Thread 40789003

I fucking looked like this three years ago and I decided to detroon and repress god fucking damnit why was I such a fucking retard and listened to my therapist? Imagined if I had started HRT then and there, I could look so much better now, maybe even pass if I hadn't been such a fucking coward and repressed. Why did I have to choose to be a man I wish I could go back in time, I want to try again

https://youtu.be/BGn2oo-0Dqc?si=f27hjtqlL_HQXh3x

im so sorry anon, i did the same for a bit. repressing is never worth it

how old were you then? i'm so sorry :c

it took me ages to start hrt after i realised i was trans because of ocd....... it hurts me so fucking much. i wanted to take estrogen every day for years and my body got more and more disfigured

>>40789016
I feel so silly for saying this, but it’s really hard for me to cry, and just putting on my headphones and that song on blast well, it opened the floodgates, and that helped to release some of the angst finding this photo gave me, thank you anon.

>>40789003 (OP)
baby if you are talking about the face, there is nothing no sharp contour and lip liner cant fix. if you are talking about the body, you can style clothes and change your body shape. seriously you have so much potential, you know what you want so stop waiting around. even if you think you missed your chance, imagine yourself 10 years into the future realizing you could've still done something right now. at least try.

>>40789123
there's a lot sharp contouring and lip liner can't fix. like whether or not i look like a woman......

>>40789099
I was 19 then, I'm 22 now. I think it might be something similar to ocd for me too, or just overthinking to the point of not doing anything.

>>40789134
Please trust me, i've been doing makeup for years and 3 yrs ago got into cosplay, YES it can fix a lot. you can change so many of your features with the right makeup. plus, going on hrt would make your facial features more feminine. wouldn't that help?

>>40789003 (OP)
I've tried to save reppers before
They don't listen
Like it's so obvious but it's so hard for them
I know how hard it has to be to be trans especially when you'd lose family
But to deny yourself is ultimately dying, it's not sustainable
It really hurts but I know it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as they do
It all just really sucks

>>40789138

my ocd is like that so much. action paralysis. but for the hrt specifically, it was different... it was mostly fears about taking medication (any medication).

i actually got diy at 15, so from 15 to 21 it was 6 years of unnecessary pain.

here's me at 19 vs 21 when i started :c i didn't even look great at 19 but it's still so painful to look at the difference

>>40789123
I'm talking about the fact that well, you can tell I'm male in that pic, the ribcage are a dead give away, but overall I look..fine, good even. I like how I looked there, I don't like how I look now, I already look more masculine, my face isn’t completely different but it’s already more man-like. I just can't help but feel despair over what could've been had I just been more brave, but I guess you're right, if three years later I still feel the same, well, I need to do something about it, now. I don't even know where to start, but I need to at the very least try to figure it out.

https://voca.ro/1h3wLjfEDxaf

>>40789115
its my comfort song, play it almiost everyday and it makes me feel almost ok about all my regrets heres a cover i made real quick. i love it sm and i hope it plays over and over at my funeral. i can almost feel ok for 3 minutes a day becuase of it. such an amzing song :) i hope you can feel better one day. cry now myself i really hate what this world does to us its not fair :(

>>40789210
you start by taking estrogen immediately and out absolutely everything else second. your brain has years to work out your feelings, your body is on a timer.

make sure you're on a good dose and blockers too

>>40789210
1. You can't tell you're male in that picture, i thought you were ftm at first.
2. hrt and makeup will help the more man-like face
I think you are very brainwormed however I think it's very good that you know you have to do something about it! I'm cheering for you, you deserve to feel pretty like I know you are.

>>40789003 (OP)
>>40789138
welcome to hell retard, I wish I had gotten your chance
>t. repper who was irreversibly doomed since 15

>>40789138
Masculinization after 20 is almost all fat distribution and hair changes. Most permanent changes (i.e. bone changes) are complete by then.
Get on HRT if that’s you want to do. You’ll have to wait a while for fat redistribution to get you where you were, but trust me, you haven’t lost as much as you think you have.
At the very least get on dutasteride. At your age the main irreversible change you need to be looking out for is hair loss.

>>40789510
Not true, testosterone adds bone mass to your skull and a few other places until youre dead, its just joints that have fused so youre not getting elongation.

>>40789556
What you are describing is extremely minor.
The only notable changes are going to be in the mandible and supraorbital regions, but even that is very subtle.
Further, those aren’t completely irreversible bone changes. Those changes are related to bone remodeling in the overwhelming majority of cases, which means they are very like reversible via FFS.
I’d be surprised if OP even needed that though.

>>40789003 (OP)
Why did you rep?

>>40789186
So just get back on E

>>40789695
i am on E. i restarted at 21, same time the 2nd photo was taken

>>40789186
i see like zero difference apart from the fact that you look happy on the left and dead inside on the right lol i don't think your actual bone structure changed though. lighting like the one on the right can often make you look more masculine for the record, it's not really flattering.

>>40789186
>ITT: people look worse when they give thousand yard stares under shitty lighting.
You needed FFS before and after. Nothing changes desu.

>>40789726
she looks the same in both photos.
like no change at all outside of the hair.

>>40789186
:(

>>40789699
Give it time. I know you want it yesterday but it takes ages for the endocrine system to influence phenotype.

Easier said than done, I know, but ruminating won't help. Distract yourself whilst taking small steps towards your goal, learn skills that will aid your transition and one day you will forget you are even trans, but only if you take small steps now

>>40789003 (OP)
Good. Youngshits always do this and they deserve it for their smugness.

>>40789726
if nothing changed i guess i feel better in a lot of ways. my brain keeps on telling me i hit twinkdeath before i transitioned and it makes me feel sick

desu my face was fucked by 16/17, just a year after i was taken off diy, which was the fastest i could have restarted practically. so i blame my parents and the nhs

GET ON HRT NOW! you look totally cis in this pic

>>40789865
yep, most facial masculinisation happens in the late teens ime. 16/17 was about when my jaw and brow area got more masculine too. sorry to hear you were a victim of NHS incompetence, i'm not british but i'm nextdoor and our GIC (singular because there is one for the entire state of 5+ million people lol) is equally malicious and strings people along with false promises. you didn't hit twinkdeath though so don't worry. do be glad you got back on E when you did because a lot of men get another wave of masculinisation in their mid 20s, some guys i know got a lot more rugged looking around 25. you're gonna be fine so don't worry, just lock in and ignore the worms and what-ifs as much as you can.

>>40789951
it was worse than incompetence. i got taken off diy when i was institutionalised and the doctor said i was ROGD and had me like, blacklisted from getting hrt officially....... so i never even got to see the GIC here T_T

centralised GICs suck so fucking bad. every country just needs to let GPs prescribe estrogen like they can anywhere remotely sane (like Canada)

>>40789003 (OP)
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha