Thread 41340561

I transitioned sort of late, at 20. So I looked like a 22/23 year old guy atp, I was also a gym freak repping. I looked like a beast but so ogreish. I tried fitting into societies standards and I grew up in an extremely conservative environment, despite being gay and effeminate.

This morning I was looking at my pre trans pics and almost cried. Why did I do that to myself? I can’t believe it.

>>41340561 (OP)
Yup actually just found one of my cringy photos of when i was like late 16 and wanted to cry that i havent trooned then but idk if am just delusional that i think i could have been actually pretty and like myself if i trooned then insted of repping my way into the army.

Here is pic for reference:
https://unsee cc/album#NFt8X842dsXd

>>41340615
Not too bad, desu. me at 16 I looked pretty andro but was suffering from acne at that time lol. I was also doing sports but I was short like 5’8.5.
The thing is comparing myself at 16/17 to me at 19/20 is wild, I looked young and then I looked extremely masc.

>>41340561 (OP)
>transitioned late
>at twenty
my only solace is that my failmale genes made it so that i still mog most youngshits somehow

>>41340615
you could be one of those ugly boy to pretty girl stories. you should stop repping

>>41340658
Actually that transition(from looking young to looking masc) was kinda what made me rep like my thinking was if i cant be who i want to be i will be what everyone wants me to be. also during that time remember trying to castrate myself by strangulating my testickles acrually vomited once and probably didnt have any effect at all

>>41340561 (OP)
i genuinely disassociate so hard when i look at my pre trans photos to the point where i've already deleted a fair number of them, but removing all of them would erase the journey i've been on or somethingburger.. it works as a good reminder that i did make the right decision regardless.

>>41340688
Actually stopped like yeah basic training made me realise that am absolute joke(picrel probably can find me on the picture), flirting with guys was fun tho.

The biggest difference i see with mine is my skin quality, body hair thickness, and most importantly I was so horribly depressed and empty.
I already was very boyish, unfortunately transitioning even after years I still look very boyish just younger and softer. Idk how to make myself look like a woman even ffs has only helped a little

>>41340790
Sadly I deleted some of my pics when I was a teen and looked twinkish, and lost some when I got a new phone. Even when looking at my social media as a teen I just had lots of acne at like 15/16.
>>41340778
Exactly. I was like oh well, im already lonely and depressed as is, why would I transition and make it more depressing and lose friends and family? If only I knew transitioning was what would truly make me happier.

I went from 35yo Turkish gay dude to
ageless ethereal and very hot Jewish woman
Started at 22 fwiw, now 30

>>41340561 (OP)
i looked grim as hell at 23 but i had a weak cispoon face so i didn't struggle to pass once i'd been on HRT like a year. body took longer and my shit's still a little chopped (i have decent waist-hip and shoulder-hip ratios, i just look untrained and flabby with small tits for my frame, hoping BA and hitting the gym once i've recovered will help) but i'm good at dressing around my flaws.

i look at photos of me from the first time i transitioned all day, before i was taken off estrogen. i wish my life had gone differently. photos of me in the time before i started hrt (around 19) make me viscerally sick. but, i look at them too in disgust and misery.

here is my suicidal forced detrans timeline ages 16-20 if anyone wants ropefuel: https://litter.catbox.moe/02eefyge2r2zczr2.jpg

>>41340561 (OP)
Yeah I was pretty cute

>>41341122
Where on that timeline did u start hrt

>>41340561 (OP)
yeah and its kind of weird, cause i feel like im looking at pictures of someone that died and doesnt exist anymore that i shared familiar memories with.
and its even weirder to think of the relationships i had then.
it makes me lowkey hate some of my ex's for how they tried to change me to who THEY wanted me to be and not WHO I AM
it upsets me a little. but whatever.
at least i know to watch out for people that love their idea of who i am and not who i am.

I literally crushed hard drives full of evidence of me existing pre-trans with a hammer, deleted all social accounts. Everything is gone.

>>41341148
before, and then after. i got taken off estrogen about two months before the 2nd photo, and restarted the day after the last photo.

>>41340561 (OP)
I looked relatively feminine when i was very young, upto 10/11, some people thought i was a girl but it was really mostly asian faceblindness. I acted kinda fruity as a child before my mom died so that might have contributed too. As soon as i got into puberty, i aged into genghis khan and i was always red like on steroids and i built muscle extremely easily. After hrt i had a brief period where i turned super pale pinkish, and nowadays im just straight up anemic because my thallassemia apparently isnt being compensated anymore by testosterone driven erythropoiesis so hoping to fix that.

>unsee cc/album#iUYwYPsSz09M

The after pic might be weird, its from a video i recorded to keep progress of pio

>>41341122
things should never gotten worse after the first picture. i feel so fucking sick. i dont want this body, i was going to be free.

>>41340561 (OP)
I was thinking of doing a timeline thing but it would be weird
like sickness followed by obesity is basically detransition so no good end tbqh

>>41340615
>>41340833
could i talk to you in dm's?
i wanted to join the army/active reserves when i was 18, also thought about unob for a long time

i ended up elsewhere, but it would be really cool to hear more about your experience

discord: secretshoelace

thanks

>>41341217
I wish I could do that but I feel like I'd regret it idk I hate deleting stuff. It took me years to delete the pictures of my rape lmao

>>41340561 (OP)
I began at 15 (10 years ago) so it's rare to come across any pitcures from the old times. The only ones I know of are the photo album from first year of highschool and some picture my mom had on her phone randomly, that was pretty cringy to see

>>41341338
okay
unseecc/album#Oy5aNmpi8hgG
its an uphill struggle every day but I'm making slow progress

>>41342242
I don't get you

>>41342242
the unsee album expired btw

>>41340561 (OP)
This is a cult

>>41340561 (OP)
I looked basically the same. went from scrawny feminine dude to scrawny feminine dude with mild gyno

>>41343224
This, HRT is glorified skincare after puberty.

is it weird to be attracted to your male self? when i detach myself from it i was fine asf

>>41343134
me neither tbqh
>>41343145
I already regret it, but not as much as all the bed rot bound days tbqh
unsee cc/album#pT795FUYUanw
>>41343224
>>41343293
truuuuuue

>>41344289
Let me marry you umaru

>>41344289
Stop complaining, you pass in all of them and no way are you older than 30. Fucking luckshit.