Thread 40689965

How did you discover you were trans? What was the breaking point? How long did it take before you went on HRT?

always knew
24 years
iwnbaw

i actually believed the all guys feel this way meme

>>40689975
I hope you'll start HRT or feel better about yourself anon, you're still young so you've got time

Does anyone know about it IRL or you kept it to yourself?

>>40689965 (OP)
I started thinking I might be a tranny at 13
then I took hrt at 25
then I came to my senses last month and stopped at 27

>>40689965 (OP)
September 2019
started hrt in february 2021 after i moved out

>>40689984
3 years hrt, never passer

>>40689990
Why stopped? What did it change in 2 years?

>>40689965 (OP)
idk the exact way I discovered it because it was so long ago, but I discovered it pretty young (i vividly remember browsing /r/asktransgender at like 12)
but due to me being mentally retarded & going through multiple periods of repression throughout the years I never ended up starting HRT until 23

>>40689990
many such cases, me included, i retrooned though. guess ill run everything into the ground for the sake of my delusional fantasy i cant give up on

>>40690006
23 doesn't seem that long, dunno if I'd call you retarded because of it

>>40690007
What was the "breaking point" that made you go back? What made you stop before?

>>40689965 (OP)
i was around 18 when i tried googling why do i feel so disgusted by my body and i discovered gender dysphoria and it clicked. but i didn't know about diy and was convinced trooning out in my shithole would basically be impossible, so i started coping and repressing until 23. i am almost 25 now and look like a man with boobs :)

>>40690001
I just realized being trans is just too cringe for me and I should be focusing on more important things

>>40690032
But are you happier?

>>40690036
What did you end up focusing on instead then?

>>40690029
>23 doesn't seem that long, dunno if I'd call you retarded because of it
my retardation becomes clearer when you know that I actually did HRT once before at 19 for a year, then detrans'd until I started again at 23.
and even clearer when you know that my parents specifically asked me if I wanted to be a girl (ig they noticed) when I was in my early teens and said it was okay if I did and I said no because I was embarrassed

>>40689965 (OP)
>how did you discover you were trans
was considering transition already because id always wanted to be a girl and i felt like a monster after puberty, but i didn't think i was a real tranny because i didn't try to mutilate my genitals as a kid. when i actually encountered dysphoria i realized that was exactly what id been feeling, so i felt like i was actually allowed to transition, as stupid as that might be. i was 16 at the breaking point, i was on hrt about 5 months later

>>40690045
Being a tranny is hard and is scary, I'm not surprised you said no and repressed, even with supportive parents, the important thing is you're doing it now and hopefully it makes you happier

I just discovered it a few days ago and I'm almost 30, and probably won't do anything about it, so try to look at the bright side: You know what you want and you're only 23

>>40690064
ty for the kind words anon
I hope it goes well for you, whatever you decide to do

>>40690077
Either way, you've got to make things work out for me, if I can't do it myself, you're obligated to be happy with your choice and finally who you want to be

>>40689965 (OP)
>How did you discover you were trans?
realizing i dont hate trannies, i am one (i was one of those faggot chuds that would post in threads i "hate" all the time)
>What was the breaking point?
thinking about my future and being disgusted seeing myself as an old man or growing in a masculine way in gen.
>How long did it take before you went on HRT?
23 roughly

>>40690105
And how is it going now? How long has it been since?

>>40690037
i am happier mentally and my life has improved a bunch since i've been able to hold down a job and move out. but i also know that i'm going to lose my entire family and friend group and also my job once i come out, that i will live out the next few decades of my life as one of the most demonized scapegoat minorities and things will get worse before they get better, and that i will have to spend so much money on my transition if i want to have any semblance of a normal life, which every normal person my age is putting towards a car or a home or traveling with partners and loved ones or getting married. so there's always that whole thing looming in the back of my mind

>>40690029
the breaking point is just seeing whatever feminization i had and liked slowly reversing and realising that im still unhappy and have no real way out of it, theres no future i can imagine where im not on hrt and happy, at least i cant imagine the path to get there. i may not really be trans or wont ever pass and will have all these problems, but at least just by doing something theres a path to some kind of future thats bearable. and also the longer you rep the more horrible it feels when you think about the time that has passed

>>40690129
I wish I could give you a hug, you sound pretty level headed and you deserve to be happy, the world sucks right now and I don't know what to do either, myself.

