Thread 41354864

drinking edition
>QOTT: what is your drink of choice? how many have you had tonight?
last: >>41317495

>>41354864 (OP)
Water, like 6 total today.

>>41354864 (OP)
Something alcoholic preferably wine, but too broke right now so just coffee and water today.

>>41354864 (OP)
straight vodka, have things to do tomorrow so has just been dr pepper

>>41354864 (OP)
cyanide

4 meds and 3 beers

>>41354864 (OP)
I drink tea to make my lungs feel better after so much smoking

>>41354864 (OP)
Alcohol is yucky. I've been having blue red bulls recently

Nothing more annoying than normies thinking they are geniuses for accusing someone of being AGP.
>you have autogynephilia

AND? so what? What does this imply? They have absolutely nothing to elaborate on, but they love to use this term just to show that they have some kind of knowledge.

It would be amazing if they produced a cure for AGP, since they condemn it so much.

What about being gay instead of trying to become a woman?

>>41356684
what kind of normies know of agp

>>41356686
what about eating shit and dying you fucking bitch

>>41356686
I can't imagine myself in a relationship with a gay man. And based on what I look like, the only men I would attract would be flamboyant faggots. I like men in general and I enjoy sucking dick, but I don't like gay men. Sad. My life would be perfect if I could pass.

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

>>41354864 (OP)
there's an asian supermarket near me that sells cheap soju so i've been enjoying that recently

>>41356686
I'm pretty much ace when I'm not trans tbhon. I've always avoided things because the idea of doing anything intimate as a male is disgusting. I was a volcel until I transitioned

Don't think I'm trans anymore

>>41357377
same I think I was just constipated

>>41357380
im not constipated

>>41357385
do you want to be?

If I troon can I still listen to Godflesh?

>>41357377
Me too. This was all just a manifestation of my severe self loathing. Not any inner female identy. There was no identity to begin with

thoughts?
>>>/gif/29631767

>>41357779
The zoomers are not alright. At least boomer sissy hypno would just tell you to wear panties and flash truck drivers, not engage in endocrine disruption for a fetish.

>>41356690
It's becoming more known about recently, wasn't JD Vance on podcast with Joe Rogan where they talked about AGP. At least that's what I've heard, I didn't watch it, not planning to. But yeah bringing up AGP as some kind of gotcha is retarded.

Why do prescribers freak out over a little suicidal ideation? Who doesn't have a little suicidal ideation. It's not that big of a deal

>>41357779
ew
>>41358270
ikr, i'm not actually going to do it, does it really matter then

>>41358270
They don't want to be the ones blamed and sued if something happens. Everyone just lies, and I think they know.

I don't know why I started fucking hrt before starting an ssri. I can tell ssris are going to help.

>>41354864 (OP)
take your HRT, retards

>>41359852
Most people should avoid taking a chemical lobotomy like ssris if possible, but if you want to zombiemode instead of manmode that's your choice.

>>41359863
On my way to become a zombiemoder soon, emotions are overrated tbhon.

>>41359863
all the meds i tried including 2 types of ssri only made me feel worse, i wish i could zombiemode at this point
>>41359859
i am and it does nothing, i will never pass or reach my goals i only feel worse now

>>41359863
If zombiemode keeps me from being weird looking man with cones for tits I'll eat brains tonight

>>41356684
>It would be amazing if they produced a cure for AGP
Most normal people don't care enough to actually help trannies let alone neverpassers. They just want a socially acceptable scapegoat they can feel good about hating. If they did, we'd probably already have a cure by now or at least a better treatment method than the current placebo.

>>41360091
>at least a better treatment method
Personally I think they should invent the surgery where they smash your ribs and cut out half your lungs so they can make it smaller, that would solve the barrel chest problem.

>>41360151
Need this, along with a full blown skull transplant.

>>41360222
I wish I fell into a coma and woke up in the hospital and its been 40 years and I'm the world's first uploaded human consciousness with my own cyberbody.

https://discord.gg/N5YB3VXp
Place for reppers to shoot the shit. HRT takers not welcome
>inb4 ">discord"

I hope you guys aren't stupid enough to actually join these 4chan discords.

>>41359859
no <3
>>41362916
yea idk what the point of that is, never really thought I need more ways to talk to the ppl in this thread

>>41362916
Why not join?

>>41363316
Heard way too many horror stories involving discord so I just avoid it like the plague. Besides that, it just siphons away discussion offsite and turns the actual threads into discord drama faggotry.

>>41362916
>>41363316
>>41363402
I joined a repper discord like 5-7 years ago and it was fine. Pretty chill place. But it's long dead

I dont like thinking about it because thinking about it make it hurt. It's fine if I just dont think about it.

just realized i've been subconsciously hopemaxxing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rI4NBcGF9c

>>41364461
literally me

Why does my brain always hit me with the tranny thoughts right as I'm starting to feel better? I'll starting thinking "maybe with (insert long list of obscure surgeries I'll never afford) I'll pass as a woman". Then I'll go look in the mirror only to be hit with the brutal reality all over again and feel like shit. I know and accept that I'll always be male, that IWNBAW, but they always come back.

I just wanted to vent somewhere because it’s hitting me hard today. I’ve been getting into more male-dominated hobbies since being able to move away from my family, cars, guns, etc and it’s been a blast…But now after just visiting my parents they, insisted i bring some old clothes back home, the frilly stuff from when I had a phase when I was 19 and I wanted really badly to fit in and tried to force myself to like kpop.

