>>40835485 (OP)
I was bullied my entire life and then one day I said enough, I don't want my worthless genes to live on, I want every aspect of me to be completely obliterated when I die. So I removed my reproductive organs. Then years later I said oh God, I, I love myself, I've been so hard on myself, but I live myself and see the beauty of myself, I, I want to live, I want to have children and see parts of my self life into the future, like everyone else does, I want my self to live on because I'm not bad, there should be more of me, just like others make more of them, and then oh God I couldn't, I couldn't anymore, and I sobbed with my whole heart, oh God, please! Please! I don't want to die I don't want to be obliterated forever please God! But my cries of anguish, my screams to heaven as I laid in a fetal position rocking back and forth not eating for days just sobbing uncontrollably in the darkness for hours, but God did not hear my cries, and I accepted total darkness, and now I live as a wraith in darkness, watching those around me as though they were aliens I were observing from behind thick glass