>>40690148
I do honestly wonder if "passing" really, truly matters, if you're still able to have friends, relationships, meet people who accept you, does it really matter if you "pass"? At least if you don't, you don't get weird cis dudes acting as if you personally attacked them by existing when they realize you're trans

>>40690168
passing matters a lot for alleviating dysphoria but if you let yourself get to the point of being genuinely ashamed of being trans you can let chasing passing ruin your life

>>40690194
Sometimes I see trans gals talking about how they "don't pass" and "never will pass" and then they show their face, and they're just looking like cis women, it's sad

>>40690042
trying to focus on my career and doing normal fun things

>>40690227
Is it working? You're still here, so you still think about it, right? Is it something you want to do later then? Or just repress?

>>40690149
thank you anon.. you shouldn't hug me though im stinky

>>40690121
lot better
like almost 2 yrs
scared about the future desu

>>40690236
Stinky can be fixed with a shower, hugs will happen regardless

>>40690242
Same, I'm glad you're doing better though

>>40689965 (OP)
was really depressed one day when I was 15
conservative family, religious too, sunday services made me feel bad over how hateful the preacher was
decided to create a female character in a game when I got home from school one day
got scared at how nice it felt when people used female pronouns to refer to me
asked a friend or two to try it when referring to me
started HRT at 20 because I was scared of being caught and had no money before
keep going in an out of it because I still have no money and no way of doing it safely

I'm never gonna make it

>>40690275
How are you diong now, and how old are you? Do you still live with your family? How has HRT changed your body, or do you stop it before it does?

>>40689965 (OP)
I was born in the 80s. All these youngshit stories are nothing but pure ropefuel and I don't even wanna talk about my experiences at this point. Suffice to say I knew very early that something was wrong (mostly because of the despair I felt when I saw my peach fuzz mustache coming in), but didn't have the words or even a conception for it. "Transsexuals" were other people, prostitutes and drag queens and stuff, they weren't seen as people you could be.

In my 30s, I finally had a secure career niche in my area and felt freer to think about that sort of thing. I consider myself one of the lucky ones because I have a feminine face that passed easily once I got rid of my facial hair. And I'm short, and not super fat. Though I wish I had grown up in a different time. If I had trans women to look up to, I would have realized sooner. Or if I had grown up in a family that was a safe space. My family was not a safe space. I had a father who forced all the expectations of manhood on me as the only boy. I had opposite-sex siblings who would have probably laughed and made fun of me if I had ever expressed any sort of interest in femininity. My brain automatically filtered out any thoughts about womanhood because it just wasn't considered something safe for me to explore. It was for other people it wasn't for me.

>>40690311
Did you end up transitioning? Or are you still repressed then? You said you felt freer to think about it, but when was that then? Early 2000s?

>>40690207
my friends tell me that's me. i have genuinely no idea what i look like

>>40690335
You can always post and ask here if you're curious about unbiased opinions, but I'm sure your friends aren't just lying to you.

>>40690322
In the early 2000s I was late middle school/high school. I didn't transition until my 30s, because again, repression is a bitch and when you're a poor person in early adulthood you're trying to find a way to survive in the world without being homeless.

>>40690301
>How are you doing now
I genuinely don't know how to answer that, I have a gf who's also trans and passes easily, a job, and several hobbies I have a lot of fun with, but I'm still unhappy with my looks and not being able to be fem openly

>and how old are you?
turned 30 this year

>How has HRT changed your body
I have tits and a girlier fat distribution but I'm still very manly. Invested a lot of my salary into laser hair removal so I no longer grow facial hair (beard) and I'm working on on it for the rest of my body too (main source of dysphoria). Hairline is also fine but my hair is very dry and I live in a very warm region, I have to keep it short or I'll sweat myself to death.

my family thinks the tits are just me being a fat fuck, I choose to let them believe that.

