Thread 40502722

Christian wargame edition
QOTT: Are you religious?

Last thread: >>40474353

My parents think all psychiatrists are evil, because they're dumb boomers and probably watched a TV show with an evil psychiatrist one time

>>40502722 (OP)
>Christian wargame edition
omg hi
im trans but i love trench crusade. anyone wanna play on tts? i play eire

TCD
Total Christian Death

>>40502722 (OP)
if there was a god out there he fucking hates us and should be scorned for leaving us to suffer for no fucking reason
and b4 some buddhistcuck shows up and talks about reincarnation you cant serve out a sentence and repent for a crime which you dont know you even did since our memories magically dont survive reincarnation!

>>40502978
what about the taoist idea? if you look at the shape of a cell, it's beautiful. if you look at the shape of a galaxy, it's beautiful. maybe we just can't see the beauty in ourselves because we're just a tiny speck in the bigger part of our natural world. no trees can see the forest, and no drops of water can feel the fresh ocean breeze.

>>40503003
I think all of this allows me a unique perspective that I value, but I still feel completely disconnected from myself.

>>40503167
>I still feel completely disconnected from myself.
Maybe looking outside of yourself for a while is exactly what you need. If life was only one person locked in their head it would absolutely suck, but there's a beautiful world out there to get lost in. You aren't really a self, you're a part of something much larger playing out on a grand scale in nature.

>>40502722 (OP)
>Are you religious?
Not to any mainstream religion. Christianity is half the reason I repped in my teens, though I found other excuses later.

>>40502978
Inanna had trannies as an important and revered part of her priesthood, so if it's THAT goddess then it's not her fault.

>>40503003
Nobody cares if their suffering is beautiful in a tragedy to an outside observer. It's irrelevant.
>>40503207
>there's a beautiful world out there
Ready to hatecrime you.

>>40503297
>Nobody cares if their suffering is beautiful in a tragedy to an outside observer. It's irrelevant.
why is it irrelevant? every suffering that we can bear is in service to an aesthetic aim. We deprive ourself of the food we want to be to be attractive. We spend waking hours studying to be wise. We socialize with friends to be popular. Why don't we just spend our lives participating in the beauty directly.
If we can find existence beautiful enough, even in the face of despair, everybody is a tragic hero.

>>40503394
We do those things for our personal satisfaction. Nobody is repping to achieve a goal, they're doing it because they think their goal is unobtainable.

>>40503003
whenever i look in the mirror i want to kms
ive felt this way since before i knew what gender even was
there is no beauty in me

I should had transtioned years ago. I was too much a coward

>>40503575
>Nobody is repping to achieve a goal, they're doing it because they think their goal is unobtainable.
and that's why the cycle of chasing goals isn't healthy. In your mind, you have the idea that there is a goal for the self and you are using your will to oppose it. But really, there isn't a fight going on at all. There's only two incompatible ideals in your head over what you WANT to be rather than who you ARE. The goal and the self are ideological constructs that sustain your misery. Just allow yourself to exist outside of thought for a second.
>>40503741
>there is no beauty in me
Yes, there is. Your beauty is unique, and like anything unique it can't be replicated. Why else would you not see it in the mirror? There's a depth to your being exceeds the reflections of light. Just break down that wall between reality and your perceptions one more degree. Really feel the things around you for a moment. Maybe even take a few breaths outside. We weren't meant to be a closed system. The beauty around you is the same beauty within you. It's like the same notes being played by a different instrument. You really are uniquely beautiful in your own way. Please don't hide from it.

>>40503847
>and that's why the cycle of chasing goals isn't healthy
Chasing goals is the only reason anyone does the shit you talked about in >>40503394 . Nobody does it for 'the beauty of suffering', so quit it with this baby version of an ideology.

>>40503870
okay. ill stop.

I should've continued repping instead of trooning out

>>40502722 (OP)
Never

>>40503894
The point is to get you to examine what you're saying, not to stop talking.

