have become nobody

OP here, thanks for your replies guys. i went to training tonight and decided i'd be brave and asked the other people if they wanted to go for a beer afterwards. because of my low self-esteem i fully expected them to politely decline while actually thinking "fuck no", like i genuinely almost asked it half-jokingly. much to my surprise everyone actually really wanted to go. i ended up having one of the nicest evenings i've had in a while and getting to know people i already see regularly way better, we're gonna do it again after our next training. i'm really happy i took the initiative and feeling somewhat like maybe just maybe everything is gonna be okay actually. maybe this is hopefuel, in any case i'm happy. :)

>>40456146
Tttt reddit is worse than here

>>40455065 (OP)
Yeah, I’m 34 except I don’t have social anything I work 6-7 days a week and def my mental health is shit

>>40459130
Well done OP, proud of you. You're an inspiration.

Im glad youve made friends

>>40455065 (OP)
I'm early 30s
Life is weird, I have a wonderful partner
I used to have quite a few friends from doing creative work locally in my 20s
Now everyone's either moved, hates me cause I was difficult to wirk with, or doesn't feel like they can relate to me because I work professionally in my field now and trans.
I don't engage in the local queer community cause I'm both not a hot mess so I can't deal with all the poly stuff and drugs. But also I don't wanna engage with the other side of the community that might see my relative success and want to crucify me for not being a completely perfect activist type and come after my career. So I live kind of a fairly closed off double life.
The people I work with, it's all international. They only work with me because I'm hyper specialised, I can't really call them friends. So when I'm doing my work which is infrequent, I get to socialise with them, and I have to put on a bit of a mask, and they all know my deal but still I just kind of have to keep myself reserved somewhat there.
The small handful of people who are my friends locally are all either people who I've slept with in the past who don't hate me (so a small handful of people) and one or two people who share my profession, and they're all weird hermits too who I see maybe once a year or so.
I've reconnected recently with one old friend who we shared a lot of trauma together over some awful shit that went down with a mutual friend. It's been really nice reconnecting with him. I'm hoping to keep that friendship going cause it's rare to have a safe queer friendship with someone who isn't trying to fuck you and isn't some angry activist who's going to try and eat you alive.
Anyway I enjoy my work, it's taken me to some interesting places. I don't mind living a bit of a double life because it means people give a fuck about what I do and not my identity which is preferable for me. Monogamous life with my partner is wonderful, I am just really lucky to have her.

I don't know if these responses are real or an elaborate larp >>40455132

I'm married but have no friends and often feel lonely. It seems like all the trans people my age don't exist online or they're late transitioners and I can't relate to them. I don't know how to cope with this it really gets to me sometimes.

>>40459130
Glad you had a nice experience anon :) I feel similar to how you do, I have a hard time socializing and until recently I've enjoyed my solitude, its very painful now. Sometimes you have to say fuck it and try even if you don't think it will work out, its better than never trying.

>>40459457
Why would someone larp being depressed

>>40455065 (OP)
Get on fucking medication bro ur not lonely ur mentally ill

>>40459130
Wow this is awesome!! Proud of u anon

>>40459130
>training
congrats, that sounds fun. what do you mean by "training", like training for a job?

>>40460542
Jedi training on Dagobah

>>40455065 (OP)
Yes. Due to my constant pain I'm isolated

>>40455065 (OP)
Yes, I sometimes feel like I am an alien or something. It is very hard for me to befreind people. Idk why. I'm not even sure if I like people but I'm still lonely. 27 mtf

>>40455065 (OP)
It’s because you thought transitioning would make you happy but it didn’t. Your unresolved personal issues whatever they may be weren’t a matter of changing your identity, they’re deeper than that & you haven’t properly confronted them. You’ll probably think I’m being a bit too blunt but it’s the truth. I’m telling you this because I want you to actually realize your problems

>>40455132
Relatable except for the clown thing. I just don't talk to people

>>40455065 (OP)
what music do you listen to just curious