>>40690340
normally when i post on here people say i don't pass or "clocky pass". though i suspect they might be biased against me because im fat and passgen is anamoder central

>>40690355
How long have you been on HRT?

>>40690364
I truly believe people here are biased, they also know potential "signs" more than rando cis people, I don't think cis people think "trans" that much, considering how even cis people can look. Do you have pictures around? I can give you my opinion if you want

>>40690382
on and off since I was 20, sometimes I'll have year where I go through it with no problems, sometimes I'll be off of it for two years. It sucks having an overbearing family.

Doesn't help I'm fucking retarded and when I'm out by myself I'll forget to buy it, but I don't really have a good place to hide it so I tell myself it's fine.

>>40690428
If you keep it in your room or such, wouldn't it be safe? Does your family just go through your stuff randomly?

You should put some reminders to get it when you go out too, so you don't forget. How old are you now?

>>40690382
i don't really wanna post here anymore. im also honestly worried about how id react if i found out i didn't pass, because ive been under the impression ive been stealth for years. even moved and everything

>>40690471
I'm sorry you feel like that, I truly believe you probably pass, or at least enough that it doesn't really matter and people wouldn't care. I wish you felt better and just were happier though.

Even if you stop posting here, I hope you'll be alright, anon.

>>40690482
i meant post face here anymore* lol. i should stop posting here generally desu its like emotional self harm. thank you for the kind words

>>40690064
How do you get to 30 without knowing you're trans? How did you find out?

>>40690497
I always felt bad and negative but also generally dull about my gender and how I was, but also being fat kind of added a layer to it, and recently I've started to think about it more and realize I probably would enjoy the effects of HRT and even having boobs even though I'm a cis dude, and now I'm just kind of freaking out and desperately trying not to think about it lol

It doesn't help I have a kind of obsessive personality, ADHD will do that, I'll focus on something a lot for short bursts and then find something else, and I'm hoping this is just that again

>>40689965 (OP)
> How did you discover you were trans?
I started to become very envious of feminine traits, such as long hair. My voice got deeper which made me very uncomfortable, and I thought about how much better it would be to have a female voice. I also started wishing my penis would go away. I would also crossdress daily in my room. When covid hit, and we did online lessons, I would just be doing them in a skirt lol.

So yeah, something there in my brain was definitely shouting at me to troon out.

> What was the breaking point?
The dysphoria got worse. I thought it was 'just a phase' because most of the thoughts were AGP related. Facial and body hair started to grow as well.

> How long did it take before you went on HRT?
5 years.

>>40690642
How long has it been now? What did you end up doing?

>>40690649
i started hrt 2 weeks ago

>>40690656
Congrats! I hope you're feeling good about your choice, if feeling anything yet. Anything that changed since?

>>40690659
thanks anon. I do feel better. But mainly because the few months before, I had more stress from the 'do I transition?' question in my head than the actual dysphoria. It was constant, but now I feel a touch more relieved. I don't really notice anything yet though.

>>40690685
Soon enough you'll feel better and finally will be able to be the cute girl you've felt like, and you will rock dresses, or any kind of clothing you want to wear, and it'll be glorious.

>>40690701
i hope so. i just need to fight the social anxiety off.

>>40689965 (OP)
I realized I was trans at 19, while browsing sub reddits and specifically r/transtimelines. I waited till 23 to start hrt because I was with a girl at the time, and she probably wouldn't have understood. 4chan made me realize it would be too late if I waited longer, so that's how I got into hrt. I wish I had knew 4chan before reddit, I wouldn't have waited so long to start

>>40690987
Did you break up with her because of it then? Or you broke up for unrelated reasons, but then also used that as a starting point for it?

>>40690994
I broke up with her because I was convinced that she wouldn't let me transition properly, we probably would have tried to tell me I don't need hrt or that kind of stuff. I didn't tell her it was the reason at first, I just told her I realized I was more into men, which is true, and waited 3 months to tell her the real reason. And I think I was right to not try to start transitioning while being with her, because she was really transphobic the first months after that, she told me I will never pass, that I will never find anyone to date anymore, that she didn't believe I could be a woman one day... It took her 2 years before she managed to gender me correctly and stopped using my deadname, even if everyone else managed to do it pretty quickly

>>40691085
I'm surprised you stayed around her, if she was that much of a dick after you did, are you happier now then? I hope you're doing alright?

