Thread 40698301

https://unsee cc/album#JwJ5h3m4cFfK

I'm 2.6 years into my hormones, 145 lbs (actual weight), 5'9"-5'10" (176-177cm) tall.

After 2 years of hormones I weighed 180 lbs, and I was gaining weight in my stomach, neck (buffalo hump), shoulders, back, etc. (I checked my cortisol and it's ok, just disastrous genetics).

(3 first pic before/after was 2yhrt vs 2,6y with loosing weight).

I've lost quite a bit of weight in those areas (but also my breasts and thighs). I've currently taken a break from losing weight because I've had very serious physical and psychological problems because of it.

I'm hesitant to continue losing more because in some photos I look really overweight, like in the fifth photo.

What do you think? What should I do? I'm still boymode because I can't stand my shoulders. Most men my height have a slimmer body type, so I'm not sure.

Thank you very much.

ps : Also, I feel like I'm too thin sometimes, and too fat other times. It shows in photos where I look thin or fat.

All it takes is for me to be bloated after a big meal for my rib cage to double in width in profile.

That's why I'll need objective advice.

Bad unsee link, here to good :

https://unsee cc/album#EDz2EO1HvK2h

Sorry

>>40698301 (OP)
You already posted this earlier and i said “i would say lose weight and exercise”

>>40698358
Yes thank's ( i was sleeping, thread archived) sorry.

So, you think i need how much lbs ?

I do bike everyday (2 hour) and back muscle strengthening.

>>40698366
And, Since I increased my calories to maintain my weight, I've been gaining muscle in my thighs and arms, which I've never had in my life, so it worries me a little. (I have to if I want to improve my posture, I don't know why.)
Also, I've gained muscle in my chest very quickly, so I'm guessing it's water retention.

>>40698366
Like 140-135 is probably best have a balanced diet which i assume you do

>>40698496
Yes, I try, but even with a slight calorie deficit, full of protein and nutrients, I have a lot of bad side effects (anemia, poor blood circulation, my chest becomes dry and the nipples have a lot of dried pieces of skin as if it were "clogged"), so I do a big calorie deficit.

What do you think I can achieve by going to this weight? I would like to finish losing back fat and a little belly fat, but my goal is to gain fat back in the thighs, buttocks, and hips.

>>40698514
In fact, my breasts have become so dry that after 6 months of weight loss, half of my nipples have brown lumps on them, which fall off as the days go by when I stop the deficit... (I drink 4 liters of water per day and take food supplements).

>>40698514
You could hop on progesterone and check up with a doctor before you lose any weight since your health isn’t very good it seems you could just gain like 10 pounds and see how that sticks to your body

>>40698526
I think you should talk to your doctor

>>40698532

Well, I'm on progesterone.

Again, my breasts returned quickly, but they haven't developed since the six months I started this calorie deficit.

Yet, I've gained muscle.

>>40698539
Doctors keep repeating "eat a balanced diet" without understanding.

I don't have a calorie deficit in the summer because, with the fatigue and the heat, I sleep even less well, and it triggers dermatographic hives (the blood test shows no deficiency).

I feel like my body only feels good when I eat 4,000 calories a day with really fatty foods... (I wake up happy in the morning, I don't have ADHD issues, my sense of smell and libido return, etc.).

>>40698545
It sounds like your body is reacting badly to the deficit maybe you should gain weight like 5-10 pounds or so and see what that does

>>40698560
What is your deficit nona

My main goal is really to reduce my back and shoulders. I've accepted my body, but these two things make me hesitant to detransition because I've suffered from them so much since I was 16. Before I was 16, I was rachitic but not dysphoric.

So, what's possible and what's not? I don't know.

Losing weight helped me a lot with that, so I feel like I look like someone who swims or has a big bone structure.

>>40698565
Well I was at 132 lbs 3 weeks ago, then I ate a lot every day to see how the weight stabilized with a big caloric surplus, and it went back up to 145-147 lbs without going up any more, I regained a lot of water, lost a lot of problems, and my chest is recovering little by little (there are still pieces of dried skin on the nipples, and brown spots that are falling little by little). But I still have fat under my chin, and I estimate that I still have 15-20 lbs to lose I think


>>40698571
A calorie deficit of 300.

But no matter the deficit, I have the same problems, even at 100.

I know it's theoretically healthy because I haven't lost any muscle. On the contrary, when it's healthy, I see my back straighten daily with the exercises. Otherwise, if it's too much, there's no progress.

>>40698609
Well what do you think you should do

>>40698636
I'm thinking of losing another 15-20 lbs, but I don't have much time for breast growth, and I'm really torn on this decision; I don't really know what to do.

I'm torn between wanting to be borderline anorexic to see my true bone structure, and wanting to be fat (I easily am) with a feminine curve.

>>40698732
Maybe gain weight but cut out processed food since i assume you have issues with that

>>40698797
How can you see that ?

But yes, I think I'll take a "break" until September, and then I'll start losing weight again.

But it's going to be very hard psychologically to lose my breasts again, and above all, I'm afraid I've damaged my growth; I've been losing weight for seven or eight months.

>>40698812
Well you told me you want to eat as much as 4000 calories with really fatty foods i can only assume that a big part of that is processed food

>>40698834
Yes, because when I eat too much, especially in the evening, I feel better physically, my chest hurts just after and during the night (and it makes it swollen).

>>40698877
That sounds horrible well i think you should still lose weight even if no tits

>>40698998
Thank's. You think it will help how ?

