Thread 41023409

why not try transitioning if you have nothing to loose?

Only way I will be happy is if reincarnation is real. Just want to have husband and make him very happy have friends to talk to.

Maybe I should try hard drugs or smthng

im scared that my transition wont go well and will just lead me further down the suicidal rabbit hole

>>41023426
If you want a husband you can just be gay

>>41023426
btw reincarnation is 100% real as the evidence leads

>>41023409 (OP)
>false hope makes inevitable failure more painful
>honmoding is still being a man just much worse
>getting changes on hrt like conetits for moidreppers or hair & deep voice 4 femreppers but still not passing is worst of both worlds
I’m hrt repping but have no delusions I’ll ever be a woman, it doesn’t change much if anything

>>41023409 (OP)
I am 20 fucking dollars away from having enough money to buy hrt and even then I know I will make myself wait for a few more days from how nervous I'll get
I can't stand myself anymore
Transition won't magically convert me into anything. I want to peel all my skin off

>>41023437
Yeah ... me too. But I think at some point you need to decide what is best to minimize probability of committing suicide I guess.

>>41023479
I am sorry to hear that you are suffering. Sending virtual hugs is all I can do.

>>41023457
I am scared of starting hrt cuz im scared of not being able pass as neither male or female.

>>41023453
I fucking wish ...

>>41023447
I want to be a women. I want to be able to feel emotions and cry. I want to feel beautiful in my body. Have a husband, want to have a wedding.

I just to have an average life, nothing special.

like clockwork
>every fall i meet a tranny or two who transitioned well and had a mid-tier starting point
>this gives me hope and i start hrt again
>a few weeks to months later i enter a depressive slump where i'm constantly reminded it never began for me
>spend the rest of the year in a vague haze as i struggle to grow as a person
>by the end of summer i'm numb to it all and feel like i'm ok with repping
>every fall i meet a tranny...
does the cycle ever stop?
>>41023409 (OP)
i've got sooo much to lose nonny you really have no idea.

>>41023437
the thing about transition is there are multiple stages

when you are a repper you look at yourself and feel absolute dread and hopelessness because your body is 100% male signals but what you dont realise is about half of those can be changed

your hairline can be improved
your facial hair can be removed
your eyebrows can be plucked
your skin texture can be improved

i genuinely thought it was absolutely hopeless for me like actual suicide tier and it made me rep for years. but when i gave up and took hrt i ended up being able to stand looking at myself, not that im even close to passing but. when you remove those glaring male traits like thick eyebrows, facial hair, bad skin you feel much better about yourself because you go closer to neutral.

the next stage after that is getting ffs so you actually can look like a woman. but hrt does help dysphoria even if you wont pass.

>>41023684
poast face faggot

>>41023409 (OP)
I'm not suicidal. I'm worried about becoming suicidal if my transition were to fail. Ending up some androgynous freak, that amputated, helpless blob at the end of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. That is the real nightmare for me. Better to be like Benny where I'm a freak but at least I'm functioning.

Also, I'm 25+ and my skeleton is ossified for life. That is absolutely a dealbreaker for me, no matter how much anyone says it's not a "big deal" or that my bones will still grow a little bit. And I'm not going to pay $100,000+ for surgeries where I'd still be a shadow of what I could have been ten years ago. And probably also get me killed in this shithole of a country.

>>41023426
>>41023453
Even then, the idea of being a cis woman disgusts me. Imagine all the pain I went through in this life to have to be someone I'm not, only to be finally born a woman and never appreciating what I am and understanding how much I sacrificed to get to this point. And I probably won't be born a lesbian either. If the reincarnated me wants to fuck men, it isn't me, sorry,

>>41023684
I mean, if the world was ok with it I would be fine not passing. Scared of getting ... mudered or being marched to a camp at some point.

>>41023720
nobody is gonna murder you ive been on hrt for years and i just manmode lmao

>>41023684
Assuming you were 25+ when you started, how do you feel about being skeletonized male? Do you feel like a freak? Do cis women ever find you scary or intimidating? Do you think having strongly male features brings any advantages?

>>41023745
Of course, in asking the first two questions I don't mean to be rude by implying that you do or ever did have those feelings as if that's the normal way of things. I mean more "how did you overcome your self-perception of being a freak or intimidating or helplessly trapped in a masculinized body" if you ever felt that way about yourself.

>>41023409 (OP)
I'm nlt a rapper but I am suicidal.

>>41023866
i'm an ntr repper

why not try trans-Ack

>>41023745
i started at almost 25 and i did try and rep for a while after that point but im back on hrt now.

i kind of have luckshit body, im tall but my hips are wide and my waist is quite thin so i think i have a kinda cool androgynous build, wide shoulders tho

most of what bothers me these days is my face or worrying that someone will notice my boobs. but im more over it these days.

my cope is that i dont have a choice but to be me, other people will dislike me for being me, but im proud of myself for at least trying to be me even though im obviously abnormal. i dont know how i got to this point, neither a boy or a girl. ive met fucked up people and i like them better than any normie ive ever encountered. so thats enough for me, i feel like i deserve to exist and you do to.