Boymoder who was unwillingly discovered to be trans and taking hormones. Surprisingly my parents didn't react as poorly as I thought. I just had a conversation that went like this though.

> I think you're brave, you know. This is a really hard thing to do, especially nowadays.

"I think I'm being conservative, not brave. I'm not coming out until I've been on HRT for a while, have had laser hair removal, and have trained my voice."

> You know, I think I have a much more feminine affectation in my voice than you. I mean it's one thing if you have it, and you're just hiding it. I go off in my daily life, but in secret half my life is feminine. You know, I have you and your mother in my life. But you just don't have it. And that's okay, you know, you can participate in the community, live your life, and that's fine.

This is coming from a man with a beard and a mustache who isn't remotely feminine and wears cargo shorts and graphic tees exclusively.

"I'm not saying my voice is feminine now. I am training my voice. It would just sound stupid if I tried to make a feminine voice right now, like a mockery."

>But like you don't have to.

"But I do want to train my voice to sound feminine."

> And that's completely okay. And when you do that, I'll acknowledge "Wow, your voice really has changed."

I don't like having these conversations.

>>40495808 (OP)
Utterly indifferent parents > ally parents literally every time (except maybe financial support).

My gf is regularly humiliated by her mom in public when she visits bc of dumb shit like "I love my brave tranny daughter" at full volume in restaurants

>>40495808 (OP)
I'm sure you know this, but that isn't a remotely poor reaction.
It sounds like they just want you to do you.

>>40495845
I know it's not a bad reaction. I'm lucky they're somewhat supportive, if ignorant. I could have transphobic parents who monitor the mail and throw away my HRT or something.
It's just so awkward.

>>40495808 (OP)
>in secret half my life is feminine
?

>>40495911
Yeah that threw me off, too. Like I said, he's not remotely feminine. I interpreted this:
>I go off in my daily life, but in secret half my life is feminine. You know, I have you and your mother in my life
As saying me and my mother are the feminine part of his life?

>>40495911
>i cross dress to repress my desires to transition

>>40495911
I wonder if OP's dad is wearing skirts and getting pegged in the ass.

>>40495993
> inb4 tranny gene
He's not my biological father. They met when I was in high school.
>>40495993
>>40495997
I kind of doubt this. I hear them have sex and it's always him fucking my mother or one of them giving oral sex. I can tell because they're loud.

>>40495835
my dad would do that. "table for two, me and my DAUGHTER"

>>40496028
based dad
i hope he wears a tshirt that says protect the dolls and a wristband in trans colors that says "I <3 my daughter"
and pays for your ffs

>>40495911
>>40495931
just trying to come off as relatable probably
men will compartmentalize their feeling side as feminine and their thinking side as masculine

>>40495808 (OP)
OP your dad sounds like a repper grasping at straws for ways he can mog you

>>40496193
I really don't think he is one.
And because of that it just came off as insulting to me.

>>40496028
I have a couple of thoughts about it from both angles. On the one hand yes, it's certainly better practically than a bigoted christcuck that's gonna throw you out of the house or beat the fag out of you.

On the other hand when I see this stuff (esp with gf's mom) it clearly feels performative- not actually for her benefit but her mom (and other places I see this) making it about herself, like they're being aggressive about it to convince themselves or to feel good.
Which sucks because it means they don't actually care about your boundaries, who you want to be out to, how you want to present, how central you want it to be to your identity, because it's no longer about you, it's about them.
If that makes sense.

>>40495808 (OP)
he's honestly right, there's a high chance you're gonna do anything but voice train

>>40495808 (OP)
jesus your dad is weird as fuck.

>>40498326
Better then being kicked out, honestly a response like this sounds the best way this can go, dad isn't being bigoted or embarrassing while still being supportive

OP, I'd be lucky if I were you your shoes

>>40495808 (OP)
>I think I have a much more feminine affectation in my voice than you
he means you don't have a fagscent
normies don't understand voice training
the first time my mom heard my new voice, she asked why i changed it and said my voice was beautiful the way it was

>>40498443
I never felt ready to come out in the first place. I'm less than six months on HRT, and they only found out because I was sloppy in hiding it. I feel exposed, I guess. And when they found it, they took it from my room when I was gone without telling me and then blew up at me asking how I could be so dishonest and some other things. I hid it in the first place because I once tried to come out as trans and their reaction was similarly bad. I never know how to gauge their reactions to things, because they act so differently at times. This is getting into family therapy territory though.
>>40498488
He doesn't have one either, though.

>>40496444
to an extent it's also just that this stuf
> your boundaries, who you want to be out to, how you want to present, how central you want it to be to your identity
is too complicated for most parents to parse
unless you yourself communicate well enough to them about it and they are actually a responsive listener (majority of people not), they're just not going to get it right and go to the idea of allyship that feels right to them

>>40502237
I don't have a good reply, but thanks for the thoughtful reply. I guess I ought to get better at communicating myself.

>>40495808 (OP)
Yeah sounds like hell, but the fuck is he supposed to do? You’re his son man, and while he really should just do what he can to save you regardless of the risk, he’s afraid of losing you if he doesn’t try to connect and make you know he can deal with it. Obviously it’s awkward, but how can it not be? You’re choosing a path he never could have imagined for you when he was raising you, and after all that time looking after this baby boy full of potential, he’s watching you go somewhere he knows nothing about, something he’s probably made fun of with his friends when he was young, something he’s probably made can’t understand and probably fears. He’s showing a strong and supportive facade because he thinks you need it, but he’s the one afraid for you.

>>40503434
op was adopted

>>40496025
>>40504061
>>40503434

>>40504061
I wasn't adopted. My mom gave birth to me.
>>40503434
>You’re choosing a path he never could have imagined for you when he was raising you, and after all that time looking after this baby boy full of potential
They met when I was in high school, so he didn't raise me, but yeah this definitely applies to my mom.
>He’s showing a strong and supportive facade because he thinks you need it, but he’s the one afraid for you.
Interesting thought.
>he’s afraid of losing you if he doesn’t try to connect and make you know he can deal with it. Obviously it’s awkward, but how can it not be?
I didn't think of it like that, as a show of support. It makes sense; we were cold with each other until just recently after I came out.
I feel like it would be less awkward if he didn't make weird assumptions and, instead, asked questions, but I could see why asking questions might be thought of as less supportive.

>>40495808 (OP)
>have trained my voice
how did you trained it?

>>40504100
I’m 28, but I’m teaching children as part of my summer internship, and I’ve learned that we have a sort of automatic tendency to try to rationalize and explain to young people we’re trying to teach rather than ask them questions and get to their level. If he’s just an average guy, he may feel like he needs to have answers for you and speak without prompting instead of asking questions to get to your level of understanding. Really starts to be a problem if, say, you’re talking to a high schooler or young adult. That said, it can go both ways. If you find yourself in these conversations again and you care about his opinions, ask him questions, and stay open minded. Maybe it could help him to understand that that’s what you want from him in kind.

>>40504100
my bad

>>40496193
Honestly, that's how I read it too.