I just unpacked and sat on the closet after the shower crying. I’m closer to thirty now. I’m a tiny little woman with a massive rack. I’m married to a cishet man who wants a family. Because that’s what you do, right? You keep on living the script and hope it makes it go away. I don’t know what i’m doing with my life. Some days I hope I get diagnosed with cancer and die soon so maybe in the next life I can be the person I want to be. To the point that I’ve been ignoring some health issues and pain because I hope it gets worse and worse and I die. I have so much resentment for my female body that I keep doing things I know are terrible for my health.

That’s all.

>>41364777
>To the point that I’ve been ignoring some health issues and pain because I hope it gets worse and worse and I die.
I've been there before, the self-destructive urge to just rot and die. The problem was I got my wish, but only after a moment where I shook off my funk and started trying to live a life. I ended up in the hospital and am now cursed with a chronic illness that'll eventually kill me, and all I could think about in the hospital, and what I still think about sometimes when I'm in bed crying my eyes out, is how unfair it is. Not just that I never got to live the life I wanted because of my body, but because I wasn't even allowed to find some small happiness and live and die quietly, I had to be afflicted with something that'll lead to a painful and undignified end. So my advice to you is the very cliche "be careful what you wish for." Living like this sucks, but dying slowly like this sucks worse.

>>41364777
reppers that have kids and wives/ husbands are so fucking retarded

>>41364807
Thanks for the kind and intelligent words anon, it’s just one of those ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ things I suppose. I hope you can find something akin to peace and happiness in your life still.
>>41365033
Idk man, I grew up in a very conservative country with the very stereotypical notion of a transvestite and ‘I wish I was born a man instead of a woman’ did not translate into that so it wasn’t something I even had any tools to process.

>>41365151
well just don't have any any children and damn them into a life where their parent is gonna troon out on them

>>41364777
I think you need to explore that side of you and only then can you be content with choosing not to pursue it.

>>41364777
>I’m a tiny little woman with a massive rack
I was with you until this. Unfortunately, the swirling pit of male jealousy I have deep inside me means I have to hate you.

miller light, anyone else miss iim sorry

Why do I have an interest in trans stuff if I don't want to transition? Some mild autism fixation? Gender ocd?

>>41366977
Do you not want to or is it that you can't? I can't transition but I want to.

>>41367242
I wouldn't actually pass so I don't want it.

>>41367320
Same, but that's a can't situation not a want? If you could pass you would?

I dont care anymore I want to die

>>41367482
I'm too cowardly to and my last attempt was unbearably embarrassing

Don’t try to transition if you don’t soulpass already

>>41367908
They used to call it true trans

Don't try to transition unless you are already very androgynous in appearance

>>41369152
Good artist, they made me troon out

>>41369168
wdym troon, this is repgen

why cant i cum without a woman on the screen to self-insert holy shit can i just be gay i'm trying

>>41369185
I’m on hrt but I identify as male

>>41369237
>"i trooned out"
>"i'm not a troon though"

>>41369347
based desu
>>41367482
i wish i wanted to die either more so i'd just go do it or less. current amount sucks

kill me

we were so close to letting this thread die
is everyone done repping?

only on tiny first dose not even titrated up and already feeling shitty. ssri side effects suck

>>41369201
I know ts board memes it all the time, but that genuinely just APG. If you don’t rope or troon out you’ll eventually end up like those weird. 40+ sissies on Grindr and shit.. if you’re somehow ok with that, it’s cool, but yea it’s pretty much inevitable.

I can't stand having facial hair and having to stare at my deformed face while shaving every day, plus the razor burn and cuts.

>>41371800
Never done repping, always repping, never troonin.

>>41371800
Today I realized that I’m only conscious of my repression when I get super depressed. In my normal life it’s entirely on the back burner. I’d have to be the biggest retard on the planet to just throw away that kind of luck in favor of becoming a hon.

>>41371989
Same

>>41371902
pluck

>>41372450
This. I use a magnification mirror so I don't even have to look at myself
Be careful about ingrown hairs though, exfoliate and maintain good hygiene; wash before/after, sanitise your tweezers, etc

>>41369237
YWNBAR

ever think of killing others instead of yourself?

>>41372616
why is the discord so the cia can more effectively groom mass shooters or something

>>41372616
killing it on the dance floor

>>41372616
no, but I do think CEOs should die so I probably should

>>41372508
Used to pluck before I started shaving but it was time consuming and I almost certainly messed it up, too many ingrown hairs and scars. I'll try your method, thanks anon.

>>41354864 (OP)
I'm taking a break from drinking for a bit because I accidentally got blackout drunk recently and was vomiting for like the entire next day

>>41372616
No officer I am repressing healthily and am not a danger to myself or others, thank you very much.
>>41372659
I tried to warn em

>>41372659
if they can provide implements and addresses
not sure what it'll cost me though

>>41372955
you'd figure they wouldn't be so obvious
>>41372970
that's between you and the agent reading this, i'm fine without it though

I think mostly it is social relational for me. I think I relate more to women, and felt forced to not have friendships with women growing up due to fears of seeming gay or people being weirded out by a normal friendship of people of opposite genders without it being romantic. I wished I could be friends with girls in the same way girls were friends with each other. And this causes great distress growing up. Then I heard about men that just make friends with women because they liked them romantically and just used them and didn't actually like women for who they were, and I thought that that was who I was, I was weird predatory guy that only wanted to be friends with women because I wanted to be with them and I felt ashamed. And I was attracted to women, so it was confusing for me trying to navigate relationships, and what to do if I develop feelings for friends and that feels weird and predatory and wrong. Now I feel I have done work on myself and no longer have these issues as much, but it's really hard to make friends as adults and I missed over decade of social experience and have to try and make it up. My tranny thoughts are not all relational, but I think the vast majority are

Does anyone here actually bother with hygiene anymore? I stopped for the most part a few months ago. People in my life already see me as the weird autism, so why put on airs? I’m completely dissociated from my body, have even been fully nude this week.