>>40691101
I'm always surprised people think it's so easy to get away from toxic people. But when you're alone and don't have so many friends, you try everything you can to keep them, even if they're acting like dicks. I'm too afraid to be lonely I'd rather have bad friends than no friend at all
So yes I stayed around her for a while.

Now I'm doing alright, I'm fully tran sitioned, I pass, I have a job in a totally different carrier than the one I was into when I was with her, I live far from her and I have new friends. Tho she managed to convinced me I was just a creepy fetichist during my first years of transitioning, and that I should always feel ashamed to have choosen this life over our relationship, and I'll probably always hate myself for that

>>40691257
It sucks but I'm glad you're doing better. Honestly I wasn't thinking it was "so easy", just that since you mentioned your other friends and people around you gendered you correctly, that it meant you *already* had others that were better and not just trying to make you feel bad for being who you are

>>40691321
She was part of my friend group, so I couldn’t just drop her. If we didn’t get along, I’d have had to walk away from everyone. But honestly, it wasn’t only that, I was still madly in love with her, even after the breakup and all the hurtful things she’d said

>>40689965 (OP)
I knew since I was 12 but I knew I couldn't transition until I moved out. I started at 19 and I regret waiting, because I grew so much taller

>>40691514
I'm sorry to hear, it sucks your friends didn't drop her considering how much of an asshole she was to you, but I guess if you also were in love with her, it didn't help

>>40689965 (OP)
>>40689965 (OP)
>Kinda realized I was probably bi and maybe had some gender shit going on at 13/14
>goth girl named Kelly said I would make a cute girl
>immediately atart wearing my bobcut in pigtails
>Saw an ex I was still friends with start transitioning and inject E around 21/22
>22 twink death social and physical dysphoria went out of control and I became miserable
> instead of going on hormones I said id wait a few years and see if the feelings were still there
>rotting corpse from 22-28
>get married to a bi girl at 28
>realize ive made a mistake immediately
>struggling with what to do
>offer to anull get turned down
>end up in a bad situation involving molly
>life blows up have to come out to everyone as bi and trans
> get on HRT at 31
>34 now happy mom and a wife, my biggest issue is not being out at work and Trump insanity

Pic related me, could have been worse

>>40689965 (OP)
I knew around 13. Briefly got sucked into anti sjw stuff but I found out after that. Started at 18

>>40693173
You're cute for what it's worth

>how did you discover you were trans? what was the breaking point?
according to my parents, i talked about wanting to be a girl when i was very young (like 5 or 6 years old), and i remember wearing makeup and crossdressing at times, but it wasnt until i was 13 that i discovered i was. there was no breaking point, though. i just accepted it applied to me after being opposed to the idea for a bit.
>how long did it take you before you went on hrt
repchad so not applicable

>>40689965 (OP)
If youre talking about a general feeling of being different, probably around 6 though I exhibited a lot of signs when I was even younger. I definitely knew something was wrong around 14/15, I was a late bloomer and still pretty effeminate compared to my peers even after puberty, but I still hated everything puberty did to me obviously -- voice, bone structure, and body hair in a few areas. Despite this I didn't know anything about trans people til I was like 17 when I met my ex ftm bf, and I didnt even know that you could take hormones until a year or two later. My first breaking point was at 19 when I ordered estrogen, where misinformation my ex had fed me about HRT (blood clots and whatnot that was more common with older pills) and my chud "friends" at the time dissuaded me from taking. I promptly shaved my head, threw out all of my stuff, threw away the estrogen, and went into the military to repress/hopefully die somehow. That ended up not working and I broke down at 23, realizing I was going to kill myself if I kept this up and I didnt want to put that burden on my family so I trooned and life got a lot better since then. It took me about 9 months to get HRT after that (desu I should have just diyed while I was waiting)

Thank you for reading my blog

when I was in 2nd I told my friend that I wanted to be a girl when I grow up
I’m 19 still pre hrt waiting for my diy(family took my planned parenthood e)

>>40693329
"i want to be a girl when i grow up" is also how i phrased it when i was little

>>40689965 (OP)
read a description of gender dysphoria on wikipedia when i was about to turn 20
2 years
i have autism

>>40693329
They just... took it? What did they do? Can you get a new one and hide it?

