Thread 40554340

qott: Have you gone anywhere fun on vacation this summer?
Previously, on repgen:
>>40536453

>>40554340 (OP)
>QOTT:


https://voca.ro/11YWKsKfqDIf

>>40554352
go to a nice public park and read a book!

find a park a few hours away
book a night or two at a cabin!

>>40554340 (OP)
qott: went to japan for a week which was neat, want to find at least one other fun trip but that'll probably be fall
>>40554352
ya that sucks, although I'm sure you could do something small if you wanted

>>40554478
Which cities did you visit? What was your favorite place?

>>40554497
Was a split between Tokyo and Sapporo, heard Kyoto would be miserable because of the weather
Went to a baseball game which was sick just because of the energy, I like just sorta wandering around Sapporo a lot

>>40554340 (OP)
I wish I did.

>>40554597
what is stopping you?

i want to be gay (with a girl)

>>40554763
this will never be me i am just a mentally ill porn addicted moid

>>40554864
mental illness is not a useful designation except for the ruling elite looking to shame non conformist behavior

>>40554132
I've entrapped myself into my own thoughts to the point where I can't even discern what I feel about anything

>>40554864
It will be you.

>>40554340 (OP)
I went to Puerto Rico with some of my friends and Croatia with my family but im not a repper just a flaming hot fakecel

>>40555021
>puerto rico
sounds stinky

>>40554340 (OP)
>>40554478
I went to Japan too! When did you go? The heat and humidity were brutal on me and I'm from the midwest

>keep getting captchas with "agp" in them
LEAVE ME ALONE

>>40555453
transition to hsts

>>40555507
i don't think i can do that

>>40555515
you aren't even trying

>>40555442
Couple of weeks ago; agreed on the heat/humidity for sure, reminded me of the worst days on the east coast just every day. Sapporo at least gave a bit of a break from it, I feel like if I went back I'd do it in the spring or wall
Did you just do Tokyo? Anything particularly fun?

WOW JAPAN
its soulless bug people but its ORGANIZED

>>40555575
don't be mean to me

>>40555727
Tokyo, Nakayama, Kyoto and Osaka. I was too much of a wimp to go solo so I went with a "tour" group. Best part was Nara. Deer were super cute, and the temple was huge

>>40555769
so true bestie
>>40555829
yea solo travel scares me, I'm glad I've got some friends that really like travel so I'm usually just going with their ideas.
must've got the worst part of the heat there. I didn't get to any of the temples which is kinda a bummer, idk if it's just growing up around deer but I've never been interested in that but I've seen the tiktoks.

>>40555770
give me your best fruity fagcent

it's okay to be gay as long as you're tall, muscular, keep your hair short and never mention anything related to gayness unless someone asks first.

its ok to take estrogen

>>40555899
If everyone who was gay told everyone else they were gay, what would happen?

>>40555904
i don't like it
still wanna be a woman though

>>40555915
theymab it up

>>40555907
widespread panic
they would think homosexuality is spreading and contagious

>>40555926
i am actually nb but it's soul sucking because i'm not remotely feminine

>>40555929
but they already claim to think that (to psyop you out of coming out)

>>40555946
what do you not like about e?

>>40555991
breasts
losing muscle
broken dick

>>40555885
Atleast you went right? My friends talk a big travel game, but suddenly they didn't want go.

I did pass out in Kyoto at the thousand gates. First time in an ambulance that didn't cost an arm and leg

>>40556001
yea fair enough. the one repper who has a good reason

>>40556001
See, I'm on the opposite side. My dick already doesn't work, so no loss to me..

>>40556015
i hate it here

can i be a repper on HRT?

what did i do to deserve this

>>40556036
im sorry anon <3

>>40556004
for sure, I do kinda want to start solo traveling just to not worry about coordinating with a group. just worried I'd stay in the hotel the whole time
oh god just dehydration? I spent so much at vending machines

>>40554340 (OP)
>vacation this summer?
what this ?

>>40556054
Yeah, heat exhaustion. I bought a drink everytime I saw one.. I feel moderately more comfortable traveling after going off the deep end

>>40556083
bummer that probably ruined a day
> I feel moderately more comfortable traveling after going off the deep end
yea I feel like I need to just throw a dart and go somewhere for a weekend last minute

>>40556053
thanks anonette
bless your little tranny heart

>>40556001
>broken dick
You know the fact that I long since stopped caring about this side effect should tell me something.

>>40556117
It kinda did lol. Atleast I only needed to do laundry

>>40556186
If I didn't have a gf I wouldnt care too much about this other than the wasted potential of 7 inches

Repping would be easier if I weren't an ugly incel with zero life prospects. If I were a normalfag with a good job or gf I at least would have something to cling to. Instead I am tempted by nasty transbian polycule orgies.

