Thread 40952966

I've never wanted to be a girl growing up
I've never felt acute discomfort from puberty
I've never hated being a boy and wanted to grow up as a man
I've felt pride in my masculine features. My deep voice, broad shoulders, and muscular build
I had no issues with intimacy and my genitals
Despite all of this, learning about hrt and the process of transitioning at 20 flipped a switch. A switch that's not mine
The intense envy I feel when I see women around my age is not real
The disgust I feel whenever I'm reminded of my grotesque appearance is not real
The utter despair I feel at imagining living as a man is not real
Crying in a fetal position over the fact that I'm a man is just me playing pretend
The abject horror I've felt when I've tried hrt and the effects started to show is enough proof that I'm just cis
I wish I were a woman to begin with, but I don't want my self to be a woman, and I hate being a man
I've never felt human. Always a facsimile, a skinwalker, a puppet, a living corpse

it doesn't get better nona

>>40952993
I was so foolish and naive to believe there was even the slightest hope. Thinking I'm was just my last scapegoat, before accepting I'm not human to begin with

>>40952966 (OP)
You're afraid of getting old and are attracted to the idea female neoteny.
It's not female you want. It's youth.
Moisturize. Take care of your skin.

>>40953103
Youth is nice and all, but aging doesn't scare me, if I'll somehow not rope until then. I'd hate to look like a child more than I'd hate looking like an old person

same, i just had really bad bdd and i liked being feminine and was jealous of some girls, but i never wanted to be a girl, i want to be me, but not turn into a hideous monster ogre.

>>40952966 (OP)
for me turning into an adult MAN was traumatic. being a teenager male was okay, not great but not the stuff of nightmares

The plight of a faketranny. Something a trutranny will never relate to

>>40953596
Trans people and hrt are a cognitohazard for the likes of us

>>40953290
This was the original reason I repped. I thought well I dont want to be a woman, I want to be a femboy twink, that means I want to be male. Lol. What a mistake, now im not even human. Can't be a man or a woman

>>40952966 (OP)
Have you considered gooning your clitty to sissy hypnos?

>>40952966 (OP)
I don't care, that's your own problem

>>40953596
imposters are the truly oppressed

>>40952966 (OP)
Not even trolling, have you tried antipsychotics? I kind of wonder if it being ego-dystonic means meds would actually help.

>>40953994
Most trannies are ego dystonic. Maybe OP is more trutrans than xe thought

That's dysphoria... sort of annoyed that it's instantly assumed to be related to gender, but it does exist in the generic form of unbelonging, even in your own skin. Ghastly stuff, that I've far too much experience with.

I don't agree that it doesn't get better. It can. Just, it can be pretty persistent. Ask for help, don't turn it down when it's offered.

>>40953994
I haven't, but I can't tell which part is the ego dystonic one anymore. I would always take being a woman over being a man, but I don't feel like my current self could ever be one, even by transitioning. It feels like I'm dooned to be a man

>>40954047
If it's not related to gender, how could transitioning help relieve the dysphoria in any way?
I've always felt a sense of unbelonging, to the point that my life doesn't feel like my own in any way shape or form. I'm basically an emotionless husk most of the time, and I can't see that ever changing

>>40954156
It doesn't help generic dysphoria. Shrinks used to keep an eye on gender dysphoria types to make sure it wasn't just general dysphoria with a temporary uptick from AGP that subsided and then relapsed, usually resulting in bad times. Not sure if they still do, and I'd not comment cause the implications are pretty horrible.

But that being said, in either case of dysphoria, there is still treatments for it and I strongly advise you seek them out.

As much as this antarctic ant farming forum might want to help, this is a job for a professional.

But being familiar as I am, I know there's peaks and valleys to this, so you can still come here and shoot the shit till the distress passes and you can get that professional help. Just, don't neglect it too long. It will help.