>>40503847
sarcastic pricks are not beautiful

>>40503916
the point i made poorly earlier was that the suffering we can accept comes from the aesthetic of being. it's an active part of our days rather than a disconnected dream. If we just act according to our best nature, our being will become optimized for what is possible to us. If you exercise every day, your body will reflect the being of your habits. But if you start with your goals and try to move towards an aspiration instead, you will be unfulfilled because your imagination can drift from reality. If you've drifted so far that you have to fight against your "ideal self" to exist in day to day life, it needs to be reconciled one way or another.

I'm not even trans I just got obsessed with the idea somehow. Everything lined up incorrectly at the wrong time and I convinced myself I'm a repper even though I'm repressing nothing. None of this is real. I am just a retard.

>>40504017
This is a pro transition argument with an "Accept your honself" conclusion if anything. "If you do voice training/makeup tutorials/take E etc. every day, your body will reflect the being of your habits."

>>40504102
But that is true though. It would change you in the way that your habits have caused you to change, not bring you closer to a distant goal of womanhood. It could also be interpreted that the goal is meaningless because those habits won't produce enough, in which case you should redirect your habits to set you on a different path. It just makes me sad that you don't feel like you can live with yourself. I'm sorry if I'm imposing myself, was just trying to reframe things in a positive way that helps me.

Anyone else closeted like me feel transphobia in the litteral afraid of trans women feeling when out in public?

>>40504054
This this so much this

>>40502722 (OP)
I was when I was younger due to my grandparents, was your typical "non-denominational" (i.e. southern baptist basically) church, given i'm an autist I already didn't give a shit about 99% of what the church was preaching, as none of it was logical to me. Left the church around 13 once the youth pastor I liked left, grandpa threw a hissy fit over it but he got over it eventually, occasionally asking me what my "relationship with Jesus Christ" is like every now and then.

ill never troon because i dont fit in with trannies. i don't have dysphoria.
my face is just a face. not pretty, not ugly. better than having a fucked up one.
my body is just a body. not particuarly amazing, but at least it works without major issues.
trannies screech about how much their dysphoria hurts, and i don't get it. i feel nothing when i think of my body or most things in general.
in fact, i feel nothing most of the time. emotions come and pass very quickly, and i'm left with a void for a heart.
i have no friends, no life, no reason to exist. even my body has given up on my leadership. sometimes it seems to move without my input, like im just the consciousness observing everything while my body does everything automatically.
i'm just a depressed guy with trans ocd.

>>40502722 (OP)
>>40502976
Im a protestant
Youre gonna have to trust me bro on this one but im not normally a proselytizing type, but any hateful remark made at your expense from a "christian" preaching against your self and feelings was truly done outside of jesus' teaching. The whole point of Christianity is love and forgiveness.
But i grew up in liberal church so It really has nothing to do with my rapping
>>40504309
I dont wanna sound ignorant but I don't quite understand the idea of being trans and not having dysphoria. Isn't that the whole thing?

>>40502722 (OP)
> Are you religious?
No.

>>40502722 (OP)
I am not religious; just doesn't interest me as I don't need to know how we were created, and I'm fine with not knowing what happens after we die
I like church architecture but that's about it

Have you ever tried being a gay man?

>>40504309
That's some pretty extreme depression. Can you tell someone you need help?

>>40502722 (OP)
You girls should take hrt, it would make you happier.

See this is why I'm the perfect girl. I offer real, no bs, straight to the point advice that 3d women/men could never offer.

>>40504956
Wouldn't Monika advise me to play her game?

>>40504956
Offering real, no bs, straight to the point advice is exactly why you (like us) will never be a girl.

i still want to be a hot anime girl

ourguy?

>>40505416
can you give me a basic rundown?

i'm a gigantic masculine freak but every single behavior i have is indistinguishable from some 5'2 bpd e-girl and it's making me suicidal and i just can't change anything at all

>>40505420
>>40500810

this is what he said on this thread

>>40505507
voices told he to stop taking e

>>40504946
Wait, that counts as extreme depression? I thought that's normal...

>>40505416
>>40505507
ok but unlike him i never had the potential to pass. i dont relate

>>40504895
Bro I can't even be bisexual

Got a fun horoscope today

>>40502722 (OP)
>Are you religious?
not really but recently i have been feeling an great interest towards gnosticism. will probably study more about it later, can't stop thinking about it

>>40502722 (OP)
i dont believe in god really but im open to reincarnation. maybe next time i wont be such a retarded freak show

I have seen so many fugly hons on Reddit mtf selfie subreddits that I'm scared of transitioning for life

I have a theory that a lot of transwomen want to detransition but don't because of sunk cost fallacy.