>>40556321
I dont want to put you down man, but repping is so much harder when you have a reason to stay a man

>>40556289
At least you're not micro like me! I'm not hooking up any time soon so what evs

>>40556039
You're not repping if you're transitioning

>>40556289
I hate the fucking fact that I'm expected to value my dick at all

>did nothing all day again
i just want to be normal but everything is so tiring. why was i cursed with the tranny disease even though i cant pass? i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Qott: No, I like staying at home.
Anyone else trying to lose weight before they get on HRT, but have ended up repping for a year because of that?

>>40556934
Yes that's my current rut. My weight is indeed going down though, I want to hit 150 first.

>>40554340 (OP)
Yes, Ayia Napa.

i saw my family kill a rat today. this rat had been bothering them for a bit now, skittering around the kitchen at night. they put some poison around the place in hopes of it eating it. it did. it ate every single piece of the poison.
i found it when i went to drink some water. it was half-hidden under some furniture. i think it saw me, but it was too ill to move. i saw it twitch a bit.
i told my family to wait for the poison to end the deed, and i'd take it out, and then i went back to my room. they did not listen.
a few minutes later i hear a commotion. they were trying to move it out of the house before it died, so it kept trying to escape. it ended with the rat getting smashed in the face with a broom until it did that "death twitch", some of his blood staining the floor.
no idea why, but that made me very upset. it was about to die anyway, and it couldn't even have a somewhat peaceful end because my family couldn't be a little patient. i know it's a rat, but that wasn't an insect. killing a being that bleeds red that way just felt horrific.
not repgen related, but i dont have anywhere else to put this.

>>40556934
So insanely stupid why not just weight cycle on hrt??

I just want a gf that is okay with me being a repper

>>40557062
Harder to lose weight on estrogen.

>>40557049
>no idea why, but that made me very upset
It was pointless cruelty. That said, leaving it to die wasn't the optimal way, the optimal way would be to smash its head in with a hammer in one blow, or do this one method that involves crushing its skull with a thumb I wouldn't recommend if you empathize with it. It's messy, but that would end its suffering instantly, whereas awkwardly bashing it with a broom just increased it.

I PRAY for y'all to become beautiful women sooner or later in this life. It is written

lol

>>40557558
The intent is appreciated.

I gooned again
im just a MAN with rogp tocd mef rogd agp on hrt with no gender dysphoria
MALE

>>40557049
your soul is kind
thank you for that anon
i hope you heal from your ailments

i will never stop wishing to become a hot anime girl
>>40557558
pray for me to
>>40557862
based

>>40554340 (OP)
I hate vacations and only go on them if I am forced too by my family

if I had my way then I'd never leave my hometown and just stay here from cradle to grave

I repped until 40, I am 40 now.
I never knew what this was until very late, I think 2010 or even later. Before that I didn't realize what this was, something just felt wrong but the signs were all there but I ignored them and thought it would just go away. Even then it was too late and I live in a country where this would mean being ostracized and relegated to the margins of society.

I'm not going to John50 it out, ever, I will sooner kill myself. I do very well financially but I am now struggling to see the point of it all. Too old and ugly to even be gay at this point. My future is to grow old alone and one day they will remove me from my own posessions into some sort of a home so I can die there. I feel like I've lived a demo version of life.

I pray to the Lord for help in my repression.

>>40554340 (OP)
>qott: Have you gone anywhere fun on vacation this summer?
no where, but imma travel to egypt with my parents next month (theyre the one paying)

>>40556001
i want tits, i dont mind loosing muscle (loosing the little strength i have would suck tho) but i dont wanna be infertile :(

>>40556028
>My dick already doesn't work, so no loss to me
wh- what happened, anon?

>wake up
>not an anime girl

From where did Dante get his ideas of hell if not from this world of ours?

Codename Kids Next Door s1e3 Operation FUTURE. I blame that

We will all be ground to dust by an uncaring universe.

>>40559718
i am tired mang

i can't focus on anything because my brain is hyperfixated on hating myself. help

had a dream i was going to start hrt. the vial was in my hands, and my family didn't seem too upset. we were in a hospital for some reason and i kept getting stares from women, and i even saw some hons in the lobby. i didnt inject it, i just fiddled around with it.
the vial read "estradiol anonthate".
why is my subconscious doing this to me

play around with faceapp's gender swap feature and tearing up again
worst part is i cant even cry because of testosterone and all the social conditioning so im just straight up sad with no catharsis

>>40559811
the feeling of not quite being able to cry anymore is just
it makes you feel less than human
i'm so sorry you have to go through that
i'm so sorry any of you have to go through that

>>40559861
i used to cry all the time at school and literally got bullied for crying which made cry even more but somehow at 16-17 something changed now i cant cry no matter how bad i feel. i hate testosterone so much. i hate what it did to me.

>>40559795
the hons are a warning sign from the divine not to troon out...

wait, people actually transition into non-anime girls? Like people actually inject estrogen knowing they won't become an anime girl? I thought that was a myth or psyop.

>>40559795
Last time I had a dream like that, I woke up and felt deeply upset with myself for not going through with it for some reason.