>>40693329
>>40693402
you can just go to planned parenthood and get estrogen?

I was always a sensitive kid, didn't fit it with boys preferred to play with girls nut wasn't allowed, attracted to men, huge depression starting at puberty, anorexia. lota of signs, unfortunately I didn't learn about transitioning until I was 23, it immediately made sense.

>>40693429
yeah, they ask you a few questions and might do blood tests but it's pretty quick if u can afford it

>>40689965 (OP)
discovered from google search on my first windows pc in 2002: "wanting to be a girl"; discovered trans people and immediately fully accepted that is me and it explained how i felt all my life but had no word for and too much fear to tell anyone; i never heard of anything like agp/hsts until i came to this board almost 20 years later

there was no breaking point; i wanted to transition right away but my mother wouldnt help me start hrt; then my family collapsed and i had to drop out of hs and my 20s were wasted in povert under my ever more abusive mother; then in 2014/15 just when i started looking for work again as the economy improved and i had a chance to start hrt even without work; i got very ill with my bowel disease and spent the next 5 years fighting for my life through many $250,000+ hospitalizations and then in 2018 fractured my spine from osteoporosis caused by the medications i was given

in 2020 i finally recovered enough from that and my bowel issues somewhat stabilized and became predictable and manageable even with no actual treatment for it outside of my pain medicine constipation side effect which was very helpful so i went #2 like 6-8x/day instead of 20

started hrt almost exactly 5 years ago; it would have been within the next week or so i believe

my birthday was about 2 weeks later; then another 2mo later on halloween eve my mom had a major stroke and was removed from my life

i had no family or irl friends; only my social life on pso2; and thats what saved my life

>>40689965 (OP)
> trashy tv program on tracheal shaves when I was 8 really sticks with me
> when I was around 12 I realized I was attracted to men.
> no contact with or representations of other queer moids other than my groomers, so I thought all gay people on some level wish they were women, which I picked up from South Park's Mr Garrison.
> knew a youngshit mtf, incredibly beautiful, figure u just have to be lucky and look like a girl to transition for real
> crossdressed for Halloween or as a "joke" anytime I could. Wore panties for Brazilian Skype groomer guy sometimes.
> bullied for being a flamer in school
> abusive alchy parents were cool with me being gay, but left me really poorly adjusted and hating myself
> went to college, hid my fagccent and crossdressing to be safe in the shared housing.
> never had any friends, other than a few guys and their girlfriends who I'd play vidya and get incredibly drunk with and be a lolcow autist for
> developed a bad drinking problem bc I only knew alchys
> stereotypical software job, covid happened, started dating guys. got really buff to make bf attracted to me, only just started growing facial hair, which made me incredibly dysphoric
> bf had mtf friend who just started transitioning, realized that I could just do that. start getting a ton of mtf tiktok content (still incredibly autistic and no sense of self)
> try hrt, feels good, come out really quick (embarrassing)
> guy leaves me, I get fired (unrelated to trooning out),
> decide I'm gonna blow my savings and kill myself.
> get drunk and scream for a year, jack off too much, unemployed, crossdressing sometimes (not on hrt)
> take a wellbutrin cause I need to clean my apartment b4 I kms
> decide I can just get a job or something, decide to troon out a few months later
> 1.5y hrt and only think about kms occasionally :)

>>40693827
Do you still masturbate a lot and get horny frequently?

>>40693862
No, and I don't miss it. I would always feel bad about it. I still get horny and masturbate sometimes, but now I primarily enjoy sex for the intimacy and feeling desirable.

>>40689965 (OP)
I thought about starting hrt when I was 19 but /pol/ told me it was a jewish plot to get rid of feminine guys so I avoided it like the plague and coped by buying an ungodly amount of skincare products. I still didn't like my appearance no matter what I did. Now I'm 22 and much happier since starting on bicalutamide.

Kinda not sure if I feel like I'm trans or not. I do want to have a big butt, and I like men. But I prefer playing as boys in games and I like the look of being a buff dude with a big plump butt. I think I might just simply dislike how I look.
I have no idea how gender dysphoria feels like, so it's hard to tell.

I guess realistically I've always known. I would play girl characters when i was little, and asked to wear girl clothes once (instantly shot down.) I was already being called gay in 2nd grade, and without knowing what it was knew it was "bad." Knew two trannys by freshman year in highschool, which kinda opened my eyes to the fact that it was real. I dont really know what specifically was the breaking point, but I realized i was a tranny, contemplated it, and realized transitioning would just ruin my life with everyone i cared about. Never taken hrt or told anyone.

>>40690032
not my place but you should delete pictures like this from your computer

>>40694583
I'm sorry anon, I hope you'll be able to one day, how old are you now?

>>40694627
19. Maybe one day I'll give in idk

>>40694625
leddit is down that way

I suspected something was up when I was like 14 but I had heard some choice things about trannies so I really didn't want to entertain the possibility so I tried really hard to be masculine until I stopped giving a shit at 18. I wasn't effeminate as a kid or anything but I also have always tried hard not be since I was insecure about it.

>>40694771
still not really sure if I am a tranny or if I just picked up a crossdressing hobby that went way too far

>>40694812
Did you start HRT? What steps have you taken since?

>>40689965 (OP)
>How did you discover you were trans?
Sex ED class when I was 8 or 9, talking about puberty changes and what to expect (very surface level stuff) I instantly dreaded male puberty, and longed to continue growing as a girl instead
>What was the breaking point?
Realizing I was about to hit 30 without being happy with myself
>How long did it take before you went on HRT?
From the breaking point, like 3 months. From the moment I knew, almost 21 years

>>40694985
And how are you now?

>>40694845
I mean I kind of want to, just sort of wondering since that's a really big decision for something that felt so sudden.

Right now I guess I've just been dressed as a woman in private to practice basic fashion sense and such, I won't show myself to anyone like this until I figure out how to get rid of this fucking stubble and my hair grows a little more.

>>40695263
I'm doing mostly well, it was rocky at first, but I found my balance. I'm somewhat of a passoid (IRL, not online sadly... my voice sucks)
Even when I put zero effort (mess hair, no makeup, baggy hoodie and jeans) I still get ma'am'd everywhere I go, so I think I did pretty well
But I also wasn't very masculine at all to begin with, none of the men in my family were high T so I was very lucky genetically speaking

>>40695295
Considering you did it at almost 30 and still pass, you're a good case study for how it works at any age, not just before puberty

>>40693402
well they found out through cvs notification I’m scared to go back to planned parenthood like I can’t afford college and I need it to be financially independent idk I’m just very scared of them finding out it would be bad

>>40695294
It also motivated me to get my drivers license and work so I have money and transport for gender stuff, honestly to everyone else I just became a highly functional and good looking person for apparently no reason over the course of like a month while I was in femboy hell which is kind of funny

>>40695314
Okay, so first of all, how did they get find out about it? What did the notification say? first work on fixing whatever made them see it in the first place, so they don't anymore. Second you gotta go back to PP and ask for it again, but this time you keep it in a bag, or somewhere they won't look, even if it means you keep it with yourself so they don't find it. That or you can just get it right before you go to college, and leave with it if you live in the dorms? That way they don't have access to it

>>40689965 (OP)
I don't really know "how" to be honest. It was one of those things that was always in the back of my mind from childhood until now (I'm 27). When I was younger and didn't actually know what a trans person was, I kinda just thought it was a weird "haha wouldn't it be cool if I was a girl?" thing that only I thought, and once I learned what trans people were as a teenager, I did a lot of repression and sunk into some pretty deep holes of self-hatred. Not on HRT, not even out to anyone who knows me or who I am IRL. Every time the dysphoria comes back I just wish I'd come to terms with it earlier and come around roughly around the time I was graduating high school. I know if I came out now, my friends and (most of) my family would be supportive, but I also work a blue-collar manual labor job and the comments I've heard from some of my cis coworkers really has me thinking it's unsafe to come out, even though I wouldn't be the only out trans person in the union

>>40689965 (OP)
Since start of puberty
22 years
A few months and I started HRT, 4 months on it now.