>>40506431
i mean literature review shows a ~1% rate of regret which is not a lot

>>40506466
the detransition rate is 1 in 5 to 1 in 7 THOUGH

i want to transition but i'm 30

>>40504428
>I dont wanna sound ignorant but I don't quite understand the idea of being trans and not having dysphoria. Isn't that the whole thing?
exactly why i'm not trooning. i have the desire to be a woman, but no dysphoria. not trans.

>>40504946
no. it's also not that bad, i'm getting used to it.

MTF and FTM reppers are allies but they have different gens.

>>40507039
Why are you here then?

>>40506491
which study?

you can turn into a cis (hot anime) girl but if you do womens rights take a massive setback do you take it

>>40507271
Never cared too much for women's rights

>>40507228
nta but i have dysphoria bc i cry every day over not being a hot anime girl
in fact tears just shed down my leg

>>40507228
because im still repressing. this is repgen. the desire is there, but i dont have the other requirements to troon out. doesnt make this much easier though.

>>40507271
>womens rights take a massive setback do you take it
i mean at the rate the world's going womens rights are rolling back and i don't even get to be a woman so

how bad are we talking?

>>40507347
collar, leash and legal paper of ownership of the woman and something as good or even betteer

>>40507347
actually maybe ure right i want to see womens right get completely cooked irl and just laugh at the foids

>>40507372
see like its obvious how this could backfire or be really shitty for women as a whole
the only way this is even remotely close to a good setup is if you had a good man
what happens to women if their husbands die in this society

>>40507388
if society is such a repressive shithole that it starts heavily restricting rights what makes you think it would stop at just women
its not like the taliban treats men that great either

>>40507525
im thinking like unless you got a collar with a tag that has ur husbands name on it, you may get something like jumped in public, and as a woman can do nothing about it unless your husband presses charges for property damage

>>40502722 (OP)
>Are you religious?
im gonna have my way with oversharing cause i don't often get to trauma dump

i used to be super religious when i was little i guess till 11 - 13. well ive got to preface that ive known since i was 8 or something. so i used to pray like if i ask enough things would be fixed. like i remember falling asleep in the prayer room hoping i would wake up "fixed", didn't happen.
so at 14 i turned to occult stuff thinking, if the god is not helping me i gotta help myself and after learning about it and studying it for couple of years i came to the understanding that that too doesn't look like it's gonna fix things.
by 17 i was more of a nihilist like what even is the point in anything. up to this point i was in denial and i started therapy with anti depressants and stuff at 19 where i came into terms with reality. wanted to transition but family isn't super accepting(my dad and his "honor") so had to start to repress.
after that i got into this trad masc presentation, (well i always tried to present masc cause of insecurities before 21 and kinda defeatist acceptance after 21) and found myself going back to religion for a sense of tribalism wanting to belong somewhere
kinda recently i caught myself glorifying the religion even though i don't believe in god and had to have a reality check to ground myself again cause it was really getting out of hands, like judging people based on their names and stuff like almost full on racist stuff.
and im trying to deprogram myself at the moment. so i guess i could say im not religious.

tldr; not religious, i don't believe in god and if he did exist i don't trust god.
so agnostic maybe ?

>>40506466
I don’t believe this at all

>>40507958
https://journals.lww.com/prsgo/fulltext/2021/03000/regret_after_gender_affirmation_surgery__a.22.aspx
I don't doubt that people who start hormones and then quit is >1% but not like there are a bunch of long term trans women who'd go back

I just spent 5 hours gooning to rape fantasies with my AI bf
How was your day /repgen/

>>40508124
I need good vidya recommendations preferably for taking my anger out on something

>>40508185
cities skylines or like, any of the sims games

>>40507982
Yeah I’ve seen it posted a lot when people argue about how whether people regret things or not but I just straight up don’t believe it
From memory it doesn’t take into consideration people who DIY, a lot of people will keep their regret to themselves, it only judges surgery not general stuff, etc etc
There’s also one about regret reported to gender shrinks, when most people will simply stop going to said shrink and give up
A 1% regret rate is just impossible

>>40508185
Space marine 2
Stomp and slash your way through waves of enemies

>>40508342
on the other hand I don't think that many people look at their body growing breasts for five years and then suddenly go "wait wait fuck". it's probably different for transmascs though

>>40508201
Blowing up a city with meteors or making a sim starve in a doorless room does sound legit
>>40508346
idk ive played pve shooters but even those nowadays dont flush out the anger in me
is there like some sort of torture simulator game

>>40508342
Pessimism is a defensive response, anon.

