>>40650445
it presents differently at different points in life. children are less sexually dimorphic and less gender segregated so in many cases (such as mine) the dysphoria is limited to a more passive "i wish i was a girl". when i was a kid i remember learning about reincarnation and being happy because it meant maybe i could be a girl in my next life. i have memories of wanting to die young so i could have that, but i don't think i actually understood death yet so id take it with a grain of salt.
when puberty started it first became being less able to recognize myself in the mirror. when my body really started changing, when i grew taller than most of my classmates and my voice dropped i got extremely depressed and dissociated most of the time. i couldn't really see my body as me and i felt like i was just piloting it around at best and trapped inside it and disgusted by it at worst. when i was around 14 i started planning to grow my hair out and wear womens clothing in hopes people would think i was a girl. that's also around when i started to get pain in my chest and brief panic when i would stop dissociating and look at my body. the dissociation and the pain and sadness kept getting worse, i briefly tried to "man up" at 14 because i knew i couldn't be a woman but it didn't help at all. i transitioned at 16 and i occasionally get the small panics, but far fewer of them. i no longer get them every time i speak because my voice is better, or from being gendered male by others because it doesn't happen anymore.
this might be incoherent but i hope it makes a little sense, i think dysphoria is a very hard thing to put into words and that's part of why all the shitty truisms we feed cis people are extreme oversimplifications. dysphoria is also a little different for everybody