>>41373160
yes because I hold together my life and have to go outside so I keep it together.

>>41354864 (OP)
Transphobes blood? Hmm

>>41373295
Woah. That’s so cool. And edgy too. Can I suck your cock about it?

>>41373031
>>41372955
so now you're all happy and dandy when it came down to it after all the fake bickering and crying

>>41373384
yep :) i have not thought about harming others and have no plan to! would recommend everyone here do the same

>>41373316
Cute. But at dawn I will disappear.

>>41373384
All repressors itt are actually extremely happy and successful with 5 Rolls Royces and a sixth on the way.

Oh well. No use to keep ruminating over this. I made my choice. I should just try and live by it.

>>41367335
Well yeah

>>41373710
sa,same samne same

>>41373160
Yeah because I want at least some semblance of normalcy and routine in my life, even if it feels pointless sometimes.

I hate seeing twinkoid trannies younger than me especially if they are gainfully employed or in a relationship. Idk someone who not only transitions but also gets a gf / bf is lapping me three times over in terms of life experience. I felt like such a helpless kid from ages 18-23 I have no idea how people do real life shit at that age. It hurts because it highlights how I am fundamentally incapable of self actualization.

>>41374549
same

>>41374549
I'm in my 20s and feel completely mentally stunted. I think it's a common experience, when you're gender dysphoric and don't go through the normal stages of emotional development due to repression.

I hate seeing twinkoid trannies because I wish that was me and also that I wish I was dating them

>>41376679
GIWTWM

>>41377078
ikr she's so pretty

I don’t want to be a woman I just want to be myself but there is no self

>>41376679
pint looks exactly the same lol

>>41377900
that's why she's a twinkoid queen
they could not be on hrt though because they haven't voice trained and mostly use the vtuber avatar

brutal

icky has fetal alcohol syndrome face

which i guess is the key to passing, just look like you are undeveloped or badly developed

it's another look at passgen then get drunk to escape the misery episode

>>41377876
real. always only a hollow charade, never a genuine person

>>41377968
You can clearly see her philtrum right there

>>41377947
Once again proving that the skullpill is the most brutal and final of bonepills.

I seethe every time I see amabs with defined waists and hips
t.triangular greek god build

>>41374549
Very relatable and only gets worse

>>41381257
I have defined waist and hips but my disgusting shoulders are still wide enough to overwhelm it.

>>41381268
How do I become a human?

>>41381318
Nobody here knows, feeling like an empty husk and not a human being is part of the repper experience.

>>41381318
Abusing coke and pussy

boymoders have forced me from /mmg/ so i'm coming here and making it your problem

Does it ever get better or go away sisters? If I just accept myself as a gay man will that stop the tranny thoughts or do I just stay in the closet forever and be miserable?

>>41381510
>not a human being is part of the repper experience
I wonder if that's why so many reppers like esoteric or cyberpunk shit like Lain and Yume Nikki.

>>41382193
You might get better at coping and dealing with it, so it can get better to a degree. But you're most likely stuck with this for life at least at some level.

>>41382193
it never gets better..

>>41382193
i've had year+ periods of being fine, don't think it ever will permanently though

>>41382193
For me its gotten worse over time.

>>41382115
Passflation strikes yet again.

>>41382193
You’ll never accept yourself because you aren’t really a man.

>>41382712
I just want a buff guy to hold me and make me feel small and treat me like a princess and tell me it’ll all be ok why can’t I be normal why can’t I stop thinking about it god fuck my stupid tranny life

>>41382712
And society will never accept me because I look like a man so it's a catch-22.

Just watch and rot shrimple right?
Rule number 1 do nothing don't care

>>41382193
>sisters
>gay man
>closet
>forver be miserable
Your self image is severely damaged. I would tell you to go to therapy if shrinks worldwide weren't instructed to tell people like you to given into your destructive tendencies

>>41382712
He's factually a man, just a very sick one. (not derogatory)

>>41383030
well, my parents have to throw me out eventually then what

Haven't had any alcohol in almost a week, this is a huge problem and must be rectified soon.

>>41382193
My GD mostly came from my inability to live out fantasies of me as a woman in relationships with men, but once I made a conscious effort to stop thinking about that, I mostly stopped being dysphoric. The desire didn't go away but I just don't give it any attention anymore so it's manageable. I don't identify as trans, practice makeup, crossdress, roleplay as a woman, etc etc because all of that causes longing and bad thoughts

It’d be awesome if AGP was entirely a fetish. Imagine being able to get a nut off and not be dysphoric for the rest of the day. Would be historic.

