Thread 41046760

How do I escape this predicament? Has anyone been through similar? Am I a retard
>be me mtf
>make friends with someone, dont think it'll last long at all, so when asked am I trans or they say they thought I was, my knee jerk is to say no, because it was someone I didnt know
>it develops overtime into a full fledged friendship between them and I, for years, whole time they dont know
>they are extremely and openly transphobic now, i didnt know this when we met.
>I love them
What do I do? If they found out everything would be shattered, and I have a feeling they are going to find out. I know im in the wrong. Any consolation is appreciated because I feel guilty

>>41046760 (OP)
ur not guilty u were right to withhold when they turned out like this. It isnt youre fault someone hates the demographic you belong to. it's not like u were having sex w this person you werent misleading them

>>41046791
But im just afraid of the fallout and embarrassment that'll occur if and when they find out. How would I even begin to explain? This person put their whole trust in me. I shouldn't have let it go this far but here I am. And no im not going to have sex with them but still

Its all really complicated because another factor added on top of everything is that they are my fp (favorite person) as I suspect I have bpd. I literally have no idea what to do, all I know is I wish I could turn back time and get myself out of this mess. I love them, and I truthfully just wanted a friend who would see me for who I was, but knowing theyd hate my guts and be disgusted at the real me is what is making me feel guilty and disgusted at what ive done know. Im afraid if I ghosted it would expedite them finding out.

>>41046760 (OP)
>>41046859
sad to say that i've been in the same situation before anon. it's a really difficult place to be in but the truth will have to come out eventually. it would hurt them more to ghost them so your best course of action is to rip the bandaid off and be sincere. don't let your heart hold on so closely to someone who will likely never understand. it will hurt but you can heal. don't be like me. don't waste years of your life hoping for a miracle with this person. you can and will move on and find something better for you and your mental health. it's the hard choice to make and i regret not making it sooner.
be kind to yourself, and more improtantly, be true to yourself.

>>41047077
Hey thank you so much, can you tell me more about your story and how they reacted when you told them?
Its so hard. Im trying to distance myself from them, I know its right. I know it would be right to tell them, im scared though. They also cling onto me which is what makes it even more difficult to go about.

>>41047100
>Hey thank you so much, can you tell me more about your story and how they reacted when you told them?
that's actually the worst part anon, i haven't even told them yet.
it's been years and it hurts. the day is coming up soon and i know what to expect. i'm just preparing myself for that pain so i can push through it.
>Its so hard. Im trying to distance myself from them, I know its right.
it's the right thing to do, it will make the sting hurt a little less if you can put some distance between the two of you first, even just a little.
>They also cling onto me which is what makes it even more difficult to go about.
i understand that feeling too. i'm kind of all they have other than their family. in the end, it's up to your friend if they want to stick by you. maybe this experience will change them, maybe it won't. hard to say for sure.
if they truly are your friend and they want to be close to you, they'll find a way to understand. if not, then it's best to let whatever happens... happen.

my plan is to tell them i'm trans, but not that i love them. i'll only disclose that if they explicitly ask about my feelings for them. hoping for an ok outcome, but i'm prepared for the worst. i hope your friend can change anon, i really do. but if they can't, understand that there IS someone better for you out there, you just need to find them.

wishing you the best of luck nona, be safe.

>>41047137
What do you expect will happen? That he will be disgusted that you lied and stuff, or that hed understand you? Please let me know. Im scared. How bad do you think the pain will be?
What made you decide now is the day to tell them, after all those years?

>>41047166
>What do you expect will happen?
deep down a part of me thinks he knows, or at least heavily suspects and just doesn't want to say anything so we can keep being friends. i've let little things slip over the years after all. he might be weirded out and want some time to think about things? our friendship might continue but fizzle out, not sure.
>How bad do you think the pain will be?
bad, but the good kind of bad. like when you finally take a step forward into that unknown and somehow feel free of a burden you've carried for so long. i hope it'll feel bittersweet at least.
>What made you decide now is the day to tell them, after all those years?
i have some surgeries coming up soon, there's no way i'll be able to hide it from him. but mostly, i just can't take the lies anymore, it's the last and only thing keeping me in the closet. once he knows, i can finally be out and finally be myself.
it's up to him if he wants to keep his only friend, i would hate for him to be alone, it would kill me knowing he's got nobody else. but i won't blame him for wanting to walk away, it's his choice. it's out of my hands.

i need to get some sleep, but i hope this helped, nona. don't let your friend keep yourself from growing as a person. you got this!

>>41047190
I relate to the part where you said you think he knows or heavily suspects it, as I feel the same way, I mean there's been blatant signs that most people wouldnt ignore or would heavily question. I hope it works out for you, I really do. I think getting something like that off of your chest will feel good. Can we pray for eachother? I know you gotta sleep.
The surgery thing, assuming ffs and stuff, definitely would be impossible or hard to explain.

>>41047203
I’m sorry, but I don’t really pray anymore, but you will be in my thoughts and I hope for the best for you nona
Good luck out there and be kind to yourself

Best thing to do is be honest, maybe they will change as a person. If not and they can't except you for who you are then they aren't a real friend and you shouldn't be placing emotional value on them.

>>41046760 (OP)

You should be like "i have to go for a while but before I go I need to tell you something"

and then make it a cute little thing and oooh drama!!^-^ also I love you btw!

Should I just kill myself honestly?

>>41047469

no because I love you.
Even if you dont, let me fuel you.
Drama can be fun. strike a pose.

>>41047469
ask me anything

>>41047478
It can be, but also the idea that id be ripping them apart by basically admitting ive been deceiving is what makes me feel guilty. If it were someone I hardly knew it might be funny. Idk .

>>41047514

oh yeah Drama can be intense too! Its like playing tackle football with your friends, no pads.
Sometimes you go too rough. But life will always be hard. thats why its so important you feel love and i swear to God I love you

ask me anything

>>41047514

I used to stab my wrists when I was 8 yrs old. I know the dark feelings very well

>>41047528
Why do you love me :( thank you though I appreciate feeling loved from. An anon
I guess if I had to ask you something its: what are the odds they already know
My voice is clocky and so is my body
But theyre violently openly transphobic in front of me

>>41047534
I cut myself before on my wrists

>>41047534
And I keep having panic attacks everyday

>>41047542

God kill me now, I Drop dead here I Swear I LOOOVE you.
I hope you dont hurt yourself. I have a chip on my tooth and when I smile I get really self conscience.
Sometimes it keeps me from smiling...
If its obvious you say, what if they just think youre into degradation?

>>41047555

i Suffered from panic attacks. I actually dont have a non-religious answer on how to stop those desu...
but other things I actually do. sometimes u just gotte remember youre a big kid. Youre a kid and then youre just a big kid.

and when you become a big kid you gotta look after the kids. We're losing them lately...
it hurts my heart