>>40689965 (OP)
when i was 16 i went on r/transpassing or whatever it's called, my psyche broke instantly at thought that i could actually be a woman if i wanted too. i spent the next 9 months trying to sort out and figure out how i felt and then started hrt at 17
t. 2.5 years hrt

realised i was trans at 14 or 15. bought diy hrt when i was 15. got caught. bought it again. got caught. bought it again. sent it to a friends house, they got caught. spent 6 months institutionalised in a psychiatric hospital. get told i can never be given estrogen and i'm not allowed to try and socially transition. get released, the pandemic starts, 4 years disappear, start hrt at age 21.

t. 8 months on hrt

>>40698480
sorry you went through that anon

>>40689965 (OP)
For hrt the first breaking point was feeling my beard hair growing in and sleeping a few days away because I couldn’t deal with it all, I detransed for a few years then the second breaking point was seeing how disgustingly masculine I had become when I tried to do my old makeup routine

As for being trans I don’t know, haven’t properly dealt with that yet

I was around 10, but it was a progressive experience. And my mind just decided that it prefered being identified as male.

>>40696904
I'd give you a hug and call you a cute girl IRL anon

>>40698865
Did you start HRT again then? Since you said you detransed

>>40689965 (OP)
>How did you discover you were trans?
I fell down an inverse right wing pipeline from sargon and friends to blaire white to more normal trans women talking about their experiences. I started remembering consciously choosing to repress because I didn't know I had option other than crossdressing and looking stupid, being jealous of girls my entire childhood, how my mum drilled misogyny into my head at every chance
>What was the breaking point?
Discovering I could diy
>How long did it take before you went on HRT?
A couple of months, just long enough to go through the formal route. I have a letter of diagnosis from a psychologist and everything. My mum found out about it when I was on 25mg spiro and 2mg e and thought it completely changed my personality so she tried her best to stop me, and now I have tons of new mental disorders I didn't at the time

>>40699434
You do because she tried to stop you? What'd she do? And how old were you vs now?

>>40699308
Yeah I’ve been on about a year now, feels good except for the uncertainty of how this is going to play out. I’ve think sometimes people know but they’re nice enough to not mention it

>>40699481
Do you still boymode then?

>>40699512
I mostly present male but at this point I’m so done with being ashamed that I don’t always wear clothes loose enough to hide my breasts.

>>40699481
I know it doesn’t make sense btw im confused with you

>>40689965 (OP)
i hated being a boy and wished that I was trans all through childhood, but I assumed you could only be that if you asked your parents to trans you at age 3 or something. Spent my teenage years extremely dissociated, then at age 17 I found out that transitioning later than as a small tiny child was possible and then immediately came out. I'm 26 now and haven't regretted it.

>>40699562
nah it makes sense, you're on HRT and you might pass a bit but you don't make any particularly big moves to hide it? If you say people "notice" then that means you don't wear loose clothes? Either way I'm happy you're on E and enjoying it and feeling better, you deserve it

>>40699576
When did you start HRT then? When you decided to go through with it at 17?

>>40699590
I'm in a very gatekeepy country, so I got to the gender clinic at 18 (school nurse didn't want to send me to the kids side of the gender clinic system at age 17 because, i quote, "they don't do anything there"), and then took two years to get through the process (even when it went literally as smoothly as it can go) and got HRT around the time I turned 20.