>>40952966 (OP)
>I've never hated being a boy and wanted to grow up as a man
>I've felt pride in my masculine features. My deep voice, broad shoulders, and muscular build
>I had no issues with intimacy and my genitals

>my grotesque appearance
uh

>>40954047
you misrepresent dysphoria because you don't have it and ignorant cis people didn't give enough of a fuck to gatekeep your kind. they considered it splitting hairs until backlash started springing up.

if you don't believe you're a woman from the start. no amount of wanting to be a woman will fix it. they want to be women because they identify as men. they feel envious if women because they identify as men.

a real tranny identifies as the sex opposite to their designation at birth. identifying as something isn't as simple as making a proclomation. there are behaviors that can be obseved and reflect your reality.

trenders will blow a gasket if you give them push back because their arguments crumble under duress.

do you need gender dysphoria to be transgender? technically no. to be a transsexual? yes. transgenderism is transvestism pushed to main stream levels of visible representation. that's why people liken it to drag queens or clothes rather than sexually dimorphic characteristics. they think make-up and an outfit is a gender. that's why they're transvestites and not transsexuals. they don't want to he some horse. they want to be unicorns.

>>40954311
Calm your tits there, Tex. If you read properly, you'd know I was referring to general dysphoria, not gender dysphoria. General dysphoria has nothing to do with gender or transition. The overlap between the two and why gender dysphoria is a type of dysphoria is the sense of wrongness. In general dysphoria, it's your entire existence feels wrong. Gender dysphoria is obviously more related to your gender identity. See? Different.

Obviously op has explained that they feel wrong in any gender and in general with their entire being. That's typically general dysphoria.

As for the gender dysphoria, I didn't really make an assumption either way, nor did I make any conclusions about genders dysphorias relationship to trans in totality. You basically just said a bunch of shit I didn't even disagree with.

Learn to read, jack ass.

>>40952966 (OP)
then... no, you know what nevermind whatever keep fucking ur life up lol whatever choice you take it will lead to to mental illness u wuz fucked up from the start. severely.

>>40954395
what page is general dysphoria on in the dsm-v?

oh

...

it's not in the dsm-v.

guess who can't read and just makes shit up? assholes like you that pink pill and groom young impressionable people.

>>40954428
Check the ICD-11 you moron. You done being defensive about your perception of an identity politic yet?

Though it's funny you think I'm someone that gives enough of a shit to piss on your self imposed tranny fences. I get it, you're annoyed, boo hoo autists shitting up my clique. Not everyone gives a fuck. Now take a breath before you pop a stitch sweetheart.

>>40954476
general dysphoria is also not in the icd-11

You started estrogen even though you never had dysphoria? Okay fine. Weird, but your choice.
Now you're wailing to us like we had a hand in it? Get the fuck out of here. No refunds. Maybe go meditate in the middle of a highway until you reach the breakthrough that you're the only one who fucked your life up.

>>40954491
it's because of asshole pink pillers that they got into some shit they shouldn't have. the same asshats that spread transvisibility as if they weren't forcibly outting trans people that were living happily. stealth is no longer viable in modernity.

>>40953048
>>40953278
You just want to be hot and get the social privilege/power that 10% of females get

>>40954489
Yes, it fucking is. Can you fuck off now, please?

>>40952966 (OP)
>I've never wanted to be a girl growing up
>I've never felt acute discomfort from puberty
>I've never hated being a boy and wanted to grow up as a man
>I've felt pride in my masculine features. My deep voice, broad shoulders, and muscular build
>I had no issues with intimacy and my genitals

this is me. but I also developed mild agp at a very early age 8-9. always knew I was a little different than most boys but still a boy. still like it when my masculiity is validated. just have a secret fem side too...nothing some panties cant help with.

>>40954491
I didn't start estrogen because of pinkpillers. I'm not blaming trans people for any of my own actions. If anything, I'm lamenting my faketrans status.
The reason I've decided to take hrt was because I wanted it's effects, and despite wanting them, I couldn't bear the consequences. I'm weak and pathetic, and this post was for humiliation purposes

>>40954548
I'd be too ugly for that. I did it in hopes I'll hate myself less and because I hate the idea of being a man

>>40954565
AGP doesn't make any sense to me. How can you feel good wearing anything made for a woman if you have the body of a man. Doing so would make me extremely miserable

>>40954565
that's not agp.
that's transvestism.
why? because you identify as male.