>>41383163
Okay maybe I'm just wrong and that's not gonna work for all

>>41383233
Are you still attracted to men tho??? I convinced myself I wasn’t for so long and have tried to ignore these thoughts for so long but I just can’t shake it. Believe me I wish I didn’t feel like this I don’t want to troon I just want to be a normal gay man but I can’t stop fantasizing about it

If you hadn’t had dydphoria as a kid you aren’t repressing your are being rational about it
Only those with women brains and actual dusphoria should even be considered reppers, I’m talking castration attempt at 14 from puberty fucking their brain or something

>>41383294
Well, I was never actually attracted to men, only the idea of men, in relation to me as a woman. It's called meta-attracted AGP. But nah, that's still there like I said and whenever I do give in to the thoughts, they make me feel really fucking good unfortunately. But I can live my life well without it, so its fine

>>41371845
i need to have weird agp sex with a 40 year old on grindr

>>41354864 (OP)
What the fuck is that image? Did you make it yourself? What's up with the crushed cans?

>>41383417
Of course I'm not dysphoric
I'm rational
But I'm rational enough to understand that I'm better be on E slut myself out on camera neither live my life like this

>>41383417
Imo whether or not someone is trutrans or just faketrans pseudodysphoric, they're still repressing/suppressing in some way and thus belong here.

>>41383423
That’s interesting I’ve never heard of that. At least for me I knew I liked men exclusively at least from a young age and I’ve done everything I can to stop change it (dating women, got really religious etc) bc I just didn’t want it to be true, nothing worked. Part of me feels like the tranny shit was my brain rationalizing it like “if you like men then it’d be better to be a woman/ should’ve been born female blah blah” and the other part being trauma so idek.

>>41383517
The latter are men and thus should go fap and live their pathetic goon fantasies out of my life

>>41383417
I was always too much of a wuss to actually self-harm despite thinking about it desu.

Since we're on the topic, has anyone here actually ever attempted to do a diy orchiectomy? I'm seriously considering it, yes I know I'm mentally ill.

>>41383738
no, but if I could go back in time to when it could have made a difference I would absolutely slice them off ASAP

>>41383738
I think I wouldn't get an orchiectomy unless I was going to get SRS, but I'm scared of botches on that one.

>>41383738
i have no idea how people can even do that shit

>family, community, national leaders, religion, teachers, and literally every source of teaching and morality implicitly or explicitly say crossing gender lines is wrong
>repress the pain of dysphoria and do nothing in response for the sake of others and what's right
>now permanently masculinized forever
>even if I were to try to transition now nobody would ever accept me as anything close to a woman and would instead just see me as an AGP freak
>literally impossible to change this fate
alternatively:
>don't listen to and don't care about any moral instruction given by other people
>act selfishly and just do whatever I want without ever once trying to swallow suffering for the sake of "what's right"
>take hrt early and become a passoid
>people freak out at first but eventually come over to accepting you
>"well you were always that way from an early age!" + "you're obviously a woman now" type statements would be made

I'm convinced that reincarnation is real and incarnating with gender dysphoria is merely meant to teach you the lesson that listening to morality and self-sacrifice is wrong or something.
Either way, I'm bitter and I hate anyone who tells others that they *should* do anything against what they want to do now.

>>41383850
>I'm convinced that reincarnation is real and incarnating with gender dysphoria is merely meant to teach you the lesson that listening to morality and self-sacrifice is wrong or something.
I sure hope so, anon.

>>41383796
Same, if I could go back to when I was a kid. I'd get drunk off my parent's alcohol to numb the pain, chop it off, then throw it into the blender so it can't get reattached. That or the homemade guillotine idea.

>>41384021
Well anon they'd put your ass on trt you know, they wouldn't let you get on estrogen if they wouldn't before just because you risked your life to try and force the point.

>>41384059
You're probably right, there really is no escaping this is there under any timeline, fmsrl.

>>41384110
Smartest bet if you could go back would be to find a way to get your own DIY ASAP or something, using crypto maybe.

>>41383850
I wonder if this is the reason why the whole narcissistic selfish tranny stereotype exists. Because only the ones with a strong will and disregard for what society says are the ones who troon. Meanwhile everyone else who isn't strong enough just represses it. Selection bias and all that.

fuck I really need to do nofap, I always relapse at the 1 month mark. If there's even a chance it can reduce AGP intensity it's worth it. Any tips?

>wish I could be a woman
>jealous of women just for being women
>feel bad about body sometimes
>uninterested in transitioning
>uncomfortable with the thought of being trans
>more comfortable with being a man
>understands some positives of being a man
transition is not right for all people who have gender dysphoria. I will always have to live with negative feelings about my gender creeping up but I'm not a terminal case and would rather be depressed than be trans

If Estrogen didn't destroy your dick I'd probably have trooned out already, I was very close to doing it but that convinced me not to + the fact I don't really want a vagina that badly (most of the time). I don't want a retarded fake axe-wound vagina either and the thought of that being forced on me or having doctors trying to convince me to get bottom surgery would make me wanna kill myself honestly.

>>41385250
I wish that was the only thing standing in my way, I hate having a working dick it's gross

>>41383264
>rest of the day
i can do that

i saw anon's blue headphones thread and bought beige headphones

>>41385266
I flip flop, sometimes I hate it, other times I like it or I'm indifferent. But regardless I'd rather have a working dick than have nothing or mutilate myself and have some fucked up facsimile of a vagina. The second thing preventing me now is although my gf is a transgirl and knows I'm a bit AGP she seems only attracted to my masculine traits, and my dysphoria makes me kind of resent her now because of this retarded AGP shit.

