>>40967914 (OP)
You have to get over your internalized transphobia, and the easiest way to do that is by being intimate with another trans woman. Not a cis woman, not a cis dude, not an enbie, but a trans woman. You have to look into her eyes and truly love and respect her as a woman, even if you can't completely see *yourself* as one. You have to love and appreciate her body in it's entirety, including all the 'flaws' you would normally resent on your own. The hair, the stretch marks, the parts you consider too wide or too narrow, the smudges and scars. Seeing and adoring these things very concretely on someone you love, rather than abstracted in your own self image will finally help you be at peace with your body and yourself as a woman, and cast off whatever shakey notion of cis femininity you have internalized and learned to compare yourself to and foster resentment over.
Incidentally, you could also try being a little bitch bottom with your gf too, and have her play the toppy pursuer role for once in your relationship.