>>40558972
My dick is 1 1/2 in. And low sperm count. And frankly if hrt shrinks it and my balls I wouldn't be remotely upset. I can wear panties without much issue. Hell, boy shorts are super fucking comfy.

So I just want everyone to know that yes, there is someone smaller out there.

>>40560470
I honestly didn't think Dicks got smaller than 3 inches

I wish I had a small dick.

>>40560541
Changing for gym class was hell. All it took was someone saying "damn where your dick at?!"

The guy looking got forgotten about pretty quick. Shit sucked

i wish i had a flat crotch but i'm still a fetishist agamp freak

Am I welcome here if I feel like I'm trans, but repping being a cis man?

>>40560470
Perfect for frotting

>>40560704
I mean you're here now right?

i still cant get over my measurements, i just started hrtrepping but it doesnt even matter nothing will

>>40561355
I feel you, bones are cruel.

>>40561082
I am here now, but I am distinctly different from everybody here.
It's just that this is one of the only places on the internet now where I feel like I can relate to real people

>>40561441
what is repping being a cis man mean? just be a cis man its accepted

>>40561479
I can't bring myself to accept that I'm a cis man.
Every time I do, I'm filled with dread and anguish

people on this board always call me faketrans for not wanting tits
and they're right, i am

Hello everynyan
Uh I wish I were a girl

I really can't recognize the man in the mirror as being myself

>>40561613
same, the body i look at the mirror isnt my body and has no resemblance to my mind
i do not know how this came to happen

>>40561570
it's not that i dont want tits but i dread the additional discrimination i would have to deal with for having them

>>40561653
Most people won't care and will believe you if you tell them it's gyno. They generally won't even say anything.

post ansur measurements
here's mine. these are the most hopeful measurements btw

>>40561674
am i dumb how do you make the graph be a line and not blocks?

>>40561736
choose classic bell curve instead of the bar chart.

>>40561760
thank you, sorry

>>40561653
I genuinely do not want tits and it would make me dysphoric to have them

>>40561784
Ouch. what are your measurements, if you don't mind me asking? I'm pretty sure I measured myself wrong in the original image, and I actually have an 18 inch bideltoid with a 12.7 inch hip breadth or so, but even that doesn't get that far on the bell curve.

>>40561868
18.5 inches bideltoid*
that extra half an inch makes an insane difference.

can someone tell me what im doing wrong

>>40560602
Hrt will shrink it

Is it true that trannies have high iq? What is the avg iq for reppers?

>>40561570
Youre probably nonbinary instead of trans

>>40562226
I am but I'm still faketrans

>>40562031
Nothing, you just have hips, congrats.

>>40561570
I guess just more for the feeling than the appearance. Still mostly prefer the function of having a dick though

>>40562189
don't have any exact numbers, but I did some decent online iq tests before and always got a different result because they always test something different.
on general iq tests I fall under 2 standard deviations above the mean (but barely).
the highest I got was on ravens 2, and I got 141 (this test is a little inflated, so it's more likely I'm in the mid 130s range in this regard). this test in specific is focused on matrix reasoning (finding patterns and solving problems basically).
I'm still a semi-functional retard in daily life so I dunno if having a high iq in that aspect makes much of a difference in the real world.

It's fine as long as I don't think
If I don't think I won't want to cry

>>40561868
45cm bideltoid and 30cm hip breadth
really over...

>>40562451
>on general iq tests I fall under 2 standard deviations above the mean (but barely)
i meant 1 standard deviation im an idiot

Ever since detransitioning I feel 100x more pain looking at cute tranner posts on this board

i love crying over the stupidest shit

>>40554340 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>40562730
make me

>>40562730
thats what i started to do but it solves nothing, im just going to keep hrt repping forever i guess

>>40562730
20 more pounds to lose first, anon.

>>40562278
Youre transitioning then? Why are u in repgen? If you arent actively transitioning to be a woman (taking hrt and growing the secondary sex characteristics of women) then youre not “trutrans” or “faketrans” youre simply not trans at all

>>40562318
If you want to have a penis and no boobs then maybe you are nonbinary or cis male

>>40562869
I detransitioned anon

>>40562869
I didn't say that.

gotten too sad to have agp
i can't even jerk off anymore

one of the thing i hate most about myself is that i cant cry at all, despite feeling terrible i can never have tears
fuck my stupid malebrained life

>>40562301
>i have hips
>but i'm also 6'2"
why live

I’m not a repper
I’m not trans
I’m a normal straight cis male who enjoys having sex with men while crossdressing
Why do I still come here

>>40564132
being ashamed of your crossdressing is also a form of repping. many of us are ashamed of our dysphoria

i consider myself a gay guy but if i could chose id be a straight woman

i consider myself a straight guy but if i could chose id be a gay woman

>>40564318
This

If you have sex with men i dont see why you would be afraid of transitioning . Like you already broke societal rules

i consider myself a bisexual guy but if i could chose id be a bisexual woman

>>40564382
you can hide where you cum but not what your body is. bonus: straight men like cis women, gay men like cis men. staying gay still leaves you with a bigger dating pool

I fapped to the thought of sissy shit again

Porn for men is really just the most banal, lame fucking shit.
So emotionally empty and so far removed from any sort of humanity.