>>40954715
cant you have agp and not have dysphoria?

>>4095468
they identify as women. hence they see wearing women's clothes as being allowed to dress themselves.
imagine all your life you wanted to shop in the girl's section, but weren't allowed due to societal pressures. when they're allowed to, they're ecstatic. it can be dumb shit too. like maybe they finally like going swimming post op because they can wear a swim suit comfortably. the ones that are comfortable with their bulge? transvestites. they don't understand the deep shame or feeling of disfigurement that causes them to tuck in the first place.

>>40954683
>How can you feel good wearing anything made for a woman if you have the body of a man
for me, cuz im small and can sorta get away with it. pretty face, cute little ass that looks good in panties or so im told. I have never felt inclined to dress fully with wigs or even outer clothes- If I had to try that hard I wouldnt do it. but the validation and encouragement from others helps fuel the fire.

>>40954715
a lot of anons think blanchard invented transvestism, crossdressing, and all forms of gender-related fetishism
rather than trying to describe a small difference in clinical profiles of what was expected in the 80s

>>40954761
I'm technically also quite small and have a 0.75 whr, but I still feel disgusted trying to wear anything feminine simply because I still see a man in the mirror

>>40954734
that's called transvestism, not autogynephillia.

agp is a subsect of transsexualism, not transvestism. you can't be a transsexual if you don't get srs. plain and simple.

so where transgender encompasses transsexuals and transvestites, they are not the same.

transgender > transsexual > agp
transgender > transvestite > transvestic fetishism (what most of you think agp is, but it isn't)

agp's don't identify as men which is why they're the most likely group to get srs.
transvestites keep their male genitalia because they identify as men.


tv's (transvestites) think they're just like ts's (transsexuals), but because they don't pursue srs and admit to identifying with their sex as assigned at birth they are not the same psychologically.

agp is like i get off on having a vagina
transvestic fetishism is like i get off on wearing programmer socks while playing ff14

>>40954823
>I still see a man in the mirror
I dunno. I dont take it so seriously. I just see me in the mirror. cute little dude in panties. I have seen myself fucked by men in the mirror and its looks very much like a women. the thigh highs help lol

>>40954855
>>cute little dude in panties
you just gave it away. you identify as male.

>>40954824
define AGP

>>40954824
Differentiating between transsexualism and transvestism only makes you a bootlicker for the cissoids that want you dead to begin with

>>40954867
>you identify as male.
but I get off on looking and acting like a female. I dont feel very masculine when there is a penis in my mouth. I identify as a male cuz I am male. I am a fetishist but there is agp involved given that this is the definition for AGP:

"Autogynephilia is defined as the sexual arousal of a person with male anatomy to the thought or image of themselves as a woman"

>>40954979
do you pass
do you boymode
are you into men or women? what about trannies?
what is sex with men like?

>>40954868
an expression of autosexuality whereby arrousal is triggered by the image of the self as a gynomorph. therefore, during sex they seek to be worshipped (hence they'll have faceless partners in their fantasies as it isn't about the partner in the sense of who they are, but as an accessory to worshipping them). in standard male sexuality they seek to worship the madonna. hence guys'll develop paraphillias for weird things like feet or the smell of her ass crack. the focus on sex for gynephiles is the worship of the madonna. the focus of sex for an autogynephile is the worship of the self as the madonna.

gynomorphic is not clothes or make-up. those are transvestic. gynomorphic is having a vagina. characteristics of or belonging to those with a vagina.

>>40955041
>do you pass
doubtful but i've never really tried. I have cute baby face. females have always loved me cuz i was "cute".
>do you boymode
yes. im a chadlet on the street
>are you into men or women?
both. I adore women in everyway and men can be hot and fun to have sex with but no emotional attraction.
>trannies?
not so much.
>what is sex with men like?
Can be really awesome. hard describe. I def tap into another side of me. I feel no shame or humiliation in being the woman in that context. I am proud of my skills and charms and proud for acknowledging this part of me. but it is only part of me.

