Thread 40691952

I hate to say it but I am 100% stereotypically AGP. I'm extremely masculine in every way, physical and mental. Like if you picture a stereotypical AGP creep, that's what I look and act like.
Starting from about 12 I watched/read every single piece of gender bender material I could find and started wanting to be a girl. Obviously I started masturbating to the idea too. I don't always do it, but 100% of the time if I self insert it's as a woman or a femboy. I even started doing autistic shit like praying (even though I've never been religious) and mentally correcting myself whenever I thought "I wish" in case the wish randomly came true and I wasted it on not becoming a girl.

All that said, if I were hot I honestly would not care even a little bit. I don't even want to be a woman anymore. I would rather just be a hot femboy. But I'm not. I'm old, ugly, I still hate my body, have no friends, and have never even held hands with someone.
I don't know what to do.

>>40691952 (OP)
take your pills alice

>>40691959
I tried a couple years ago but it made me cry uncontrollably for hours every day, then I stopped because I was afraid of growing boobs.

>>40691952 (OP)
how old are you?

>>40691975
>it made me cry uncontrollably for hours every day
Ok U cant handle being a woman lowkey

>>40691988
24

>>40691994
this happens to all of us who start e. it goes away after you get used to it

>>40692012
take your pills

idk, i just took estrogen and its kinda nice still

>>40691952 (OP)
Yep anon I too am a disgusting agp stereotype only I couldn't even do the femboy thing. I'm a monster. Once I knew what I was it tormented me until I tried HRT before I killed myself. That was five years ago and I'm socially transitioned now and have had FFS
This isn't a success story or anything just offering a narrative. Though I'm happier with myself than I was before, I hide my true nature from the world and, someday, I will die alone.

>>40692490
In all honesty what is so wrong and horrible and inexcusable about being agp? So you are sexually aroused at the thought of yourself as a woman. And maybe the way you view women is demeaning in these fantasies, or the implications. But really its not like youre out spreading this view and being horrible andrew tate types. So like why does it matter if you want to be submissive and conflate that with being a woman and thay makes you hard? You arent hurting anyone

>>40692636
There's nothing demeaning about being a woman, nor is there anything demeaning about being sexually submissive. Also, I am not in any way "conflating" being sexually submissive with being a woman. But the fantasy of being a woman when I am not one feels very wrong. Even when I was 12 I knew it was wrong and that that wasn't how the sexuality of normal people worked. At the time I thought it was just low self-esteem or a self-loathing taken too far, but it never went away.
Being somehow mentally incapable of viewing yourself as the sex your eyes and body show you to be is very wrong on a biological level.