>>40689965 (OP)
>How did you discover you were trans?
I wrote a list of reasons I thought I might be trans after reading the diagnostic criteria.
>What was the breaking point?
There was no real breaking point. It was a slow process of self-examination and acceptance.
>How long did it take before you went on HRT?
Estrogenic herbs - three months
Prescribed estrogen - six months

>>40699610
I'm still sorry it took this long, but I'm glad you got there, would you say you pass? How do you live your life? And have you decided on bottom surgery or not? I dunno how you're supposed to "announce" your bits when you try to date

>>40699623
>would you say you pass?
yeah I would at this point, ppl don't seem to clock me most of the time even when I make it obvious. I had this incident where I was drunk with some friends and scrolling through my camera roll, came across a pretrans photo and a friend's girlfriend who i don't really know that well saw it and went "omg I had a butch phase too" seemingly oblivious to me being trans. I've talked with some coworkers about this too when drinking at work social events and they've been like nah i didn't figure it out until you mentioned it.
>How do you live your life?
I have a good friend group IRL, mostly nerdy uni graduates like me (though everyone else is cis) and we're a pretty stereotypical group of young people with careers and normal social lives. I work 9-5 in a well-paying job in the tech sector, and live with my fiancee. I have a good relationship with my parents, I drive a old piece of shit car because it's cheap, and hang out at bars and social events with my friends in the evenings. Which is to say, my life is very normal and boring-sounding, probably not much different than it would be if I was cis.
>And have you decided on bottom surgery or not?
Yeah I'm probably getting zero depth. I don't trust myself with full penile inversion SRS because I have ADHD and am generally terrible at taking care of things in the long term, so the risk of me fucking something up when it comes to caring for it is too big.
>I dunno how you're supposed to "announce" your bits when you try to date
My partner knew I was trans from the start because we were already good friends, I have no clue how I'd go about announcing it if I had to date now desu.

>>40699675
Wouldn't it still work since you have a fiancee to help you remember/take care of things? If you want something else than zero depth? Like you're not alone at it, if that's the only reason for you to choose than vs a "normal" inversion?

i knew since early childhood, ive always loved long hair, and watched girls movies. i used to wear the dresses and skirts of my mom and aunt in secret back then and got caught, this was when my dysphoria wasnt as bad. it became worse at 12, really bad, i came out to my parents at 12 demanding that i get help which they denied, they beat me up and threatened to kill me i was on the edge of getting a beating every day back in 2019 (when this happened). god i remember the car ride when my dad screamed at me in horror about me "BEING A TRANNY", threatening to kill me for the "honor of our family (we're turkish)", when my mom outed me to him without me knowing it, without asking me. Not even teachers, psychologists or the principal were able to educate my parents. I wish I got on HRT earlier, i wish I knew what DIY was, what 4chan was, i wish i saved myself instead of repressing my early teens. (I started DIY at 16). Going through the wrong puberty (albeit slightly weakened due to overdosement on adhd meds for years due to my parents thinking that that makes me "more concentrated) was the most traumatizing thing ever

>>40699928
I dont know... i feel really scarred by what happened, i of course know that there's people with worse situations but i'm scarred by this. im afraid no amount of therapy is gonna help me, sorry if im overspilling, its just what i do when im in this spiral this is killing me there is not a single day going by where my mind is clear, where i dont have fears here (I still live with my parents,i'm 18). only the "i wish", "i regret", "what if". what if i was able to say FUCK YOU to my mother and start diy at 14, 13 for fuck sakes. ffs why did i rot on r/trans instead of searching for ways to actively make my situation BETTTERRRRR. I feel like i will never pass. My parents keep calling me a creature, an ogre, they refuse to even acknowledge me as a human being and call me a deformity literally every time they see me at home they have something to poke fun at. it really destroys my self image help i dont know why im writing this

>>40689965 (OP)
People who have trans because of genetics and not a fetish, have gender dysphoria when very young

>>40699947
You've actively made your situation better by starting DIY at 16, and you'll also generally feel better as things improve and you leave your parents, it's just rough when you're living with them and forced to pretend, because you know they don't accept you, but it'll get better

Hell, you also believe this, considering you did HRT. If you didn't you just would've killed yourself. But you didn't, because it gets better, and it will. You just gotta get away.