>>40955060
>an expression of autosexuality whereby arrousal is triggered by the image of the self as a gynomorph
so I do have agp.

>>40955295
that depends. wearing slip to feel more fem? tv. wearing a slip to hide your tummy fat? agp.

Blanchardianism is beyond retarded but I'm glad it exists. It lets me watch idiots argue pointlessly

My dysphoria is also not real

I hate being a man
I want to murder the stranger who looks at me in the mirror
I hate my masculinity
I hate my male role in society
I do not want the male role in a relationship
I hate looking like a man
I hate speaking like a man
I hate dressing like a man
I hate walking like a man
I hate smelling like a man

Still don't feel dysphoria

>>40955525
Your dysphoria is real and pretty severe as opposed to mine. Most of the time I can live just fine as a man, but there are the occasional flare-ups of it feeling horrible, especially when I'm reminded of how men age

>>40952966 (OP)
You might be stupid, perhaps even a bit dumb

>>40956389
That's a given and I've never claimed otherwise. Definitely also too idiotic to figure this out now. I mostly feel stuck between a rock and a hard place

>>40953596
IWNBATT (i will never be a trutranny)

bump

>>40952966 (OP)
What does it matter how you were as a child? Do you even feel like you're still the same person?

>>40952966 (OP)
honestly from repping and depression and body image issues and identity disturbance and stuff idek what i am

>>40959071
>Do you even feel like you're still the same person?
No. Never could identify with my past self. I know it was me, but it feels like a stranger.
>What does it matter how you were as a child?
Tbh, it has nothing to do with being trutrans, but much rather having the certainty that transitioning would be the right choice. If this desire manifested itself in my childhood, and not almost on a whim, then I'd be much more assured that this an immutable part of me

>>40959136
Real. I've wasted too much time trying to figure this out, only to return empty handed every single time

>>40959834
i genuinely have maybe 5-10 memories from before i was 12 years old so idk if these feelings even go back far into my childhood

i feel extreme disgust at the fact i have a male body and the fact im not a woman and never will be eats me up inside but i still dont know if its some meme social contagion i fell for or what

>>40960010
Almost all of the few memories I still have indicate I was just some regular guy, without any trans thoughts. There are some suspicious memories, but seeing them as signs I might've been trans borders on confabulation.
>if its some meme social contagion i fell for or what
It would be impossible for you to feel such intense distress if it all were just social contagion. You're a trutranny

>>40960449
i think i had vague tranny thoughts from like 14ish years old, wanting to be a girl and stuff
but i accidentally repped for years after that now im a lateshit

>>40954824
this is patently false, agp is a superset of most transsexuals *and* transvestites. have you even read blanchard, lawrence, or bailey?

>Blanchard (1991) formally distinguished four different types of autogynephilia in gender dysphoric males, although most of his patients demonstrated more than one type. The first type was transvestic autogynephilia, which denotes arousal to the act or fantasy of wearing women’s clothing. Persons in whom this type of autogynephilia predominates are referred to as cross-dressers, transvestites, or “persons with transvestic fetishism” (in DSM-IV-TR).
https://annelawrence.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Lawrence-2004-AGP-paraphilic-model-of-GID.pdf

>The term autogynephilia denotes a male's paraphilic tendency to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as a woman. This term subsumes transvestism as well as erotic ideas or situations in which women's garments per se play a small role or none at all.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1815090/

bump

I’m a cis male man but I keep injecting estrogen
It’s not even a fetish it’s nothing
A hobby
Ifgaf
Iwi never be anything but a corpse
I died in 2012
This is after credits

Learning about trooning out is a cognitohazard, I feel you brother.

The only way out is in.