I've completely lost sight of who I am and what I want.
Do I want to be a woman? I don't know. Do I want to transition? I don't know. Would it make get reverse dysphoria. I don't know.
Does that mean I like being a man? I don't know. Will I be able to age as a man? I don't know. Am I even dysphoric anymore? I don't know.
It's been so long since the last time I've felt like a person. I'm no longer human

>>40554340 (OP)
>qott
no i havent sadly ive spent most of it rotting in my room or at my job that i was fired from a few weeks ago
its been nice though i just get high and rot and sometimes have friends over to smoke too

>>40560042
real

How do I enbycope properly? This is the stuff I could think of doing to make repping more bearable
>get on finasteride or dutasteride
>grow long, well-kept hair
>exercise to get fit and take advantage of the testosterone in your body
>have a really good skincare routine to make sure you stay pretty and feminine for as long as possible
>maybe some light makeup?
what else?

>>40565335
If you have the balls you could dress feminine, I dont

>>40564876
Same
I still started hrt
I fuck it up though
Over a year and a half and I keep ruining my hrt and myself
Still not a woman or trans
Or a human

>>40554340 (OP)
>QOTT: i am going to take a "vacation" by myself to some of the ghost towns in my state and visit my fren that is very far away rn. just waiting to get fired from my job later this week so that ill have the free time to actually go

I’m the final boss of faketrans hrt reppers
I’m the real deal
I was here for the ride and fall of cure Anon
I was here before your day grandpa
I was here repping
Hrt repping
I’m a real faketrans repper on hrt
MALE ON HRT TOCD AGP MEF ROGD FAKETRANNY
and my life will end soon
Don’t remember me
Well you can.
I just hope nobody in my life will

>>40565381
I've stopped taking hrt because I couldn't deal with it's effects. There's nothing more faketrans than this
All trooning ever did to me is stripping away all layers of my superficial charade, revealing a complete void underneath.
I am no person. I have no gender, I have no sexuality, I have no desires, I have no hates, I have no personality, I have no self

I don't see how anyone could continue being attracted to men aside from in a purely physical way, especially since you literally grew up as a male and should know what dogshit personalities men have firsthand. Like you should know better.

>>40565533
real

>>40565519
I care so little about myself I keep taking
MYbe this twas me it will work
Msybe tmr my mind will wake up happy because of it
But I know deep down I’m not human enough for it
I’m just pretending ding ti pretend
A xerox if a xerox
A fake fake

>>40565533
This is why I’m faketrans
I’m not a lesbian
I am bi
Fake bi

>>40565533
I'm the opposite though. I like men romantically but I'm far more attracted to women physically. I feel like if I was born a cis woman I wouldn't be attracted to women at all.

>>40565562
>Msybe tmr my mind will wake up happy because of it
The fact that you want to want it, indicates that you are on the right path. Doesn't sound particularly faketrans to me
There's no want for me anymore. I don't want to want anything .
There is no self to bear the weight of desires

>>40565717
Sounds like you're a gay man in denial not a trans woman.

>>40560602
Maybe it's mostly out of spite. Even with a big one, listening to the billionth "MUH DIK BIG" conversation between guys just makes me want to cut my fucking cock off.

>>40565407
>I was here for the ride and fall of cure Anon
same sis

i watch forsen to distract myself from repping because he is very funny

>>40565758
its easier to be gay than trans, why would someone be trans to avoid being gay?

i just want to be pretty

I wish I had a gf that was okay with me being a repper and would engage in my yuri larps

all of my medications improve my mood and ability to function as a normal person substantially, EXCEPT with regards to dysphoria and other trans shit which now hit me even worse

>>40566727
It's kind of funny. Like a lot of people here, I like anime and stuff, I can look at a character and relate and that sort of thing.
But the idea of being reduced to just a fake cartoon character, not being seen as a person makes me incredibly depressed

i am a straight pure gynephilic moid but if i turned to a hot anime girl id be such a huge slut (androphilic) i just know it I SIMPLY WOULD

Went to the gym and got a huge testosterone boost, made the dysphoria go away. Interesting

Can't ever transition because too small and short and will never have a dick... but I do like being pretty since if I have to be a woman anyways I might as well look good. Still, the dysphoria hits on and off... I feel like a fake woman and a fake man at the same time

>>40560617
Im sorry man but I've been thinking about this. There's no way your dick is that small while hard I just cant believe it

>>40568046
take your shots

hey reppers! can I get a "MEOW"?