>>41385313
Does your gf at least know you're a repper?

>>41385404
No I'm scared

>>41385313
>>41385410
you're evil she deserves better
ethical repping is lonely repping

>>41385410
I don't really see this having a good ending tbhon. Especially if you're starting to resent her, I'd just tell her now so it doesn't blow up later and create bigger problems.

>>41385432
>>41385427
Idk how to tell her but you're right, should get it out in the open at least. I thought I could just ignore it enough or convince myself I like being a guy enough to get over it but that's clearly not working

>>41385147
This describes my situation really well. I'm completely functional as a man, and actually prefer it, despite crying at least once a day about not being a woman. I've also got almost no physical and social gender dysphoria, so trooning wouldn't actually improve anything in my life. All I am is just slightly disappointed I'm a man and always will be one.

>>41385250
Faketrans coomer (wants to keep his most spiritually and physically masculine feature) (No spiritual/subconscious connection to the yoni)

>>41385266
Trutrans woman unfortunately born in the wrong body (subconscious connection to female anatomy)

It’s very easy to spot the difference

>>41384285
Now all I can imagine is a bunch of grown ass male bodied men who will never pass in a million years with the brains of underdeveloped little girls

>>41385427
Trans women would 50/50 encourage acceptance or force repression to satisfy themselves so it's honestly a lose-lose to find out
>tfw can't date trannies despite some serious cope fetishism because I'm detrans with b cups

I don’t think I could ever look my doctor in the eye and tell them “I want to transition.”

>>41388159
I've outright dropped psychologists because they kept asking why I hated my body/appearance so much and I was afraid they'd suss me out.

>>41388159
I did after DIY and he asked me which way lmao

>>41388159
same, I can't imagine making another person have to try to take me seriously if I talked about it

anyone here a maladaptive daydreamer

>>41389187
Yep, always have been.

>>41389187
Actually the opposite. I can't daydream nor even imagine any scenarios including myself, except suicide and self harm, because I despise my self so much.

>>41354864 (OP)
holy shit korean bb creams are awesome, I was screwing around with makeup to try and hide beardshadow, but i looked horrendous because it made my acne scars stand out. But korean bb creams, don't make the acne scars look worse, they look the same, just with better more even color. I am going to screw around with tinted lip balm later. I look like a fucking vampire.

>>41389187
yes, I literally do it almost all day every day

giwtwm

>>41384285
>strong will

Lol lmao even

>>41354864 (OP)
cola

Nothing about being rich or with supportive parents that get you on medication at 13 nothing about
every tranny being turbo public person jewtuber
gaymer influencer etc
nothing about being in right train in right place time and country

gigarepfuel

>>41389187
i used to but i think the years of mental anguish have worn my brain down to where i can't anymore

I really miss having friends. I never should have told anyone I was trans

>>41391028
Is this person even on HRT, his hairline worse worse on the right.

>>41391638
Wish someone had warned me before I made that same mistake too.

>>41391638
What happened? Did your friends start treating you differently? Are you a repper or trannygender?

>>41391749
My friends ghosted me after some discouragement.
Most was when I just voiced an interest and one tried to put up with my hrt repping (boymoding, said I'd grow into it and transition when it was comfortable down the line) but they said it disgusted them, they didn't like how I was changing, etc and cut me off. I didn't change at all and only brought up trans stuff when asked because I was still ashamed of it obviously.
Dry repper now tho

got "ma'am"ed in public from behind today

QOTT white wine and sparkling water, all day most of the day
I'm watching the Haunting of Hill House TV show, specifically the one-shot episode. My drunk ass is not impressed.
>>41391638
I only told a theyfab friend. Been working out so far, but it's mostly just more self loathing.
>>41390763
We likely all do...

>>41392129
>>>/lgbt/bmg

>>41392250
i am a repper.

>>41392129
Happened to me before, should've seen their face when I turned around. Funny and soul crushing, they just stammered.

do any of you think youll ever stop repping?
i dont think i ever will :(

I continue to watch The Haunting of Hill House.
I continue to be underwhelmed...

>>41392594
No, unless there's some major medical or technological advancement that'll make me pass as a cis woman.

>>41392594
at some point i will be dead which i assume is a pretty hard backstop on the repping, so yea
will i ever come out? lol lmao

honestly never troon its not worth it all the pretty trannies will endlessly mock you for being a hon and cis people will never respect you.
t. manmoder

>>41354864 (OP)
PINK WHITNEY!!!! ITS PINKKKKK!!!

>>41392795
>>41392816
i often forget im not the only forever repper out there. idk most of the trannysphere is filled with troons who actually look like women or are at least semi-passable and are living life, and it just fills me with so so so so much envy and pain. it hurts so much and idk how to keep coping with this shit. i want what they have too but fuck me i just had to have a 0.8 whr and the most disappointingly male (nd ugly) face. its so upsetting and unfair, we never got a chance at life even though so many other people did. i really dont know how to keep coping with all this :(

>>41392894
but is it pink?

