>>40675595
I'm drunk so what the hell. So pretty much from the time I was 8, I wanted to be a girl. Literally read every stupid and wired 'child appropriate' fiction I could get my hands on. Like licking your elbow turning you into a girl, and the stardust movie. As I got older, I experimented with cross dressing but it just made me feel worse and worse. Naturally my parents brothers and sisters caught me, multiple times. Each time they shamed me, mentally tortured me, and basically said if I continued down this path I would be an unloved 'freak' and then they made me watch some documentary about homeless drug addicted transwomen in hawaii or something and it just destroyed me.
When I turned 18 they practically pushed me out of the house and told me to make my own way. So I did got a job, went to school, dropped out school all while still fighting these feelings. Somehow got a girlfirend who liked me for well me. Made me feel safe and secure, and she picked up on that there was this hidden side of me. So I told her, then she used that against me like the sword of Damocles for the entirety of our relationship as a trump card to win arguments or bite back at me. We broke up but I pretty much swore of dating because of how badly we hurt each other. That's when I started "chasing" but it was never meetup or hook ups just chatting.
Somehow I got a better job and my og plan was just to kill myself after making 50k in cash, my parents dying, and my dog dying. Then a thought appeared, "if I'm already commited to dying, then whats they harm in at least trying?"
And yeah I start Hrt in 2 weeks.