Thread 40703590

do you hit yourself when extremely upset? I know it's malebrained, but I usually hit myself out of frustration or sadness.

I just got done with bruising my thigh because I look like an ugly fucking moid.

I should hit myself until I can't move my fucking legs.

yeah i hit myself trying not to rn because i havent injected yet today might later tho

>>40703590 (OP)
Thats not malebrained you have severe autism

>>40703602
I'm trying not to either but the tears keep coming and I'm so angry.

>>40703604
whether I have autism or not doesn't really matter to me anymore. There's no cure or treatment for it, so I'm not going to bother getting a diagnosis.

>>40703630
> tears keep coming and I'm so angry.
yeah :/ its unhealthy but i hate myself so much and paradoxically it feels wrong to hit anything else. like i dont want to be a violent moid crashing out and putting holes in doors and dry wall so i hit myself and visualize breaking my femur

>>40703590 (OP)
yes I love punching myself in the stomach as hard as I can as punishment for being an ugly perverted moid. laying there after barely able to breathe from the pain is how I know I did a good job.
>I know it's malebrained
is it really? :(

>>40703590 (OP)
i used to give myself black eyes pre hrt, now i mostly just cut

im not mtf but i break shit by throwing it at my wall and whenever i make too many mistakes i start hitting my temples with a closed fist. the logic in the moment is "if you can't consistently do simple things, if you make trivial mistakes like this, it's confirmation that you are genetically inferior and you deserve to be published and injured and abused. no one has any use for people like you." i've been doing this since i was a kid.
idk if im autistic but my mom used to berate me for doing things too slowly as a kid and sometimes she would take me for car rides where she would suddenly get very angry and then she would drive the car in an intentionally dangerous way, swerving, accelerating, and she'd yell inside the car at me with the windows closed: "wanna die? do you wanna die?" and all i did was clutch the sides of the car cushion and stare straight ahead.

when i was 4 she showed up outside of my daycare where my dad was picking me up and she beat my dad bloody with a wooden baseball bat and i could see my dad's blood on the pavement and they were fighting and i just stood there crying that was the most alone i've ever felt on earth. then the police pulled up and i saw my dad stare into my eyes as he was shoved into the police car

my mom never apologized. ive had suicidally low self esteem throughout my life and i hit myself and break things often because i seem to be a useless person

>>40703680
my god, I want to hug you. I'm sorry you had to deal with that at such a young age. you didn't deserve that.

>>40703709
thank you.

>>40703680
thats fucked you did deserve better than that