>>40568069
meow :(
i hope everyone is okay today
or at least as okay as we can be

>>40568130
i'm not very okay

>>40568164
It sucks. It seems like every day my brain just gets stuck on one topic that makes me feel horrible

>>40568180
any time i remember i am irreversibly getting older and missing out everything it's all i can think about the rest of the day and it sends me spiraling

>>40568212
For me it's just retarded posts I read online lol

>>40568259
oh. sorry i kinda escalated the conversation a bit

Is it repper coded to hate having your picture taken? I have never taken a picture of myself ever, i only photograph objects or scenery. Though some people say it's pretty common autism behavior.

>>40568273
i've seen people call it both

>>40568273
i despised it the more conscious i got of how i looked

>>40568273
not entirely related but observing autistic behaviors in myself makes me spiral because autism is considered extremely male coded..

>>40565335
"non-binary" is an identity locked for afabs only
you can cope and try to be androgynous all you want, but because of the fact that you were born with a penis and testosterone mutilated you, you will NEVER be nb

>>40561674
huh, I'm actually surprised that it's not as bad as I thought (I mean, it still is BAD, but I was expecting to be on the right side of the male bell curve)
I used my sliding closet door to measure so I dunno if things might be off. I'm small and frail (yet unmistakably male) so my measurements were around 10.85" hip breadth and 15.5" shoulder breadth

I'm going to freeze my sperm and see about getting back on hrt.

>>40570173
Im not really committed to going on hrt but I've been handling my affairs preparing for the possibility. Feels like planning your own death

>>40568273
I once saw myself in a photo and did not even recognize myself. So yes I do hate taking pictures.

>>40554340 (OP)
nope, so stuck where i am. Wish i could talk to some chicks out there these days, maybe take a nap on a hot summers afternoon together or something after drinking some cheap wine wile watching a nice romcom.
ngl, would do almost anything for something like this these days.

>>40571020
How does it even feel to not recognize yourself?
I hate seeing myself in pictures, but I always know it's me. It doesn't really "feel" like me, but it's the face I've always seen, so it must belong to me

>>40571135
>How does it even feel to not recognize yourself?
feels bad man

Not an ounce of estrogen but when im clean shaved i have the exact tranny face

>>40571303
What's your digit ratio
Mine is very feminine. I'm terrible at sports and I'm physically weaker than average.

Am I just being vain? Will transitioning even make me feel better about myself?

I was shoving stuff up my ass yesterday (I hate touching my dick to masturbate) when I realized I hate putting things in my ass. It's disgusting.
There's no way to get any sexual release as a tranny.

What a miserable fucking situation.

>>40571347
My ring finger is half an inch longer than the pointer.

there's no fucking point man

i just want to be a hot anime girl WHY IS THIS TOO MUCH FOR GOD TO GIVE TO ME

>>40571577
One of the few actually dysphoric people. If you don't want to be an anime girl you're faketrans.

>>40571586
/thread

>>40571586
What is this a metal concert? Who's the poseur?

>>40571348
Asking myself the same thing every day
It feels so greedy to merely think about the fact that I might've enjoyed life more as a woman

I've been shaving my body hair but I don't know how to explain myself to dates/people

>>40572402
Youre a swimmer

>go through male puberty
>be more intelligent and have a better personality on average but have a subhuman body
>go through female puberty
>be retarded but have the body of an actual human being
There's no winning.

I have so many weird mental blocks I can't even explain.

anyone have any new copes? the immense self-loathing is kind of losing its sauce at this point, i think i might have been too mean for too long and now i can feel it isn't working as well
it's the only emotion i think i can feel at this point i don't want to lose that too

I want to crossdress with another 5'5 repper and make out

>>40573568
>5'4(ish)
>but also sasquatch hairy and grotesquely ugly
i was so close...

>>40573630
It’s okay honey I’ll shave and put on your makeup for you

>>40571020
>>40571135
Holy shit, same. My brother has a bunch of photos from his marriage and picked me to best man. Every photo I'm in that I see is so horribly distressing. And the cherry on top is that I'm barely smiling in them.

I've always hated getting my picture taken. ALWAYS

>>40573549
It really really really fucking sucks when the feelings that used to help you just stop working out of nowhere.

>>40568273
>>40573683
lol that reminds me of a time I had a friend tell me they were glad I was smiling in some photos "because you usually don't look like that"
it's not that I hate being in pictures as much as I never feel the need to include myself? like people taking selfies in front of shit makes no sense to me, I know what I look like why would I want to be in the picture
but again partially the autist thing

>>40572402
Only 1 friend noticed when I shaved my legs. I just told him I like to shave sometimes. "Oh. Ok." Coworkers either didn't notice or didn't care. Swimmer excuse only works if you're a competitive swimmer.. you can try but be prepared if they ask questions about it.

>>40572402
In my experience most people don’t even notice

>>40573720
I just flat out, don't want to see myself. And I mean it too, it genuinely stresses me the hell out. So I take pictures of things. No selfies

>>40568273
Only like a few specific pictures of myself. Most from about 4 years ago

Honestly the biggest repfuel is just the fact that no post puberty trans person passes. They just dont.

