Thread 40744249

Let's lay it all bare here:
How many experimented with your queerness with siblings/cousins growing up?

>>40744249 (OP)
i did and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. it is the primary reason i am suicidal at this point. i can't even apologize for it (we were around the same age but i initiated. i am entirely to blame) because i don't want to bring it back up and remind them. i know i can't be the only one who thinks about it, being realistic, but we were pretty young, so it still feels like a gamble. it will be my biggest regret, when i do kill myself, that i will not have apologized.

>>40745610
:( maybe apologize to your sibling and don't kys if that could help

>>40745749
i would like nothing more, believe me. but on the off-chance that he somehow doesn't think about it or maybe, i can only hope, doesn't even remember, i don't want to put that back in his brain. he doesn't deserve that. the fact that he doesn't seem to hate me today gives me some minor solace, but i'm older, so it could just be undue deference.
i love him so much it hurts and i don't want to do anything at this point that might cause him to feel half the pain i do

i don't know. the fact that it would be a load off my own chest feels selfish if it's just to apologize for something that doesn't seem to affect him. it was almost fifteen years ago. is that misguided? am i wrong? please tell me i'm wrong

>>40745896
Hm if you're getting along well together these days why not just tell him you're sorry if you ever hurt him and that he can come to you anytime he wants to talk about something.
If it bothers him he'll get the message I think. I don't think you're selfish for wanting to apologize.

>>40746247
i said something similar to him a few days ago although it was a little more vague. that i wanted him to tell me if i ever do anything wrong and that i worry often because i thought i had already ruined things a long time ago. not in those exact words, but pretty much.
i don't want to bombard him or make him feel pressured so maybe i will wait a while before saying something again. but i will say this. thank you anon

>>40745610
what kind of stuff did you do together?

>>40746693
barely anything. but it's not my place to say what "anything" is to him, and it's still terrible. in any case i'm not talking about it.

>>40746986
more than or less than kissing? don't worry, we're all anonymous here.

>>40744249 (OP)
If I grew up in a safe space to experiment, then I wouldn't have waited until 35 to troon out. No, I didn't experiment, I specifically repressed any and all tranny thoughts to avoid tranny hate (as a kid) and then as an adult so that I could try to build a fucking life I can actually survive in financially. It wasn't until my 30s I actually had some stability and safety to do that kind of thing.

>>40747500
No I meant doing incest shit

>>40746986
was it blowjobs

>>40744249 (OP)
me and my cousin used to jack off together, and we experimented with kissing. we were both around the same age at the time.

>>40744249 (OP)
I watched my cousin pee herself on purpose before. I think she pretended to do it on accident but I looked up her dress / skirt when she did it cause I never seen a girl go pee before. She did that when she when we were still in grade school. Last I heard she was doing onlyfans. That's the extent of anything incestuous related I did. I dont hold any feeling towards her. She went through a total bitch phase that last year she did in high school and desu i'm still mad at her.

>>40748809
Would you start kissing him again if he made the advance today?

what i would give to do anything with him again, even just make out. i know he doesnt feel the same but i cant help think about him finally breaking and fucking my tranny guts out

>>40744249 (OP)
Cis femoid
My older brother let me raid his wardrobe for really masculine clothes like men's boxers, basketball jersey's, jeans.

>>40744249 (OP)
yeah alright fine i'll put my hand up. whatever

>>40749764
what did you do?

>>40748847
would you drink her piss

>>40749308
Did you smell them? were they worn?

>>40749806
They were from the hamper. Huge on me. Worn.

>>40744249 (OP)
>How many experimented with your queerness with siblings/cousins growing up?
I'm a single child, I had no siblings or brothers.

>>40749806
>what did you do?
i didn't "do" anything. i only went along with my cousin's behavior. in hindsight i feel like she was pretty hypersexual. i've wondered if maybe she got molested or something. but that's none of my business.

i have had this fantasy for a while of being violently raped, not because i'm into it or aroused by the idea but because i feel like i deserve it. and i'm starting to think, after reflecting on this thread, that this is why. the fantasy, which isn't very specific, entails something like being followed without my knowledge and then just suddenly hurt, really badly, in every imaginable way. raped and then beaten, maybe to death. at least enough to disable or disfigure me or both. i think that is the only thing that could truly make me feel better about any of this. i feel disgusting for even having these thoughts but it's not like i'm seeking this out. i just imagine it happening. i don't even think i would resist. maybe it wouldn't relieve anything. maybe it would just make me feel badly about another thing in my life. i dunno. maybe that is what i deserve, just feeling bad. so many things are making me think about this, lately, as if i don't already think about it constantly. maybe that is my karmic justice. i wish i could know.

>>40749960
okay then what did she "do" to you?

>>40749806
>would you drink her piss
Hell no!

>>40749852
were there piss/cum stains in his underwear?

>>40750604
which family member would you want to be raped by?

>>40752767
>which family member would you want to be raped by?
i'm not even talking about family anymore i know it's my fault because you made this thread with the express purpose of getting off to the responses posted herein but get off to something else dude i'm just vomiting my feelings

>>40754801
I'll just go down the list. Your dad? Your mom? Your older sibling? Your younger sibling? Your aunt? Your uncle? You cousins?

I’m not sure, nothing overtly sexual, but I always wanted to be more clingy with my 14 year older big sister. Wishing we could always kinda hug and stuff and have her comfort me, wondering if I’m even an incestuous degen at some points. Kinda took an abrupt end when my brother in law got angry at me once for giving her a kiss on the neck.