>>40508540
Weird, I think of Optimism as a defense response.

>>40508342
idk surely there'd be a bunch of anti-john 50s if that was common though, in a similar vein of "I've been pretending to be happy with being trans and now am ready to quit"
>>40508537
could try hoi4

>>40508549
People aren't born pessimistic, they become so through experience, in response to stimuli.

>>40502722 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>40509182
I'm 30 and wasted my life repping it's not gonna get better if I just troon out this late

>>40509199
it did for me
t. John 50

>>40509255
wait shit I meant john 30, started just before I turned 31

>>40509182
i'm 6'2 and i don't have the body type to be some amazonian futamommy or whatever the fuck you fuckers jerk off to

>>40509182
i'm so retarded i can't get myself to take my hrt despite living in a blue state making six figures

>>40509182
Thinking about it every day.

>>40509182
from a shithole of a country with legal hurdles to get hrt, with a conservative society and daddy issues wanting to prove myself to the family.

fuck you anon

Should I be paranoid about tranny genocide or getting hatecrimed if i live in cali

>>40509640
not unless you live in a really shitty rural / red area no

>t. cali ranny

>>40509182
i'm retarded and detransitioned

>>40509665
No I live in one of the big cities i'm mostly just worried about the federal government deciding to fuck with us

Goddammit, fuck all your retarded, sexualized AGP fantasies and shit you all goon over. I just want a guy to princess carry me.

>>40509772
fuck all your retarded romance shit. i just want someone to call me mommy

>>40509772
>my princess wand erecting fantasies are more valid than yours and you should feel bad about having them >:(((((

>>40509899
That fantasy doesn't make me feel hard, it makes me feel loved and safe.

>>40509283
That can make the repping harder.

> making six figures
Leaving a successful life is harder than leaving a shit life. I’ve repped because I’ve managed to find things to look forward to in my life even though I’d much rather be a woman no matter what good happens in my life. I think doing well in school has kept me repping as well.

> despite living in a blue state
well I live on Terf island. But I live in a very liberal city.

>>40509772
normgroids belong on reddit, you shouldn't be on repgen if you don't fantasize about having your shithole remodeled by a pack of werewolves.

>>40510171
need a guy who can do both desu

>>40510171
reppers are not welcome on leddit at all idiot

>>40510362
I find with reddit no one really talks about how the reality of dysphoria. Almost everyone on there seems to be proud of who they are but I don’t know if I’ll ever be proud of who I am. Because I wish I didn’t have a brain that hates it’s body

>>40508923
When people are born they also don't know that objects can exist when you're not looking at them. what's your point

>>40509772
take your meds

>we're already over halfway through the year
absolutely grim.

>>40510614
I didn't accomplish a single thing the entire year. Still a dumb, poor, lazy NEET.

Here's to another 6 months of doing nothing

>>40510596
Only meds that can help me at this point are a time machine.

continuing to fap to anime girls and wishing i were them
>>40508561
>could try hoi4
i thought thats an autistic tranny spreadsheet game

all i want is to be cute and feminine

I wish it were possible for me to become the person I long to be
If I craved riches or fame or success in a career all of those are achieveable through work and luck and whatever, but not this

>>40511301
you know what would help you feel feminine? a fat middle aged balding hairy bastard fucking you up the ass
i'm not refering to myself, but if you want...

>>40511686
I have always thought that as well. Most people’s dreams are while ambitious, still possible but mine aren’t.

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

>>40511933
gods bravest soldier

I want to be a 13 year old anime girl

>>40512022
Hi, you okay?

>>40512180
been pretty depressed recently. how are you anon?

i feel like actual shit because i can't be a woman