>>41393111
it sounds like you spend a bunch of time elsewhere on this board which probably isn't helping, i really only come to this thread and try to as infrequently as possible to try to minimize the amount of time spent thinking about it. other than that a lot of weed and trying to be as effeminate as possible anyway are the only copes i've got

>>41393213
i suppose i do. i cant help it though, these spaces are the only ones where i feel any sense of community.
most of the time i try to drown out the sounds of my thoughts by keeping something playing in the background while doing something else. ie keeping youtube or a show going while doing my work or playing a game or smth. but its just not working anymore. im too tired of it all. it doesnt keep my mind occupied anymore, my thoughts WILL drift to all my regrets and failures and my longing for womanhood.
side note but my dad does the same thing, work with the tv on. he cant work without it. im a genuine carbon-copy clone of the man, i’ve got his looks and his personality, everything. every day i unwillingly and unknowingly become more like him. it makes me want to kill myself
im sorry for shitting up the thread with my bullshit

>>41393317
>im sorry for shitting up the thread with my bullshit
lol this thread has been up for most of a week already, not like we had riveting conversation before
if it's getting this pressing for you maybe time to just transition? i think part of the reason i'm mostly fine permarepping is i don't really feel that bad when i'm not actively thinking about it and idc about getting in a relationship or anything, so there's not as much tension in my life because of it.
and yea my dad has basically been having a protracted mental breakdown and a lot of the times i'll sit there and think about how alike we are. feels terrible being able to see clearly where you're headed in someone else

>>41382193
I don’t really feel GD anymore, but that’s a direct result of my own efforts to stop feeling it - which makes me feel like I’m just hiding my real desire. After all, that’s what suppression does. And for me, it all came down to two options: repression or suicide. Sometimes I see trannies online and I get angry or think it’s funny, but I don’t feel that envy I used to. It’s like I’m being kind to my past self.

Deep down, GD was just me being unable to accept the shitty life I’m destined to have as a mentally ill man and a slave to the system. Every miserable man has his own “GD” - a buried dream he’s forced to repress until he becomes just another average guy. The difference is that I had a paraphilia that made me fantasize about being the opposite gender.

>>41393368
>if it's getting this pressing for you maybe time to just transition?
no i cant do that, i’m too scared of conflict and i’d always look like a man no matter how i try. hrt repping is the best i can do.
i generally felt the same way about permarepping as you, like pretty much exactly actually, but idk my mental is just getting worse and worse. hopefully it’s just a bad mood phase, but if it is one then it’s a pretty long phase. it’s been two months now and i can barely bring myself to keep up with all the usual activities of daily living. that is to say i haven’t been keeping up at all but whatever. miserable.
your dad too :( i guess we’re all the same, ya? destined to rep, and never quite have what we truly want

>>41393614
two months isn't all that long in the grand scheme of things, but again if you're barely able to keep up with basic life shit not like you can wait around forever
if it makes you feel any better i do feel like living with this long term there are phases where it gets better and worse. i'll usually just get so mentally ill in some other way (drinking too much usually) and then have to put up enough effort to fix that the gender stuff just becomes background noise and then i'll mostly forget about it. idk how to even describe it or get myself back to that point intentionally though
and ya although i don't think he's repping as much as just genuinely mentally unstable and hates his life

Drinking cheap ass white wine while wasting time on the internet, I'm livin the dream.

>>41393714
you’re right, two months isn’t much. i guess it just feels particularly bad rn because it keeps happening and rn isn’t a good time either. but i have to keep going i guess. my only other options are trooning out, which is destined to fail, or rope. which, despite constantly thinking about, i know i’m too weak to do.
it’s funny actually. the sui thoughts have been quite frequent and confident lately. as in, my brain seems absolutely convinced i’ll kms soon. it keeps telling me to cherish every little thing i do/experience because it’s probably going to be the last time i do/experience that thing. practically constantly. my sui thoughts have never been so,,,finalistic? not a word but finalisitic before. even though i know i won’t actually kms since that’d take more strength than a weak-willed buffoon like myself could ever muster up
and ya that’s what i was trying (and failed) to get at with the dad thing. i don’t think my dad is repping either, but he’s certainly not having a good time.

>>41392836
can I kiss you

>>41360257
I wish to be a brain in a jar.

>>41393861
it is sorta fun to think about what's going to happen without transition / killing self. do i just become totally withdrawn until i'm fired from work? what would i do then? does my life just get so pointless otherwise those are the only options left?
is it just a different vibe or do you have more concrete plans? i know when i was at my worst i had way more exact plans that were weird to live with, but i've also never not felt like i was going to kms soon since i was a kid.
also you've gotta be a bit nicer with yourself in the way you talk, i get it but you're only making everything feel worse talking about yourself as too weak. if you're really never going to transition you have to have some basis for being fine with your current self, reinforcing this idea you're too weak to do anything does nothing. gotta at least try

>>41393853
GIWTWM

>>41393954
i have vagueish-concrete plans. idk if that makes sense? like, i know what i should be going towards and what steps to get there but desu i’ve never really cared so i’m really just going about things by the day. which desu isn’t good at all since not getting through uni properly means i won’t be able to pay back my megaloans and will probs push me in the direction of having to make the transition vs rope choice, like in your hypothetical, but whatever. maybe that won’t happen, idk. i wish it were possible for me to be a woman, maybe that way i’d actually be able to bring myself to do all this :/ whatever
>you've gotta be a bit nicer with yourself in the way you talk
oops ya that’s a good idea, i should probably be more mindful about that

i should probs sleep now
good night, friends

>>41394058
goodnight anon

>>41389228
>>41390490
i've only been in two instances where it felt i was in a literal coma for 6 or so months and had difficulty adjusting to irl

>>41360257
seems fucking annoying

should reppers eat poop

tfw all my friends have degrees or high paying jobs and ive just wasted 10 years slowly driving myself insane.