Maybe I should eat as many phytoestrogens as possible

>>40573791
I thought about taking Pueraria mirifica so I could get puffy nipples but this board says it’s a scam and doesn’t work

Im not fat but I've eaten an insane amount of McDonald's in my life. I wonder if there's weird hormon shit in there

>>40571135
nta but the way i kind of rationalise it is that this is just a vessel?
kinda like how if you were to sit in a car with tinted windows and take a picture out of the window using a giant mirror, you'd just see the car in the photo rather than "yourself", but then the way i see "myself" is probably just as a sort of non-physical thoughtform anyway
>>40573686
yeah :(
i'm starting to just. not really feel human at this point because the only really emotion i could actually FEEL was like that vague numb sense of almost-pain from continually doing that to myself and like that doesn't really work anywhere near as well as it used to
>>40573666
>devil's trips
this world is too cruel

Being yourself is a privilege

I've been on hrt for 3 years and it didn't make me feel better, if anything it made things way worse since now I'm aware that it is actually over

>>40573791
i remember back when that whole thing started getting talked about everywhere online i was constantly eating tofu and putting kikkoman on stuff until i found out it doesn't actually work like that. i think this was before i realized i was trans lol

>>40573904
This
I'm happy I detransitioned at least, more energy, more muscle, less fat

>>40573876
Do you find yourself mirroring other people a lot?

>>40573876
you're a bad person if you're yourself

Seeing women have normal vaginal sex is depressing to the core.

>>40574036
Having a clitoris would be cool

>>40573991
nta but yeah
way too much for comfort actually i pick up accents way too easily and people think i'm mocking them
i guess there's not much of a person on this side of things though so i have to get stuff like traits or whatever from the people around me
which probably makes me some kind of parasite
i try not to be around people too much though

>>40574095
It's also a symptom of executive dysfunction.

>>40574095
i also pick up accents but no one has ever accused me of mocking them or anything

>>40574101
unfortunately yes i am a sperg (diagnosed) :(
regardless of my mental faculties that means i am not capable of being trutrans because wanting to transition is likely rooted in a desire to mirror other people's characteristics
which sucks but it means not going ahead with it is really just the best outcome for everyone
absolutely hate executive dysfunction though. used to be able to power through it by berating myself until i felt like i was having heart palpitations but that doesn't really work anymore :(
to be honest there's a small part of me that kind of hopes one day i get put into some kind of environment where i'm actively and severely punished for not being functional again because that genuinely really helped me as a kid whereas these days i'm just a lazy, selfish cunt with no regard for the people around me
>>40574120
i'm really glad you haven't had to go through that anon :)
i was raised around a lot of people that sort of just assumed i was taking advantage of them or whatever so i'm kind of used to the whole being accused of things for no real reason but having no recourse thing
it's okay though it's moulded me into a (marginally) "better" person
(ie, more willing to acquiesce and be useful, i'm not really a "good" person on an inherent level)

>>40564093
the last time I could cry is when I had an eating disorder and was super skinny and my emotions and hormones were all over the place from it
I could make myself cry just from humming the start of country roads and thinking about how I wished life could be

>>40574001
I agree becayse thexreal me is a manly man sissy mef
>>40573991
Yes
I try to be like my peers

The only way I can get out of this is to focus on liking things about mens bodies and personalities that that I slowly become more and more jealous that I want to have those things.

cum in your local repper

I want comically large anime boobs.

>>40574404
It would fix me desu(get cummed in)

>>40574404
if that'd make me useful then go ahead i guess
i'm honestly pretty dysgenic though i wouldn't recommend it

>>40574473
I want B cup boobs

>>40574404
I wish I'd get to experience a dude busting a fat fucking load into my womb

why did You make me like this

>>40573861
>this is just a vessel
I've rationalized it very similarly. The best analogy I can think of is my body being similar to a good rental car. It does it's job, brings me from a to b, works very well, and for others it might even look good, but there is no sense of ownership.
Maybe that's just how it is to have a body for cis people as well, never asked them though

i'm not even a repper really, i just have a fetish for a flat crotch

>>40575199
trvke

>>40573808
I got puffy nipples from it

>>40575080
>Maybe that's just how it is to have a body for cis people as well, never asked them though
no that's actually a symptom of depersonalization. it is NOT normal for a cis person to feel this way

>>40575537
Nice. If that's the case, then I've never not been depersonalized.
Hard to believe that's not the norm for others, and even harder to imagine how it should be normally

estrogen does NOTHING at all i am just forced to keep hrtrepping forever i am indistinguishable from a normal man when i finally kill myself at least i can know everyone (2 people) will only remember me as a man

what's the most repper coded career?

>>40577106
right wing podcaster

I unironically fucking hate men

crazy how you can just be born into an ontologically evil body and you're just stuck that way forever and there's no recourse because you're just inherently evil :(

>>40574473
so you want gigantomastia?