>>40699409
(need to gaslight myself for making final loosing weight)

>>40698488
You look like you're dying. Please don't

>>40699527

At 1.76m my feet are tiny, my hands smaller than men's when I compare them with them, everything. But my build is disproportionate, nature has screwed me strangely.

Any more advice ?

Both of the unsee links are dead.
Are these you OP?
>>40698488
>>40698590
>>40699553

>>40700735
Sorry :

https://unsee cc/album#xhRnUYZgmqcn

>>40700820
:(

>>40700820
You're looking great, I wouldn't worry about your weight at all! You're in a good range to have some some natural fluctuation of a few pounds and still look 10/10. I don't think you look overweight in any of the photos, even when you're at your largest. When you've been very slim, and you see old photos, you end up feeling "fat", even tho you're not.

Can I ask what you did you lose weight?

>>40701391
Thank's.

Was 180lbs november 2024, 145 lbs now with full food/water.

But, if I want to tone down my build and shoulder width superior to cis men of my height and in the majority (no brainworm), I must either be very thin/anorexic, or have enough fat well distributed, so I don't know. I want to get out of boymode

>>40701403
This is my back at 16. Now that I've almost straightened it, I wish it was as thin as it was then; I looked less masculine than I do now.

>>40701437
You can never go back.
Only look forward.

>>40701454
Why? Do you think there was bone growth between the ages of 16 and 30?

>>40701470
No, I mean if you keep going
>siiiigh, I wish I was 15 years younger :(
for your entire life, you'll always be unhappy.

You look fantastic in your current pics.
Stop comparing yourself to something you'll never have again (being a teenager again).

>>40701483
Yes, I see what you mean. But I've accepted my whole body, my height, absolutely everything.

Except for my shoulder width and my back, I really can't. I hate them so much that I cured my hyperkyphosis with an hour of exercise every day for years, and one of the only solutions I can think of is to starve myself so that there's no longer any fat or muscle on it.
But I have a problem where my body image is stuck on my 14/15-year-old self, when I was anorexic, and I thought I was normal/not dysphoric.

Currently, even though everyone thinks I'm a woman outside, I'm stuck in my transition because I don't accept my body.

This is a photo of my back at 16 vs. my back now.

>>40701524
>even though everyone thinks I'm a woman outside, I'm stuck in my transition because I don't accept my body.
Then you need to accept your body. That's the real solution.
I know cis women with larger shoulders than you. You look great.
If you didn't look great, I'd tell you. But you look slim and amazing and I'm supremely jealous of your body.

>>40701524
Same at 16. That's what I consider a normal figure so as not to be self-conscious, and that's the whole problem.

And yet, I already had kyphosis at the time and forward shoulders, which I've managed to almost completely correct now.

>>40701548
You're really kind.

But I don't see how I can accept this. I'm literally consumed by insecurities and dysphoria because of this part. It's the only part that hasn't changed, and I can't accept it even if I try to.

Every time I go outside, I see all the men with smaller builds than me, and I get depressed every time, even though the transition makes me look like a woman on the outside.

I don't even dare buy women's clothes anymore because most of them don't fit me (t-shirts, etc.) because of my build, and every time I end up having an eating disorder because of it.

I'm having trouble finding solutions.

And pic about before and after postural correct ( not finished)

>>40701602
Can I ask where you're based anon?

Like I said, I know many women with shoulders bigger than yours. Their solution? Most of them buy men's T-shirts and women's everything else, or you go to a specialist store for "big and tall" girls, which large shoulders normally gets (imo) mislabeled as. You can be small and thin with broad shoulders, everyone's build differently.

I wish I could do something to make you see how good you look.

>>40701654

I live in a big city in France.

But, yes, there are women with broad shoulders, but I've never seen any my size. And like I said, I've really been comparing myself to men for the past ten years, and I'm depressed, seeing as 90% of them are smaller than me.

Really, I lost a lot of weight just because I couldn't stand seeing men skinnier than me anymore. I think it's unhealthy, but I don't know how to do anything about it.

>>40701681

And so, I always boymode, because I tell myself that everyone will find my build/shoulder width ridiculous.

Yet, I don't have any brainworms on my face, the rest of my body, or my height.

Going out in a simple women's T-shirt is unthinkable for me.

>>40701681
>I think it's unhealthy, but I don't know how to do anything about it.
Sounds like you're starting to do something about it. Realising you are being unhealthy, and admitting it, means you are on the path to being healthy again.

When you're depressed, you don't make rational decisions. I can say that from experience.

And for the record, you look REALLY hot here.
>>40701602

>>40701742
That's kind, but there's still fat from when I was obese in this photo, and my shoulders/upper back aren't completely back in place yet, so my brain interprets that as "still some work to do before I have the hope of accepting that."

>>40701761
But you are currently depressed, so you aren't making rational decisions.
When you're depressed, you try and self-sabotage.

>>40701788
I don't think. I'm depressed only when i'm in deficit.

>>40701801
And above all, in fact when I see my reflection from a distance in a window or a mirror I look like a huge disproportionate square, but close up in fact it's fine I have no problems, that's mainly the problem.

>>40701801
I wish I could help you more anon, you seem really sweet and I know for a fact you have a really hot body.
If I could come over to France and give you a hug, I would.

>>40701813
Your realy kind.

>>40701824
So are you! Please try to worry less about your appearance, you look amazing!

>>40701824
>>40701847
Now kiss already!!

>>40701892
M-maybe when I visit France...

>>40699409
Sorry i was asleep so idk if you’ll see this but if im truly honest i don’t think you should lose weight anymore since it only causes you health problems and at some point you gotta weigh the consequences of losing this weight and see where you stand after i only really said lose weight since that’s what you wanted to hear