>>41394859
same

>>41385427
Yeah I've never had a relationship outside of cringe online shit when I was a teenager, I would just feel bad for whatever woman would be unfortunate enough to be with me, they don't deserve being stuck with a loser who fantasizes about being a girl

>>41395290
giwtwm

>>41354864 (OP)
>QOTT: what is your drink of choice? how many have you had tonight?
Tea. Black or red. Have about 8 cups a day. Bergamot is the best additive, hence Earl Grey is the best. Followed by cherry red tea. Then hibiscus. Then cranberry/raspberry/blackberry.

I would rather not drink alcohol at all. Same with coffee.

>>41395486
Motion seconded.

>>41392836
Yeah, I found this out the hard way landing a cute post ffs 5'5 egf with what was misleading selfies and getting ruthlessly mocked when we met up

I tried hrt but all it achieved was making me weak as fuck thus further worsening my status position in the society as a failed male

transitioning just made my life worse in every way and the fleeting euphoria was replaced with worsened dysphoria when I realised it would never be enough to pass or even be a cute twinkhon
finding out fat distribution and bangs won't hide your brow ridge or that you really can't do anything about your triangle figure is a ropepill

>>41395723
What are you even referring to here

>>41396672
the women who make tiktoks where they sing or act along to audio with exaggerated gestures? yknow the lipsync shit

>>41389847
fun ^~^

im free!
I am no longer a tranns, trans, a woman, or anything
Im just a gay man!
I always was
goodbye

Asking for friends. ESL. I don't know why I was created in this world. Every day I don't live, I just exist. I survive. 99 percent of this board hates me.

its hopeless it seems, ni matter what i do it will be more or less shit, odds of things going right are slim. probably none but i want to belive.

how do I even get a bf as a detrans man knowing I refuse to entertain feminity even if it's bedroom only

>>41397073
just find a normal gay man and do what normal gay people do???? it can't be that difficult???

>>41397073
yes how would you ever find dates as a masc top. surely that would be impossible

>>41397687
I have breasts???

>>41397790
AAGHHHHH CUT THEM OFF OR SOMETHING!!!!

I guess I want a gf... a tgf

>>41397790
Tell him it's gyno.

I don't wanna troon only to end up as a parody of a woman who's existence alone would inconvenience those around her. I think I could pass if I just effortmaxx but I don't think I could ever get rid of feeling like an imposter.
but its all a joke anyway, I can't even get out of bed most days anymore. I'm perfectly content with dying. there's no way I'd be able to transition successfully.
I wasn't born a woman and I was never meant to be one.

>>41398307
gyno b cups?

>>41398330
TRVTH acorn

>>41397063
Have you already managed to improve your situation?

i figured it all out.... im just a gay man. goodbye guys. (stays)

>>41398399
Hey it can happen.

My last thought is that I can cope if I'll date a woman who will need me as a man for a year-two, but sex will cause a lot of troubles, I don't wanna fuck pussy, if I'll date a tgf it'll be easier, BUT it's still a cope, you know, just a rescuer, just a role... But I still need a human connection

Hoping/coping that this is all some OCD or BPD obsession and the tranny thoughts will go away eventually.

>>41400680
How long have you had these tranny thoughts?

transitioning so that i can retcon my failure to be attractive to women as me being a woman and not an incel creep

>>41400848
I remember asking myself at 12-13 if I was trans, because I'd daydream frequently about being myself but as a girl and constantly self insert as female characters, but quickly decided I wasn't and trying to bury the idea. I think I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm trans when I'm really not to make up for my lack of personality or to justify my weird obsession with the aesthetics of femininity. I don't feel at all like I'm a woman deep down, and my body dysphoria is probably just the result of trauma, self hatred, and fear of aging into an old man.

>>41401070
as a tranny you fall into the make category of requirements

>>41401070
as a tranny you fall into the male category of requirements

>>41401086
yeah i think for me its that ive always seen myself as a malignant loser and the femininity i was attracted to and bewitched by got inverted on to me. i couldnt get a gf or be masculine so i sought it out in my own behavior or roleplaying or whatever.

>>41354864 (OP)
6 days left until I can drink again

The longer I've been around these communities the more I believe at least half of all cases of trans identity is just straight up autism. Not in a demeaning way, but literally that autism creates (or fakes) what some people think is gender dysphoria.

i hope she dies i hate her so fucking much I HATE YOU

>shave body hair
>put on lingerie
>pretend I’m a flat chested dick girl
>coom
>take off lingerie
>go back to being a regular dude without ever taking hrt
Repping is easy bros

>>41401896
pics?

>>41401086
>I remember asking myself at 12-13

I don't asking this myself so early. But anyway how old are you now?

I'm sure that when I have to go to work again, there will be a ton of people there. And the bullying will happen again. I'll see those couples again. At my last job, they fucking right behind the wall. I hear her moaning. My colleagues. It's really hard in moments like these to cope as just normal incel or whatever. I don't think it's ever over.

