Thread 40715232

I have fights with the people I love and block them/remove them because I'm too afraid they'll leave me or that I'm being annoying towards them
I don't want to annoy them so I leave them

I don't know what they think of me but I'm so isolated right now not that that's anything new
I feel guilty and I have panic attacks 20-40 times a day where all my muscles clench up and tighten and I stop being able to breathe
I cry but only for 2-3 seconds before the tears stop and my head becomes empty no thought or emotion

Try therapy and meds it sounds dumb but works

>>40715232 (OP)
you probably socially isolate yourself irl too, a genuinely very easy way to make your life easier is to just go outside more and get exercise and talk to ppl you dont necessarily want to

>>40715232 (OP)
what happened this most recent time anon? i relate a lot to you, especially the afraid of leaving part

You need a goal. A job, a craft, a general life direction. You lack it. Without anything to ground you, you will be unable to gain emotional stability and maintain healthy relationships. Anything. I don't care what it is. Just pick a thing and do it. It will help you lots.

I go on months at a time without human contact
I once went on for two months straight in my room with the door closed and light turned on when I sleep and off when I wake up
I lost a lot of weight in those two months and I don't think my psyche ever repaired itself after that
I'm in my early 20s, I live alone and I read about brain and neural plasticity and how isolation can irreversibly change you as a living being

I don't know why I am writing this maybe I'll hear someone else's opinion on this or someone who went through something similar

>>40715259
I locked myself in this self contained solitary confinement
Blackout windows and a bright white neon light
I turn it on when I get sleepy and turn it off when I wake up
I don't really sleep anymore
The 6 months prior to these two months I was living in another place that is not very safe and I my place broken into multiple times I had the biggest fight or flight rush ever and my heartbeat has never been the same ever since

The only rest I get is when I drink or take SSRIs otherwise it's constant fight or fight and

>>40715258
They get creeped out and weirded by me

They remove me from their social circles or straight up block me
It's not a one off case it's everyone
I'm genuinely surprised by how repulsive I am I don't understand why this is happening but there must be something wrong with me for it to keep happening

Maybe I'm meant to be like this

>>40715265
Maybe I need a job in which I am isolated for long periods of time, a job that would he mentally straining

I feel like a narcissist from these posts very self centered and utterly psycho.

I know what normal is

bitches will write this shit before they start a conversation