When I dream and I see my dead grandparents (who were the only stable adults in my life and helped raise me when my own parents couldn't or wouldn't), it always comes off like they hate me. It hurts so much to know now that they're dead and have a birds I view of who I am they find me disgusting. The loss of passion and patience I used to have as a child, the depressive pain that I live with day to day, the failure of a man I am and will always be, the repping shit and secret hopes I have deep down about who I truly want to be.

It hurts to know that my bedrock and the only people I truly looked up to in life probably find me a waste of breath now. When the woman you relied on more than your own mother a lot of times says to you "ugh, why are YOU here" with such disdain the first time you see them after their passing, it's just so atomizing. I've never felt more alone in the world than I do now pushing 30 and realizing this lifetime is such an exercise in futility.

Maybe it was a blessing to have someone actually care about me and love me ostensibly for who I am instead of how much they can leverage me against each other like my parents or how they can feel a sense of superiority by being "better than me" like my old best friends used to. But it just stings all the more as I get older and I can see what an obvious farce that was. Why would anyone ever care about me, why would I ever deserve the love of another person.

>>40577106
Well im a machinist

does it ever get any easier?

>>40577630
No, you just get better better at beating it back down when it's particularly difficult.

i think at this point rather than changing my body to fit my mind i'd massively prefer having a completely seperate consciousness just take over
that way as far as everyone else is concerned "i" didn't an hero or whatever so they don't have to deal with the bullshit that'd cause but then at the same time "i" wouldn't have to be around anymore to keep causing problems for everyone
i just want to be useful it's literally all i have left

>>40577106
i'm a software dev and i feel like shit around cis and trans women in my field
does this count?

>check r/transtimelines
>2% genuinely pass, 60% just look like men in drag even when they're making some effort

>>40577106
monk

>>40574473
i think i want this but i would probably feel weird if i actually had that
>>40577495
without all the health risks yes

i am the perfect combination of potential passoid and potential hon physical traits as well as the perfect combination of insane agp and borderline retarded hsts mental traits

>just now realized four whole years later that the guy I knew from church as kid kept inviting me to hangout because he was trying to smash and I didn't know that he picked up on how we were both repressors
lmao I'm so fucking dumb

>>40577819
god I wish I could have repper4repper sex

>>40577879
>keeps getting interrupted with tearless sobbing
mfw

Idk the only way I can think about it, is that I love women. I love everything about them. I feel like women are just better in every way I love them and all my friends throughout my entire live have been women. And every issue I have had in life has been due to men, and I relate more to women, and I being male almost killed me due to toxic masculinity and I just wish I was born female. And that's the reason I feel like I am trans. But I am not in reality. I just love women so much I wish I could be one. But I wouldn't be happy as a woman simply because I am not one. I even went one step futher abd attempted transition, and while mixed experience, it cemented the fact that I could truly never be a woman because I just simply am not one

>>40577921
there must be some comfort in closeness and true understanding

i'm so ugly

>>40577724
ahahaha
hahahaha
thanks for reminding me anon
my career field is going to be full of what i could have been

>>40577106
NEET

I'm as trans as they come but i just cant get over the facts of biology, and that's really all i care about. Since my biology was wrong, I was raised differently, and that's all the reasons why I never fit in. A lot of gender stuff is social yeah, but since I was raised wrongly, and never experienced life growing up as a young girl, and I'm not a person that can really adapt very well and because of this I just simply cant be a woman. Its simply because of this.

I dont even want to be a woman. I just want to be rid of the thoughts that I wish I was one.

Fuck this gay life

when I think about what I want truly, I want to be a sick dude that doesn't give a fuck about anything around him but is simultaneously very intense as a person and is deeply compassionate and touches the lives of everyone around him while is super duper hot and just captures all the attention around him but is humble and plays it off, and doesn't even recognize how cool and monumental he is, but just sorta shapes the world around him anyway by being such a cool fuckin dude. That's what I truly want to be.

>>40578137
So real. All I want is to get rid of this absurd desire

>>40578045
somehow college was mostly males (not even any trannies) then the gender ratio got more even at the job
i feel like shit, sometimes i was the only man in the room

make it stop please for the love of god

>>40578210
i live in california so it's going to be hell on earth

>wait, you're a repper?
>take your pills, alice! i was so miserable when i was repping, but now i'm finally free to be my true self :)

meanwhile, the average posts in this board:
>I HATE BEING A TRANNY I HATE BEING A SIMULACRUM OF WOMANHOOD I HATE EVERYONE
>i've been on hrt for 6 years now, and i still don't pass. how do i kill myself properly?
>im a passoid, but i dont want to be trans anymore. how do i detransition?
>(picture of self harm scars) ill fucking do it this time

why are trannies like this? is this supposed to be inspiring behavior?

>wake up
>STILL not an anime girl
rope

>>40578701
Misery loves company, they want you to harm yourself as much as they have. Don't fall for it

>>40578701
crab bucket mentality

>>40578701
> SIMULACRUM OF WOMANHOOD
noah knocked it out of the park with that

>>40578701
every trans person ive met irl is like this. they see other people with gender dysphoria as nothing but potential experiments, hoping to create an avatar to live vicariously through since their own transitions failed. its so sick and perverted and they are almost all like this. it's unbelievable.