>>41400848
nta, but it's been just a year and they're driving me insane. They started out of nowhere when I became twenty.
I'm still convinced that them starting so suddenly so late is a clear sign that I'm very mentally ill and that the tranny thoughts are just a byproduct of that. Can't even call myself a repper, but they're plaguing me constantly

>>41402013
I'm 23. Like I'll flip flop constantly, sometimes I think I'm definitely trans and it's stupid to think otherwise, and sometimes I think I'm just a mentally ill cis man who gaslit myself. It's genuinely become an obsession this past year that's taken over almost every waking moment.

>>41402165
My thoughts have been going on for over 10 years. I understand that I'm not a woman and all that. But... People like Tube, for example. In general, I feel very strong envy. To that kind successful tranies in media that flashing every time. And I feel zero guilt. I'm just to unlucky and retarded to become what I want. Therapist just tell me that Im narcissistic and it's better to stay in closet. Have you visit your therapist?

>>41402270
This probably doesn't mean much, but I've been going through the flip flop process, and it's genuinely so exhausting and such a mindfuck. I feel like I'm constantly at the verge of going insane, and there is no escape from it all

I think I’ll just kill myself
Get rid of these autist false thoughts
I’m not meant to transition
Never was
I’m fake
And I tried trust me
So I’ll just…stop

thinkin bout how fucked up my ribcage is
>>41354864 (OP)
got a variety 12 pack from a local brewer, 2 so far and will hopefully not kill the whole thing

>>41402270
>flip flop

Like sober/drunk?

If you're wondering I'm truly trans or not, then welcome to Pass Gen. They'll explain it to you quickly. If you didn't start transitioning/blockers at 12, you're definitely not true trans. Just agp fetish freak mentally ill. You don't have permission. It's morally disgusting wrong demon and blah blah blah. So just rep or rope. But I don't think that really help.

Headache I need to sleep good night guys

>>41402398
Thanks anon, it does help a bit knowing at least I'm not the only one going through this constant mental back and forth. I hope you can make it out of that mental state, it's not a great place to be stuck in.
>>41402435
No I mean like constant self doubt, second guessing, obsession, thinking I have it finally figured out only for the doubts to hit me again, that sort of thing. Although I am drunk a lot of the time desu.

>>41402581
Good night anon.

>>41402620
To put it plainly, I have given up hope I'll ever any sense of certainty or ever feel like myself. I've tried to so much to get out of this mental state, and it just feels like it all got worse and worse with each attemp. I got to the point where I've even tried hrt, and that has only made the constant flip-flopping actually unbearable, which made me stop it. And now, even being back at square one hasn't made my fluctuating feelings about it all stop

>one chance at life
>born a meta-attracted agp

the worst part is how almost nobody understands. if i told any normie i know about this they'd just be like "aha, i always knew you were a faggot!", god i wish it were that simple.
i'm not a woman in the slightest, not biologically or mentally, the proof of this being my whole life and every single action and decision i've picked throughout it. everything is stained by a "male" aura. i'm not a gay man either, the idea of being loved as a man in general hurts.
so i stay stuck in this limbo where i'm nobody, because what i want is completely unachievable in the real world. i want to die but i'm too much of a coward to actually try to end it all. my best bet to continue living is to be "eccentric" and focus on being the next steve jobs or something, because there's no way in hell i can live a normal life. but i'm too tired to put in effort to cultivate a life i don't actually want.
if purgatory exists, this is it.
i wish i could just be reborn and try again.

>>41354864 (OP)
>>41383463
glad she finally stopped repping
https://youtu.be/awmFbsaoEN4

>>41403046
I hope a boulder falls on her

>>41354864 (OP)
reminder to not troon out if you won't pass. even other trannies will treat you as a subhuman freak.

t. hon who made the mistake of trooning out and wants to detrans now

>>41402774
Same, down to the trying hrt temporarily in hopes of clarity and it only making the uncertainty worse. That's why I'm leaning more towards OCD rather than being trans, not that it really matters since I'd never pass anyway. Wish I could offer something more helpful but I'm stuck in a similar place.

>>41403664
I would also lean towards it being just ocd if it I were to have obsessive and compulsive tendencies in any other facet of my life, but I don't. In the periods where I'm convinced that I'm trans, the desire to be a woman is also way too visceral for it to be "just ocd" though.
I guess I'm just glad I stumbled upon at least someone else going through something very similar to me. I'd really love to chat more if you'd like, and I'll share my discord if you do want to, but it's also very much understandable if you don't.

nothing compels me to throw my life as a male away right now like ballet flats

>>41403780
Fuck it, sure why not, just have to set up a discord first since I don't really use discord.

>>41403832
gayyyyyy

>>41403832
you wouldn't be able to fit into them anon, you have male-sized feet. it's hard to find women's shoes in men's sizes, and even if you could, they wouldn't look like they do on women on your big male feet at the end of your male legs.

>>41403968
why gay and not agp? i'm into all kinda hoe shoes and legwear and fashion stuff but it all seems so goofy like something you'd only wear for a show or tv but when you find something very real appealing it hits home in a legit kinda way like why am i not doing this right now
>>41404196
yeah i'm kinda wide they still look so nice though

>>41403780
Well anon, do you still want to drop your discord?

>>41404376
Sry, I fell asleep. My discord is .reeddeer. , periods included

>>41403162
I miss when you could get a cute gf as a hon just because trannies were so rare

>>41406124
I miss when chasers were more rare so trannies were more desperate

>>41406134
straight trannies have no standards still, only low tier men are chasers

>>41406207
true but i am mentally insane so i sadly ruin everything and i should kill myself

>>41406238
it's so over