Thread 40735410

/adv/ is a useless board i want to die so badly but i can't die and self-harm isn't helping anymore what can i do that will scratch some kind of suicidal itch i need catharsis
this is relevant because i'm a tranny and i'm disgusting

sometimes you forget and then you wake up and its been 3 years. thats whats getting me by

>>40735427
this just happened to me over the last two years. what do i do in the interim

>>40735444
forget again and hope you enter another period of derealizational bliss. on the real tho im sorry you feel this way. i hope it gets better but hope is so expensive these days. but yeh ftmp i just hella disassociate. i barely remember the last 6 years of my life. sorry this life chose you anon. being a tranny is torture, but there can be happiness, ive seen it happen.

>>40735478
it's like you're in my head. thank you nona.
i wish i had greater control over my brain, though. i don't know how to just force myself back into that state everything i have felt or not felt in my life has been involuntary

>>40735410 (OP)
why do you want to die anon?
>self-harm isn't helping anymore
iktf, its one of the biggest reasons why i stopped

>>40735562
in a word i am exhausted
in a lot of words everything is so hard. waking up is hard. eating is hard. going out is hard. feeling okay about how i look is hard, if not borderline impossible. talking to people is hard, even my family, with whom i live. doing things i enjoy is hard, and sometimes harder than things i don't enjoy. i feel like every move i make is wrong and every thought i have just makes me sadder. et cetera
i just want to be able to relax and go to sleep and not have to wake up again afterwards but i can't for my family and i know that is illogical because once i die they don't exist and it's not my problem but i know they're still going to be here fucked up probably forever
>i stopped
have you found somthing to replace it

When I feel bad I take a ride on my bike around dangerous roads, the scenery is gorgeous and reminds me the beauty of life, and the cars and trucks passing by pumps adrenaline up my head scratching that itch.
I don't have much going on in my life, it's been like this for years and at some points I felt I was stuck and had no reason to continue but then I realized continuing is what makes it all worth it, waking up, feeling the sun, gazing at the stars, admiring the majesty of trees, it all fills my heart with joy.

>>40736162
this is the sort of thing i needed, i think, that would give me some kind of rush. thank you anon. i haven't ridden my bike in forever, anyways, and i have been thinking about it a lot lately.

>>40735410 (OP)
i been into climbing tall things and doing artistic vandalism lately when i wanna kms (all the time)

>>40738843
maybe i'll ask my brother if he'd like to go hiking tomorrow and climb some trees; combine your answer and the anon's above. climbing stuff is another thing i haven't done in forever