>>40962411
Sane here. It just feels like I'm trying the most absurd things I can think of before my eventual suicide. I'm not doing anything out of the norm except transitioning though

>>40952966 (OP)
then stop
youa re a man
Stop this crap and go be a real man
I am 100% seriosu
Fucker you are ruining peoples lives you know that right?
Stop being evil and go live your life as the man you are

so many enbies itt...

>>40962675
Doing so will actually lead me to commit suicide.
I could put in the effort and live my best life as a man and it wouldn't matter. Being a man is inherently unfulfilling and nothing could ever change that.

>>40962733
What about it is unfulfilling?
how is pretending to be a woman fulfilling?
you are not trans or a woman
women who are trans or otherwise wouldnt write this crap

>>40962742
>What about it is unfulfilling?
Everything. I wish I could elaborate on it in a more unambiguous way, but this really is the best and only answer I can think of. I could win the lottery and meet my soulmate tomorrow and it wouldn't matter, because I am a man.
>how is pretending to be a woman fulfilling?
Not doing this. I'm pretending to be a human.
>you are not trans or a woman
>women who are trans or otherwise wouldnt write this crap
This much is obvious and it deeply unsettles me

>>40962778
Obviously you are just depressed lol

>>40962782
This is not a depression that can be addressed by simply getting life in order. I've done it and it hasn't helped. I was living a life most men can only envy. Had a girlfriend, plenty of friends, was studying at a university, had a stable income, worked out a lot, and I still felt utterly miserable and wantef none of it. There are no other reasons for me to be depressed except being a man

>>40962818
WOW you are the first documented case of chronic depression...yah dude

>>40962824
Why do you think this is just depression when I'm clearly stating that me being a man plays a role in this? I may not be trans nor a woman, but I definitely do hate being a man. There are no other reasons for me to be depressed

>>40962859
Yeah sure
I just dont think thats a real reason to begin with
You think yourself as male
so you arent anything else
and never was or will be
Idk the rest sounds regular depression to me
Just...idk stop what you are doing? It not helpful
Do something esle

>>40962869
>Just...idk stop what you are doing?
"You're sad? It's easy, just be happy!". Retard.
I've tried everything and nothing has worked. This has been my last resort and you're too dense to actually get it

>>40962895
Clearly though you aren't trans either or a woman?
Ergo?
Male
Take ssris and accept your depression is unfixable and you are genetic dead end

>>40962913
Posting this thread was worth it in the end. You've reminded me that there are people who are more pathetic than me. I'm actually motivated now to be my own maker, instead of listening to your inane essentialist ramblings.
My nature will always be malleable and defined by my desires, while you're whining in a prison of your own making

>>40962954
Im free you are not
die needing what you can never and will never have
you said it yourself
your entire issue isnt real

>>40952966 (OP)
>masculine features
>broad shoulders
>muscular build
Post photo, honey

>>40962973
I've seen your ramblings on /repgen/. You're not fooling anyone with this charade

>>40962988
oh well my point still stands you just refuse to listen
Seems like this whole thread was validation farming after all...

>>40962986
This was me at 16. It the only picture I have of my full body.
It was over before it even began

>>40963052
how did looking like this not make you insanely dysphoric?
Like legit suicidal?
lol faktroons are real morons

>>40963009
I need no validation. All of this is tearing me apart, and I just wanted to vent

>>40963062
That's exactly what I'm wondering. I have no memories of how I was feeling.
This picture fills me with immense discomfort now though

>>40963064
you dont need to be torn apart just accept you were always male and will always be and your life is ruined for other reasons than non existent dysphoria

>>40963078
memory manipulation is a classic
no you know exactly what you felt you just want to believe it isnt true
come on
you felt nice being like that back then
just stop obsessing over troon shit please man

>>40960830
does not compute. they're saying agp encompasses transvestism because they visualize themselves as the woman so it's still agp, except they don't. there may be an autosexual component to it or not. the fetishization of things like clothing does not necessarily mean they get off on wearing the clothes because it makes them feel like women. why? because in transvestism they don't identify as women. hence it's about the fashion or aesthetic more than surgical reconstruction to obtain gynomorphic features. so to say their fantasy is akin to a transsexual's is a misnomer. we see cultures like femboys in modernity where they identify as male and dress fem, right? that cannot be agp because the fantasy isn't being a woman. for them it's a fashion choice that may not have any sexual component to it. that was what feminism tried to push when saying girl's could wear pants or cut their hair short (wear traditionally masculine garb) without it making them another gender or otherwise invalidating their womanhood.