>>40578701
i can't speak for anyone else here obviously, but i'm not really here to inspire anyone, it's moreso just a place i can shout into the void and it shouts back, plus it's probably one of the only places i could ever find that'd understand something close to the particular mindfuckery that this whole thing even is
there's a small part of me that still kind of hopes i'll be able to go through with transition one day, but considering both how utterly mindfucked i already am in so many ways, the circumstances that'd have to occur to allow me to do it, and the fact that i absolutely loathe the idea of ever imposing my delusions onto the people around me, it'll probably never happen
given they say high stress and mental disorder kills you early i guess hopefully that's soon lmao

>>40555027
im from puerto rico and i smell nice

>>40578722
Which ones do you want to be, and which ones do you want to fuck?

>>40578518
>i live in california
imagine repping in one of the most liberal states, with a high paying job, in one of the most trans friendly industries
couldn't be me...

>>40579477
detroon actually :)
one day i will just mysteriously disappear

>>40579496
>detroon actually :)
did you troon and detroon in college? if ur trying to get a software job right now it's hell for entry level

>>40579523
trooned in high school, detrooned around now and i'm still in college

>>40578949
I relate to you and it might sound crazy but sometimes I think in delusions of grandeur about how I could save everyone here. I genuinly wish I could help all of of you and myself, and beyond the world of trooning I just want to find a way to help everyone who wants to end it

Saw a couple at the museum the other day. An OK looking dude and his near passoid gf. Thought a lot of honestly agp thoughts about how it must feel to be that troon who was once a guy now just holding his bf's hand following him around dressed like a girl

>>40579551
why did you detroon

>>40579631
i'm a retarded faggot and also i'm enby

>>40579635
>i'm a retarded faggot
so am i
>enby
is this what reppers are called now

>>40579652
no i don't want breasts or to lose muscle

>>40579662
yeah then what does enby mean here if you're just being a man

where can i find a therapist who i can confide my thoughts of self harm and to but won't just attempt to push me to transition as a cope

>>40579732
4chan.org

>>40579387
>which ones i want to be
ANY OF THEM
>which ones i want to fuck
ANY OF THEM but if i turned to one of them id be fucking a dude instead

>>40579732
You basically have to lawyer speak with them because they will report youre suicidal thoughts and steer tou toward tansition

>>40579599
>I genuinly wish I could help all of of you and myself
i can only begin to imagine how hard that must be for you anon i'm so sorry
>>40579732
>therapy
therapy is the modern D.A.R.E. - ostensibly "good" in theory, but its real function is just to report you for literally whatever you say
i guess when it comes to self-harm, and especially suicide, there's this innate human response to immediately jump to obsessing over keeping someone alive and it just does way more harm than good imo because all of a sudden it's "you're wrong, how dare you" as opposed to the "open-minded" approach that you're supposed to have
besides mh acts are just means to strip you of your autonomy and recourse while the system rapes you

>>40579683
thanks this is like the hundredth time i've heard this on this board
i'd be so much happier if i could just live with being a man

>>40579772
i just want to function again. i want to not mentally self-harm myself anymore. but it's pleasurable, in a twisted way, to remind my self that I can always end the pain, and also that nobody would love me if i took off the repper mask

>>40579812
>thanks this is like the hundredth time i've heard this on this board
sorry i just am confused i still don't get enbies
>i'd be so much happier if i could just live with being a man
i'd prefer being a woman tbhon

>>40579828
there are some things about being a woman i want
- softer skin
- gynoid fat distribution
- prettier and cuter
there are some things about being a man that i want
- increased muscle mass and metabolism
- functioning dick
and no i'm not a femboy, i would also be happy if i could merely cope as such

>>40579840
yeah i basically want all of that as well
often i wish i had a vag and clit instead of a dick but i unironically think if i were a passoid i'd get over it

>>40579871
being in between is a special type of purgatory
neither E nor T is sufficient to address it, and there's no real hrt for it desu

man I love being drunk
it's kinda funny how I know that the end for me is to just die from being an alchy but I still try to do other shit to keep around

>>40579878
i mean i just want to be a woman except physically stronger and possibly with a dick.
i'm just repping because i'm a fucking coward

>neither E nor T is sufficient to address it, and there's no real hrt for it desu
trannies do things to keep their dick functional, cis women grow their clits
the metabolism and muscle mass loss sucks and idk how cis women get around that without masculinizing

>>40579913
neither do i and tits make me very dysphoric so E isn't an option :(

heard some foid talking about how much having big tits suck and having a womb that occasionally bleeds suck blah blah being a woman is sooo haaaard uwaaah
ungrateful cunt
what a bitch i bet i can handle periods better than her

New thread:
>>40580533
>>40580533
>>40580533