new information has come to fruition. how do you explain something like femboys within the dichotomy then? hsts? but they're not all strictly androphillic so that can't be true.

i'm not saying lawrence is full of shit. i'm just saying lawrence is a cock sucker. many of their viewpoints are slanted because of personal bias as a self-identified agp just as blanch's takes can come across bigotted as he's a cis researcher that may arbitrarily interject a cis normative viewpoint of the community as an outsider.

clothes don't have a gender. they're inanimate objects. the clothes do not make the emperor. the emperor can go out in their birthday suit and they'll still be respected as the emperor. meaning it's not the crown that makes the king.

mef, or male emasculinization fetishists will often engage in transvestism. their arrousal doesn't stem from being a woman. it stems from humiliation. hence transvestism isn't agp.

>>40963086
I know I was always male, but accepting it is genuine ropefuel. If I could, I simply would

>>40963103
it takes time
keep trying <3
I believe in you!

>>40963094
I'm not manipulating any memories. I genuinely lack them to begin with. The person I was just a couple of years back is a complete stranger to me.
>just stop obsessing over troon shit please man
Then what? Live a life I can't deem as my own?

>>40963141
>Then what? Live a life I can't deem as my own?
no do the opposite
actually find the real you
this isnt it
Why are you so resistant and contradictory?
you are clearly a man...

>>40963158
>this isnt it
What makes you so sure?
>Why are you so resistant and contradictory?
Because you've not said anything but "You're not trans." over and over again without any proper arguments that weren't circular in nature

>>40963190
real women dont think like you do
they are just women
they just transition and its fine and real to them
you are the one going against your apparent nature arguing WHY you should keep going

>>40963202
I've never felt like I had an intrinsic nature, so there's nothing I'm going against. I have mentioned it multiple times that I don't feel like a human to begin with, and I can't remember ever feeling any other way.

>>40963224
THATS DID AND DEPRESSION not dysphoria
hope this helps

>>40963236
Never heard of a case where did and depression cause someone to resent their birth sex

>>40963246
Im not gonna indulge in your ego anymore
goodbye

>>40963246
when society touts masculinity as toxic and shames men?
men are villainized. no wonder boys don't want to be men.
the same goes for girls. when society heralds pretty women and openly objectifies then? no every girl wants to be objectified

>>40963305
>when society touts masculinity as toxic and shames men?
This is how I immediately know you're chronically online. If you would ever leave your dirty room and engage with society at large, you'd immediately witness how men are basically worshipped for even the most insignificant things they do. No actual man would ever willingly throw that away

>>40963376
this undermines the experiences of incels. if what you say is true, there wouldn't be an incel community.
or how about male loneliness being epidemic?
males deemed sociall acceptable either by merit of aesthetics, charm, or power are certainly priveleged; but not all men are priveleged. that's why transgenderism typically attracts social outcasts or rejects.

>>40963456
Both incels and the male loneliness epidemic are just a result of men who are too lazy, pathetic, and lack any emotional intelligence. I've talked with so called "incels" irl, and I've never encountered more arrogant and pathetic people. It's all their own making.
Socializing with women as a man is easy af. The only requirement is being a decent human being

>>40952966 (OP)
You're just ugly. You're a 20 year old fat dude that doesn't take care of himself. You see a woman and think "that's hot, I'd like to be like that", thinking the "that" is woman instead of hot.
Join a gym, eat clean, hangout with bros, stop posting and lurking on fucking gay basket weaving forums and touch grass

>>40963599
Have you not seen the picture I posted of myself in this thread. I was so buff, I couldn't avoid making gay men horny. I was groped countless of times because of it